Post by Boss Joe on Nov 18, 2021 1:59:05 GMT -5
The Level Up Logo takes over our screen and slowly fades to black as we see the text come up.
We fade into Arthur La Forge, dressed in his usual announcer's outfit, including the Captain N letterman’s jacket, as he sits in a very nice leather chair. Arthur looks a little more stressed than we normally see him at ringside as he starts to speak.
Arthur La Forge: Are we on? Good. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to a very special segment here on EXP. As of late Level Up Wrestling has been having a slight issue. That issue is my special guest today. She apparently has some demands for “The Developer” and wishes to make them known. Since “The Developer” remains to be seen or heard from directly, I was asked to handle this interview to see if we can come to some sort of resolution. So with me today is one of the most enigmatic superstars on the Level Up roster… “Queen Machine” Jenny.
The camera turns to show Queenie seated on a chair across from Arthur, dressed in her usual leather and lace getup. She is smiling at the nerdy announcer, but there is no warmth in the smile.
Queenie: Thank you darlin, glad to be here! I never pass up a chance to make my case to the Developer…
Arthur La Forge: I completely understand that you are frustrated Jenny, but that doesn’t explain why you have been attacking superstars. At “Tri-Force Heroes” you decided to attack Thomas McAllister after his match. Why did you do that? What does this have to do with “The Developer”?
The look on Queenies face darkens for a split second, but she quickly gathers herself and responds with a voice laced with fake sweetness.
Queenie: Oh darlin. I thought I had made it painfully obvious. I want Goldie. She’s all alone and abandoned after Bertie just used her and cast her away. I simply cannot abide watching her in such pain
Arthur La Forge: Oh you mean when Bert won the three way match to get his shot at Final Fantasy, but more than that he beat you for “The Courage Title” before that pay per view. There wasn’t any cheating or anything in the match, so why were you concerned about the title?
You can see Queenie’s eye twitch a bit and her nails dig into the leather armrest of the chair, but she manages to keep herself restrained, albeit barely, something that Arthur completely misses. As she responds, her voice quivers for a bit, but otherwise the response comes out completely flat, as if it was rehearsed over and over again, just like the forced smile on her lips.
Queenie: We all make mistakes darlin. On that night Bert was better than me and if he had kept Goldie and treated her right I wouldn’t mind one bit.
Arthur La Forge: But Jenny, if you had participated in that match and won you would have had to relinquish your “Courage Title” because that was in the stipulations for the match. Bert’s not mistreated the title the same way if Duncan or Sidroy would have had to relinquish their titles for winning that match.
Faced with another uncomfortable truth seemed to be pushing Queenie to her limit, but somehow she managed to maintain her cool and respond without breaking the flat monotone she had been speaking in.
Queenie: I would’ve found a way to maintain both. Keeping Goldie with me was the most important thing of my life for me. I wouldn’tve given her away just like that.
Arthur La Forge: But that doesn’t excuse your behavior Jenny! You're upset about losing your title. I get that, but you being upset that Bert had to relinquish it to get his “Final Boss” title shot is just ridiculous. And as far as getting a shot, you’ve got people in front of you. You did not put your name in to participate in the “Extra Lives Round Robin” match. With so many other people ahead of you, why do you think “The Developer” would acquiesce to your demands? Especially after you’ve started attacking your fellow wrestlers? These terror tactics are not going to get what you want...
The shift in Queenie was sudden and instant. From a fake smile to an enraged scream in the blink of an eye as she leaped up from her chair and tackled Arthur to the ground before he could react. She began scratching the announcer's face while shrill screams emanated from her lips. Finally she slapped him across the face and started choking him with the Queen’s Gambit, shouting at the barely conscious announcers face.
Queenie: I WILL GET GOLDIE! I WILL SPILL BLOOD UNTIL I GET GOLDIE! YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER VICTIM! JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE! JUST ANOTHER MESSAGE! GIVE ME GOLDIE!
Security begins pouring into the set to pull Queenie off Arthur, with EMT’s checking on the motionless announcer. It takes 6 men to hold Queenie at bay as she bites and scratches and spits and hisses like a cat. Finally she calms down enough for the security to loosen their hold on her, which turns out to be a mistake as she headbutts one and kicks another in the groin, slipping from their grasp and fleeing the scene while laughing manically as the view fades to black.
---
As the EXP opening dies down, we cut to our drone camera flying over the crowd gathering in the Curtis Calwell Center in Garland Texas. As we pan around the arena we finally stop right at the announcer's table where we see Mary DeSue, wearing a cowgirl outfit by herself at the desk.
Mary DeSue: Welcome everyone to...What do we call this show again? Right. EXP Episode Sixteen, and boy howdy have we had a bit of lot of bull...
Lenny Brasco: HONKEY! Bull Honkey! That's right kids!
Mary gets a disgusted look on her face as she looks over to see backstage interviewer and merchandise shill, Lenny Brasco, take the play by play position at the table. Lenny is dressed in nothing but Level Up Gear and the eyeroll from Mary just says it all.
Mary DeSue: Sadly, earlier tonight before the show Arthur La Forge was injured by "Queen Machine" Jenny as you saw in the show opening. So tonight, I get the joy of working with Lenny Brasco. Kill me now.
Lenny Brasco: Oh Mary, you're such a kidder. You know what else is a kidder, if you log onto the merch site for level up you can get a...
Mary DeSue: Stick. To. The. Matches. Or. I'll. Rip. Off. Your...
Lenny Brasco: Price tags! You betcha we're ripping right in time for the holiday season. And what better way to amp up your holiday shopping that will be inspired by our wrestling show tonight. Starting off we got a "Multiplayer Match" between the teams of Chelsea Skye and Buster Gloves taking on Amber Payne and Arthur Fisk. And let me tell you our new Buster Gloves "gloves" are soon gonna be the hottest item on the website folks. Get them while they're hot because right now they're only Nineteen Ninety Nine, plus shipping and handling! Also our "Feel the Payne" leg weights are also on sell for two pairs for one!
Mary DeSue: They do not pay me enough to put up with your crap Lenny!
Lenny Brasco: I'm sorry you're having stomach problems, but here is something that help out there Mary. We just got in "Valentine Heartburn Pills", because you know nothing says Anarchy like Capitalism! Or at least that's what I say. Speaking of "our heartfelt and lovelorn" masked hero will be taking on Dude Waluigi in a match of true sexy folk...
Mary DeSue: You have never even watched a Valentine promo have you?
Lenny Brasco: Unless they are selling stuff it's none of my business. Also we've got coming to the shop soon "His Monster" plush dolls. This will definitely keep any bogeyman away. You can see tonight when Victoria Salinas takes on "His Monster", and after that Duncan "Dozen Doughnuts" Shepard, those are made to order in our new promo with Duncan Doughnuts, just type in PWRCHAMP promo for your next order, takes on Diamond Steele in singles competition. Although it might not be single for long if that dating show idea of mine gets picked up by "The Developer ''.
Mary mouths out "I'm so sorry" to the screen as Lenny continues.
Lenny Brasco: Oh hey, in a rematch of sorts we got Thomas McAllister taking on"Queen Machine" Jenny, and speaking of all you "Queenie" fans out there. Use the promo code "Goldie1" on your order of any Queen Machine items and get a five percent discount that stacks with our other deals. Speaking of deals, here's a great one. We have an online poll on the merch site right now...who's gonna win between Nocturne and Kat Jones. If you pick the correct winner you'll get a free coupon for ten percent off one item at checkout just for the holidays! Also hopefully we won't "Crash" the website, but if you are inspired by watching Bert McAlroy take on Joey Crash tonight then you're going to love this. Coming soon to the merch site is gonna be a D-Trac Disc of "Tri-Force Heroes"!
Mary DeSue: I'm gonna regret asking this but what is a D-Trac?
Lenny Brasco: Oh Mary! It's the newest thing in Singapore that's gonna take off here in the states! D-Tracks are special large floppy dics that you can put into your D-Trac player and watch in pure six hundred and forty pixel quality on your flatscreen televisions!
Mary DeSue: Mr. Rad please save us! I'm sorry I asked Lenny!
Lenny Brasco: No worries kiddo, I know having someone out here that's knowledgeable about the product is new for you.
Mary DeSue: ...
Lenny Brasco: And speaking of deals we got our "Extra Bargain Life" deal still going on. If you pick tonight's winners from the "Extra Lives" Round Robin Tournament you get a chance for a free gift from the merchsite kids...That's right...A five percent off of any merch of the winners merchandise that you purchase. Only on one item. Shipping restrictions apply. You gotta pick between Dominique Moriarty and Dionysus, Larry Tact and Lord Raab, and Ceila Luiz and Ahmya! Pick all three and get that discount! And tonight I have a brand new item with me that pertains to the main event!
Mary DeSue: Spare me...
Lenny Brasco: Tonight it's Merchandise Warfare! That's right folks you can either get this "Damn I'm Goode" special edition gold t-shirt, A Don Tirri "Finnish Him!" wristband, or A "No Satisfaction from The Faction" bumper sticker absolutely free for the first five hundred people who log in and use the promocode "MerchWarfare1". All of this and more is ready for you at the merchsite on Level Up Dot Com! As Eli Goode, Don Tirri, andDonny Mason take on all three members of “The Faction”! Let's kick this off Mary! We got tons of deals to go through tonight!
Mary DeSue: I can’t believe I am saying this but I'm already missing Artie...
---
The bell rings and the multiplayer match is on the way as Skye and Payne lock up. Payne wins the contest, being the more physically dominant of the two. Payne puts Skye into a headlock and Skye pushes forward sending Payne towards the ropes. Payne comes back on the rebound and goes for a superkick, but Skye leapfrogs over Payne. Payne keeps running after missing the kick and hits the other end of the ropes. Skye ricochets off of the other side. Both women are charging full tilt at each other. Skye was going for a clothesline attempt but instead gets caught by a flying cross body by Payne! Cover!
One...
Kickout and roll out by Skye as Payne rolls with the move and gets back up onto her feet. Skye gets up only to be taken back down by a vicious European Uppercut! She bounces back into the ropes and Payne goes forward grabbing Skye on the rebound and setting her up for a suplex, but she doesn't let go. She gets up a second time with the suplex and hits it. Followed by a third! She goes for the cover...
One...
Two...
Foot on the ropes by Skye. Payne grabs Skye and drags her over to her team's corner and tags in Fisk! Payne picks up Skye and hits a Fisherman Swinging Neckbreaker as Fisk goes up top. Fisk flies hitting a top rope splash! Fisk picks up Skye and tosses her to the ropes. Skye bounces off the ropes but puts the breaks on narrowly avoiding the big boot to the face by Fisk! Skye swings wildly at Fisk but he takes it on the chin. He looks back at Skye like "That was all" and swivels around behind her. He grabs her for a Release German Suplex and as he releases her Skye rolls with the hit and into her corner tagging in Buster Gloves!!
Mary DeSue: Oh this should be fun. These two gonna slug it out!
Lenny Brasco: Buster Gloves quickly making a name for himself, and it seems he wants the biggest and most dangerous competition he can find.
Fisk and Gloves square up to each other and start taking more shots than a vaccine clinic. Fisk starts failing a bit after Gloves comes in close for an elbow strike to the face followed by grabbing Fisk by the neck and hitting a knee strike to his face. Fisk falters backwards into the ropes only to bounce back into a drop toe hold into an ankle lock by Gloves! Fisk is in the middle of the ring, but the six foot five man is trying to crawl to the ropes. Gloves puts all his weight down to try to keep Fisk in place and Fisk looks like he's not gonna be able to make it until Payne runs in and breaks the count with a kick to the back of Gloves head! Referee Kirby gets into Payne's face and tells her to get back into the corner as Gloves gets up, undeterred by the distraction by Payne, and lifts Fisk up. Fisk gets up and hits Gloves with a devastating knife edge chop! Gloves staggers back and returns fire with his own chop! Chop! Chop! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! The battle goes back and forth with each man not giving an inch trying to win the chop off between the two!
Mary DeSue: Oh damn! It’s a slap fight!
Lenny Brasco: I don’t think slaps are the same as chops, Mary.
Mary DeSue:: And I don’t think merchandise shills should be on commentary but we have to live with the hand life has given us.
The chops keep coming, but finally Fisk goes for another move. He kicks Gloves in the gut, DDT!!! Fisk is calling for the Lariat! Gloves crawls to a neutral corner and starts to get up. Fisk charges, Gloves ducks...Gloves catches Fisk by the neck..."THE SOUL CRUSHER"!! He locks in the choke on Fisk as Payne charges back in and Skye goes up top...FOUR FIFTY SPLASH ONTO PAYNE IN MID RUN!!! Both women are down...Kirby checks on Fisk...He puts up Fisk's arm...
One...
Two...
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: Here are your winners...The team of Chelsea Skye and Buster Gloves!!
Mary DeSue: He choked that ol’ boy out!
Lenny Brasco: Yes. Mr. Gloves relying on his MMA background to get the job done here tonight!
Payne gets up as Skye and Gloves get their hands raised by Kirby. Payne doesn't look happy with the result and leaves the ring. After a few moments Fisk gets up on his own and heads to the back.
---
The opening beats of “Pieces of Man” by Drown set a methodical pace as the arena lights cut out. The crowd begins buzzing as royal blue and golden lights dot the arena. As the guitars kick in, a spotlight of gold light shines down on the stage, and Larry Tact, generating boos around the arena. The crowd wastes no time in beginning “YOU TAPPED OUT!” chants to which Tact gives a wry look while standing on the stage and producing a mic as the music fades out.
Mary DeSue: Quiet down so we can hear the Bertslayer speak!
Lenny Brasco: Mary, show a little respect for our inaugural Triforce Champion, and still one-half of the Multiplayers Champions.
Mary DeSue: When are he and Ahmya even defending those titles? He’s holding titles hostage and I can’t go get my we-- my shopping done without hearing people chirping about this dumb stoner and his ‘big win.’
Lenny Brasco: It was absolutely a career defining win.
Mary DeSue: Okay yeah, until he comes up short. Again. Larry is boldly here to keep the show grounded and these people need to shut up.
Lenny Brasco: Taking the direct approach tonight..
Tact surveys the live crowd before speaking.
Larry Tact: About what I’d expect from a bunch of rednecks, not understanding the difference between a submission and a tapout. Meanwhile, each one of you would pass out from a few beers that had an ABV higher than ‘piss water.’.
A few boos break up the chants, but they only grow and Larry just shakes his head as he stands on the stage, waving it off.
Larry Tact: Tonight, I’m not here for your jealousy. I’m here to make my statement of intention, which means little to those with no direction in life so I’ll explain. Looking back at this year, I may not have the shiniest record for The Developer, our top click-thot, to use for promoting Level Up. I may not have a title to wave around. I do have a spouse who lifts me up... but I don’t climb all over her to justify greedy intentions for a title. Despite all that riding against me? I say I STILL have a claim to receive… wait for it… a FINAL BOSS title match.
Lenny Brasco: What? Did he just say he deserves a Final Boss title match?
Mary DeSue: Shush, Lenny. If you listen I’m sure he has his reasons. Larry is a man of innovation, and his brain works on a higher level than yours.
Lenny Brasco: You have no idea what he’s talking about.
Mary DeSue: He’ll definitely have thought up... something. I’ve practically figured it out.
The fans unleash boos upon Larry at hearing this proclamation. With great satisfaction, he smirks and walks down the ramp, the spotlight following him into the ring.
Larry Tact: ‘Old School Cool’ Don Tirri. Robert ‘Guts Full, Brain On Empty’ McAlroy. E.A. Blizzard. Eli Goode. James “The Wizard” Wilcox. What do these names have in common? Obviously, they represent the Pay-Per-View contender defenses made by one Magdalena Lockheart, our Final Boss Champion. Bravo to her, kudos and the whole nine. I applaud her resilience and ability to stay ahead of her contenders in truly prolific fashion.
He holds the mic in the crook of his arm and begins clapping momentarily before taking up the stick again.
Larry Tact: Do you know what else those names have in common? Aside from ‘The Wizard,’ they represent opponents I have defeated in matches this year. I beat Eli twice, so we can call that a Wilcox gap-filler. Which begs the question… where’s my Final Boss title shot? What’s the Developer, who serves up these opponents without a second thought, waiting for? Robert to win? We all saw the humbling clinic I put on against him quite recently, regardless of what he may drawl on about.
Mary DeSue: See Lenny, that’s a great point right there!
Lenny Brasco: Larry should be focusing on the ‘Extra Lives’ round robin tournament, which he has a match for tonight. He can receive a title shot at one of our champions, but the Final Boss title shot was earned by Bert McAlroy to face Magdalena Lockheart. I don’t think the Developer has been anything but fair, and he isn’t going to bully his way into a Final Boss title match.
Mary DeSue: The Developer should be grateful for Larry trying to save us from the fluke win we saw at Triforce Heroes..
Lenny Brasco: Hardly a fluke.
The crowd serves up a hearty, “YOU SUCK!” chant.
Larry Tact: Yes, yes, the mindless default. The thing is, there’s no disputing it, and before you say I’m trying to ‘weasel’ my way into a spot in the main event of Final Fantasy, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Even if that match goes on as scheduled, what about The Last Of Us 2022? Earlier, I even offered the Final Boss a chance to come out here with me and contest my claim. Actions speak volumes, and her lack of presence is evident.
Lenny Brasco: That doesn’t sound right. I don’t even know if the Final Boss is here tonight.
Mary DeSue: Maybe he sent a text message!
Larry Tact: So before this show goes a moment further, I want--
“Partytime” by 45 Grave blares forth and the fans come unglued. They don’t have to wait long, and neither do Larry or DeSue. Bert steps out onto the stage, microphone in hand. He is shaking his head as he makes his way down to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope. He paces the ring for a moment, eyes never leaving Larry as he taps the microphone in time with the snare of his song, sending a ‘pop’ through the house speakers.
Mary DeSue: Why does EVERYTHING he does have to be annoying?!
Bert McAlroy: Cut my music, yo..
Production gives in to the request, the fans cheer loudly even as Bert motions for them to settle down, his eyes moving back to Larry. He raises the microphone slowly, and begins egging the crowd on.
Bert McAlory: You Tapped Out...You Tapped Out..You Tapped Out..
“YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT!” Bert lowers the microphone, grinning at Larry as he leans back against the ropes. Larry looks completely disgusted and scowls, shaking his head.
Larry Tact: As if we needed any further proof you fit right in with the cellar-dwelling intellect of Garland, Texas. I’m actually glad I managed to pull you from the recesses of your stupor. Let me ask you, winner of the Triforce Championship--
The crowd cheers wildly and Larry tries to motion for quiet.
Larry Tact: Zip it! This isn’t fan appreciation day. You practically have one of your own in here already.
We start to hear a cheer pick up steam, drowning out Larry
“CHAMP CHAMP!” (clap clap clap) “CHAMP CHAMP!” (clap clap clap)
Larry Tact: I SAID SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTHS!!!
Loud boos rain down on Larry as he glares at the Triforce Champion. He regains his composure and starts to circle him, Bert tracking and ready on a hair trigger.
Larry Tact: As I was saying… My. Question. What happens if the Triforce Champion doesn’t even make it to Final Fantasy? What happens if another incident were to occur? A gang attack, oooh… that would be a real shame, a real game changer. Who’s going to protect the mighty Stoner Slim? Who even wants to at this point? Your partner? That’s still only two of you. If something did happen, there would need to be a replacement…
He gets right into the man’s face.
Larry Tact: Anyone. But. Robert.
Bert grins, looking off to one side. He raises his mic, lowers it, raises it...and bashes Larry Tact in the side of the face with it before taking him down with a double leg takedown and starting to brawl with Tact! The two trade shots until Bert manages to detangle himself from the mess. Tact is frantically pulling himself up to go back on the attack when…..BONG WATER!!! Sends him through the middle and top rope. “YEAH BITCH!!!” Bert yells, the crowd soon chanting “BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!” at the incensed Tact. Bert retrieves his mic.
Bert McAlroy: And what if you just <BEEP> off and let the people at the top of the card worry about Final Fantasy, Lare-Bear??
Another pop, Bert leans over the ropes and talks right to him
Bert McAlroy: Far as your bull-ish? Ain’t a damn thing you, or anyone in the back, can do to stop me from getting to Final Fantasy? Far as your claims? You can stick them where the sun don’t shine because Larry, simple and honest truth? The Developer is tired of booking you above your station and watching you choke it away, yo…
A pause, a smirk.
Bert McAlroy: He already hired the friggin’ GOAT of that in Don Tirri anyway..and at least he comes close. Really close, like ‘oh my god how’ close...you? You got a tell, Lare-Bear...you lose heart and you resort to BS. Sometimes it works yo, it worked 8 times...but see you’re a parlor trick, Larry. Cheap <BLEEP>. And in the big spots, when it’s time for some Champion <BLEEP>?
Bert’s face cracks in a wide grin.
Bert McAlroy: Hell am I asking you for anyway? What do you know about Champ Sh<BLEEP>
Tact gets up holding his jaw, then takes the nearby steel steps clear off with a single kick. Whipping his hair around like a madman, he turns at some front row fans and rattles the guard railing while telling them to STFU. He then grabs the ropes and lifts himself back up onto the apron, fuming and ready to get back inside… but something clicks in his mind and he stops, letting himself back down. Larry backs up the ramp watching Bert, and a smile creeps its way across his face. He points at Bert and nods, smiling all the while. Gesturing with his hands, “Imma break you,” he nods and makes his exit.
---
Valentine removes his jacket slowly proceeding by tossing it into the crowd and he runs down the ramp and slides into the ring and spears Dude WaLuigi out of the ring as the two fall out of the ring. V immediately grabs Dude and slams his head off the announcers table. He shakes his head and slams his head off the table again. His face blocking any emotion that could appear on his face as he grabs Dude's head and slams it repeatedly off the announcers table over and over and over again.
Lenny Brasco: Easy boys! We don’t sell announce tables on Level Up’s merchandise site yet!
Mary DeSue: Yet? Why would anyone WANT one?
Lenny Brasco: You’d be surprised how much money there is to be made in the announce table business!
Valentine finally pushes Dude back, revealing the busted up face, blood falling down his face as Valentine rips Dude's shirt and throws it on the ground before grabbing Dude WaLuigi and tossing him into the ring post face first. He then walks over to the time keepers area and grabs the ring bell. Keep in mind, the match hasn't officially started yet. Valentine walks back over to Dude WaLuigi and grabs him by the hair and forces him up. He then puts the bell against Dude's throat and smashes the bell into his throat. Valentine hands the bell back before the camera man turns back to Dude and sees he's now bleeding from the mouth. V grabs Dude by the throat and drags his body to the apron before forcing him to his feet and into the ring. Valentine slides in and tells the referee to ring the bell or he'll get what happened to Dude himself. The ref sighs and rings the bell. Valentine looks over at the motionless Dude WaLuigi and kneels beside him.
"Blade for your Valentine…."
Valentine holds his hand out then closes it to a fist. His pinky sticks out then his thumb before dragging his hand across the throat of Dude WaLuigi and picks him up to his feet. Valentine places Dude's head between his arm and body and places Dude's arm around his neck before lifting him up and then spiking him on his skull before covering him for the one, two, three.
Mr. Rad: Your winner is...VALENTINE!
Lenny Brasco: And that’s it! Wowzers!
Mary DeSue: Yep, Dude WaLuigi fails again. Big shock.
Valentine stands in the middle of the ring before the lights go out and the arena is pitch black. Then, a bright red "V" appears on the mat as we head to the next match.
---
HM and Victoria stare each other down from across the ring. HM looks as advertised, maybe even a little madder after coming up short at TFH. Salinas, the savvy veteran, decides to keep her distance as the two begin circling the ring. HM goes for a lock up, Salinas sidesteps and goes for a chop block...the big man eats it like a sandwich! He reaches down to snatch her but she rolls out of the ring!
Lenny Brasco: Smart play from Salinas there! She’s outmatched in size so she’s picking her spots.
Mary DeSue: And you can make the smart play by using the code VICTORIA at checkout!
Lenny Brasco: I don’t sound anything like that.
HM goes to pursue and Salinas nails a series of paintbrush strikes on the big man as he makes it to the floor. He reaches out to grab her but once more, she ducks his grasp and pays him a dropkick to the knee! HM stumbles but doesn’t go down. Salinas leaps on the apron, she’s feeling it...she charges and goes for a crossbody..HM CATCHES HER! FALLAWAY SLAM ON THE OUTSIDE!!
Mary DeSue: SPLAT!
Lenny Brasco: Yes, the Splat Network is one of our sponsors!
Mary DeSue: Well then we just gave them some nice corporate synergy!
Lenny Brasco: Synergy is the main show of UGWC, another of our affiliates!
Mary DeSue: I hate you.
HM rises slowly as the ref begins scolding them to get back in the ring. HM however isn’t satisfied as he lifts Salinas up and whips her toward the ringsteps...but she manages to catch herself! HM lets out a bellow and charges in, Victoria nails a drop toehold and the monster bashes his face into the steps!! The fans pop at Salinas’ heart! She rolls into the ring to break up the count, and this time scales the ropes, stalking the dazed HM.
Lenny Brasco: Salinas got him on the ropes now!
Mary DeSue: Well technically she’s on the ropes...
She crosses herself and BACKFLIP OFF THE TOP ROPE! SHE NAILS HM IN THE FACE WITH BOTH KNEES! BOTH OF THEM GO DOWN!! HM looks dazed, Victoria lets out a cry and favors one of her knees but the adrenaline is pumping! She tugs HM to his feet and rolls him into the ring, scrambling after him and diving for the pin! She hooks both the big man’s legs as ref Kirby dives in to count!
ONE!
HM kicks out with authority!! He gets to his feet dazed, his face contorted in anger as Salinas is on the offensive...Springboard dropkick!! HM stumbles more!! Salinas signals for the end! She bounces off the ropes, going for Vanity Breaker...BUT HM CATCHES HER! HE THROWS HER TO THE MAT AND BEGINS STOMPING ON HER...THEN DROPS DOWN AND BEGINS TO CHOKE HER BRAZENLY, BASHING HER HEAD AGAINST THE MAT! REF KIRBY GETS TO A 5 COUNT AND HM WON’T BREAK! HE CALLS FOR THE BELL, DISQUALIFYING HM!!
Mr. Rad: Your winner by disqualification is….VICTORIA SALINAS!
Mary DeSue: Wow!
Lenny Brasco: That’s what happens when you don’t follow the rules! It’s like not reading the terms and conditions before you click accept in our store’s privacy policy!
Mary DeSue: Monster living up to his name...I bet she’s glad just to get out of there, but she did take the fight to him!
Hearing the bell, HM lets Salinas go who rolls out, trying to catch her breath as HM backs Kirby into a corner, losing his shit...HE HAULS OFF AND PUNCHES REF KIRBY! HE BEGINS TO GROUND AND POUND THE OFFICIAL!! Salinas rolls in with a chair to save Kirby, blasting HM enough to get his attention! She makes a retreat after ducking a haymaker and security has hit the ring to restrain HM.
---
After the commercial break, HIS MONSTER is still in the ring, with security tending to him. He’s calmed down some, at least to the point he isn’t attacking anybody. Then, the lights cut out, the jumbotron goes bright white as the chord from “TNT” by AC/DC hits like a heart punch. A silhouette is standing in front of the screen. The arena lights return revealing Buster Gloves standing at the top of the ramp. The crowd erupts as Buster scans the audience. He has a mic in his hands. The music continues. HIS MONSTER approaches the center rope towards Gloves. The music fades and Buster Gloves soaks in the crowd noise.
Lenny Brasco: It’s Buster Gloves! The Bull of the North!
Mary DeSue: What the hell is he doing back out here? He just had a match. Nobody gets two scoops of ice cream on EXP. Lenny, remind me later to buy more ice cream.
MONSTER is visibly annoyed with Buster Gloves for interrupting.
Buster Gloves: MONSTER. My man. Impressive match bud. Can we talk?
HIS MONSTER cocky and confident, looks at Buster, then the fans (who are in anticipation of what this surprise appearance could mean), then at Salinas. MONSTER measures the temperature of the room before deciding how to react.
Lenny Brasco: What could Buster Gloves be up to here? The match belongs to HIS MONSTER, but something has brought Gloves to the stage. How will MONSTER react?
Mary DeSue: He seems like the kind of guy that only thinks about pineapple pizza and murder. Mmm… pizza. Can we get Door Dash to deliver ring side?
HIS MONSTER dips his head and extends a flat hand in a gesture for Buster to continue.
Buster Gloves: Great, now that it’s just us boys here. I want to make you a proposition. You and I have a lot in common. We both are cage fighters. We both were signed by the company during the same week. We both came here looking for a war, but we weren’t given what we were promised were we? You won a match against the window-licker twins and someone half your size. So what? Neither of those matches meant anything to you, did they? You need a challenge. You need a challenger that is willing to go to war with you. The crowd doesn’t want to see you up against soft and under-sized opponents week after week. Do you Garland?
The crowd moans disapproval at the idea.
Buster Gloves: I want you to fight me. I want to see what kind of MONSTER you really are. And I want these fans to know that we are two of the most dangerous men in Level Up Wrestling. What do you say Garland? Is that a match you’d like to see?
The crowd is still lukewarm on the idea.
Buster Gloves: Not interesting enough? How about this? BUSTER GLOVES versus HIS MONSTER, at FINAL FANTASY, in a FALLS-COUNT-ANYWHERE SCAFFOLD MATCH? How about that?!
The crowd explodes with excitement at the mention of the rare, but dangerous scaffold match stipulation. HIS MONSTER stays laser focused on Buster Gloves and seems undeterred.
Lenny Brasco: A scaffold match?! Are those even legal in the lower 48 states?
Mary DeSue: Pretty sure they are as long as they don’t include any exotic fruits or vegetables.
Buster Gloves: MONSTER? What do you say? You want to put up some scaffolding, so we can tear the house down, or what?
Buster shrugs. MONSTER doesn’t react.
Buster Gloves: Sleep on it. Get back to me when you’ve had some time to think it over.
“TNT” by AC/DC plays again. Gloves raises his gloved fist to the crowd before bat-flipping the microphone to the stage and disappearing back through the tunnel. HIS MONSTER is left breathing smoke from his spot in the center of the ring.
Lenny Brasco: Will we get to see Buster Gloves vs. HIS MONSTER at Final Fantasy? Has the Developer even approved this match? What is HIS MONSTER going to do? How will Salinas react to this rude intrusion? So many unanswered questions. One thing is for sure though, the build up to the year’s final pay-per-view is going to be insane!
Mary DeSue: Seriously, if I don’t eat something in the next five minutes, I’m going to eat your face off. Put…food…in…ma…belly!
---
Duncan and Diamond lock up with Duncan getting an instant advantage with a drop step and a go behind, he lifts diamond into a backdrop driver but she manages to flip through and land on her feet! Duncan stumbles turning to meet her and eats a gorgeous standing dropkick The power champ stumbles into the ropes, Diamond goes to pursue and Duncan suddenly fires off with a giant Lariat that turns her inside out!
Lenny Brasco: I understand Miss Diamond has had a hard time in Level Up so far, but it seems Duncan isn’t taking it easy on her!
Mary DeSue: Ol’ Dunc is just mad he lost to Bert. Which, I mean...fair.
Duncan picks her up, whipping her into the ropes and going for another but Diamond ducks it and takes the power champion down with a neckbreaker! She runs to the ropes, springboards off and crashes down with a big leg drop! She dives onto the Power Champ and hooks the leg, going for the early upset!!
ONE!
TWO!!
Duncan kicks out! Diamond stays on the attack, yanking him up..but Duncan breaks her grip and nails her with a thunderous elbow. And then A KROGAN HANDSHAKE! And another! And another! Damond is out on her feet as Duncan charges the ropes, bounces off them and charges back in with a BIOTIC CHARGE that almost cuts Diamond in half!! Duncan sits up, staring out at the audience as they cheer.
Lenny Brasco: Our bloodthirsty fans sure approve of violence!
Mary DeSue: Well, I mean...it’s a wrestling show.
Lenny Brasco: This isn’t an infomercial?
Duncan seems to be determined to make a point as he walks to a corner and crouches, waiting for Diamond to eventually get to her feet. She does so using the ropes and turns into Duncan nailing another BIOTIC CHARGE!! He isn’t done yet though, as he lifts Diamond up and ….REAPERS BANE!!! The power champion hooks the leg deep as he pins Diamond.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner, the Level Up Wrestling POWER Champion, Duncan Shepard!
Lenny Brasco: Seriously, this isn’t an infomercial? Then what the heck am I doing here? I was a Youth Pastor before this!
Mary DeSue: What? How? Why? Ugh, let’s go to a break please.
---
Jenny begins the match on all fours, patiently observing McAllister from the centre of the ring. In an effort to show he’s undeterred, McAllister bounces off the ropes and looks for an elbow drop on Jenny - but she immediately handstands and connects with a JENNYCUNRANA! The rana plants Thomas on his head, and he bounces up, looking for a clothesline but no! Jenny catches him with an arm-drag! And another! The third time Jenny nails McAllister with a low-dropkick and connects an x-factor facebuster - BOW DOWN!
Lenny Brasco: Jenny’s bringing a fast pace to this one, catching McAllister unaware!
Mary DeSue: I bet you’re enjoying this!
Lenny Brasco: I am, as long as she stays in the ring and away from the commentary table. They might pair you with Mr. Rad next time!
Shaken but undeterred, McAllister fights back, pushing Jenny away as she tries to lift him up and connecting a kick to her leg. He continues to target the limb with repeated kicks...only for Jenny to begin to smile! She eggs McAllister on, telling him to keep hitting her! Freaked out, McAllister continues with his kicks, only to be rocked back by a open-hand chop - BITCHSLAP! McAllister clutches his chest in pain and Jenny uncorks another brutal chop! McAllister responds, again throwing out another leg kick, but it barely seems to phase Jenny! The two go back and forth with kicks and chops, but the slaps begin to slowly overwhelm McAllister, whose chest is now turning red!
Lenny Brasco: That looks NASTY.
Mary DeSue: Jenny definitely looks like more of a dom Lenny, better take some notes!
Lenny Brasco: Are you implying I’m the sub?!
Mary DeSue: Well...I wasn’t but it’s adorable that you immediately went to that.
Lenny Brasco: ...Let’s just move on, there’s people fighting over there.
McAllister manages to duck one of the chops and catches Jenny with a knee to the midsection. He lands an elbow to Jenny’s head, then whips her into the corner. He follows up with a hard back elbow, then wraps his arms around Jenny and lifts her into a release german suplex - WATCH YOUR HEAD! Wait, NO! Unbeknownst to McAllister, Jenny has landed on her feet! She instantly drops to all fours, and when McAllister turns around, he’s immediately spooked! McAllister charges but Jenny rolls under him. He leaps over her, bounces off the ropes, and is immediately hit with THE CROWNING!! Queen Machine then wraps her legs around McAllister’s head and locks in the QUEEN’S GAMBIT! Applying an immense amount of pressure to McAllister’s head and throat, Jenny squeezes the air out of him. The ref checks on McAllister and sees that he’s out. He calls for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...QUEEENN MACHINEEE, JENNY!!
Lenny Brasco: An impressive performance by Jenny, she made light work of McAllister there.
Mary DeSue: She’ll stop at nothing to get that Courage title, and honestly I hope she removes it from the filthy waist of Bert! Is he even champion? I don’t know! He shouldn’t be!
Lenny Brasco: Impartial as ever, Mary.
Mary DeSue: What can I say, the people need to hear the truth.
---
Kat and Nocturne go to lock up with the rookie surprising the veteran Kat with a sudden armdrag! She goes to capitalize but Kat fights to a vertical base quickly and reverses the wrist control, torquing on the wristlock until Nocturne shows off her athleticism by using the ropes to backflip out of it, breaking the grip Kat had with a palm strike. She charges in, right into a big clothesline from Kat Jones that turns her inside out.
Lenny Brasco: I understand Miss Nocturne has one win here in Level Up, so she’s not someone to take lightly!
Mary DeSue: Yeah, she beat a guy. But so did Dude WaLuigi. EVERYBODY GETS ONE.
Kat looks down at the rookie with a mix of surprise and honest admiration for the effort. She still lifts her up long enough to take her back down with a snap suplex, she rolls her hips and gets to her feet, yanking Nocturne with her and nails a second snap suplex. This time, Kat kips to her feet and bounces off the ropes, leaping up into the air and nailing Nocturne with a big knee drop across the face. She goes for the pin
ONE!
TWO!
WAIT NOCTURNE ROLLS KAT! CRUCIFIX PIN!
ONE!
TWO!!
THR--NO!!
Lenny Brasco: Almost an upset! Speaking of upsets, our line of Nicky Skylar merchandise is still on clearance! For 99 cents a t-shirt, you’re gonna be upset if you don’t STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!
Mary DeSue: I don’t even think the iron is lukewarm in that case.
Kat kicks out with more effort than she’d have liked, the two women scramble to their feet only for Nocturne to be starched with a discus elbow then a crisp roundhouse that rocks her. Finally Kat leaps and nails an Enziguri! Nocturne is down on the mat and Kat goes to lock in the the WildKat but Nocturne rolls her up once more with a small package! The rookie wants this win!!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!!
Lenny Brasco: She escaped that pinfall like Jonah escaped the whale!
Mary DeSue: Are you back on that youth pastor stuff?
Lenny Brasco: I had a life once...Oh god…
Kat kicks out and instantly is upon Nocturne, lifting her up and nailing a stiff european uppercut! She’s done playing around it seems! She nails Nocturne with the DEAD END swinging neckbreaker!! Then lifts her and...FREAKED OUT! Snap DDT! SHES NOT DONE! Kat Jones lifts the groggy Nocturne and sets her up...KATASTROPHE!! Kat Jones rises slowly, in no hurry. She places a boot on Nocturne
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner...KAT JONES!
Lenny Brasco: A furious fight from the frisky feline resorts in a...fictory.
Mary DeSue: FICTORY? Did you hit your head before you came out here. Can we..
The show cuts to another ad break.
---
As Bert has his back turned, handing his Triforce Title off to the ring announcer, Joey pounces! He unleashes a series of rights and lefts to the back of McAlroy, causing the Triforce champion to fall to one leg. The bell rings, officially starting the match, and Crash continues to pound on Bert’s back. Bracing Bert against the ropes, Joey whips him across the ring. As Bert rebounds he goes for a clothesline but Crash ducks it and cradles him into an armtrap neckbreaker! Crash hurriedly makes the pin, looking for a quick victory!
ONE!
Bert kicks out.
Lenny Brasco: I AM FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW! And Crash flaunting the rules to keep Bert on the back foot thus far.
Mary DeSue: I feel like Joey lacked conviction on that pin...one more time with feeling!
Unbothered, Crash keeps up the pace, unleashing a series of stomps on McAlroy! He targets his back with vicious strikes, but Bert manages to crawl to the ropes and force Ref Kirby into action. The ref tries to intervene by Joey shoves him away! Lucky to not get disqualified for putting his hands on the official, Crash proceeds do stand on Bert’s back. He uses the ropes to pull backwards and apply maximum pressure on McAlroy’s spine! Ref Kirby begins his count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
Crash breaks the hold just before the count of five and is scolded by Ref Pliskin for flaunting the rules.
Lenny Brasco: Pliskin’s laying down the law.
Mary DeSue: Either that or he forgot what comes after four.
Lenny Brasco: You’d expect that counting to three and five would be key skills for becoming a ref.
Mary DeSue: Pfft. If that’s true, then I could do it.
Lenny Brasco: Don’t make me quiz you on times tables.
The two begin arguing, with fingers being pointed and voices being raised! Suddenly the argument is broken up by Bert, who decks Joey with BONG WATER! The previously cocky Crash hits the mat hard, but Bert is already screaming for him to get to his feet. He does, only to groggily stumble right into another BONG WATER! Somehow this isn’t enough for Bert, who once again begs his opponent to rise instead of pinning him. It takes a little longer this time but the stunned Englishman does find his feet. Bert completes the trifecta of BONG WATERS - NO! REF DOWN! Ref Pliskin, having been pulled into harm’s way by Joey, takes the full brunt of the superkick! Bert stares at Pliskin with genuine remorse, but the brief moment allows Crash to take the initiative. He rocks Bert with a spinning backfist from behind, then plants him with a snap suplex! Crash makes the cover, but Pliskin is incapacitated!
Mary DeSue: You knocked the ref out, dummy!
Lenny Brasco: You’ve gotta admit, it was a crafty counter though.
Mary DeSue: Not sure Iroquois would agree with you there, Lenny.
Frustrated, Crash goes over to Kirby and tries to shake some life into him. It looks like Pliskin is out cold, Joey gives up on raising him. He turns around, right into a springboard superman punch - GIVE HER THE BERT! The blow staggers Crash, and Bert takes advantage, planting him with a DDT! Bert stands and looks out into the crowd, who are going wild for him. He looks at Joey, then at Kirby who is still down, then back again. As Crash makes it up to his knees, Bert signals to the crowd who know what’s coming next. He uncorks a stiff round kick to Crash’s chest, which the crowd chants along with - BITCH!
BITCH!
BITCH!
BITCH!
Lenny Brasco: Probably one of the most un-PC chants here in Level Up!
Mary DeSue: Oh Lenny, is it too risque for you?
Lenny Brasco: Well they wouldn’t allow that kinda talk in Oshkosh, Wisconsin at my ministry!
Mary DeSue: I will hit you.
Bert keels back to unleash another brutal Maximum Effort kick to Crash’s chest, but Joey slumps forward and faceplants on the mat. This draws jeers from the crowd and Berts chuckles to himself. He grabs Joey and pulls him up...ONLY TO BE DRILLED WITH A LOW BLOW! Ref Kirby is still incapacitated so Crash gets away with the dirty move! Bert collapses and rolls around on the canvas clutching his crotch. This gives Joey time to recover from the brutal beating, and he manages to climb up with the assistance of the ropes. A wicked look spreads across his face and he begins stomping his foot on the mat. Bert eventually gets back up, and Crash pounces - BONG WATER BY CRASH!! McAlroy goes down like a sack of potatoes from his own signature move, and Joey covers him. Fortunately for him, Ref Pliskin is finally getting to his senses. He crawls over to slowly make the count.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
THR-NO! Bert kicks out!
Lenny Brasco: Could you imagine if Bert was pinned after being hit with his own move?!
Mary DeSue: Yeah...how terrible…
Lenny Brasco: You could at least try and sound sincere.
Mary DeSue: Ugh I can’t deny it, that would have been the ultimate humiliation right there!
Cash slams his hands on the mat, unable to believe that he couldn’t get the three there. He begins to yell at Ref Pliskin, who ignores him. Joey rolls his eyes and once again starts stomping his foot on the mat, going for Bong Water number 2! Bert slowly gets up and Crash pounces - BONG WATER...NO! Bert grabs his foot and spins him around into a vicious clothesline! Joey bounces off the mat and manages to get back up again only to be met with a kick to the gut. Bert grabs Crash’s arms, looking to turn him around into the MCALDESTROYER 2.0...NO! Crash counters into a backslide pin!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...JOEYYYY CRASHHH!!
Mary DeSue: WHAT?!?!
Lenny Brasco: A stunning upset by Joey! Almost as stunning as these new JOEY CRASH SUNGLASSES! You won’t care about CRASHing into things when you wear these sunglasses at night! Only 39.99 in our shop!
Mary DeSue: I mean...I was rooting for him...but I didn’t think it would actually happen.
Lenny Brasco: I thought you’d be more excited.
Mary DeSue: I’m more stunned!
Bert rolls over and looks at Kirby, completely stunned. Joey Crash is already on his way out of the ring, keen to high-tail it before anyone can question his victory. He celebrates on the ramp as the crowd are quiet in a stunned silence.
---
The match starts off with Dionysus and Moriarty looking each other over. The two circle around, not locking up, but looking over each other. Moriarty licks her lips at Dionysus, who smirks curiously at her. Moriarty drops to her knee's and spreads her arms out at Dionysus who pauses for a moment to enjoy the display...before Moriarty whips her arm around and clips Dionysus' legs out from under him!
Lenny Brasco: She got the Lord of the Vine thinking with...um..
Mary DeSue: His vine!
Moriarty gets up quickly and kicks Dionysus in the back of the head sending him face first down to the mat. She runs to the ropes as Dionysus starts to get up. She bounces off the ropes and as Dionysus is fully on his feet he gets taken down again by Moriarty hitting a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors Takedown!! Dionysus doesn't know which was is up as he hits the mat hard. He rolls onto his stomach as Moriarty gets up and sashays over to the turnbuckle and climbs up to the second rope. As Dionysus get up on his knee's Moriarty takes to the sky coming down with a Springboard Curbstomp! She grabs Dionysus by the back of the head and makes a kissy face at him as she slams his head back into the mat hard. Moriarty climbs up to the third rope and launches herself into the air as Dionysus turns over onto his back only to get the wind knocked out of him with a seated senton!
Lenny Brasco: Moriarty wants her first win in this round robin! You can tell. She’s really pounding away in there!
Mary DeSue: She’s really hammering him right now!
Lenny Brasco: A few more thrusts and she might get some release!
Mary DeSue: A win is hard work, but you can tell she really wants to grind away and get it.
Moriarty grabs Dionysus and lifts him up. A bit dazed and slightly distracted, he isn't quick enough to get out of the setup for the Russian Legsweep! Moriarty turns Dionysus over and slides onto his chest for a cover.
One...
Kickout by Dionysus followed by a slap to the face from Moriarty! She grabs Dionysus and lifts him up and tosses him into the turnbuckle post. He runs forward a bit and she catches him in "Flight of the Green Faery" and Dionysus lands with his neck hitting the second rope. He leans on the ropes as Moriarty runs forward hitting a 619 to the face of Dionysus! She walks over and picks Dionysus up and tosses him into the ropes..."Absinthe’s Hellfire"!!! She waits for a few moments posing to the crowd, who boo her actions, as Dionysus gets to his feet. She grabs him and tosses him into the ropes. Kick the gut of Dionysus. She turns to hit a jawbreaker, but Dionysus grabs her and spins her around. He grabs her by the throat. This stops the action for a brief moment and he picks her up high...CHOKESLAM!!!
Lenny Brasco: I bet she’s not used to being choked!
Mary DeSue: How do you figure that?
Lenny Brasco: Well, this is the first time he’s choked her in the match.
Dionysus doesn't waste his momentum as he picks up Moriarty and winks at her as he tosses her into the ropes. "Round of Applause"!! Not going for the cover after the moonsault, Dionysus picks up Moriarty and tosses her into the corner..."Hands of Aggression"! He pulls Moriarty to the center of the ring and slaps in "The First Act". Once he has the pentagram choke in he yells if Moriarty wants to tap. Referee Kirby goes to check. She screams out in...well...it's not pain. Unsettled a bit by this Dionysus shifts to "The Second Act" and still the same result. Moriarty does not tap, but is slowly losing her momentum. Dionysus lets go and calls for the end of this. He waits for Moriarty to start to get up. He blows her a kiss and kicks her in the gut..."Final Curtain"!! Cover...
One...
Two...
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: The winner of this bout..."The Lord of the Vine" Dionysus!
Dionysus gets out of the ring after his hand is raised and looks back at Moriarty. He bows to her and starts to head to the back while Moriarty looks questionably at "The Lord of The Vine".
Lenny Brasco: I can’t help but feel that The Ring Mistress is suffering from a case of victory dysfunction!
Mary DeSue: I heard they made a pill for that.
Lenny Brasco: If your victories last longer than four hours, contact your physician!
Mary DeSue: I think we need to contact YOUR physician.
---
Larry Tact actually stops to offer a handshake to Lord Raab, who refuses it proving there really is no honor among thieves. The two then lock up, with the monster forcing Tact back into the far right corner. He presses him into the pads just to assert dominance, breathing heavily, and referee Iroquois Pliskin gets in the middle and forces a break. Raab slowly backs off and then cheap shots Tact with a strike to the throat. Raab then yanks him forward by the hair and hits a release vertical suplex, before Tact rolls to the outside to regroup.
Lenny Brasco: I think, this Lord Raab character just showed a COMPLETE lack of respect for his opponent!
Mary DeSue: I like his style! I mean, not literally his style, he looks awful, but you get it.
Lenny Brasco: He'd look better in official Level Up merchandise!
Raab follows after Tact and just for fun, grabs at his hair and yanks some of it out before tossing Tact with a biel into the ringpost! Tact smashes into the post face-first and then flies off to hit the ground with a thud. Raab then scoops Tact up, who is not a small man, and rolls him inside the ring with relative ease. He then drops down for a pinfall attempt...
ONE!
TWO! No! Only two. Raab picks up Tact and tosses him into the ropes, catches him on the way back and hits a BELLY TO BELLY suplex, but doesn't release his grip, choosing to hold Tact in a sitting bearhug!
Lenny Brasco: It seems that Raab is choosing to work the ribcage after previously attacking the face and throat! Curious strategy.
Mary DeSue: ...Maybe he's just beating up everything?
Tact lets out a bellow and begins to lay in hammerfists to the masked head of his opponent. It dazes Raab just enough that Tact is able to inch forward and get the toe of his boot on the ropes, which forces a break from Pliskin. Tact, however, is slow to get up and Raab takes advantage by driving a knee into the small of the back. This forces Tact back outside, holding his abdomen. Raab follows, and so Tact attempts some clubbing blows, but the wind is knocked out of him again by Raab, who promptly biels him into the security barrier.
Lenny Brasco: I think it's safe to say you hardly ever see Larry Tact fight from underneath. Maybe Mr. McAlroy is in his head?
Mary DeSue: Bert McAlroy as a champion while this PHYSICAL SPECIMEN that is Larry Tact is not. That's something that should throw anyone off their game.
Raab rolls Tact back into the ring and covers...
ONE!
TWO!
No! Another two. Raab doesn't seem frustrated, however. He then lifts up Tact in a waistlock and hits a German suplex. Then another. The crowd boos, not really cheering Tact but not approving of Raab either, and as Raab takes a moment to look out at them, Tact takes advantage and stomps on the foot of the Monster to break his grip, then spins around and hits a HUMBLING Uranage! Both men are down.
Lenny Brasco: Hot dog! Out of nowhere with that Humbling!
Mary DeSue: Tacty baby break da jabroni's back, make him humble!
Lenny Brasco: Huh?
Mary DeSue: I don't know. I ate edibles again before calling another match with you.
Tact is back up and Raab starts to rise himself, so Tact kicks him in the shin and hits a Kickswing DDT! While Raab is holding his head, Tact finally takes a moment to breathe, but doesn't take his eye off of his opponent. Raab is up as well and attempts a European uppercut, but Tact grabs the wrist and executes a short-arm clothesline. He then runs off the ropes and tries a lariat, but Raab ABSORBS the blow and then wraps a big gloved hand around the throat of Tact. He lifts him up for a chokeslam but Tact drives the point of his elbow into the top of Raab's skull. He then picks the big man up and slams him back down with a spinebuster!
Lenny Brasco: It seems this youngster Larry Tact got his second wind and is taking the fight to the European. Holy Mackerel!
Mary DeSue: Youngster?
Raab is back up already, refusing to stay down, so Tact tosses him into the ropes with a Irish Whip. Or rather he attempts to, but Raab reverses it and flings Tact into a turnbuckle. Tact connects hard and staggers backward, before Raab smashes him back into the turnbuckles with a corner clothesline. Raab then ducks his head and hits a shoulder thrust to the back and ribs of Tact, but Tact gets a mule kick that connects with the jaw of Raab. He then spins around and hits the TACTILIZER, before picking Raab up and following with the STARBREAKER! And the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...LARRY TACT!
Lenny Brasco: And Mr. Tact gets himself another point in the round robin, although he's still going to need one of the other two top scorers to suffer a loss before he gets first choice.
Mary DeSue: Round robins are confusing. I hope the Developer is keeping track of it.
Tact stares down at Raab for a moment, before rolling under the ropes and heading to the back.
---
The Level Up faithful begin to chant for Ahmya before the bell rings and she immediately locks up with Ciela. Ahmya backs Luiz into the corner on the initial lockup, and breaks clean. They lock up again, and Luiz goes for a waistlock, but Ahmya elbows her away. Ahmya hits a shoulderblock, and then poses in the center of the ring in a similar style to how Bert does. Luiz makes her pay for it with a knee to the gut and throws some forearms. Luiz whips Ahmya across the ring, but Ahmya comes back with a clothesline and Luiz goes to the floor to regroup.
Lenny Brasco: Both of these two seem evenly matched so far.
Mary DeSue: It's still early. Give Luiz some time! She's just getting warmed up!
Ahmya follows Luiz, who begins to take off in a sprint. Ahmya chases her and she slides into the ring, catching Ahmya as she also tries to get in with repeated stomps. She picks up Ahmya and attempts an irish whip, but Ahmya reverses and hits a snap DDT, then the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
No! Ciela gets the shoulder up. Ahmya lifts her opponent up and backs her into the corner, before nailing he with an elbow. Ahmya backs up and charges, but Luiz manages to get a boot up, then waits for her opponent to turn around before hitting a dropkick!
Lenny Brasco: And now the tide turns in favor of the former Time Jumper!
Mary DeSue: But technically, she isn't a Time Jumper yet because she wasn't born yet?
Lenny Brasco: Be sure to buy our new Idiot's Guide to Time Travel book for more information!
Mary DeSue: That one's not even real!
Luiz tries for another Irish whip but Ahmya reverses it again, then hits an arm drag. Luiz stands up, holding her back, and Ahmya clotheslines her to the floor. Ahmya follows and then throws Luiz into the guardrail. She then throws her back into the ring. Ahmya climbs up on the apron and Luiz nails a shoulder thrust. She grabs Ahmya for a suplex and Ahmya blocks it. Luiz tries again but Ahmya blocks again, so Luiz drops down to the mat snapping Ahmya's throat across the top rope, causing her to spill to the floor. Luiz steps out onto the apron and dives at Ahmya, but Ahmya moves and Luiz hits the guardrail! Ahmya charges and hits a knee lift smashing Luiz between the guardrail and Ahmya's knee. She then rolls Luiz back in and goes for a quick cover.
ONE!
TWO!
No! Luiz kicks out.
Back in the ring, Luiz begs off, then pokes Ahmya in the eyes and throws her shoulder first into the ringpost. Luiz hits a boot to the face, and Ahmya falls to the floor. Luiz then tackles Ahmya on the floor and begins to lay in a series of right hands! She then climbs up on the announce table and jumps off with a flying punch, just for the hell of it. Ciela hoists up Ahmya and rolls her back inside, then covers...
ONE!
TWO!
TH...NO! The Multiplayer champion gets out of it!
Lenny Brasco: This is turning into another dogfight for Ciela, and you know she wouldn't enjoy another draw!
Mary DeSue: Who would? Draws suck.
Luiz catapults Ahmya into the middle rope, then chokes her against the bottom rope. She gets back up to her feet and smirks, feeling things are now going her way. Ahmya tries to get up and Luiz hits another dropkick, then a standing elbow drop. She drops two more elbows and makes the cover...
ONE!
TWO!
THR--NO! Ahmya is out again!
Ciela gets frustrated now and looks up top, where she signals that she is gonna try the Unicorn Horn! She climbs up and steadies herself, but suddenly Ahmya SPRINGS UP THE ROPES TO THE TOP AND GRABS HER...flipping her back into the ring with a top rope hurricanrana!! Ahmya gets to her feet first as Luiz tries to shake off the cobwebs, then begins to wrap her up in the Oyasuminasai! Luiz, having just landed hard on her neck and back, suddenly has Ahmya's body weight on top of her and nowhere to go! She struggles and tries to inch to the ropes, but Ahmya wrenches on the hold and Luiz taps out!!
Mr. Rad: Your winner of the match....AHMYA!!!
Lenny Brasco: And there you have it. Ahmya is THREE AND OH in the Round Robin!
Mary DeSue: God I hate her. She likes Bert so I hate her. How could anyone like that freak?
Lenny Brasco: I don't know! I'm straight edge!
Mary's coca-cola zero then comes out of her nose at the revelation as we cut back to the ring. Ahmya is up and celebrating her victory. We then cut to an ad break, courtesy of RayCon earbuds!
---
The crowd rumbles waiting for the next match to begin. “Carry On Wayward Son” starts playing, and the crowd starts to cheer. It’s too early for Eli to come out. His match isn’t up yet, but the crowd don’t care as Eli Goode walks out in jeans, a t-shirt, and his leather jacket on. He smiles as he walks down the ramp. He gives some fans high fives and makes his way to the ring. He waves at the audience letting them know he hears them. He looks over to the timekeeper and requests a microphone. Once he is handed one, he smiles.
Eli Goode: Heeeeellloooooooo, Garland, Texaaaaasssss!!!!!!
The crowd goes nuts. He chuckles to himself as he tries to find the words to continue.
Eli Goode: It is true. You say the name of the city you’re in, and they go nuts. Haha, this is great. Now, you all know that I’m not someone to do backstage interviews or come out here and talk to you all. I’m all business when I get in the arena. I focus on the match that’s ahead of me, but I needed to tell you all something. Something that’s important to all of you.
The crowd starts to hush as Eli’s smile starts to fade away. He nods and resumes talking to the crowd.
Eli Goode: You see, I’ve been fighting hurt for a while. My left-arm was broken in that steel cage match with Jack Michaels and…
The crowd starts to boo, but Eli starts to hush them.
Eli Goode: No, no don’t boo him. He and I squashed our beef after he realized what he did to my arm. He came to the hospital personally and apologized for all of it, and I apologized to him for what I did to him. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I wrestled with a cast on my arm, and I continued to wrestle after it was removed. Now, at Tri-Force Heroes, I fought my heart out to try and win the Final Boss Championship, but I came up short. I wasn’t able to beat Magdalena.
There are some cheers at the mention of the Final Boss Champion. Eli smirks and nods.
Eli Goode: Yes, cheer for the champ. She did what she was supposed to do. She defended the belt. However, ever since that match, my arm has been in pain. It hasn’t fully recovered yet. So, after Don, Donny, and I beat The Faction tonight, I’m going to be taking the rest of the year off.
Some of the crowd start to boo, but Eli settles them down.
Eli Goode: Look, I know it sucks, but I need to do this. I need to be able to make sure that I’m 100%. If I don’t, I may have to be put on the shelf for a long time. I may have to miss out the entire year. That nearly happened after I initially broke my arm. I wanted to make sure that I’m good to go for next year. That way, I can come back and finally win the Final Boss Championship next year.
The crowd starts to cheer again. Eli smiles and doesn’t quiet them down.
Eli Goode: That’s right. I need to make sure that I can come back and beat either Magdalena Lockheart or Bert McAlroy next year for the Final Boss Championship. So, I’m going to miss all of you after the main event, but just know when I come back, the Final Boss Championship is finally going to be mine.
He drops the microphone as “Carry On Wayward Son” starts playing again. He lifts up his arms as the crowd cheers for him again. Goode waits around for his partners and opponents to enter the ring for the main event.
---
As the bell rings we see Mason start off for his team as Wilcox comes in. Mason looks to square up to him, but Wilcox points to Goode. He wants Eli! He mouths that the camera can hear "I'm gonna break your damn arm for good!", and as he says this Mason looks over at his corner. Goode and Tirri shrug and Mason nods and he rushes forward and clotheslines Wilcox! Wilcox goes down for a moment as Donny starts stomping on Wilcox. Wilcox scurries towards his corner and tags in Drake! Donny, for one of the few times in his life, looks up into the eyes of the seven footer who starts trash talking Mason before both of them start throwing hands! The battle of the big men starts off with thunderous lefts and rights as the crowd gets to their feet. Mason charges forward after ducking a shot from Drake and wraps his arms around Drake putting the bigger man in a bear hug and lifting the four hundred pounder. Drake screams out and bring down those tree trunk like arms of his right onto the neck of Mason breaking the hold. Drake runs to the ropes and clips Mason in the face with a big boot to the face! Drake grabs Mason and drags him over to "The Faction's" corner and tags in ISSAC! ISSAC grabs Mason and hits a Release German Suplex towards the corner as Drake rushes forward clotheslining the back of Mason's head causing a whiplash effect! ISSAC then tags in Wilcox who drags Mason to the center of the ring and locks him in a figure four leglock in the center of the ring. The whole time yelling at Goode and Tirri while he's got the hold locked in.
Lenny Brasco: He’s gonna need some HEATY ICE when that’s all over!
Mary DeSue: That’s the generic version of Icy Hot, isn’t it.
Lenny Brasco: THEY ARE OUR SPONSOR!
Mary DeSue: How many <BLEEP>ing sponsors do we have? Are they even real? Did you make them up? I am way too stoned for this!
Mason is screaming in pain as Wilcox keeps the figure four held on. Mason looks up to his dad, Tirri, who mouths out "Well! Get out of it!", and then Mason turns to see Wilcox and leans forward decking Wilcox in the jaw! Wilcox still grapples onto the hold, but that gives Mason enough time and leverage to in Goode! Goode runs in and hits a shotgun dropkick into the face of James Wilcox. Drake and ISSAC get into the ring and here comes Tirri as the match degenerates into a Brawl! ISSAC rushes at Tirri, ISSAC going for a clothesline, but gets Back Body Dropped over the top rope by Tirri. Goode grabs Wilcox and tosses him into the corner and starts wailing on him with kicks. Drake reaches down to the downed Mason, and picks him up with a double handed chokeslam! Drake yells something at Mason for a moment only to turn and get hit in the head by a leaping headbutt by Tirri to the face sending the big man flat on his butt. Tirri runs to the ropes and comes off hitting "The Boot" to send Drake rolling to the outside. Tirri and Mason get out of the ring as Goode continues to beat down Wilcox. Stopping for one minute to taunt the crowd as he kicks Wilcox again! He whips Wilcox out of the corner and towards the ropes. Wilcox bounces off the ropes and gets taken down by a hurricanrana from Goode!
Lenny Brasco: Mr. Goode may be taking time off after this, but he’s giving the fans a show!
Mary DeSue: And trying to win, which is the most important part.
ISSAC and Drake get back to their corner as Mason and Tirri are standing at theirs on the outside as Goode picks up Wilcox and tosses him into the ropes. Goode goes for a clothesline and Wilcox leaps up and grabs Goode's left arm! ARMBAR! INTO A CROSSFACE!! Goode goes down and screams in agony as Wilcox locks it in and screams as he keeps pulling and pulling on the shoulder of Goode. We hear a sickening POP!...
Wilcox breaks the hold and gets in Goode's face as Goode rolls on the mat screaming. Goode gets up to his knee's holding his now dislocated left shoulder. Wilcox yells at Tirri and Mason that they're next as Goode crawls to the neutral corner. Goode looks at the corner post and lets out a roar...POP!
Lenny Brasco: HE JUST LETHAL WEAPONED HIMSELF!
Mary DeSue: Well good because I was just about to say I’m too old for this sh...stuff.
His left arm shaking as Eli Goode's shoulder has been relocated back into socket and looks right at Wilcox who scowls. "COME ON!!" Goode yells as Wilcox charges at him. THEZ PRESS!! Wilcox is down! Goode rolls off of him and tags Tirri! Wilcox gets up and tags in ISSAC! Tirri rushes in and starts wailing on ISSAC as Goode turns to get clotheslined out of the ring by Wilcox who follows over the ropes! Both men are down on the outside. ISSAC swings at Tirri, Tirri grabs ISSAC by the arms..."Morning After"!! Tirri drops ISSAC. He tags in Mason. Mason leaps off the second rope with "Tribute"! Mason picks up ISSAC..."Rack-O-Matic"!! Drake gets into the ring and charges at Mason, but Mason gets out of the way as...DON TIRRI COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A BIG BOOT TO THE FACE OF THE SEVEN FOOTER!! Drake stumbles over the top rope! Wilcox tries to get back into the ring, but is chopped from behind by a right arm chop block from Eli Goode!! ISSAC TAPS!!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winners...The team of Eli Goode, Don Tirri, and Donny Mason!!!
Goode gets back into the ring just as Mason tosses ISSAC out on the rampway. The three stand strong with their right arms held up as Eli holds his left shoulder. Wilcox screams at ISSAC and Drake as they both get up. Wilcox screams into the camera that "This isn't over!" as we cut to ringside.
Lenny Brasco: Goode gets one hell of a win to end the year with, and we’ll see him next year!
Mary DeSue: Yeah, and more importantly TEAM THICCI WINS!
---
"1stp Klosr" by Linkin Park plays over the arena pa speakers and after a few moments of intro, Magdalena Lockheart steps through the curtain and out on the stage. She is met by a strong mixed reaction from the crowd. After pausing for a few moments to soak in the moment, Maggie readjusts the championship belt that she has draped over her shoulder and walks down to the ring. Her ribs are still heavily taped.
Mary DeSue: Oh god, just when I thought I could get through a show without her... ugh.
Lenny Brasco: Ladies and gentlemen, it seems as if our "Final Boss" Champion is making her way down to the ring. We’re friends. She used to talk to me all the time.
Mary DeSue: No <Bleep> sherlock, we all have eyes. She's not scheduled to compete here tonight, so why couldn't she do us all a favor and just stay away?!
Lenny Brasco: That's not fair. That's our company champion. Besides, don't you follow Maggie on Twitter?
Mary DeSue: I have her muted.
Lenny Brasco: Oh. Well, she tweeted out two weeks ago that she'd be here to address her opponent for Final Fantasy, which would be the Triforce Champion Bert McAlroy of course, so let's see what she has to say.
Lockheart steps through the ropes, albeit gingerly, and asks for a microphone. She asks for her music to be cut, but still has to wait for the audience noise to die down.
Maggie Lockheart: Thank you. Thank you. Texas... Level Up nation... how are you all doing tonight, hmm?
The fans here in the Curtis Calwell center all cheer in unison at the mention of their home state.
Mary DeSue: Cheap pop for a cheap champ!
Lenny Brasco: If you don't mind, I'd like to hear what Magdalena has to say for a change.
Mary DeSue: Screw you, Lenny!
Maggie Lockheart:That's great; that's good to hear. Obviously, I'm not in the best of shape myself. But I'm still kicking. A few weeks ago I tried to take on the world, or at the very least, I thought that I could go one on one with my hero in a match that was very personally important for me and honestly thought that I'd still be okay to defend your Final Boss championship days later.
The good people of Garland now boo as the mood shifts.
Maggie Lockheart: Was it a mistake? I don't think so. But the truth is that while Eli Goode and James Wilcox are both fantastic competitors, both deserving of my full and undivided attention, I just didn't have it to give to them at TriForce Heroes. And yes, if the circumstances were different, if I were facing either one of them alone for the Final Boss championship that night, it could have cost me very dearly. I very easily could have lost everything. I'll be the first person to stand up and admit that, for once, the triple threat rules worked to my advantage. Normally I'm not a fan. But because Wilcox and Goode were out there having the match of their lives I was able to sneak in and snatch a victory and steal a defense.
Mary DeSue: It's about time she admits she's a piece of-
Maggie Lockheart: Do I feel like I earned it? Do I feel like I deserve it? Hell no. But circumstances being what they were... anyone can play the 'what if' game until their heart is content. At least now I know that if Eli Goode or James Wilcox would have walked out of TriForce Heroes as the "Final Boss" Champion then the belt would have been in good hands moving forward. No pun intended. But be that as it may, I shoved Eli out of the ring and took his pin with the last bit of energy that I had, not because I don't think Eli would make a good champion for Level Up. But because neither Eli, nor Wilcox, nor anyone, nor anything was going to take away from me the opportunity to defend this title at the biggest PPV of the year... Final Fantasy.
The crowd pops once again, this time at the mention of Level Up's year-end extravaganza.
Maggie Lockheart: I worked too damn hard for too damn long... and I applaud Eli for helping me to the back two weeks ago... but even he had to know that if there was movement still left in this body that I was going to fight to retain... that I was going to fight for Final Fantasy! And now, it's settled. My ticket is punched and I did it with this-
Maggie holds up the "Final Boss" championship belt for all to see.
Maggie Lockheart: Which means it's going to be me versus the Triforce Champion in what may be the most epic main event that Level Up, and perhaps professional wrestling has ever seen! But that does bring me to the challenger-
There is a murmur in the crowd and the reason for it suddenly becomes apparent as a hooded figure emerges from amongst the fans and slides into the ring behind Maggie.
Lenny Brasco: What the hell? Turn around, Maggie! Look out behind you!
Maggie Lockheart: Bert McAlroy...
The hooded figure spins Maggie around by the shoulder, grabs her by the head, and drops her with THE CROWNING in the center of the ring!
[n]Lenny Brasco: By God! That's-
The figure stands up to pull back her hood to reveal "Queen Machine" Jenny! The sold-out crowd showers her in boos, but Jenny isn't phased one bit as she grabs the "Final Boss" championship belt and smashes Lockheart repeatedly in her already injured ribs!
Mary DeSue: JENNY! My sista! Thank god somebody finally came to shut Maggie up!
Jenny drops the championship belt to the canvas and pulls Maggie up to lock on THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT!
Lenny Brasco: Queen Machine is deranged! She's unhinged! Arthur did what she asked and it still wasn't enough! Somebody stop her!
Mary DeSue: Hehehe... Think this will get her message across now? Maybe the Developer should have given her the Courage title shot she asked for weeks ago?
Jenny chokes the already injured Lockheart violently until the champion starts to fade. Security and referees pour into the ring to drag Queenie off of Maggie, succeeding at it after a few lengthy tries. But the "Final Boss" is out cold as Queen Machine is forced back into a corner. Trainers rush out to check on Maggie as the show ends.
---
Cold Open: Tirri & Jay
Show Intro: Jay
Buster Gloves & Chelsea Skye vs. Arthur Fisk & Amber Payne: Jay
Comin’ At Ya!: Tact & Bert
Valentine vs. Dude WaLuigi: Brandon
HIS MONSTER vs. Victoria Salinas: Bert
A ‘Final’ Challenge: Buster
Duncan Shepard vs. Diamond Steele: Bert
Thomas McAllister vs. ‘Queen Machine’ Jenny: Dubs
Nocturne vs. Kat Jones: Bert
Bert McAlroy vs. Joey Crash: Dubs
Dominique Moriarty vs. Dionysus: Jay
Larry Tact vs. Lord Raab: Joe
Ciela Luiz vs. Ahmya: Joe
Goode-bye For Now: Eli
Eli Goode, Don Tirri & Donny Mason vs. The Faction: Jay
Still On Top?: Chuck
Judges: Joe, Jay & Duane
Earlier Today…
We fade into Arthur La Forge, dressed in his usual announcer's outfit, including the Captain N letterman’s jacket, as he sits in a very nice leather chair. Arthur looks a little more stressed than we normally see him at ringside as he starts to speak.
Arthur La Forge: Are we on? Good. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to a very special segment here on EXP. As of late Level Up Wrestling has been having a slight issue. That issue is my special guest today. She apparently has some demands for “The Developer” and wishes to make them known. Since “The Developer” remains to be seen or heard from directly, I was asked to handle this interview to see if we can come to some sort of resolution. So with me today is one of the most enigmatic superstars on the Level Up roster… “Queen Machine” Jenny.
The camera turns to show Queenie seated on a chair across from Arthur, dressed in her usual leather and lace getup. She is smiling at the nerdy announcer, but there is no warmth in the smile.
Queenie: Thank you darlin, glad to be here! I never pass up a chance to make my case to the Developer…
Arthur La Forge: I completely understand that you are frustrated Jenny, but that doesn’t explain why you have been attacking superstars. At “Tri-Force Heroes” you decided to attack Thomas McAllister after his match. Why did you do that? What does this have to do with “The Developer”?
The look on Queenies face darkens for a split second, but she quickly gathers herself and responds with a voice laced with fake sweetness.
Queenie: Oh darlin. I thought I had made it painfully obvious. I want Goldie. She’s all alone and abandoned after Bertie just used her and cast her away. I simply cannot abide watching her in such pain
Arthur La Forge: Oh you mean when Bert won the three way match to get his shot at Final Fantasy, but more than that he beat you for “The Courage Title” before that pay per view. There wasn’t any cheating or anything in the match, so why were you concerned about the title?
You can see Queenie’s eye twitch a bit and her nails dig into the leather armrest of the chair, but she manages to keep herself restrained, albeit barely, something that Arthur completely misses. As she responds, her voice quivers for a bit, but otherwise the response comes out completely flat, as if it was rehearsed over and over again, just like the forced smile on her lips.
Queenie: We all make mistakes darlin. On that night Bert was better than me and if he had kept Goldie and treated her right I wouldn’t mind one bit.
Arthur La Forge: But Jenny, if you had participated in that match and won you would have had to relinquish your “Courage Title” because that was in the stipulations for the match. Bert’s not mistreated the title the same way if Duncan or Sidroy would have had to relinquish their titles for winning that match.
Faced with another uncomfortable truth seemed to be pushing Queenie to her limit, but somehow she managed to maintain her cool and respond without breaking the flat monotone she had been speaking in.
Queenie: I would’ve found a way to maintain both. Keeping Goldie with me was the most important thing of my life for me. I wouldn’tve given her away just like that.
Arthur La Forge: But that doesn’t excuse your behavior Jenny! You're upset about losing your title. I get that, but you being upset that Bert had to relinquish it to get his “Final Boss” title shot is just ridiculous. And as far as getting a shot, you’ve got people in front of you. You did not put your name in to participate in the “Extra Lives Round Robin” match. With so many other people ahead of you, why do you think “The Developer” would acquiesce to your demands? Especially after you’ve started attacking your fellow wrestlers? These terror tactics are not going to get what you want...
The shift in Queenie was sudden and instant. From a fake smile to an enraged scream in the blink of an eye as she leaped up from her chair and tackled Arthur to the ground before he could react. She began scratching the announcer's face while shrill screams emanated from her lips. Finally she slapped him across the face and started choking him with the Queen’s Gambit, shouting at the barely conscious announcers face.
Queenie: I WILL GET GOLDIE! I WILL SPILL BLOOD UNTIL I GET GOLDIE! YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER VICTIM! JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE! JUST ANOTHER MESSAGE! GIVE ME GOLDIE!
Security begins pouring into the set to pull Queenie off Arthur, with EMT’s checking on the motionless announcer. It takes 6 men to hold Queenie at bay as she bites and scratches and spits and hisses like a cat. Finally she calms down enough for the security to loosen their hold on her, which turns out to be a mistake as she headbutts one and kicks another in the groin, slipping from their grasp and fleeing the scene while laughing manically as the view fades to black.
---
As the EXP opening dies down, we cut to our drone camera flying over the crowd gathering in the Curtis Calwell Center in Garland Texas. As we pan around the arena we finally stop right at the announcer's table where we see Mary DeSue, wearing a cowgirl outfit by herself at the desk.
Mary DeSue: Welcome everyone to...What do we call this show again? Right. EXP Episode Sixteen, and boy howdy have we had a bit of lot of bull...
Lenny Brasco: HONKEY! Bull Honkey! That's right kids!
Mary gets a disgusted look on her face as she looks over to see backstage interviewer and merchandise shill, Lenny Brasco, take the play by play position at the table. Lenny is dressed in nothing but Level Up Gear and the eyeroll from Mary just says it all.
Mary DeSue: Sadly, earlier tonight before the show Arthur La Forge was injured by "Queen Machine" Jenny as you saw in the show opening. So tonight, I get the joy of working with Lenny Brasco. Kill me now.
Lenny Brasco: Oh Mary, you're such a kidder. You know what else is a kidder, if you log onto the merch site for level up you can get a...
Mary DeSue: Stick. To. The. Matches. Or. I'll. Rip. Off. Your...
Lenny Brasco: Price tags! You betcha we're ripping right in time for the holiday season. And what better way to amp up your holiday shopping that will be inspired by our wrestling show tonight. Starting off we got a "Multiplayer Match" between the teams of Chelsea Skye and Buster Gloves taking on Amber Payne and Arthur Fisk. And let me tell you our new Buster Gloves "gloves" are soon gonna be the hottest item on the website folks. Get them while they're hot because right now they're only Nineteen Ninety Nine, plus shipping and handling! Also our "Feel the Payne" leg weights are also on sell for two pairs for one!
Mary DeSue: They do not pay me enough to put up with your crap Lenny!
Lenny Brasco: I'm sorry you're having stomach problems, but here is something that help out there Mary. We just got in "Valentine Heartburn Pills", because you know nothing says Anarchy like Capitalism! Or at least that's what I say. Speaking of "our heartfelt and lovelorn" masked hero will be taking on Dude Waluigi in a match of true sexy folk...
Mary DeSue: You have never even watched a Valentine promo have you?
Lenny Brasco: Unless they are selling stuff it's none of my business. Also we've got coming to the shop soon "His Monster" plush dolls. This will definitely keep any bogeyman away. You can see tonight when Victoria Salinas takes on "His Monster", and after that Duncan "Dozen Doughnuts" Shepard, those are made to order in our new promo with Duncan Doughnuts, just type in PWRCHAMP promo for your next order, takes on Diamond Steele in singles competition. Although it might not be single for long if that dating show idea of mine gets picked up by "The Developer ''.
Mary mouths out "I'm so sorry" to the screen as Lenny continues.
Lenny Brasco: Oh hey, in a rematch of sorts we got Thomas McAllister taking on"Queen Machine" Jenny, and speaking of all you "Queenie" fans out there. Use the promo code "Goldie1" on your order of any Queen Machine items and get a five percent discount that stacks with our other deals. Speaking of deals, here's a great one. We have an online poll on the merch site right now...who's gonna win between Nocturne and Kat Jones. If you pick the correct winner you'll get a free coupon for ten percent off one item at checkout just for the holidays! Also hopefully we won't "Crash" the website, but if you are inspired by watching Bert McAlroy take on Joey Crash tonight then you're going to love this. Coming soon to the merch site is gonna be a D-Trac Disc of "Tri-Force Heroes"!
Mary DeSue: I'm gonna regret asking this but what is a D-Trac?
Lenny Brasco: Oh Mary! It's the newest thing in Singapore that's gonna take off here in the states! D-Tracks are special large floppy dics that you can put into your D-Trac player and watch in pure six hundred and forty pixel quality on your flatscreen televisions!
Mary DeSue: Mr. Rad please save us! I'm sorry I asked Lenny!
Lenny Brasco: No worries kiddo, I know having someone out here that's knowledgeable about the product is new for you.
Mary DeSue: ...
Lenny Brasco: And speaking of deals we got our "Extra Bargain Life" deal still going on. If you pick tonight's winners from the "Extra Lives" Round Robin Tournament you get a chance for a free gift from the merchsite kids...That's right...A five percent off of any merch of the winners merchandise that you purchase. Only on one item. Shipping restrictions apply. You gotta pick between Dominique Moriarty and Dionysus, Larry Tact and Lord Raab, and Ceila Luiz and Ahmya! Pick all three and get that discount! And tonight I have a brand new item with me that pertains to the main event!
Mary DeSue: Spare me...
Lenny Brasco: Tonight it's Merchandise Warfare! That's right folks you can either get this "Damn I'm Goode" special edition gold t-shirt, A Don Tirri "Finnish Him!" wristband, or A "No Satisfaction from The Faction" bumper sticker absolutely free for the first five hundred people who log in and use the promocode "MerchWarfare1". All of this and more is ready for you at the merchsite on Level Up Dot Com! As Eli Goode, Don Tirri, andDonny Mason take on all three members of “The Faction”! Let's kick this off Mary! We got tons of deals to go through tonight!
Mary DeSue: I can’t believe I am saying this but I'm already missing Artie...
---
Chelsea Skye & Buster Gloves vs. Arthur Fisk & Amber Payne
The bell rings and the multiplayer match is on the way as Skye and Payne lock up. Payne wins the contest, being the more physically dominant of the two. Payne puts Skye into a headlock and Skye pushes forward sending Payne towards the ropes. Payne comes back on the rebound and goes for a superkick, but Skye leapfrogs over Payne. Payne keeps running after missing the kick and hits the other end of the ropes. Skye ricochets off of the other side. Both women are charging full tilt at each other. Skye was going for a clothesline attempt but instead gets caught by a flying cross body by Payne! Cover!
One...
Kickout and roll out by Skye as Payne rolls with the move and gets back up onto her feet. Skye gets up only to be taken back down by a vicious European Uppercut! She bounces back into the ropes and Payne goes forward grabbing Skye on the rebound and setting her up for a suplex, but she doesn't let go. She gets up a second time with the suplex and hits it. Followed by a third! She goes for the cover...
One...
Two...
Foot on the ropes by Skye. Payne grabs Skye and drags her over to her team's corner and tags in Fisk! Payne picks up Skye and hits a Fisherman Swinging Neckbreaker as Fisk goes up top. Fisk flies hitting a top rope splash! Fisk picks up Skye and tosses her to the ropes. Skye bounces off the ropes but puts the breaks on narrowly avoiding the big boot to the face by Fisk! Skye swings wildly at Fisk but he takes it on the chin. He looks back at Skye like "That was all" and swivels around behind her. He grabs her for a Release German Suplex and as he releases her Skye rolls with the hit and into her corner tagging in Buster Gloves!!
Mary DeSue: Oh this should be fun. These two gonna slug it out!
Lenny Brasco: Buster Gloves quickly making a name for himself, and it seems he wants the biggest and most dangerous competition he can find.
Fisk and Gloves square up to each other and start taking more shots than a vaccine clinic. Fisk starts failing a bit after Gloves comes in close for an elbow strike to the face followed by grabbing Fisk by the neck and hitting a knee strike to his face. Fisk falters backwards into the ropes only to bounce back into a drop toe hold into an ankle lock by Gloves! Fisk is in the middle of the ring, but the six foot five man is trying to crawl to the ropes. Gloves puts all his weight down to try to keep Fisk in place and Fisk looks like he's not gonna be able to make it until Payne runs in and breaks the count with a kick to the back of Gloves head! Referee Kirby gets into Payne's face and tells her to get back into the corner as Gloves gets up, undeterred by the distraction by Payne, and lifts Fisk up. Fisk gets up and hits Gloves with a devastating knife edge chop! Gloves staggers back and returns fire with his own chop! Chop! Chop! CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! The battle goes back and forth with each man not giving an inch trying to win the chop off between the two!
Mary DeSue: Oh damn! It’s a slap fight!
Lenny Brasco: I don’t think slaps are the same as chops, Mary.
Mary DeSue:: And I don’t think merchandise shills should be on commentary but we have to live with the hand life has given us.
The chops keep coming, but finally Fisk goes for another move. He kicks Gloves in the gut, DDT!!! Fisk is calling for the Lariat! Gloves crawls to a neutral corner and starts to get up. Fisk charges, Gloves ducks...Gloves catches Fisk by the neck..."THE SOUL CRUSHER"!! He locks in the choke on Fisk as Payne charges back in and Skye goes up top...FOUR FIFTY SPLASH ONTO PAYNE IN MID RUN!!! Both women are down...Kirby checks on Fisk...He puts up Fisk's arm...
One...
Two...
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: Here are your winners...The team of Chelsea Skye and Buster Gloves!!
Mary DeSue: He choked that ol’ boy out!
Lenny Brasco: Yes. Mr. Gloves relying on his MMA background to get the job done here tonight!
Payne gets up as Skye and Gloves get their hands raised by Kirby. Payne doesn't look happy with the result and leaves the ring. After a few moments Fisk gets up on his own and heads to the back.
---
Coming At Ya!
The opening beats of “Pieces of Man” by Drown set a methodical pace as the arena lights cut out. The crowd begins buzzing as royal blue and golden lights dot the arena. As the guitars kick in, a spotlight of gold light shines down on the stage, and Larry Tact, generating boos around the arena. The crowd wastes no time in beginning “YOU TAPPED OUT!” chants to which Tact gives a wry look while standing on the stage and producing a mic as the music fades out.
Mary DeSue: Quiet down so we can hear the Bertslayer speak!
Lenny Brasco: Mary, show a little respect for our inaugural Triforce Champion, and still one-half of the Multiplayers Champions.
Mary DeSue: When are he and Ahmya even defending those titles? He’s holding titles hostage and I can’t go get my we-- my shopping done without hearing people chirping about this dumb stoner and his ‘big win.’
Lenny Brasco: It was absolutely a career defining win.
Mary DeSue: Okay yeah, until he comes up short. Again. Larry is boldly here to keep the show grounded and these people need to shut up.
Lenny Brasco: Taking the direct approach tonight..
Tact surveys the live crowd before speaking.
Larry Tact: About what I’d expect from a bunch of rednecks, not understanding the difference between a submission and a tapout. Meanwhile, each one of you would pass out from a few beers that had an ABV higher than ‘piss water.’.
A few boos break up the chants, but they only grow and Larry just shakes his head as he stands on the stage, waving it off.
Larry Tact: Tonight, I’m not here for your jealousy. I’m here to make my statement of intention, which means little to those with no direction in life so I’ll explain. Looking back at this year, I may not have the shiniest record for The Developer, our top click-thot, to use for promoting Level Up. I may not have a title to wave around. I do have a spouse who lifts me up... but I don’t climb all over her to justify greedy intentions for a title. Despite all that riding against me? I say I STILL have a claim to receive… wait for it… a FINAL BOSS title match.
Lenny Brasco: What? Did he just say he deserves a Final Boss title match?
Mary DeSue: Shush, Lenny. If you listen I’m sure he has his reasons. Larry is a man of innovation, and his brain works on a higher level than yours.
Lenny Brasco: You have no idea what he’s talking about.
Mary DeSue: He’ll definitely have thought up... something. I’ve practically figured it out.
The fans unleash boos upon Larry at hearing this proclamation. With great satisfaction, he smirks and walks down the ramp, the spotlight following him into the ring.
Larry Tact: ‘Old School Cool’ Don Tirri. Robert ‘Guts Full, Brain On Empty’ McAlroy. E.A. Blizzard. Eli Goode. James “The Wizard” Wilcox. What do these names have in common? Obviously, they represent the Pay-Per-View contender defenses made by one Magdalena Lockheart, our Final Boss Champion. Bravo to her, kudos and the whole nine. I applaud her resilience and ability to stay ahead of her contenders in truly prolific fashion.
He holds the mic in the crook of his arm and begins clapping momentarily before taking up the stick again.
Larry Tact: Do you know what else those names have in common? Aside from ‘The Wizard,’ they represent opponents I have defeated in matches this year. I beat Eli twice, so we can call that a Wilcox gap-filler. Which begs the question… where’s my Final Boss title shot? What’s the Developer, who serves up these opponents without a second thought, waiting for? Robert to win? We all saw the humbling clinic I put on against him quite recently, regardless of what he may drawl on about.
Mary DeSue: See Lenny, that’s a great point right there!
Lenny Brasco: Larry should be focusing on the ‘Extra Lives’ round robin tournament, which he has a match for tonight. He can receive a title shot at one of our champions, but the Final Boss title shot was earned by Bert McAlroy to face Magdalena Lockheart. I don’t think the Developer has been anything but fair, and he isn’t going to bully his way into a Final Boss title match.
Mary DeSue: The Developer should be grateful for Larry trying to save us from the fluke win we saw at Triforce Heroes..
Lenny Brasco: Hardly a fluke.
The crowd serves up a hearty, “YOU SUCK!” chant.
Larry Tact: Yes, yes, the mindless default. The thing is, there’s no disputing it, and before you say I’m trying to ‘weasel’ my way into a spot in the main event of Final Fantasy, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Even if that match goes on as scheduled, what about The Last Of Us 2022? Earlier, I even offered the Final Boss a chance to come out here with me and contest my claim. Actions speak volumes, and her lack of presence is evident.
Lenny Brasco: That doesn’t sound right. I don’t even know if the Final Boss is here tonight.
Mary DeSue: Maybe he sent a text message!
Larry Tact: So before this show goes a moment further, I want--
“Partytime” by 45 Grave blares forth and the fans come unglued. They don’t have to wait long, and neither do Larry or DeSue. Bert steps out onto the stage, microphone in hand. He is shaking his head as he makes his way down to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope. He paces the ring for a moment, eyes never leaving Larry as he taps the microphone in time with the snare of his song, sending a ‘pop’ through the house speakers.
Mary DeSue: Why does EVERYTHING he does have to be annoying?!
Bert McAlroy: Cut my music, yo..
Production gives in to the request, the fans cheer loudly even as Bert motions for them to settle down, his eyes moving back to Larry. He raises the microphone slowly, and begins egging the crowd on.
Bert McAlory: You Tapped Out...You Tapped Out..You Tapped Out..
“YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT!” Bert lowers the microphone, grinning at Larry as he leans back against the ropes. Larry looks completely disgusted and scowls, shaking his head.
Larry Tact: As if we needed any further proof you fit right in with the cellar-dwelling intellect of Garland, Texas. I’m actually glad I managed to pull you from the recesses of your stupor. Let me ask you, winner of the Triforce Championship--
The crowd cheers wildly and Larry tries to motion for quiet.
Larry Tact: Zip it! This isn’t fan appreciation day. You practically have one of your own in here already.
We start to hear a cheer pick up steam, drowning out Larry
“CHAMP CHAMP!” (clap clap clap) “CHAMP CHAMP!” (clap clap clap)
Larry Tact: I SAID SHUT YOUR DAMNED MOUTHS!!!
Loud boos rain down on Larry as he glares at the Triforce Champion. He regains his composure and starts to circle him, Bert tracking and ready on a hair trigger.
Larry Tact: As I was saying… My. Question. What happens if the Triforce Champion doesn’t even make it to Final Fantasy? What happens if another incident were to occur? A gang attack, oooh… that would be a real shame, a real game changer. Who’s going to protect the mighty Stoner Slim? Who even wants to at this point? Your partner? That’s still only two of you. If something did happen, there would need to be a replacement…
He gets right into the man’s face.
Larry Tact: Anyone. But. Robert.
Bert grins, looking off to one side. He raises his mic, lowers it, raises it...and bashes Larry Tact in the side of the face with it before taking him down with a double leg takedown and starting to brawl with Tact! The two trade shots until Bert manages to detangle himself from the mess. Tact is frantically pulling himself up to go back on the attack when…..BONG WATER!!! Sends him through the middle and top rope. “YEAH BITCH!!!” Bert yells, the crowd soon chanting “BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!” at the incensed Tact. Bert retrieves his mic.
Bert McAlroy: And what if you just <BEEP> off and let the people at the top of the card worry about Final Fantasy, Lare-Bear??
Another pop, Bert leans over the ropes and talks right to him
Bert McAlroy: Far as your bull-ish? Ain’t a damn thing you, or anyone in the back, can do to stop me from getting to Final Fantasy? Far as your claims? You can stick them where the sun don’t shine because Larry, simple and honest truth? The Developer is tired of booking you above your station and watching you choke it away, yo…
A pause, a smirk.
Bert McAlroy: He already hired the friggin’ GOAT of that in Don Tirri anyway..and at least he comes close. Really close, like ‘oh my god how’ close...you? You got a tell, Lare-Bear...you lose heart and you resort to BS. Sometimes it works yo, it worked 8 times...but see you’re a parlor trick, Larry. Cheap <BLEEP>. And in the big spots, when it’s time for some Champion <BLEEP>?
Bert’s face cracks in a wide grin.
Bert McAlroy: Hell am I asking you for anyway? What do you know about Champ Sh<BLEEP>
Tact gets up holding his jaw, then takes the nearby steel steps clear off with a single kick. Whipping his hair around like a madman, he turns at some front row fans and rattles the guard railing while telling them to STFU. He then grabs the ropes and lifts himself back up onto the apron, fuming and ready to get back inside… but something clicks in his mind and he stops, letting himself back down. Larry backs up the ramp watching Bert, and a smile creeps its way across his face. He points at Bert and nods, smiling all the while. Gesturing with his hands, “Imma break you,” he nods and makes his exit.
---
Valentine vs. Dude WaLuigi
Valentine removes his jacket slowly proceeding by tossing it into the crowd and he runs down the ramp and slides into the ring and spears Dude WaLuigi out of the ring as the two fall out of the ring. V immediately grabs Dude and slams his head off the announcers table. He shakes his head and slams his head off the table again. His face blocking any emotion that could appear on his face as he grabs Dude's head and slams it repeatedly off the announcers table over and over and over again.
Lenny Brasco: Easy boys! We don’t sell announce tables on Level Up’s merchandise site yet!
Mary DeSue: Yet? Why would anyone WANT one?
Lenny Brasco: You’d be surprised how much money there is to be made in the announce table business!
Valentine finally pushes Dude back, revealing the busted up face, blood falling down his face as Valentine rips Dude's shirt and throws it on the ground before grabbing Dude WaLuigi and tossing him into the ring post face first. He then walks over to the time keepers area and grabs the ring bell. Keep in mind, the match hasn't officially started yet. Valentine walks back over to Dude WaLuigi and grabs him by the hair and forces him up. He then puts the bell against Dude's throat and smashes the bell into his throat. Valentine hands the bell back before the camera man turns back to Dude and sees he's now bleeding from the mouth. V grabs Dude by the throat and drags his body to the apron before forcing him to his feet and into the ring. Valentine slides in and tells the referee to ring the bell or he'll get what happened to Dude himself. The ref sighs and rings the bell. Valentine looks over at the motionless Dude WaLuigi and kneels beside him.
"Blade for your Valentine…."
Valentine holds his hand out then closes it to a fist. His pinky sticks out then his thumb before dragging his hand across the throat of Dude WaLuigi and picks him up to his feet. Valentine places Dude's head between his arm and body and places Dude's arm around his neck before lifting him up and then spiking him on his skull before covering him for the one, two, three.
Mr. Rad: Your winner is...VALENTINE!
Lenny Brasco: And that’s it! Wowzers!
Mary DeSue: Yep, Dude WaLuigi fails again. Big shock.
Valentine stands in the middle of the ring before the lights go out and the arena is pitch black. Then, a bright red "V" appears on the mat as we head to the next match.
---
Victoria Salinas vs. HIS MONSTER
HM and Victoria stare each other down from across the ring. HM looks as advertised, maybe even a little madder after coming up short at TFH. Salinas, the savvy veteran, decides to keep her distance as the two begin circling the ring. HM goes for a lock up, Salinas sidesteps and goes for a chop block...the big man eats it like a sandwich! He reaches down to snatch her but she rolls out of the ring!
Lenny Brasco: Smart play from Salinas there! She’s outmatched in size so she’s picking her spots.
Mary DeSue: And you can make the smart play by using the code VICTORIA at checkout!
Lenny Brasco: I don’t sound anything like that.
HM goes to pursue and Salinas nails a series of paintbrush strikes on the big man as he makes it to the floor. He reaches out to grab her but once more, she ducks his grasp and pays him a dropkick to the knee! HM stumbles but doesn’t go down. Salinas leaps on the apron, she’s feeling it...she charges and goes for a crossbody..HM CATCHES HER! FALLAWAY SLAM ON THE OUTSIDE!!
Mary DeSue: SPLAT!
Lenny Brasco: Yes, the Splat Network is one of our sponsors!
Mary DeSue: Well then we just gave them some nice corporate synergy!
Lenny Brasco: Synergy is the main show of UGWC, another of our affiliates!
Mary DeSue: I hate you.
HM rises slowly as the ref begins scolding them to get back in the ring. HM however isn’t satisfied as he lifts Salinas up and whips her toward the ringsteps...but she manages to catch herself! HM lets out a bellow and charges in, Victoria nails a drop toehold and the monster bashes his face into the steps!! The fans pop at Salinas’ heart! She rolls into the ring to break up the count, and this time scales the ropes, stalking the dazed HM.
Lenny Brasco: Salinas got him on the ropes now!
Mary DeSue: Well technically she’s on the ropes...
She crosses herself and BACKFLIP OFF THE TOP ROPE! SHE NAILS HM IN THE FACE WITH BOTH KNEES! BOTH OF THEM GO DOWN!! HM looks dazed, Victoria lets out a cry and favors one of her knees but the adrenaline is pumping! She tugs HM to his feet and rolls him into the ring, scrambling after him and diving for the pin! She hooks both the big man’s legs as ref Kirby dives in to count!
ONE!
HM kicks out with authority!! He gets to his feet dazed, his face contorted in anger as Salinas is on the offensive...Springboard dropkick!! HM stumbles more!! Salinas signals for the end! She bounces off the ropes, going for Vanity Breaker...BUT HM CATCHES HER! HE THROWS HER TO THE MAT AND BEGINS STOMPING ON HER...THEN DROPS DOWN AND BEGINS TO CHOKE HER BRAZENLY, BASHING HER HEAD AGAINST THE MAT! REF KIRBY GETS TO A 5 COUNT AND HM WON’T BREAK! HE CALLS FOR THE BELL, DISQUALIFYING HM!!
Mr. Rad: Your winner by disqualification is….VICTORIA SALINAS!
Mary DeSue: Wow!
Lenny Brasco: That’s what happens when you don’t follow the rules! It’s like not reading the terms and conditions before you click accept in our store’s privacy policy!
Mary DeSue: Monster living up to his name...I bet she’s glad just to get out of there, but she did take the fight to him!
Hearing the bell, HM lets Salinas go who rolls out, trying to catch her breath as HM backs Kirby into a corner, losing his shit...HE HAULS OFF AND PUNCHES REF KIRBY! HE BEGINS TO GROUND AND POUND THE OFFICIAL!! Salinas rolls in with a chair to save Kirby, blasting HM enough to get his attention! She makes a retreat after ducking a haymaker and security has hit the ring to restrain HM.
---
After the commercial break, HIS MONSTER is still in the ring, with security tending to him. He’s calmed down some, at least to the point he isn’t attacking anybody. Then, the lights cut out, the jumbotron goes bright white as the chord from “TNT” by AC/DC hits like a heart punch. A silhouette is standing in front of the screen. The arena lights return revealing Buster Gloves standing at the top of the ramp. The crowd erupts as Buster scans the audience. He has a mic in his hands. The music continues. HIS MONSTER approaches the center rope towards Gloves. The music fades and Buster Gloves soaks in the crowd noise.
Lenny Brasco: It’s Buster Gloves! The Bull of the North!
Mary DeSue: What the hell is he doing back out here? He just had a match. Nobody gets two scoops of ice cream on EXP. Lenny, remind me later to buy more ice cream.
MONSTER is visibly annoyed with Buster Gloves for interrupting.
Buster Gloves: MONSTER. My man. Impressive match bud. Can we talk?
HIS MONSTER cocky and confident, looks at Buster, then the fans (who are in anticipation of what this surprise appearance could mean), then at Salinas. MONSTER measures the temperature of the room before deciding how to react.
Lenny Brasco: What could Buster Gloves be up to here? The match belongs to HIS MONSTER, but something has brought Gloves to the stage. How will MONSTER react?
Mary DeSue: He seems like the kind of guy that only thinks about pineapple pizza and murder. Mmm… pizza. Can we get Door Dash to deliver ring side?
HIS MONSTER dips his head and extends a flat hand in a gesture for Buster to continue.
Buster Gloves: Great, now that it’s just us boys here. I want to make you a proposition. You and I have a lot in common. We both are cage fighters. We both were signed by the company during the same week. We both came here looking for a war, but we weren’t given what we were promised were we? You won a match against the window-licker twins and someone half your size. So what? Neither of those matches meant anything to you, did they? You need a challenge. You need a challenger that is willing to go to war with you. The crowd doesn’t want to see you up against soft and under-sized opponents week after week. Do you Garland?
The crowd moans disapproval at the idea.
Buster Gloves: I want you to fight me. I want to see what kind of MONSTER you really are. And I want these fans to know that we are two of the most dangerous men in Level Up Wrestling. What do you say Garland? Is that a match you’d like to see?
The crowd is still lukewarm on the idea.
Buster Gloves: Not interesting enough? How about this? BUSTER GLOVES versus HIS MONSTER, at FINAL FANTASY, in a FALLS-COUNT-ANYWHERE SCAFFOLD MATCH? How about that?!
The crowd explodes with excitement at the mention of the rare, but dangerous scaffold match stipulation. HIS MONSTER stays laser focused on Buster Gloves and seems undeterred.
Lenny Brasco: A scaffold match?! Are those even legal in the lower 48 states?
Mary DeSue: Pretty sure they are as long as they don’t include any exotic fruits or vegetables.
Buster Gloves: MONSTER? What do you say? You want to put up some scaffolding, so we can tear the house down, or what?
Buster shrugs. MONSTER doesn’t react.
Buster Gloves: Sleep on it. Get back to me when you’ve had some time to think it over.
“TNT” by AC/DC plays again. Gloves raises his gloved fist to the crowd before bat-flipping the microphone to the stage and disappearing back through the tunnel. HIS MONSTER is left breathing smoke from his spot in the center of the ring.
Lenny Brasco: Will we get to see Buster Gloves vs. HIS MONSTER at Final Fantasy? Has the Developer even approved this match? What is HIS MONSTER going to do? How will Salinas react to this rude intrusion? So many unanswered questions. One thing is for sure though, the build up to the year’s final pay-per-view is going to be insane!
Mary DeSue: Seriously, if I don’t eat something in the next five minutes, I’m going to eat your face off. Put…food…in…ma…belly!
---
Duncan Shepard vs. Diamond Steele
Duncan and Diamond lock up with Duncan getting an instant advantage with a drop step and a go behind, he lifts diamond into a backdrop driver but she manages to flip through and land on her feet! Duncan stumbles turning to meet her and eats a gorgeous standing dropkick The power champ stumbles into the ropes, Diamond goes to pursue and Duncan suddenly fires off with a giant Lariat that turns her inside out!
Lenny Brasco: I understand Miss Diamond has had a hard time in Level Up so far, but it seems Duncan isn’t taking it easy on her!
Mary DeSue: Ol’ Dunc is just mad he lost to Bert. Which, I mean...fair.
Duncan picks her up, whipping her into the ropes and going for another but Diamond ducks it and takes the power champion down with a neckbreaker! She runs to the ropes, springboards off and crashes down with a big leg drop! She dives onto the Power Champ and hooks the leg, going for the early upset!!
ONE!
TWO!!
Duncan kicks out! Diamond stays on the attack, yanking him up..but Duncan breaks her grip and nails her with a thunderous elbow. And then A KROGAN HANDSHAKE! And another! And another! Damond is out on her feet as Duncan charges the ropes, bounces off them and charges back in with a BIOTIC CHARGE that almost cuts Diamond in half!! Duncan sits up, staring out at the audience as they cheer.
Lenny Brasco: Our bloodthirsty fans sure approve of violence!
Mary DeSue: Well, I mean...it’s a wrestling show.
Lenny Brasco: This isn’t an infomercial?
Duncan seems to be determined to make a point as he walks to a corner and crouches, waiting for Diamond to eventually get to her feet. She does so using the ropes and turns into Duncan nailing another BIOTIC CHARGE!! He isn’t done yet though, as he lifts Diamond up and ….REAPERS BANE!!! The power champion hooks the leg deep as he pins Diamond.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner, the Level Up Wrestling POWER Champion, Duncan Shepard!
Lenny Brasco: Seriously, this isn’t an infomercial? Then what the heck am I doing here? I was a Youth Pastor before this!
Mary DeSue: What? How? Why? Ugh, let’s go to a break please.
---
Thomas McAllister vs ‘Queen Machine’ Jenny
Jenny begins the match on all fours, patiently observing McAllister from the centre of the ring. In an effort to show he’s undeterred, McAllister bounces off the ropes and looks for an elbow drop on Jenny - but she immediately handstands and connects with a JENNYCUNRANA! The rana plants Thomas on his head, and he bounces up, looking for a clothesline but no! Jenny catches him with an arm-drag! And another! The third time Jenny nails McAllister with a low-dropkick and connects an x-factor facebuster - BOW DOWN!
Lenny Brasco: Jenny’s bringing a fast pace to this one, catching McAllister unaware!
Mary DeSue: I bet you’re enjoying this!
Lenny Brasco: I am, as long as she stays in the ring and away from the commentary table. They might pair you with Mr. Rad next time!
Shaken but undeterred, McAllister fights back, pushing Jenny away as she tries to lift him up and connecting a kick to her leg. He continues to target the limb with repeated kicks...only for Jenny to begin to smile! She eggs McAllister on, telling him to keep hitting her! Freaked out, McAllister continues with his kicks, only to be rocked back by a open-hand chop - BITCHSLAP! McAllister clutches his chest in pain and Jenny uncorks another brutal chop! McAllister responds, again throwing out another leg kick, but it barely seems to phase Jenny! The two go back and forth with kicks and chops, but the slaps begin to slowly overwhelm McAllister, whose chest is now turning red!
Lenny Brasco: That looks NASTY.
Mary DeSue: Jenny definitely looks like more of a dom Lenny, better take some notes!
Lenny Brasco: Are you implying I’m the sub?!
Mary DeSue: Well...I wasn’t but it’s adorable that you immediately went to that.
Lenny Brasco: ...Let’s just move on, there’s people fighting over there.
McAllister manages to duck one of the chops and catches Jenny with a knee to the midsection. He lands an elbow to Jenny’s head, then whips her into the corner. He follows up with a hard back elbow, then wraps his arms around Jenny and lifts her into a release german suplex - WATCH YOUR HEAD! Wait, NO! Unbeknownst to McAllister, Jenny has landed on her feet! She instantly drops to all fours, and when McAllister turns around, he’s immediately spooked! McAllister charges but Jenny rolls under him. He leaps over her, bounces off the ropes, and is immediately hit with THE CROWNING!! Queen Machine then wraps her legs around McAllister’s head and locks in the QUEEN’S GAMBIT! Applying an immense amount of pressure to McAllister’s head and throat, Jenny squeezes the air out of him. The ref checks on McAllister and sees that he’s out. He calls for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...QUEEENN MACHINEEE, JENNY!!
Lenny Brasco: An impressive performance by Jenny, she made light work of McAllister there.
Mary DeSue: She’ll stop at nothing to get that Courage title, and honestly I hope she removes it from the filthy waist of Bert! Is he even champion? I don’t know! He shouldn’t be!
Lenny Brasco: Impartial as ever, Mary.
Mary DeSue: What can I say, the people need to hear the truth.
---
Nocturne vs. Kat Jones
Kat and Nocturne go to lock up with the rookie surprising the veteran Kat with a sudden armdrag! She goes to capitalize but Kat fights to a vertical base quickly and reverses the wrist control, torquing on the wristlock until Nocturne shows off her athleticism by using the ropes to backflip out of it, breaking the grip Kat had with a palm strike. She charges in, right into a big clothesline from Kat Jones that turns her inside out.
Lenny Brasco: I understand Miss Nocturne has one win here in Level Up, so she’s not someone to take lightly!
Mary DeSue: Yeah, she beat a guy. But so did Dude WaLuigi. EVERYBODY GETS ONE.
Kat looks down at the rookie with a mix of surprise and honest admiration for the effort. She still lifts her up long enough to take her back down with a snap suplex, she rolls her hips and gets to her feet, yanking Nocturne with her and nails a second snap suplex. This time, Kat kips to her feet and bounces off the ropes, leaping up into the air and nailing Nocturne with a big knee drop across the face. She goes for the pin
ONE!
TWO!
WAIT NOCTURNE ROLLS KAT! CRUCIFIX PIN!
ONE!
TWO!!
THR--NO!!
Lenny Brasco: Almost an upset! Speaking of upsets, our line of Nicky Skylar merchandise is still on clearance! For 99 cents a t-shirt, you’re gonna be upset if you don’t STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!
Mary DeSue: I don’t even think the iron is lukewarm in that case.
Kat kicks out with more effort than she’d have liked, the two women scramble to their feet only for Nocturne to be starched with a discus elbow then a crisp roundhouse that rocks her. Finally Kat leaps and nails an Enziguri! Nocturne is down on the mat and Kat goes to lock in the the WildKat but Nocturne rolls her up once more with a small package! The rookie wants this win!!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!!
Lenny Brasco: She escaped that pinfall like Jonah escaped the whale!
Mary DeSue: Are you back on that youth pastor stuff?
Lenny Brasco: I had a life once...Oh god…
Kat kicks out and instantly is upon Nocturne, lifting her up and nailing a stiff european uppercut! She’s done playing around it seems! She nails Nocturne with the DEAD END swinging neckbreaker!! Then lifts her and...FREAKED OUT! Snap DDT! SHES NOT DONE! Kat Jones lifts the groggy Nocturne and sets her up...KATASTROPHE!! Kat Jones rises slowly, in no hurry. She places a boot on Nocturne
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner...KAT JONES!
Lenny Brasco: A furious fight from the frisky feline resorts in a...fictory.
Mary DeSue: FICTORY? Did you hit your head before you came out here. Can we..
The show cuts to another ad break.
---
Bert McAlroy vs .Joey Crash
As Bert has his back turned, handing his Triforce Title off to the ring announcer, Joey pounces! He unleashes a series of rights and lefts to the back of McAlroy, causing the Triforce champion to fall to one leg. The bell rings, officially starting the match, and Crash continues to pound on Bert’s back. Bracing Bert against the ropes, Joey whips him across the ring. As Bert rebounds he goes for a clothesline but Crash ducks it and cradles him into an armtrap neckbreaker! Crash hurriedly makes the pin, looking for a quick victory!
ONE!
Bert kicks out.
Lenny Brasco: I AM FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW! And Crash flaunting the rules to keep Bert on the back foot thus far.
Mary DeSue: I feel like Joey lacked conviction on that pin...one more time with feeling!
Unbothered, Crash keeps up the pace, unleashing a series of stomps on McAlroy! He targets his back with vicious strikes, but Bert manages to crawl to the ropes and force Ref Kirby into action. The ref tries to intervene by Joey shoves him away! Lucky to not get disqualified for putting his hands on the official, Crash proceeds do stand on Bert’s back. He uses the ropes to pull backwards and apply maximum pressure on McAlroy’s spine! Ref Kirby begins his count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
Crash breaks the hold just before the count of five and is scolded by Ref Pliskin for flaunting the rules.
Lenny Brasco: Pliskin’s laying down the law.
Mary DeSue: Either that or he forgot what comes after four.
Lenny Brasco: You’d expect that counting to three and five would be key skills for becoming a ref.
Mary DeSue: Pfft. If that’s true, then I could do it.
Lenny Brasco: Don’t make me quiz you on times tables.
The two begin arguing, with fingers being pointed and voices being raised! Suddenly the argument is broken up by Bert, who decks Joey with BONG WATER! The previously cocky Crash hits the mat hard, but Bert is already screaming for him to get to his feet. He does, only to groggily stumble right into another BONG WATER! Somehow this isn’t enough for Bert, who once again begs his opponent to rise instead of pinning him. It takes a little longer this time but the stunned Englishman does find his feet. Bert completes the trifecta of BONG WATERS - NO! REF DOWN! Ref Pliskin, having been pulled into harm’s way by Joey, takes the full brunt of the superkick! Bert stares at Pliskin with genuine remorse, but the brief moment allows Crash to take the initiative. He rocks Bert with a spinning backfist from behind, then plants him with a snap suplex! Crash makes the cover, but Pliskin is incapacitated!
Mary DeSue: You knocked the ref out, dummy!
Lenny Brasco: You’ve gotta admit, it was a crafty counter though.
Mary DeSue: Not sure Iroquois would agree with you there, Lenny.
Frustrated, Crash goes over to Kirby and tries to shake some life into him. It looks like Pliskin is out cold, Joey gives up on raising him. He turns around, right into a springboard superman punch - GIVE HER THE BERT! The blow staggers Crash, and Bert takes advantage, planting him with a DDT! Bert stands and looks out into the crowd, who are going wild for him. He looks at Joey, then at Kirby who is still down, then back again. As Crash makes it up to his knees, Bert signals to the crowd who know what’s coming next. He uncorks a stiff round kick to Crash’s chest, which the crowd chants along with - BITCH!
BITCH!
BITCH!
BITCH!
Lenny Brasco: Probably one of the most un-PC chants here in Level Up!
Mary DeSue: Oh Lenny, is it too risque for you?
Lenny Brasco: Well they wouldn’t allow that kinda talk in Oshkosh, Wisconsin at my ministry!
Mary DeSue: I will hit you.
Bert keels back to unleash another brutal Maximum Effort kick to Crash’s chest, but Joey slumps forward and faceplants on the mat. This draws jeers from the crowd and Berts chuckles to himself. He grabs Joey and pulls him up...ONLY TO BE DRILLED WITH A LOW BLOW! Ref Kirby is still incapacitated so Crash gets away with the dirty move! Bert collapses and rolls around on the canvas clutching his crotch. This gives Joey time to recover from the brutal beating, and he manages to climb up with the assistance of the ropes. A wicked look spreads across his face and he begins stomping his foot on the mat. Bert eventually gets back up, and Crash pounces - BONG WATER BY CRASH!! McAlroy goes down like a sack of potatoes from his own signature move, and Joey covers him. Fortunately for him, Ref Pliskin is finally getting to his senses. He crawls over to slowly make the count.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
THR-NO! Bert kicks out!
Lenny Brasco: Could you imagine if Bert was pinned after being hit with his own move?!
Mary DeSue: Yeah...how terrible…
Lenny Brasco: You could at least try and sound sincere.
Mary DeSue: Ugh I can’t deny it, that would have been the ultimate humiliation right there!
Cash slams his hands on the mat, unable to believe that he couldn’t get the three there. He begins to yell at Ref Pliskin, who ignores him. Joey rolls his eyes and once again starts stomping his foot on the mat, going for Bong Water number 2! Bert slowly gets up and Crash pounces - BONG WATER...NO! Bert grabs his foot and spins him around into a vicious clothesline! Joey bounces off the mat and manages to get back up again only to be met with a kick to the gut. Bert grabs Crash’s arms, looking to turn him around into the MCALDESTROYER 2.0...NO! Crash counters into a backslide pin!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...JOEYYYY CRASHHH!!
Mary DeSue: WHAT?!?!
Lenny Brasco: A stunning upset by Joey! Almost as stunning as these new JOEY CRASH SUNGLASSES! You won’t care about CRASHing into things when you wear these sunglasses at night! Only 39.99 in our shop!
Mary DeSue: I mean...I was rooting for him...but I didn’t think it would actually happen.
Lenny Brasco: I thought you’d be more excited.
Mary DeSue: I’m more stunned!
Bert rolls over and looks at Kirby, completely stunned. Joey Crash is already on his way out of the ring, keen to high-tail it before anyone can question his victory. He celebrates on the ramp as the crowd are quiet in a stunned silence.
---
Dominique Moriarty vs. Dionysus
The match starts off with Dionysus and Moriarty looking each other over. The two circle around, not locking up, but looking over each other. Moriarty licks her lips at Dionysus, who smirks curiously at her. Moriarty drops to her knee's and spreads her arms out at Dionysus who pauses for a moment to enjoy the display...before Moriarty whips her arm around and clips Dionysus' legs out from under him!
Lenny Brasco: She got the Lord of the Vine thinking with...um..
Mary DeSue: His vine!
Moriarty gets up quickly and kicks Dionysus in the back of the head sending him face first down to the mat. She runs to the ropes as Dionysus starts to get up. She bounces off the ropes and as Dionysus is fully on his feet he gets taken down again by Moriarty hitting a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors Takedown!! Dionysus doesn't know which was is up as he hits the mat hard. He rolls onto his stomach as Moriarty gets up and sashays over to the turnbuckle and climbs up to the second rope. As Dionysus get up on his knee's Moriarty takes to the sky coming down with a Springboard Curbstomp! She grabs Dionysus by the back of the head and makes a kissy face at him as she slams his head back into the mat hard. Moriarty climbs up to the third rope and launches herself into the air as Dionysus turns over onto his back only to get the wind knocked out of him with a seated senton!
Lenny Brasco: Moriarty wants her first win in this round robin! You can tell. She’s really pounding away in there!
Mary DeSue: She’s really hammering him right now!
Lenny Brasco: A few more thrusts and she might get some release!
Mary DeSue: A win is hard work, but you can tell she really wants to grind away and get it.
Moriarty grabs Dionysus and lifts him up. A bit dazed and slightly distracted, he isn't quick enough to get out of the setup for the Russian Legsweep! Moriarty turns Dionysus over and slides onto his chest for a cover.
One...
Kickout by Dionysus followed by a slap to the face from Moriarty! She grabs Dionysus and lifts him up and tosses him into the turnbuckle post. He runs forward a bit and she catches him in "Flight of the Green Faery" and Dionysus lands with his neck hitting the second rope. He leans on the ropes as Moriarty runs forward hitting a 619 to the face of Dionysus! She walks over and picks Dionysus up and tosses him into the ropes..."Absinthe’s Hellfire"!!! She waits for a few moments posing to the crowd, who boo her actions, as Dionysus gets to his feet. She grabs him and tosses him into the ropes. Kick the gut of Dionysus. She turns to hit a jawbreaker, but Dionysus grabs her and spins her around. He grabs her by the throat. This stops the action for a brief moment and he picks her up high...CHOKESLAM!!!
Lenny Brasco: I bet she’s not used to being choked!
Mary DeSue: How do you figure that?
Lenny Brasco: Well, this is the first time he’s choked her in the match.
Dionysus doesn't waste his momentum as he picks up Moriarty and winks at her as he tosses her into the ropes. "Round of Applause"!! Not going for the cover after the moonsault, Dionysus picks up Moriarty and tosses her into the corner..."Hands of Aggression"! He pulls Moriarty to the center of the ring and slaps in "The First Act". Once he has the pentagram choke in he yells if Moriarty wants to tap. Referee Kirby goes to check. She screams out in...well...it's not pain. Unsettled a bit by this Dionysus shifts to "The Second Act" and still the same result. Moriarty does not tap, but is slowly losing her momentum. Dionysus lets go and calls for the end of this. He waits for Moriarty to start to get up. He blows her a kiss and kicks her in the gut..."Final Curtain"!! Cover...
One...
Two...
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: The winner of this bout..."The Lord of the Vine" Dionysus!
Dionysus gets out of the ring after his hand is raised and looks back at Moriarty. He bows to her and starts to head to the back while Moriarty looks questionably at "The Lord of The Vine".
Lenny Brasco: I can’t help but feel that The Ring Mistress is suffering from a case of victory dysfunction!
Mary DeSue: I heard they made a pill for that.
Lenny Brasco: If your victories last longer than four hours, contact your physician!
Mary DeSue: I think we need to contact YOUR physician.
---
Larry Tact vs. Lord Raab
Larry Tact actually stops to offer a handshake to Lord Raab, who refuses it proving there really is no honor among thieves. The two then lock up, with the monster forcing Tact back into the far right corner. He presses him into the pads just to assert dominance, breathing heavily, and referee Iroquois Pliskin gets in the middle and forces a break. Raab slowly backs off and then cheap shots Tact with a strike to the throat. Raab then yanks him forward by the hair and hits a release vertical suplex, before Tact rolls to the outside to regroup.
Lenny Brasco: I think, this Lord Raab character just showed a COMPLETE lack of respect for his opponent!
Mary DeSue: I like his style! I mean, not literally his style, he looks awful, but you get it.
Lenny Brasco: He'd look better in official Level Up merchandise!
Raab follows after Tact and just for fun, grabs at his hair and yanks some of it out before tossing Tact with a biel into the ringpost! Tact smashes into the post face-first and then flies off to hit the ground with a thud. Raab then scoops Tact up, who is not a small man, and rolls him inside the ring with relative ease. He then drops down for a pinfall attempt...
ONE!
TWO! No! Only two. Raab picks up Tact and tosses him into the ropes, catches him on the way back and hits a BELLY TO BELLY suplex, but doesn't release his grip, choosing to hold Tact in a sitting bearhug!
Lenny Brasco: It seems that Raab is choosing to work the ribcage after previously attacking the face and throat! Curious strategy.
Mary DeSue: ...Maybe he's just beating up everything?
Tact lets out a bellow and begins to lay in hammerfists to the masked head of his opponent. It dazes Raab just enough that Tact is able to inch forward and get the toe of his boot on the ropes, which forces a break from Pliskin. Tact, however, is slow to get up and Raab takes advantage by driving a knee into the small of the back. This forces Tact back outside, holding his abdomen. Raab follows, and so Tact attempts some clubbing blows, but the wind is knocked out of him again by Raab, who promptly biels him into the security barrier.
Lenny Brasco: I think it's safe to say you hardly ever see Larry Tact fight from underneath. Maybe Mr. McAlroy is in his head?
Mary DeSue: Bert McAlroy as a champion while this PHYSICAL SPECIMEN that is Larry Tact is not. That's something that should throw anyone off their game.
Raab rolls Tact back into the ring and covers...
ONE!
TWO!
No! Another two. Raab doesn't seem frustrated, however. He then lifts up Tact in a waistlock and hits a German suplex. Then another. The crowd boos, not really cheering Tact but not approving of Raab either, and as Raab takes a moment to look out at them, Tact takes advantage and stomps on the foot of the Monster to break his grip, then spins around and hits a HUMBLING Uranage! Both men are down.
Lenny Brasco: Hot dog! Out of nowhere with that Humbling!
Mary DeSue: Tacty baby break da jabroni's back, make him humble!
Lenny Brasco: Huh?
Mary DeSue: I don't know. I ate edibles again before calling another match with you.
Tact is back up and Raab starts to rise himself, so Tact kicks him in the shin and hits a Kickswing DDT! While Raab is holding his head, Tact finally takes a moment to breathe, but doesn't take his eye off of his opponent. Raab is up as well and attempts a European uppercut, but Tact grabs the wrist and executes a short-arm clothesline. He then runs off the ropes and tries a lariat, but Raab ABSORBS the blow and then wraps a big gloved hand around the throat of Tact. He lifts him up for a chokeslam but Tact drives the point of his elbow into the top of Raab's skull. He then picks the big man up and slams him back down with a spinebuster!
Lenny Brasco: It seems this youngster Larry Tact got his second wind and is taking the fight to the European. Holy Mackerel!
Mary DeSue: Youngster?
Raab is back up already, refusing to stay down, so Tact tosses him into the ropes with a Irish Whip. Or rather he attempts to, but Raab reverses it and flings Tact into a turnbuckle. Tact connects hard and staggers backward, before Raab smashes him back into the turnbuckles with a corner clothesline. Raab then ducks his head and hits a shoulder thrust to the back and ribs of Tact, but Tact gets a mule kick that connects with the jaw of Raab. He then spins around and hits the TACTILIZER, before picking Raab up and following with the STARBREAKER! And the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...LARRY TACT!
Lenny Brasco: And Mr. Tact gets himself another point in the round robin, although he's still going to need one of the other two top scorers to suffer a loss before he gets first choice.
Mary DeSue: Round robins are confusing. I hope the Developer is keeping track of it.
Tact stares down at Raab for a moment, before rolling under the ropes and heading to the back.
---
Ciela Luiz vs. Ahmya
The Level Up faithful begin to chant for Ahmya before the bell rings and she immediately locks up with Ciela. Ahmya backs Luiz into the corner on the initial lockup, and breaks clean. They lock up again, and Luiz goes for a waistlock, but Ahmya elbows her away. Ahmya hits a shoulderblock, and then poses in the center of the ring in a similar style to how Bert does. Luiz makes her pay for it with a knee to the gut and throws some forearms. Luiz whips Ahmya across the ring, but Ahmya comes back with a clothesline and Luiz goes to the floor to regroup.
Lenny Brasco: Both of these two seem evenly matched so far.
Mary DeSue: It's still early. Give Luiz some time! She's just getting warmed up!
Ahmya follows Luiz, who begins to take off in a sprint. Ahmya chases her and she slides into the ring, catching Ahmya as she also tries to get in with repeated stomps. She picks up Ahmya and attempts an irish whip, but Ahmya reverses and hits a snap DDT, then the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
No! Ciela gets the shoulder up. Ahmya lifts her opponent up and backs her into the corner, before nailing he with an elbow. Ahmya backs up and charges, but Luiz manages to get a boot up, then waits for her opponent to turn around before hitting a dropkick!
Lenny Brasco: And now the tide turns in favor of the former Time Jumper!
Mary DeSue: But technically, she isn't a Time Jumper yet because she wasn't born yet?
Lenny Brasco: Be sure to buy our new Idiot's Guide to Time Travel book for more information!
Mary DeSue: That one's not even real!
Luiz tries for another Irish whip but Ahmya reverses it again, then hits an arm drag. Luiz stands up, holding her back, and Ahmya clotheslines her to the floor. Ahmya follows and then throws Luiz into the guardrail. She then throws her back into the ring. Ahmya climbs up on the apron and Luiz nails a shoulder thrust. She grabs Ahmya for a suplex and Ahmya blocks it. Luiz tries again but Ahmya blocks again, so Luiz drops down to the mat snapping Ahmya's throat across the top rope, causing her to spill to the floor. Luiz steps out onto the apron and dives at Ahmya, but Ahmya moves and Luiz hits the guardrail! Ahmya charges and hits a knee lift smashing Luiz between the guardrail and Ahmya's knee. She then rolls Luiz back in and goes for a quick cover.
ONE!
TWO!
No! Luiz kicks out.
Back in the ring, Luiz begs off, then pokes Ahmya in the eyes and throws her shoulder first into the ringpost. Luiz hits a boot to the face, and Ahmya falls to the floor. Luiz then tackles Ahmya on the floor and begins to lay in a series of right hands! She then climbs up on the announce table and jumps off with a flying punch, just for the hell of it. Ciela hoists up Ahmya and rolls her back inside, then covers...
ONE!
TWO!
TH...NO! The Multiplayer champion gets out of it!
Lenny Brasco: This is turning into another dogfight for Ciela, and you know she wouldn't enjoy another draw!
Mary DeSue: Who would? Draws suck.
Luiz catapults Ahmya into the middle rope, then chokes her against the bottom rope. She gets back up to her feet and smirks, feeling things are now going her way. Ahmya tries to get up and Luiz hits another dropkick, then a standing elbow drop. She drops two more elbows and makes the cover...
ONE!
TWO!
THR--NO! Ahmya is out again!
Ciela gets frustrated now and looks up top, where she signals that she is gonna try the Unicorn Horn! She climbs up and steadies herself, but suddenly Ahmya SPRINGS UP THE ROPES TO THE TOP AND GRABS HER...flipping her back into the ring with a top rope hurricanrana!! Ahmya gets to her feet first as Luiz tries to shake off the cobwebs, then begins to wrap her up in the Oyasuminasai! Luiz, having just landed hard on her neck and back, suddenly has Ahmya's body weight on top of her and nowhere to go! She struggles and tries to inch to the ropes, but Ahmya wrenches on the hold and Luiz taps out!!
Mr. Rad: Your winner of the match....AHMYA!!!
Lenny Brasco: And there you have it. Ahmya is THREE AND OH in the Round Robin!
Mary DeSue: God I hate her. She likes Bert so I hate her. How could anyone like that freak?
Lenny Brasco: I don't know! I'm straight edge!
Mary's coca-cola zero then comes out of her nose at the revelation as we cut back to the ring. Ahmya is up and celebrating her victory. We then cut to an ad break, courtesy of RayCon earbuds!
---
The crowd rumbles waiting for the next match to begin. “Carry On Wayward Son” starts playing, and the crowd starts to cheer. It’s too early for Eli to come out. His match isn’t up yet, but the crowd don’t care as Eli Goode walks out in jeans, a t-shirt, and his leather jacket on. He smiles as he walks down the ramp. He gives some fans high fives and makes his way to the ring. He waves at the audience letting them know he hears them. He looks over to the timekeeper and requests a microphone. Once he is handed one, he smiles.
Eli Goode: Heeeeellloooooooo, Garland, Texaaaaasssss!!!!!!
The crowd goes nuts. He chuckles to himself as he tries to find the words to continue.
Eli Goode: It is true. You say the name of the city you’re in, and they go nuts. Haha, this is great. Now, you all know that I’m not someone to do backstage interviews or come out here and talk to you all. I’m all business when I get in the arena. I focus on the match that’s ahead of me, but I needed to tell you all something. Something that’s important to all of you.
The crowd starts to hush as Eli’s smile starts to fade away. He nods and resumes talking to the crowd.
Eli Goode: You see, I’ve been fighting hurt for a while. My left-arm was broken in that steel cage match with Jack Michaels and…
The crowd starts to boo, but Eli starts to hush them.
Eli Goode: No, no don’t boo him. He and I squashed our beef after he realized what he did to my arm. He came to the hospital personally and apologized for all of it, and I apologized to him for what I did to him. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I wrestled with a cast on my arm, and I continued to wrestle after it was removed. Now, at Tri-Force Heroes, I fought my heart out to try and win the Final Boss Championship, but I came up short. I wasn’t able to beat Magdalena.
There are some cheers at the mention of the Final Boss Champion. Eli smirks and nods.
Eli Goode: Yes, cheer for the champ. She did what she was supposed to do. She defended the belt. However, ever since that match, my arm has been in pain. It hasn’t fully recovered yet. So, after Don, Donny, and I beat The Faction tonight, I’m going to be taking the rest of the year off.
Some of the crowd start to boo, but Eli settles them down.
Eli Goode: Look, I know it sucks, but I need to do this. I need to be able to make sure that I’m 100%. If I don’t, I may have to be put on the shelf for a long time. I may have to miss out the entire year. That nearly happened after I initially broke my arm. I wanted to make sure that I’m good to go for next year. That way, I can come back and finally win the Final Boss Championship next year.
The crowd starts to cheer again. Eli smiles and doesn’t quiet them down.
Eli Goode: That’s right. I need to make sure that I can come back and beat either Magdalena Lockheart or Bert McAlroy next year for the Final Boss Championship. So, I’m going to miss all of you after the main event, but just know when I come back, the Final Boss Championship is finally going to be mine.
He drops the microphone as “Carry On Wayward Son” starts playing again. He lifts up his arms as the crowd cheers for him again. Goode waits around for his partners and opponents to enter the ring for the main event.
---
The Faction vs. Eli Goode, Donny Mason & Don Tirri
As the bell rings we see Mason start off for his team as Wilcox comes in. Mason looks to square up to him, but Wilcox points to Goode. He wants Eli! He mouths that the camera can hear "I'm gonna break your damn arm for good!", and as he says this Mason looks over at his corner. Goode and Tirri shrug and Mason nods and he rushes forward and clotheslines Wilcox! Wilcox goes down for a moment as Donny starts stomping on Wilcox. Wilcox scurries towards his corner and tags in Drake! Donny, for one of the few times in his life, looks up into the eyes of the seven footer who starts trash talking Mason before both of them start throwing hands! The battle of the big men starts off with thunderous lefts and rights as the crowd gets to their feet. Mason charges forward after ducking a shot from Drake and wraps his arms around Drake putting the bigger man in a bear hug and lifting the four hundred pounder. Drake screams out and bring down those tree trunk like arms of his right onto the neck of Mason breaking the hold. Drake runs to the ropes and clips Mason in the face with a big boot to the face! Drake grabs Mason and drags him over to "The Faction's" corner and tags in ISSAC! ISSAC grabs Mason and hits a Release German Suplex towards the corner as Drake rushes forward clotheslining the back of Mason's head causing a whiplash effect! ISSAC then tags in Wilcox who drags Mason to the center of the ring and locks him in a figure four leglock in the center of the ring. The whole time yelling at Goode and Tirri while he's got the hold locked in.
Lenny Brasco: He’s gonna need some HEATY ICE when that’s all over!
Mary DeSue: That’s the generic version of Icy Hot, isn’t it.
Lenny Brasco: THEY ARE OUR SPONSOR!
Mary DeSue: How many <BLEEP>ing sponsors do we have? Are they even real? Did you make them up? I am way too stoned for this!
Mason is screaming in pain as Wilcox keeps the figure four held on. Mason looks up to his dad, Tirri, who mouths out "Well! Get out of it!", and then Mason turns to see Wilcox and leans forward decking Wilcox in the jaw! Wilcox still grapples onto the hold, but that gives Mason enough time and leverage to in Goode! Goode runs in and hits a shotgun dropkick into the face of James Wilcox. Drake and ISSAC get into the ring and here comes Tirri as the match degenerates into a Brawl! ISSAC rushes at Tirri, ISSAC going for a clothesline, but gets Back Body Dropped over the top rope by Tirri. Goode grabs Wilcox and tosses him into the corner and starts wailing on him with kicks. Drake reaches down to the downed Mason, and picks him up with a double handed chokeslam! Drake yells something at Mason for a moment only to turn and get hit in the head by a leaping headbutt by Tirri to the face sending the big man flat on his butt. Tirri runs to the ropes and comes off hitting "The Boot" to send Drake rolling to the outside. Tirri and Mason get out of the ring as Goode continues to beat down Wilcox. Stopping for one minute to taunt the crowd as he kicks Wilcox again! He whips Wilcox out of the corner and towards the ropes. Wilcox bounces off the ropes and gets taken down by a hurricanrana from Goode!
Lenny Brasco: Mr. Goode may be taking time off after this, but he’s giving the fans a show!
Mary DeSue: And trying to win, which is the most important part.
ISSAC and Drake get back to their corner as Mason and Tirri are standing at theirs on the outside as Goode picks up Wilcox and tosses him into the ropes. Goode goes for a clothesline and Wilcox leaps up and grabs Goode's left arm! ARMBAR! INTO A CROSSFACE!! Goode goes down and screams in agony as Wilcox locks it in and screams as he keeps pulling and pulling on the shoulder of Goode. We hear a sickening POP!...
Wilcox breaks the hold and gets in Goode's face as Goode rolls on the mat screaming. Goode gets up to his knee's holding his now dislocated left shoulder. Wilcox yells at Tirri and Mason that they're next as Goode crawls to the neutral corner. Goode looks at the corner post and lets out a roar...POP!
Lenny Brasco: HE JUST LETHAL WEAPONED HIMSELF!
Mary DeSue: Well good because I was just about to say I’m too old for this sh...stuff.
His left arm shaking as Eli Goode's shoulder has been relocated back into socket and looks right at Wilcox who scowls. "COME ON!!" Goode yells as Wilcox charges at him. THEZ PRESS!! Wilcox is down! Goode rolls off of him and tags Tirri! Wilcox gets up and tags in ISSAC! Tirri rushes in and starts wailing on ISSAC as Goode turns to get clotheslined out of the ring by Wilcox who follows over the ropes! Both men are down on the outside. ISSAC swings at Tirri, Tirri grabs ISSAC by the arms..."Morning After"!! Tirri drops ISSAC. He tags in Mason. Mason leaps off the second rope with "Tribute"! Mason picks up ISSAC..."Rack-O-Matic"!! Drake gets into the ring and charges at Mason, but Mason gets out of the way as...DON TIRRI COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A BIG BOOT TO THE FACE OF THE SEVEN FOOTER!! Drake stumbles over the top rope! Wilcox tries to get back into the ring, but is chopped from behind by a right arm chop block from Eli Goode!! ISSAC TAPS!!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winners...The team of Eli Goode, Don Tirri, and Donny Mason!!!
Goode gets back into the ring just as Mason tosses ISSAC out on the rampway. The three stand strong with their right arms held up as Eli holds his left shoulder. Wilcox screams at ISSAC and Drake as they both get up. Wilcox screams into the camera that "This isn't over!" as we cut to ringside.
Lenny Brasco: Goode gets one hell of a win to end the year with, and we’ll see him next year!
Mary DeSue: Yeah, and more importantly TEAM THICCI WINS!
---
"1stp Klosr" by Linkin Park plays over the arena pa speakers and after a few moments of intro, Magdalena Lockheart steps through the curtain and out on the stage. She is met by a strong mixed reaction from the crowd. After pausing for a few moments to soak in the moment, Maggie readjusts the championship belt that she has draped over her shoulder and walks down to the ring. Her ribs are still heavily taped.
Mary DeSue: Oh god, just when I thought I could get through a show without her... ugh.
Lenny Brasco: Ladies and gentlemen, it seems as if our "Final Boss" Champion is making her way down to the ring. We’re friends. She used to talk to me all the time.
Mary DeSue: No <Bleep> sherlock, we all have eyes. She's not scheduled to compete here tonight, so why couldn't she do us all a favor and just stay away?!
Lenny Brasco: That's not fair. That's our company champion. Besides, don't you follow Maggie on Twitter?
Mary DeSue: I have her muted.
Lenny Brasco: Oh. Well, she tweeted out two weeks ago that she'd be here to address her opponent for Final Fantasy, which would be the Triforce Champion Bert McAlroy of course, so let's see what she has to say.
Lockheart steps through the ropes, albeit gingerly, and asks for a microphone. She asks for her music to be cut, but still has to wait for the audience noise to die down.
Maggie Lockheart: Thank you. Thank you. Texas... Level Up nation... how are you all doing tonight, hmm?
The fans here in the Curtis Calwell center all cheer in unison at the mention of their home state.
Mary DeSue: Cheap pop for a cheap champ!
Lenny Brasco: If you don't mind, I'd like to hear what Magdalena has to say for a change.
Mary DeSue: Screw you, Lenny!
Maggie Lockheart:That's great; that's good to hear. Obviously, I'm not in the best of shape myself. But I'm still kicking. A few weeks ago I tried to take on the world, or at the very least, I thought that I could go one on one with my hero in a match that was very personally important for me and honestly thought that I'd still be okay to defend your Final Boss championship days later.
The good people of Garland now boo as the mood shifts.
Maggie Lockheart: Was it a mistake? I don't think so. But the truth is that while Eli Goode and James Wilcox are both fantastic competitors, both deserving of my full and undivided attention, I just didn't have it to give to them at TriForce Heroes. And yes, if the circumstances were different, if I were facing either one of them alone for the Final Boss championship that night, it could have cost me very dearly. I very easily could have lost everything. I'll be the first person to stand up and admit that, for once, the triple threat rules worked to my advantage. Normally I'm not a fan. But because Wilcox and Goode were out there having the match of their lives I was able to sneak in and snatch a victory and steal a defense.
Mary DeSue: It's about time she admits she's a piece of-
Maggie Lockheart: Do I feel like I earned it? Do I feel like I deserve it? Hell no. But circumstances being what they were... anyone can play the 'what if' game until their heart is content. At least now I know that if Eli Goode or James Wilcox would have walked out of TriForce Heroes as the "Final Boss" Champion then the belt would have been in good hands moving forward. No pun intended. But be that as it may, I shoved Eli out of the ring and took his pin with the last bit of energy that I had, not because I don't think Eli would make a good champion for Level Up. But because neither Eli, nor Wilcox, nor anyone, nor anything was going to take away from me the opportunity to defend this title at the biggest PPV of the year... Final Fantasy.
The crowd pops once again, this time at the mention of Level Up's year-end extravaganza.
Maggie Lockheart: I worked too damn hard for too damn long... and I applaud Eli for helping me to the back two weeks ago... but even he had to know that if there was movement still left in this body that I was going to fight to retain... that I was going to fight for Final Fantasy! And now, it's settled. My ticket is punched and I did it with this-
Maggie holds up the "Final Boss" championship belt for all to see.
Maggie Lockheart: Which means it's going to be me versus the Triforce Champion in what may be the most epic main event that Level Up, and perhaps professional wrestling has ever seen! But that does bring me to the challenger-
There is a murmur in the crowd and the reason for it suddenly becomes apparent as a hooded figure emerges from amongst the fans and slides into the ring behind Maggie.
Lenny Brasco: What the hell? Turn around, Maggie! Look out behind you!
Maggie Lockheart: Bert McAlroy...
The hooded figure spins Maggie around by the shoulder, grabs her by the head, and drops her with THE CROWNING in the center of the ring!
[n]Lenny Brasco: By God! That's-
The figure stands up to pull back her hood to reveal "Queen Machine" Jenny! The sold-out crowd showers her in boos, but Jenny isn't phased one bit as she grabs the "Final Boss" championship belt and smashes Lockheart repeatedly in her already injured ribs!
Mary DeSue: JENNY! My sista! Thank god somebody finally came to shut Maggie up!
Jenny drops the championship belt to the canvas and pulls Maggie up to lock on THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT!
Lenny Brasco: Queen Machine is deranged! She's unhinged! Arthur did what she asked and it still wasn't enough! Somebody stop her!
Mary DeSue: Hehehe... Think this will get her message across now? Maybe the Developer should have given her the Courage title shot she asked for weeks ago?
Jenny chokes the already injured Lockheart violently until the champion starts to fade. Security and referees pour into the ring to drag Queenie off of Maggie, succeeding at it after a few lengthy tries. But the "Final Boss" is out cold as Queen Machine is forced back into a corner. Trainers rush out to check on Maggie as the show ends.
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Credits
Cold Open: Tirri & Jay
Show Intro: Jay
Buster Gloves & Chelsea Skye vs. Arthur Fisk & Amber Payne: Jay
Comin’ At Ya!: Tact & Bert
Valentine vs. Dude WaLuigi: Brandon
HIS MONSTER vs. Victoria Salinas: Bert
A ‘Final’ Challenge: Buster
Duncan Shepard vs. Diamond Steele: Bert
Thomas McAllister vs. ‘Queen Machine’ Jenny: Dubs
Nocturne vs. Kat Jones: Bert
Bert McAlroy vs. Joey Crash: Dubs
Dominique Moriarty vs. Dionysus: Jay
Larry Tact vs. Lord Raab: Joe
Ciela Luiz vs. Ahmya: Joe
Goode-bye For Now: Eli
Eli Goode, Don Tirri & Donny Mason vs. The Faction: Jay
Still On Top?: Chuck
Judges: Joe, Jay & Duane
