Post by Boss Joe on Dec 2, 2021 22:42:59 GMT -5
A promo that was taped last week, but never shown (it had to be edited for language), opens the show as fans see HIS MONSTER. HM storms the backstage area, looking around, seeing a VERY nervous camera man, and pointing to him while storming right at him.
HM: NOPE- no no no, you stay RIGHT the [BLEEP] there.
The terrified cameraman acquiesces to HM's demand, and HM walks right up and starts talking.
HM: What'd you think o' THAT, eh Vicky?? Where was all your experience at when I was slammin' your head against the mat? Where was all your [BLEEP]IN' heart and drive to win when I was CHOKIN' YOUR ASS OUT WITH MY BARE HANDS!?"
He gives a dismissive wave.
HM: Ahhh, but that's alright Vicky, 'cause you DID win! You won 'cause I beat your [BLEEP]in' ass too hard for the ref's liking, but HEEEEEY, a win's a win, yeah?? That's how I got those three losses on my MMA record, I'm used to it. And in a way, we both went in and did what we came to do, didn't we? I smashed that pretty face o' yours into [BLEEP]in' pulp, but in the record books it's gonna go down as YOUR victory. Everybody's happy!
His jovial expression slowly fades into a much colder one as he stares into the camera.
HM: ....But you ain't happy, are ya? Noooo, you ain't happy at all. You didn't topple the Monster like good ol' Crash did. You didn't show the good people of Garland you had what it takes to be the world-class badass you SAY you are. Nahhh, you had your ass beat, and you had to be *saved.* Good ol' Mister Ref had to intervene and bail the poor damsel out, 'cause her dainty [BLEEP]in' nose got broken in a FEW too many places. You won, Vicky, but you didn't BEAT me, and I hope that's eatin' away at your guts, because otherwise you ain't worth my [BLEEP]IN' time and I never wanna see your coward ass in the ring against me again. Next time you wanna talk shit, you better know EXACTLY who the [BLEEP] you're dealing with. Otherwise, keep your god damn mouth shut.
His murderous glare shifts to a more casual one, as the subject changes.
HM: Alright- now we move on to somebody with some ACTUAL fightin' spirit. Buster Gloves, you got some steel-plated balls to come out while I'm still smellin' blood in the air, and just straight-up ASK me to murder you. I won't say I “respect” it, but it sure as shit's got me [BLEEP]in' intrigued. So I'm gonna do you a solid- How about somethin' a little more mundane, first? I wanna see how well you deal with me in a plain old match before you start laying down stips like that. I ain't got no stroke with the Developer, but I'm sure if I threaten enough staff, he'll come up with SOMETHIN' for us...
---
As the opening video package for EXP comes to an end we fade in on the drone came as it flies around the NOW Arena in Chicago Illinois! We pan around the arena seeing excited fans showing off LEVEL UP merchandise and signs. "TEAM THICCNESS", "WAH BAR?!!", "I gave her 'The Bert' and now I got a restraining order.", and "So De SUE Me!" signs are what we see before the drone cam lands in front of the announcers table. As always, aside from last week, we see Artie La Forge and Mary DeSue. Artie is bruised up a bit, and wearing his Captain N letterman's jacket. While May DeSue is cosplaying as a female Blues Brother.
Arthur La Forge: Welcome Level Up Fans to EXP Number Seventeen!!
Mary DeSue: And welcome back Artie! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I missed yah last week.
Arthur La Forge: Yes, I was saddened that I was unable to do my duties of play by play commentary last week, but I am glad Lenny stepped up to fill in. Thanks Lenny.
Mary DeSue: You know it's really sad when you're the bad boy of the commentary team Artie.
Arthur La Forge: So um, you like bad boys?
Mary DeSue: THICC Bad Boys...(She pats Artie on the shoulder), nice try though Champ. But seriously. I'm glad you're okay.
Arthur La Forge: Thanks Mary, and speaking of the show we are now offically less than a month away from Final Fantasy after tonight! After that shocking promo we saw from His Monster at the end of the show last week, how can we follow it up? We're going back to hitting you with a classic match here in Level Up...SMASH!!!
Mary DeSue: Um, Artie. I don't think you're up for getting smashed.
Arthur La Forge: Not that kinda SMASH...don't make me get the bonk hammer. No, we're having a Battle Royal SMASH match. Weapons included. And the winner gets to pick a partner of their choosing to go up against Ahmya and Bert for the Multiplayer Gauntlets!
Mary DeSue: Oh boy...a cluster(beep)!
Arthur La Forge: The following wrestlers will be participating. Chelsea Skye, Diamond Steele, Amber Payne, Valentine, Victoria Salinas, Don Tirri, Drake Wilcox, ISAAC, James Wilcox, Cara Strader, and finally, PEEZEE!
Mary DeSue: Well isn't that Lemon Squeezy.
Arthur La Forge:...You should feel bad about that joke. But after that fanboys, fangirls, and every kind of fan in between...Donny Mason will be taking on...Oh boy...
Mary DeSue: You okay Artie?
Arthur La Forge: I'm a professional. Donny Mason will be taking on Queen Machine Jenny with the added stipulation that if she wins she gets a shot to regain her "Courage Title". So we're rewarding people for beating up staff now...
Mary DeSue: Artie...you don't want her to come down here do you.
Arthur La Forge: I'm a professional. Then we have Arthur Fisk taking on E.A. Blizzard in a regular match. Following that we move onto the next set of matches of the round robin with Dominique Moriarty taking on Ahmya, Larry Tact taking on Dionysus, and Lord Raab taking on Ciela Luiz.
Mary DeSue: A round we go again folks!
Arthur La Forge: Then in our final match we're going to have the team of Buster Gloves and Bert McAlroy taking on Joey Crash and HIS MONSTER in a multiplayer match...
Mary DeSue: You sure that's the last match?
Arthur La Forge: That's the only thing...Oh my...apparently post show we're going to be showing an unsanctioned match between "Power" Champion Duncan Shepard taking on "Final Boss" Champion Magdelana Lockheart!
Mary DeSue: BEAT HER (BLEEP) DUNCAN!!
Arthur La Forge: Well let's start this party off right! Let's head to ringside for the SMASH BATTLE ROYAL!!!
---
All eleven competitors are in the ring, which has been slightly elevated, for the battle royal. Once the bell rings, suddenly Cara Strader turns around and steps off the edge, jumping down and eliminating herself! Valentine, who had been ready to lock up with her, begins shouting insults and curses her way, with "coward" picked up by the house mic.
Mr. Rad: Um...Cara Strader has been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: Well why did she do that?
Mary DeSue: Don't you know anything, Artie? She didn't want a tag title shot!
Arthur La Forge: An opportunity is an opportunity, but I guess she has her reasons. Valentine is letting her hear about it either way.
Valentine turns around into a clubbing blow from the gigantic PEEZEE, who immediately begins pushing him backward without much resistance. Valentine begins to kick at the shins of the big man, who is suddenly stopped when Diamond Steele scrambles up his back and attempts to lock in a sleeper! Meanwhile, Amber Payne also comes over and the Queen of Strong Style begins laying in heavy shoulder thrusts into the knees and thighs of PEEZEE, forcing him down to a kneel. Instead of helping, Valentine instead moves away from the entire scene and finds someone else to attack.
Arthur La Forge: I question Valentine not trying to get the largest man out, but he WAS precariously close to the edge.
Mary DeSue: And there are no ropes, either!
The Faction, meanwhile, are huddled in the center of the ring, with James Wilcox being guarded by Drake and ISAAC. Don Tirri and Victoria Salinas are duking it out near one of the edges. Chelsea Skye finds Valentine and they begin to grapple as well. There are various weapons scattered, but no one has thought to pick them up yet. Steele continues choking away at the enormous neck of PEEZEE while Payne is laying in forearm shots to the jaw. Suddenly PEEZEE catches her arm with one hand and shoves it aside, causing Payne to stumble a bit. In the meantime, he reaches up and grabs the tiny Steele, simply flipping her over his head and letting her fall all the way down to the floor below.
Mr. Rad: DIAMOND STEELE has been eliminated!
Payne sizes up PEEZEE as he attempts to rise and gives him a superkick to the jaw. She backs up and tries for another, but PEEZEE catches her leg, then lifts her high up in a press, only to dump her down outside on top of a rising Steele!
Mr. Rad: AMBER PAYNE has been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: The two did the smart thing and went after the big guy first, but he's got 300-plus pounds on both of them!
Mary DeSue: And like, three feet!
Arthur La Forge: He almost dwarfs Don Tirri and that's saying something!
Suddenly Wilcox points a finger at PEEZEE and says "now," and the monstrous Drake Wilcox steps forward and stands up to PEEZEE. But at a mere 7ft, the largest Faction member is still somehow smaller than the mountain that is in front of him. ISAAC hangs back and continues guarding The Wizard, who has his 'wand' in hand. Drake begins to unleash huge clubbing blows to the chest of PEEZEE, and they actually knock the wind out of the giant and force him to step back. PEEZEE returns fire with one of his own. The two begin to trade shots, neither going down but definitely feeling it. The other fights, meanwhile, almost come to a stop as the others witness a real life kaiju battle happening in the ring.
Mary DeSue: BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT!
Arthur La Forge: We got ourselves Godzilla vs. Gamera right here!
Mary DeSue: Godzilla and WHO?
Arthur La Forge: He's a turtle and he flies by spinning around with jetpacks coming out of his shell and...
Mary DeSue: Nevermind, forget I asked.
The battle manages to back PEEZEE up ever closer to the edge of the ropeless ring, at which point Drake looks back at The Wizard. The Wizard nods and points and suddenly...DRAKE WILCOX TACKLES PEEZEE OVER THE EDGE, ELIMINATING THEM BOTH!
Mr. Rad: DRAKE WILCOX and PEEZEE have been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: Did...did Drake just sacrifice himself to take out PEEZEE?
Mary DeSue: That's brilliant! You only need one Faction member to win the match, and that giant was the biggest threat! The Wizard is a master strategist!
Valentine and Skye have begun trading strikes, and the masked striker gets the better of it with a hard uppercut, and as he tries to toss the Nightmare Angel out of the ring, she rolls through and pops up, just teetering on the edge. Valentine comes over and tries the Revolution Kick, but Skye sidesteps and he lands flat on his back on the edge of the ring, with his feet dangling over the floor. He spins around and gets them back on the ring before rolling away from the edge. He pops back up and finds that he's in the face of ISAAC, who gets the nod from Wilcox and attacks! Meanwhile, The Wizard comes forward with his sledgehammer, called his Wand, and Skye reaches down to grab a chair to defend herself.
Arthur La Forge: The Faction have the best odds of winning this thing, as it seems Wilcox lives for matches like this.
Mary DeSue: He's very smart and knows every trick!
Wilcox swings the sledgehammer at the Nightmare Angel, who smacks it downward with the chair. Valentine avoids a lurching lariat from Drake and begins to kick at the legs, once again finding himself against a giant. He nods at Skye, who immediately shoves the chair's top forward into the chest of Wilcox, then swings it into the back of Drake! However she turns back around and Wilcox hits the ADONIS SUPERKICK! Syke falls down to the mat. Valentine grabs the chair and starts trying to wail away on Drake with it, but Drake swats the chair away. Valentine jumps forward and grabs the head, attempting The Mystery, but before he can, James Wilcox hits him in the back with the 'Wand'! Drake then backdrops Valentine over his head and out of the ring!
Mr. Rad: VALENTINE has been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: Valentine with a heck of an effort but he found some bad luck by running into the highly coordinated Faction.
Mary DeSue: And it looks like Skye is next!
Victoria Salinas and Don Tirri have been going at it tooth and nail, but they see the threat emerging and immediately go after the Faction, momentarily saving Skye. Or rather, Tirri does, as it seems Salinas doesn't particularly care about helping someone like Skye, who actually wants to win a multiplayer title shot. Skye gets up to her feet, clutching her jaw and gets in the face of Salinas for this.
Arthur La Forge: I question Victoria Salinas' motivation recently, but it seems Skye doesn't approve of everyone not working together against the larger threat.
Mary DeSue: Salinas deserves respect! Respect her, Chelsea!
Tirri and ISAAC are no strangers to each other and the similarly-sized men begin to trade clubbing blows, but Wilcox is sneaking over to use the wand again. Skye, seeing what's happening, ignores Salinas for the moment and grabs the end of the wand, yanking it away from Wilcox! She then throws it out of the ring! Wilcox snarls and tries for another Adonis Superkick, but Chelsea sidesteps! Meanwhile, ISAAC gets a headbutt on Tirri, knocking him to a knee, and Skye maneuvers with her back to him. Wilcox goes for another Adonis Superkick, and Skye moves...and JAMES WILCOX ACCIDENTALLY SUPERKICKS HIS OWN PARTNER! ISAAC staggers back to the edge holding his jaw. He looks at Wilcox in fury, who tries to apologize, before Skye shoves him forward. Wilcox staggers into ISAAC and knocks him off the edge!
Mr. Rad: ISAAC has been eliminated!
Don Tirri gets up and smirks, rushing forward and hitting THE BOOT on James Wilcox, knocking him down and out of the ring as well!
Mr. Rad: JAMES WILCOX has been eliminated!
Chelsea Skye grins at the perhaps inadvertent teamwork, when suddenly she's grabbed from behind and Victoria Salinas launches her off the edge to the floor! The crowd boos her for this, even though it's within the rules, as she only stepped into fight when it suited her.
Arthur La Forge: You've got to be kidding me!
Mary DeSue: I know! Chelsea Skye has no respect!
Arthur La Forge: Excuse me?
Mary DeSue: Turned her back on Salinas, ruined Wilcox's plans...she deserved what she got!
Even Don Tirri, sometimes a scoundrel himself, doesn't seem to care for Salinas not fighting Skye one on one. And since they were brawling anyway, they look at each other and start firing away with punches without even a moment's breather. They know what’s at stake here. Tirri kicks Salinas and scoops her up, going for the Sack of you-know-what, but Salinas begins kneeing him while being held in position and he's forced to release. She attempts a straightjacket neckbreaker, but Tirri has a significant weight advantage and simply snapmares her out of it. He latches both of her arms and tries for 'Morning After', but she jumps up with double knees to the face, causing him to stagger backward.
Arthur La Forge: Oh this is getting close now.
Mary DeSue: Come on, Thicci! You got this!
Salinas charges in, hoping to hit something that'll send Tirri to the outside, but Tirri instead rushes forward with THE BOOT! Salinas just narrowly slides underneath that, and then jumps onto his back with a sleeper. Tirri begins to walk backward forward with her, all the while muscling her onto his shoulder and carrying her towards the edge. Salinas wiggles free and begins spinning around him, trying for Vanity Breaker, but Tirri catches her back in position for the Sack of Shit! She has nowhere to go now as Tirri launches her backward out of the ring!
Arthur La Forge: YES! He's going to do it!
Mary DeSue: GOOD! Don and Donny for the multiplayer belts, BAY BEE!
But as Tirri throws Salinas backward, she claws at his eyes, causing him to fall backward as well. It seems if she's going down, she's making it so no one gets the shot! Tirri falls down backward and tries to toss Salinas as he does so, and they fall from the ring backward into the guardrail!
Arthur La Forge: What happened?!
Mary DeSue: Is it a draw?
Referee Kirby and Referee Pliskin both move around to check the aftermath. Tirri is slumped against the guardrail and Salinas is resting on top of it, hurt. But the refs look down...and see Tirri's feet touching the floor.
Mr. Rad: Ladies and gentlemen, Victoria Salinas is *technically* the winner...
Salinas hoists herself down off the guardrail that saved her and gets down, laughing about winning a title shot she has no intention of using.
Mr. Rad: However, due to Salinas not wanting a multiplayer title shot, she must give it up to the runner up, which is DON TIRRI!!!
Salinas, not wanting the title shot, still feels disrespected at having it taken away from her anyway, and Tirri seems just fine taking it by any means necessary...cause that is what professionals do.
Mary DeSue: WE'LL TAKE IT! Don Tirri is going to Final Fantasy for a multiplayer title shot! I hope he picks me as a partner!
Arthur La Forge: I think he's going to have his son challenge with him, Mary.
Mary DeSue: I mean in life. His life partner.
Arthur La Forge: Ick. Also, I can't imagine Victoria Salinas will be too happy about this. She may not want to compete in the multiplayer division, but our AI essentially cheapened her win.
Mary DeSue: Well tough titty, my man Thicci is going to Final Fantasy!
---
“I Am The Slime” by Frank Zappa (22 seconds in) begins to play. For those this music is familiar to, there’s a chorus of shocked reactions. Then, Canada’s Greatest Manager Johnny Hitmaker walks down the aisle to a mixed reaction.
Arthur La Forge: “Oh… my… GOD!”
Mary DeSue: “Who is this?”
Arthur looks at Mary incredulously.
Arthur La Forge: “Do you seriously not know who that is?!”
Mary shrugs.
Arthur La Forge: “That’s the UGWC’s own Johnny Hitmaker!”
Mary DeSue: “Oh. And… what’s the UGWC?”
He sighs and opts to ignore that question.
Arthur La Forge: “A 20-year veteran to the sport, Johnny Hitmaker makes waves wherever he goes. The question is: what’s he doing here at the NOW Arena?”
Mary DeSue: “I’ve already lost interest.”
Johnny makes his way down the aisle, giving the fans a knowing smirk. Once he reaches ringside, he heads over to Arthur and Mary, takes off Arthur’s headset, and talks into it.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Where’s a mic, you?”
Arthur tries not to mark out as he hands over a mic. Johnny nods at Arthur, then at Mary, then walks a short distance away. He taps on the mic several times, looks like he’s about to speak, but then merely taps on the mic some more. Johnny thinks about something for a moment, then taps on the mic some more, much to the chagrin of the fans in attendance. Finally…
Johnny Hitmaker: “Let… me make... one thing-”
The Fans: “PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!”
The crowd was clearly waiting for this, even here. Johnny shakes his head.
Johnny Hitmaker: “God damn you all. Anyway, you all know who I am, BUT… you don’t know why I’m here.”
Arthur La Forge: “Why does that line sound familiar?”
Mary DeSue: “Because he just said it?”
Johnny Hitmaker: “For those of you who know what happened the LAST time I stepped foot into someone else’s territory *cough*Carnage*cough*, not to worry: this is a, uhh, relatively-”
Johnny stops to think of just the right word. He snaps his fingers, looking more and more frustrated as it seems to not come to him. Finally, he raises a finger.
Johnny Hitmaker: “NICER visit.”
Arthur La Forge: “That’s a relief. I didn’t want to have to update my resume.”
Mary DeSue: “I… STILL don’t know what’s going on here. Is he almost done?”
Arthur barely stifles a laugh.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Lotta familiar faces in the back, I see: a monstrous brother of a particular German wrestler… a woman who wants her career to end at the hands of a guy with just a first name… a British man with a different last name that I knew him as… a little lady I knew from ALL the way back in my days in the Missouri territories… a bunch of other people who I saw once or twice in The Coalition… and, of course… my NEWEST client… BERT… MCALROY!”
The fans let out a roar of cheers.
Mary DeSue: “Ew, he’s associated with HIM?!”
Arthur La Forge: “The association seems to have come out of left field, starting at Pro Wrestling Valor’s Relentless show back on the 14th. They appeared to somewhat get along on social media, but this is quite the leap from ‘getting along’ to officially working together.”
Johnny Hitmaker: “But THAT’S a story... for ANOTHER day. Today, TONIGHT, I stand here before you video game... NERDS-”
Johnny goes for some cheap heat, confusing everyone on Earth as to whether he’s a Face or a Heel. Johnny looks proud of himself, chuckling away before continuing.
Johnny Hitmaker: “To announce the NEWEST member of your little...”
Johnny shrugs, then gestures vaguely at everything. The fans dislike this.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Hey, turn those little frowns upside-down! You’re gonna LOVE this announcement! You see, I’ve been looking for this particular individual for some time now, and guess what? ♫I finally found them!♫”
Now THAT got the fans’ attentions!
Arthur La Forge: “Oh my god… oh my GOD!!!”
Mary DeSue: “What? WHAT?!”
Arthur La Forge: “Is he talking about who I THINK he’s talking about?!”
Johnny Hitmaker: “You all know them, they’re tough as nails, they have an insatiable hunger for life-”
Many fans rise to their feet.
Arthur La Forge: “It’s happening… IT’S HAPPENING!!”
Mary DeSue: “It’s probably just Bert, psh.”
Johnny Hitmaker: “But hey, you people have waited long enough! Allow me to FORMALLY introduce you to...”
]
“Koochy” by Armand Van Helden begins to play. 13 seconds in, the words "Android 69" appear on the screen. Once the robotic voice begins "singing", The Masked Machinist comes out, remote control in hand, fidgeting with it before turning it back towards the Gorilla position. Then, out comes none other than Android 69 doing the robot, which he invented, as well as pelvic thrusting towards the ladies of this fine city... but only if they consent... which they always do.
The fans mostly boo this unexpected predicament. Many are just utterly confused.
Arthur La Forge: “...........Seriously?!”
Mary DeSue: “Who’s that?”
MM keeps trying to get A69 back on track, until they've finally reached the ring. A69 begins dry-humping the corner turnbuckle until MM turns a dial on his remote, programming his robot for interviewing action! Johnny applauds the duo, shaking MM’s hand, and would have shook A69’s hand, but he figures it’s been elbow-deep in unspeakableness.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Ladies and gentlemen - heh, who am I kidding? mostly gentlemen - I PROUDLY present to you: The Masked Machinist… and his NOTORIOUS creation… Android 69!!”
MM takes a bow as Johnny applauds them some more. A69 scopes out the crowd, disappointed in the lack of poon… then they realize… that’s never stopped him before! They try to escape the ring to mack on some warm bodies. Johnny’s eyes bug out of his head.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Get them under control… GET THEM UNDER CONTROL!!!”
MM frantically pushes buttons and turns dials until A69’s libido.exe program is paused. Both men wipe their brows and breathe sighs of relief.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Now… where was I? Ah, right, that’s it. Okay, so, Mr. Machinist, your creation has free reign to do what you will with anyone here… EXCEPT Bert… GOT it?”
[b[The Masked Machinist:[/b] “Yes SIR, Mr. Hitmaker, sir! We’ll make you proud!”
Johnny Hitmaker: “Well, I doubt that, but nevertheless.”
Arthur La Forge: “In the span of two weeks, Johnny has either shocked the world or pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes! He’s aptly hired a robot to represent him, alongside Bert. Things are getting a little more interesting here in Level Up!”
Mary DeSue: “But the most IMPORTANT question is… is he finished talking yet?”
He is.
---
The bell rings and as soon as it does we see Jenny just rush Donny and mount him with a Lou Thez Press and start beating the hell out Donny with lefts, rights, grabbing his head and just slamming into the mat. Donny during all of this tries to rope a dope for a bit, but then gets his arms around Jenny and swings her over to where she is on her back on the mat, and Donny returns fire with punches to her face for a five count till he gets off. Getting back to his feet Donny shakes off the shots to the face as Jenny gets up and jumps onto his back! She looks to be going for a sleeper hold, but Donny turns and runs backfirst into the turnbuckle post causing Jenny to let go! "Queen Machine" falls like a sack of potatoes as Donny stomps on Jenny's midsection. He reaches down and grabs Jenny and Irish Whips her across the ring to the ropes. On the rebound she comes back as Donny set her up for a picture perfect back body drop! Jenny lands flat on her back and Donny keeps up the beatdown by doing a rolling knee to Jenny's face! Donny gets up and heads to the second rope. From the most dangerous position in all of wrestling Donny Mason let's loose and flies hitting "Tribute!" onto Jenny. The pinpoint elbowdrop hits the dead center of Jenny's chest as Donny gets up and screams. The fans join in on the yell.
Arthur La Forge: Donny is definitely showing he can go toe to toe with Jenny, but he better quit the hotdoging if he wants to win.
Mary DeSue: That sounds you got a little bias there Artie...you mad cause she beat you up. Wanna be one sided and unprofessional?
Arthur La Forge:...The thought has crossed my mind, but I will not give into temptation.
Mary DeSue: Oh come on...join the darkside Artie...we have edibles..
Donny reaches down and picks up Jenny and sets her up for a Stalling Suplex! He hits it! Donny reaches down and picks up Jenny. He starts hitting her with knee strikes over and over again and then hits the "YEET" sending Jenny over to the opposite corner of the ring hitting the turnbuckle post backfirst! The rookie calls for "The Dambuster Boot" and waits for Jenny to get up and stumble out of the corner. Donny charges and looks to go for the claymore kick, but Jenny goes low and dropkicks Donny. "BOW DOWN!" Both wrestlers go down in the center of the ring!
Arthur La Forge: That’s what I meant by the hotdogging!
Mary DeSue: Will you stop talking about wieners. A girl’s gotta concentrate...
One...
Two...
On the three we finally see some movement from both Donny and Jenny. Jenny pulls herself up by the ropes and see's Donny up on his knees trying to get up. Jenny rushes forward as Duncan gets up fully and hits a running "Jennycanrana" and quickly grabs the downed Donny and slaps on an armbar! Donny screams out in pain, in the center of the ring, and starts using his other three limbs to try to slide over to the ropes. After a few moments he grabs the ropes and Referee Kirby yells at Jenny to break the hold.
One..
Two...
Threee...
She finally let's go, but kicks Donny in the head for good measure.
Arthur La Forge: If she keeps this up Jenny is going to get disqualified.
Mary DeSue: Oh? Wouldn’t that be a shame Artie?
Arthur La Forge: Yes. Because if she doesn’t get this title shot she might come after me again!
Mary DeSue: I’ll protect you with my YAOI PADDLE Artie…
Arthur La Forge: Oddly...After last week...That actually makes me feel better.
Jenny picks up Donny and pulls him to the center of the ring. Jenny hits "Enter The Machine", and quickly heads to the top rope. She eyes Donny who slowly gets up to a halfway standing and goes for a top rope "Royal Pain in the Ass"...and DONNY CATCHES HER, SPINS, AND POWERBOMB TO THE CENTER OF THE RING!!! Both wrestlers go down again!
Arthur La Forge: WHAT A REVERSAL!!
Mary DeSue: That’s what you get for messing with the “A-Team” of Commentary!
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Donny gets up first and stands up. He heads to the turnbuckle and see's Jenny still down. He starts to walk the ropes, as he does this the Level Up fans get to their feet for this amazing display! He turns his back to the ring and hits a moonsault on Jenny! "Crashing Down"! Donny gets up and basks in the cheers for a moment as he calls for the end of this match. He's calling for "The Rack-O-Matic"! He gets Jenny up on his shoulders into the fireman's carry and goes to start to jump the move, but Jenny slides around and..."The Crowning"! The Ace Crusher out of nowhere puts Donny on the mat! Jenny quickly gets up and slaps on "The Queen's Gambit"!!!
Arthur La Forge: Come on Donny! Get to the ropes!...Get to the...I mean...This could go either way. Both...wrestlers...really want this.
Mary DeSue: You know, it’s kinda nice watching you sweat about not being fair for just one match. Here...I’ll be unprofessional for both of us...COME ON THICCY JUNIOR!! MAMA WANTS TO SEE KICK DAT B(BLEEP)
Arthur La Forge: ...I’m not even gonna try to stop you this time.
Donny is trying to fight out of it, but he can't make it to the ropes and finally taps!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...and as such gets a shot at reclaiming "The Courage Championship"..."Queen Machine" Jenny!!!
She's not letting go. She's still holding on! Jenny is screaming "GOLDIE!!!" as Referee Kirby yells at her to let go. She finally does as Donny rolls out of the ring, not taking any chances.
Arthur La Forge: Smart move by Donny getting out of there before things get to heated!
Mary DeSue: Well, at least one member of “Team Thiccness” won tonight, but Artie...Artie?
Mr. Rad: Oh...one last thing Jenny...if you attack anyone else...ANYONE ELSE UNPROVOKED...You lose your shot. Got it!
"Queen Machine" is so happy she doesn't even notice what Rad has said to her. It's like she just won the "Final Boss" title. She's one step closer to her goal...
Arthur La Forge: I...I...I...
Mary DeSue: It’s okay Artie...just breath...
---
EA comes out swinging as he takes Fisk nearly out of his boots with a thunderous running big boot. He then takes to stomping a mudhole into the younger man, holding the ropes as leverage as he begins driving the heel of his boot into Fisk’s throat. Ref Kirby gets to four before EA relents, he shoves Kirby and shouts that he has until ‘5’ He turns to Fisk nailing a punch to the ribs, however it means little as EA bashes his face with a knee.
Arthur La Forge: ...Knee to the face!
Mary DeSue: Oh good! You’re back. I was worried I was gonna actually have to describe a wrestling move.
He then lifts Fisk by his ears and whips him as hard as he can into the corner, the impact causes Fisk to bounce off the turnbuckles and sprawl out on the mat. EA raises his arms to the crowd who shower boos upon him. He looks incensed at the disrespect, going to lift Fisk up and with a grunt of effort he lifts and places him on the top rope, paying him a stiff right hand that almost sends him to the floor.
Arthur La Forge: The fans are not helping Fisk! It seems the more they boo the more dangerous this is going to be for him.
Mary DeSue: You think EA would be use to getting s(bleep)talked!
Arthur La Forge: Will you please take it easy with the swearing. Twitch could shut us down!
Mary DeSue: Oh please...all I gotta do is whip these out.
As we pan away from Mary undoing her tie and top buttons of her Blue Brothers Cosplay. EA steps over the top rope onto the apron, looking out over the crowd with disdain once more as he reaches up and snatches Fisk by the throat. Fisk sends right hands to EA’s head, and to his wrist. He does all he can to fight out of the hold but it’s fruitless! EA grins maliciously as he leaps and...CHOKESLAM FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!! Fisk goes limp on impact, his head bouncing from the concrete. EA instantly mounts him and sets to pounding his face with rights and lefts.
Arthur La Forge: Somebody get th EMTS!
Mary DeSue: Holy S(bleep)!
Fisk can do nothing to defend himself as his face almost instantly begins to show signs of the beating. Scuffing up, swelling, his lips split, he forms a cut above is eye. EA stands as Kirby reprimands them to return to the ring, he looks down at the bloodied Fisk and drags him toward the ring after reaching down to snatch him by the wrist. He then rolls in under the bottom rope, and back out to break the count. Kirby yells at him but EA ignores it as he pulls Fisk to his feet. Fisk is so out of it he can't even stand.
Arthur La Forge: There is no doubt in my mind that Fisk has got to have serious head trauma! Somebody stop the d(bleep) match!
Mary DeSue: Artie! Stay seated! You just got back and I am not dealing with Lenny two times in a month!
He lifts him up and runs, smashing him into a ringpost with enough force to shift the ring a centimeter, then turns and drops him in a powerslam over the ringsteps. Fisk screams in pain, arching his back as EA yanks the thin rubber pad up from the concrete floor. He stares out at the fans who chide and boo him before going and lifting Fist to his feet. He walks him to the concrete and….INDUSTRY STANDARD ON THE CONCRETE!! EA rolls into the ring as Kirby rolls out to check on Fisk...then waves his arms over his head, calling for the bell and flashing an “X” that gets the medical staff running down.
Mr. Rad: Arthur Fisk is unable to continue...As such...The winner of this bout by referee decision...E.A. Blizzard!
Arthur La Forge: Somebody has got to put a stop to this maniac!
Mary DeSue: Well “White Knight” you need to slow your role before you get another hospital stay out of this!
---
Backstage, we find Larry Tact walking purposefully throughout the hallways of the NOW Arena. He looks perturbed and then stops momentarily, spotting someone in his eyeline. He walks towards Lenny Brasco, who waves to Larry as he approaches.
Lenny Brasco: Larry Tact! What a coincidence I’m seeing you here. I wanted to ask about a great sale I wanted to pitch out in the arena. If you buy two items of merchandise from an Extra Lives Round Robin participant, you get a THIRD ITEM FREE! I could pitch it as a “Tactfully Yours” Christmas sale! Or maybe the “Extra Lives? Extra Merch” holiday special! Wait no… it’s the… takes breath... “Tactful Lords of the Vine Raab Time Jumping Circus Deal to get Nao!!!”
Lenny is out of breath after voicing his marketing ‘genius’ and Larry crosses his arms.
Larry Tact: You think because you have a live mic you can say whatever pleases you out there?
Lenny Brasco: I don’t understand? I hadn’t gotten the promo code yet, but I would never tell the fans about a great deal without it!
Larry Tact: Shut up and listen, Lenny. I meant what you said about my needing to focus on the Round Robin instead my pitch for a Final Boss title match to the winner of Lockheart/Stoner. Then tonight, with your fanboy comments for the ‘legend’...
Lenny Brasco: No need to be a meanie, Larry. I only looked at the rankings the Developer has meticulously recorded all year, and your best path to a title shot is through the Extra Lives tournament. Much like your best path to a GREAT DEAL-- *urk!*
Larry grabs Lenny by the collar, pushing him back into a steel equipment case with a sneer.
Larry Tact: Things are about to change around here, Brasco. It’s about time the Developer understood how wrestlers really do business. There’s working through the ring, and then there’s making waves out of it. Now, let’s work on an AMENDMENT to your statements last week. Fr one, after the Final Boss title match between Magdalena Lockheart and--
Lenny Brasco: Bert!
Larry Tact: Yes, or as I would say…
Larry pauses, following Lenny’s eyes and cranks his head to one side, where Level Up’s resident double champion, Bert McAlroy stands confidently with his titles. Larry sniffs and tosses Brasco aside to face up to Bert, and the announcer/interviewer quickly makes his exit.
Larry Tact: You’ll have to look elsewhere for your dub sac. Why don’t you go outside and see if the scalpers waiting for Mags and Duncan to start have any.
Bert McAlroy: I'm sure they'd be a lot more interesting than listening to you cry and bitch your way into another failed title shot..
Larry looks none too pleased by the comment, but surprisingly restrains himself, and raising his fingers he loudly whistles.Stepping out from around the corner to stand on either side of Larry are none other than the Faction's Drake and ISAAC. Tact slowly looks at either man before turning back to the Triforce Champion with a shit-eating grin.
Larry Tact: How about this? Get your dope self out of our sight. If not, we're going to make good on what I said: Anyone. But. Robert. In fact, you SHOULD go to the parking lot… so you can BEG Mags to return the sac she extracted from between your legs at Dead by Daylight.
Robert measures the two men, then returns his deep blue eyes to rest on Tact.
Bert McAlroy: The choker hired the losers to improve his tough guy cred...that's like taking heroin to support sobriety, yo..
He drops the Triforce title to the ground, sliding out of his hoodie...REVEALING A LEAD PIPE HIDDEN WITHIN! He brandishes it but makes no move to strike outside of a slow swing at the air around Tact's head, mouthing 'Pow'.
Bert McAlroy: Word of advice...kid. Worry about having a match that matters at the Pay Per View...you can continue with the mediocrity afterward.
He motions with the lead pipe.
Bert McAlroy: Now get to steppin.
Larry eyes the lead pipe, his expression souring as he takes a half step back. Looking Bert in the eyes, his mouth creases into a grin as he laughs.
Larry Tact: Get him.
Drake and ISAAC lunge at Bert! He manages to jab forward with the pipe and strike Drake, who grabs his neck, coughing. He tries to get ISAAC but too late, as the big man squeezes Bert’s wrist in a direction it shouldn’t really go, forcing the Triforce Champion’s arm back. Bert tries a knee to ISAAC, but it’s too close quarters and ISAAC headbutts Bert! He then lifts Bert and bounces him backfirsts off the steel equipment case! Larry, meanwhile, is laughing his ass off. Drake lifts Bert and sends him overhead with a Belly to Belly Suplex... Bert LANDS ON TOP OF THE CASE! He throws the pipe right into ISAAC’s face, and with a “Clang!” it careens off his skull and sends him to the floor. Bert then FLIES OFF onto Drake, sending him onto the concrete! Bert looks for the pipe… only for Larry Tact to smash it against his back!! Bert crumples to the ground and Larry examines the weapon.
Larry Tact: So crude.
He tosses it away and we hear it bounce in the distance. Larry picks up Bert hits a Running Powerslam through a ladder! Bert is reeling on the floor and Tact, with a grunt picks up a nearby steel beam. With an effort, he lifts the beam over his head, looking down at Bert.
Larry Tact: You brought this onto yourself. Now your Final Boss Fantasy is OVER!!!
Bert SHOVES the ladder into Tact’s ribs and just barely rolls away as the beam crashes down on the floor. Larry coughs, and looks up to see Bert come flying off some equipment! GIVE HER THE BERT! Bert gets back up and looks for MAXIMUM EFFORT… but Larry catches him and RAMS Bert through some staging lights and to a wall… and Bert hammers at Tact’s back and SHATTERS A SPOTLIGHT ONTO HIS HEAD!! Larry goes to a knee and we see crimson seeping into his blonde mane. He shakes his head and gets up, turning... RIGHT INTO BONG WATER!! Tact hits the ground and Bert, breathing heavily and bent over, turns right around into a running knee from VICTORIA SALINAS! The crowd is left stunned by this as Bert drops down to the floor. Victoria reveals a set of brass knuckles then pounces on Bert and pummels him in the face again and again and again with the brass knuckles. Victoria throws the knuckles down as Bert refuses to stay down, eventually getting to his knees and egging her on. Victoria angrily darts at Bert and nails him with a Bussaiku Knee!! Bert hits the floor with a smack.
Larry, Drake, ISAAC, and Victoria surround Bert and Level Up officials swarm onto the scene just as Larry is about to lock on the Tactful Surrender. He ends up grabbing Bert by the face, squeezing as Ahmya rushes in.
Ahmya: Larry this is not you! Don’t hurt him, please just go, please…
Larry releases Bert, and turns his attention to Ahmya.
Larry Tact: You don’t see it? You’re protecting a monster. No, something had to be done, and I was humble enough to do Level Up this favor.
Victoria, Drake, and ISAAC begin stepping up to Ahmya, but Larry stops them with an extended arm.
Larry Tact: What needs equalizing, we will correct while bringing the best version of Level Up to life. We are Game Changers.
The four of them walk away from the scene, as Ahmya checks on Bert and officials call for medical assistance.
Arthur La Forge: What did we just see happen backstage? Folks, I’m sorry but this is truly a dire situation developing.
Mary DeSue: I am so hot right now. It’s a dream come true! Bert has finally been put in his place, flat on his face! Ha, that even rhymed.
Arthur La Forge: You can’t be serious, Mary. This is absolutely appalling, and strangely, where was James ‘The Wizard’ Wilcox in all this?
Mary DeSue: Now that you mention it, he wasn’t there.
Arthur La Forge: Our Triforce Champion has been brutally assaulted only weeks away from the biggest match of his career, and the biggest match in Level Up’s history! I can’t believe this.
Mary DeSue: That’s what Larry was getting at. They changed the whole damn game. Thank goodness Bert’s done! There’s still time to find a new opponent for the Final Boss.
Arthur La Forge: For the sake of Final Fantasy, I hope that isn’t the case.
Mary DeSue: Blah blah blah… this is the greatest night ever.
---
The two women circle each other, sizing each other up as the bell rings. Ahmya is obviously a bit unhinged after the attack on Bert, and Moriarty takes advantage by running forward and leaping up. Moriarty hits a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors Takedown sending Ahmya to the mat! Moriarty gets up and yells out "WHORE!" to the fans who boo her instantly. She rares back and kicks Ahmya in the ribs with her boot and looks to have enjoyed that bit of sadism a little bit to much as Moriarty heads to the ropes. Moriarty heads across to the ropes and hops onto the second rope leaping back with an Asai Moonsault onto Ahmya! Picking up Ahmya, Moriarty tosses her into the ropes and heads closer to the other side. As Ahmya comes back around Moriarty takes out Ahmya with a drop toe hold, with Ahmya landing on the second rope. Moriarty kips up and charges forward hitting a "619" on Ahmya!
Arthur La Forge: Great use of ring tactics by Moriarty to get Ahmya off her feet!
Mary DeSue: She’s probably still upset about poor Bert...Pfft. GIRL YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!!
Moriarty gets up and poses again as the fans respond in kind...by booing her with all their might. She reaches down and picks up Ahmya. Kick to the gut by Ahmya! Floatover DDT!! Both women are down...
One..
Two...
Moriarty and Ahmya pull themselves up by the ropes and charge at each other and start going punch for punch with each other as the fans start getting more into the match and get on their feet!
Arthur La Forge: IT’S A MELEE!!!
Mary DeSue: Knock some sense into her Dominique!
The punchoff ends with Ahmya ducking Moriarty's right fist and hitting Moriarty with a short arm lariat! Moriarty falls back into the ropes and bounces off. Jumping Facebuster by Ahmya! Ahmya poses for the fans who cheer as she picks up Moriarty! Toss into the ropes. Ahmya goes for a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors, but Moriarty catches Ahmya and turns it into a powerbomb into the turnbuckle post! Ahmya slumps down. Moriarty picks Ahmya up and hits her with a Sleeper Slam! Moriarty picks up Ahmya and sits her on the top turnbuckle. Moriarty signals for "Bulkhead Harquebus"! As she goes for the top rope version of her Frankensteiner though Ahmya catches her and just launchers Moriarty back first down onto the mat. Moriarty hold her head as she hits and rolls back onto her back. Ahmya gets up and...
Arthur La Forge: Hail’s Blessing!!!
Mary DeSue: OUCH! That move always bothers me when she hits it.
After hitting the Top Rope Three Sixty Footstomp Ahmya goes for the cover...
One...
Two...
Reversal by Moriarty...
One...
Two...
Reversal by Ahmya!
One...
Two...
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...Ahmya!!!
Arthur La Forge: Moriarty almost got out of that pinning attempt, but it just seems Ahmya just got the better position for a three count!
Mary DeSue: Can we get back to finding out if Bert is gonna have to retire or not.
---
Larry Tact vs. Dionysus
The bell rings and Tact and Dion begin exchanging words, much like they have on Twitter most of this week. Tact shows an outright lack of respect by slapping Dion across the face! Dion retorts with a slap of his own and the two begin brawling! Tact gets the ascendancy by blocking Dion’s fist and uncorking a series of right handed jabs to Dion’s mush. He forces him back towards the corner then bounces his head off the top turnbuckle. A look of fury in his eyes, Tact begins grinding his forearm across Dion’s head. The ref calls for a break but Tact looks like he can barely hear him.
Arthur La Forge: Apparently Tact’s not putting up with anyone disrespecting him anymore.
Mary DeSue: And why should he? He’s better than everyone else...except THICCNESS!
Fortunately Tact does break the hold at the count of four, then shoots daggers at the ref. He turns back to continue punishing Dion, but the big man charges out of the corner and decks him with a clothesline! Dion shakes away the cobwebs just in time to see Tact approaching him. He ducks under and lifts Tact up with an impressive flapjack! Dion then pounces on Tact, slapping on a headlock to keep him grounded. Tact fights his way up and almost manages to escape, but Dion keeps the pressure on by switching into a hammerlock! He twists Tact’s arm behind him then rocks him with a nasty headbutt! This causes Tact to stumble and Dion reels him back, right into a spinebuster! Dion covers.
ONE!
TWO!
Tact kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: The Spine on The Pine didn’t end in sublime for “The Lord of The Vine”.
Mary DeSue: Wow...that was actually pretty good Artie. I’d be impressed but I’m on a mission from god...
Dion then mounts Tact and unleashes some more punches, before standing up. He leaps into the air and connects with a brutal knee drop right on Tact’s nose! The impact causes a trail of blood to begin dripping down from Tact’s nose as he rolls away clutching his face. Tact looks to roll out of the ring but Dion grabs his feet to prevent the escape! Dion shakes his head and begins pulling the bloody Tact back into the ring kicking and screaming. Tact manages to pull his legs backwards and kick out, sending Dion tumbling away. Tact gets to his feet with the help of the ropes in the corner, and avoids a charging Dion, sending him shoulder first into the steel post! The ref tries to get in and clean up Tact’s nose, which is still producing a steady stream of blood, but Tact shoves him away. He pulls Dion out of the corner, then lifts him up into a TORTURE RACK!
Arthur La Forge: Busted nose or not, Larry Tact’s got Dion in the Torture Rack!
Mary DeSue: Look at all that Beef Hopping Around...It’s like Baywatch for women...
Tact looks like a spartan warrior as he holds Dion’s body aloft on his shoulders, his nose and chest painted red from his own blood. He drives his shoulders into Dion’s back over and over, then spins out and plants him with a huge POWERBOMB! Having lost a decent amount of blood at this point, Tact takes a breather before making his way over to Dion and hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
Dionysus kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: How did he kick out of that devestating powerbomb?!
Mary DeSue: You know Dion...he’s got such a flare for the dramatic.
Tact looks slightly winded but fortunately the flow of blood from his nose has begun to slow. With Dion still recovering from the nasty powerbomb, Tact pounces. He positions his body so his torso rests over the crouched body of Dion. He rocks Dion with a series of brutal elbows, then locks his feet around Dion’s arm. Tact then presses down with his entire body weight on Dion, trying to force him down to the mat and lock in an armbar that might damn near break his arm! Dion shows impressive determination and strength, resisting and preventing Tact from fully locking in the devastating submission. The crowd willing him on, Dion continues to rise, using all his strength to lift Tact up on his shoulders! Dion then runs forward and plants Tact with an Alabama slam! Dion gets to his feet, bounces off the ropes, and nails Tact with a SHINING WIZARD! He follows this up with a LIONSAULT - Round of Applause! Dion covers.
ONE!
TWO!
NO! Tact kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: This standing ovation for Dionysus just got denied by Tact!
Mary DeSue: Everyone’s a critic...This was just a prelude to Tact’s comeback!
Dion thumps the mat, thinking he almost had the match won there. Looking to reopen old wounds, Dion pulls up Tact head first and begins unleashing pointed strikes right onto Tact’s nose! Tact roars in pain as blood once again begins to trickle out from his nostrils. Pulling his opponent to his feet, Dion lines Tact up, and pulls him in for a RAINMAKER...NO! Tact ducks the finisher and connects with a swinging neckbreaker! Both men get to their feet, and Tact spits blood out of his mouth, before reeling back and connecting with a headbutt!! The strike sprays some of Tact’s own blood into Dion’s eyes, and he follows up with a kick to the gutt RELEASE POWERBOMB INTO BACKSTABBER - Tactful Surrender!! Tact crumbles and makes the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...LARRRYYY TACT!!
Arthur La Forge: Release Powerbomb into a Backstabber causes Larry Tact to break the win streak in the Round Robin Tournament for Dionysus.
Mary DeSue: Well you win some. You lose some. And now he’s lost some points!
Tact has his hand raised in the middle of the ring as EMT staff come in looking to try and stem the bleeding from his nose but again he refuses any help. Tact stares down Dion who is slowly getting back to his feet. Tact smirks and rolls out of the ring, leaving Dion to contemplate his first loss in the round robin.
Arthur La Forge: Tact, after beating up the number one contender for the “Final Boss” title match at Final Fantasy and now beating Dionysus, looks like he’s on top of the world.
Mary DeSue: Don’t you dare jinx him Artie...
An exhausted Larry Tact rolls out of the ring and leans against the ring apron, showing the effects of the match. He flips his hair behind his head and slowly begins to walk towards the ramp way, when suddenly….
Mary DeSue: Wait a minute. What's this now?
Arthur La Forge: No way. This can't be who I think it is.
After a few seconds, the crowd in the building explodes, as out from the back steps…
Pro wrestling legend CENTURION!!
Arthur La Forge: It is! Centurion is here in Level Up!
Mary DeSue: First Johnny and now him? Don’t these UGWC folks know Wrestlestock is over? I don’t want to see any of them after I was robbed of the District Conquest!
Arthur La Forge: Centurion was rumored to have had closed-door discussions with the Developer’s team. He and Larry have had some words on social media lately, too. Perhaps this has something to do with it.
Centurion stands in the middle of the stage in his high priced suit and a mic in his hand. The music dies down, but the fans' cheers don't. Larry looks around the arena at the reaction, and with clenched teeth glares back at Centurion, who stands and looks into the crowd for a few seconds, soaking in their reaction with a big grin on his face, before speaking into the microphone.
Centurion: LEVEL!! UP!! WRESTLING!!!
The crowd pops big again as Centurion gives a slight laugh.
Centurion: You know, I was in the area and decided to stop by. I've been hearing a lot about the company you have here, and I must say, I'm pretty impressed. The talent, the atmosphere…the crowd.
Centurion lifts the mic up to the crowd, which cues the crowd to cheer again. Larry looks vexed as he throws up his hands and takes a walk around the ring.
Mary DeSue: Alright, we get it.
Centurion: A few weeks ago, I was in contact with the ownership of Level Up. I told them how impressed I was, and I immediately received a response. I was told "Centurion, we'd love to have you! Call your shot! Whatever you want to do, we'll make it happen." Now, I'm a busy man, and I can't just accept random bookings, so I had to think about it for a bit. But then, SOMEONE decided to pipe up and be an asshole!
Centurion points down at Larry, who immediately received a boo from the crowd.
Mary DeSue: Slanderous! He can't just come in here and say things like that!
Larry Tact: I’m gonna barf from all this pandering. But wow, Centurion, I can hardly believe my eyes. You managed to follow the midwest stench all the way to Chicago! A perennial second-class city that matches your status of second-class citizen in this wrestling company. In fact, I actually reserved a ticket for you, just in case... in the cheap seats, with all of these nostalgia slurping fans who remember your glory days. You know, back in the Stone Age.
The fans massively boo Larry for his disparaging comments.
Centurion: Larry, you wanted to take some shots at me. You decided you didn't want to see me here. Well, I'm not the kind of person that just sits back while someone says something to me over the internet, so the moment you stuck your nose in my business, I picked up the phone...and you wanna know who I called?
Centurion takes his jacket off, much to the delight of the crowd.
Larry Tact: Your therapist? I’m not paying that retainer...
Centurion: I called Level Up, and I told them "Hey! You want me to call my shot? Well, I'm calling it! I! WANT! LARRY! TACT!!" So guess what?! In a few weeks, inside THIS VERY RING, you...are going to meet your…
Centurion pauses, allowing the crowd to finish his catch phrase for him. He smiles as he lowers his mic. He looks around for a few seconds before raising the mic back up again.
Centurion: FINAL FANTASY!!!!
Stunned, Larry stands at ringside as Centurion riles up the fans to humungous cheers on stage.
Arthur La Forge: Are you joking me? For one night, Centurion is going to give our fans a legendary performance versus Larry Tact!
Mary DeSue: Wait what?! That’s unbelievable, he can’t just come in here and do that. Someone call the Developer! Call security and tell them to get this guy out of here!
Arthur La Forge: He can and he did. Centurion has LEVELED UP for the biggest event of the year!
---
Ciela shows no hesitation or fear of the German Monster, swinging at him wildly with a series of kicks that just fail to land. She finally connects...but Raab holds her leg in the air! He spins her around by the foot and crushes her with a nasty clothesline. Luiz regroups and charges in again, looking for a spinning heel kick! The strike lands flush on Raab’s noggin but she only succeeds in staggering him. Seeing this, Ciela resolves to try again. She bounces off the ropes, but Raab is already there! He lifts her up and over into a big back body drop. Ciela bounces off the mat and back to her feet...ONLY TO BE CAUGHT IN A GOOZLE! Raab lifts her up, looking for the Chokeinator...BUT SHE COUNTERS INTO A ROLL-UP!
Arthur La Forge: WHAT A COUNTER!! That came out of nowhere!
Mary DeSue: That’s just gonna tick Raab off!
ONE!
Raab pushes her off and sends her rolling across the ring. As Raab gets to his feet, he’s stunned with a superkick outta nowhere! This time Raab does go down...to a knee. But Ciela’s ready, she bounces off the ropes, connecting with a SHINING WIZARD - Viva la Familia! She quickly hooks the leg.
ONE!
TW-NO! She’s pushed off again!
Arthur La Forge: The Shining Wizard is not enough to take down a monster like Lord Raab this early.
Mary DeSue: You know that feeling you get when you done f(beep)ed up...I’m getting that right now from the ring.
Raab now seems seriously ticked off. He rushes down Ciela and begins unloading on her with boxing punches. He ends the combination with a knee to the cut and then a stiff uppercut that sends Ciela to the corner. Raab drives his elbow into Ciela repeatedly, inflicting brutal strikes to the side of her head. He then grabs her by the throat with both hands, and choke-throws her out of the corner! Ciela bounces off the mat and Raab decks her again with a huge big boot! Raab covers the Time Traveler.
ONE!
TWO!
Ciela kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: Another kickout by Ciela! She definitely wants this win!
Mary DeSue: I might reconsider that considering who she’s fighting!
Ciela rolls away, looking to get her bearings.Raab is on her instantly, pulling her up by the hair. Ciela manages to resist, elbowing the German Monster in the gut several times. Managing to free herself from the grip of Raab, she wheels around and connects with a pele kick! Having rocked the big man, she kicks him in the gut and plants him with a DDT! Feeling the momentum from the crowd, who are cheering her on, Ciela heads up top. She reaches the top turnbuckle, steadies herself, then leaps off with a MOONSAULT...NO! Raab gets the knees up!
Arthur La Forge: Knees to the ribcage! That definitely knocked the wind out of Ciela!
Mary DeSue: I think I heard something snap.
Ciela cries out in pain, cradling her ribs as she rolls on the floor. Raab capitalises, grabbing her by the neck and lifting her into the air. He plants her with the CHOKEINATOR! He doesn’t go for the pin, but immediately locks in the ANACONDA VICE! The Killerlock is cinched in! Ciela fumbles around, tyring to escape...but eventually there’s nowhere to go. Eventually she begins to fade...SHE’S OUT! The ref calls for the bell!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...LORDDD RAABBB!!
Arthur La Forge: And Lord Raab picks up a win for the Round Robin Tournament!
Mary DeSue: I don’t think that’s all he did. Look!
Referee Kirby checks on Ciela and makes the “X” motion as EMT’s rush to ringside to check on her.
Arthur La Forge: Folks we will try to keep you updated on this and other medical situations of our superstars as the night goes on.
Mary DeSue: Everybody is having a bad night!
---
The camera cuts backstage to Joey Crash in front of a closed door. Crash knocks on the door, with no reply. He sighs and knocks again with zero response. Giving up patience, he barges into the room and past Crash we can see HIS MONSTER standing in the middle of the small locker room, lifting huge dumbbells and clearly displeased with the intrusion.
Joey Crash: Listen, I know you’re busy and so am I, we’re all business. So I’m going to make this quick. I don’t want what happened at TriForce Heroes to get in between us tearing Bert and Buster a new one tonight. I want you to put your recent defeats at the back of your mind because if there’s anyone who can secure the victory, it’s Joey [BLEEP]ing Crash.
Crash points at himself with his thumbs, exuding the ignorant confidence of a man whose wandered into a minefield and by sheer luck hasn’t been blown up yet. HIS MONSTER glares at him, cold, quiet and unblinking. He lets the dumbbells fall from his hands to the floor with a loud clatter before letting Crash continue his spiel.
Joey Crash: Here’s the deal, I beat the TriForce champion last week in the middle of the ring, and I’m going to do it again. Old Maggie’s going to be busting my door down and begging me to replace Bert at Final Fantasy after I’m done mopping the floor with him two shows in a row. All I need you to do is swat away that fly, Buster, while I get to work. I know you’re more than capable of doing that. But as far as the win goes? Leave that with me.{/b]
Crash goes to punch HIS MONSTER in the arm, but HM catches his fist without breaking eye contact. Staring him in the eyes as Joey stares back, his other fist firmly clenched and ready to defend himself. Suddenly, MONSTER lets his fist go without a fight, and gives him a wry smirk.
HIS MONSTER: No worries, uce. We're gonna win, and it's gonna be a massacre.
He walks out of the room, chuckling to himself. Crash stares at his fist that was held hostage just a moment ago, and kisses it with a sigh of relief.
---
As the bell rings with the match officially underway, it is Buster, who's dressed like his partner Bert, starts the match for his team. However, when stood across from an unpredictable beast such as HIS MONSTER, it's questionable whether their strategy of having Buster start the match is of much use. Although, before the two men can even exchange in the slightest, Joey tags himself in, climbs through the ropes and walks to the centre of the ring cockily. From here, Joey calls for Bert to tag in and to meet him one-on-one in the ring. In response, Buster tags in the Number One Contender and Joey gets what he asked for as he and Bert now begin the match, exchanging in a series of chain wrestling.
Arthur La Forge: Bert trying chain wrestling didn’t work out so well for him the last time.
Mary DeSue: Well he’s beat up, not thinking straight. Well he never thinks straight. I forget what my point was.
After a back and forth, it is eventually Joey who gets the upper-hand with a deep chin-lock. Knowing so, Joey takes this opportunity to mock Bert, heckling the fans by shouting 'is this your hero' over and over. Nevertheless, this would end up costing Joey as his lack of concentration on his opponent would allow Bert to wriggle free and get up to his feet from where he would deliver a dropkick to the face of Joey, knocking him back. With Bert now having the upper-hand, Joey retreats back to his corner and tags in what he has presented as the secret weapon, a destructive monster, HIS MONSTER.
Arthur La Forge: This guy is dangerous. He seems to not really care for the rules as long as he can beat people up.
Mary DeSue: As long as he beats Bert up, I don’t mind!
Still, Bert does not back down and doesn't even hesitate as he immediately charges at HM but as he jumps at the monster, he is simply thrown up into the air and left to fall face first into the mat. Then, as he tries getting to his feet, HIS MONSTER delivers a series of savage clobbering blows to the head of Bert. Then, HM lifts Bert up and hits a belly-to-belly suplex that sends McAlroy flying across the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Bert shouldn’t even be out here after the beating he took, and HM is making it worse!
Mary DeSue: Better! You mean better!
Showing that relentless spirit that he's known for, Bert gets back up straight away and charges at HM once again. This time, Bert ducks under a clothesline attempt from HM before hitting a step-up enziguri, catching HIS MONSTER on the side of the head. Yet, the monster doesn't flinch. In shock, Bert thinks quickly and decides to hit the ropes, building up steam as he goes for a bicycle knee strike but this time is caught with a capture suplex that tosses him across the ring and into his corner. With Bert down, Buster Gloves tags himself in as he now comes face-to-face with HIS MONSTER but takes a more methodical approach, attempting to wear down HM with chain wrestling, quickly applying and releasing holds before HIS MONSTER can grab a hold of him, effectively also buying time for Bert to recover. Meanwhile, although Joey watched on joyously as HM dismantled Bert, he now grows frustrated as Buster uses his elite technical ability and composed temperament in order to counter the unpredictability and inhuman power of HIS MONSTER.
Arthur La Forge: Buster Gloves and HIS Monster are set to face each other at Final Fantasy and we’re getting a preview here!
Mary DeSue: Until the monster gets ahold of him and rips him apart! He should choose his partners more wisely!
After a couple close calls of the monster almost getting hold of Buster, HIS MONSTER finally does stop Buster in his tracks as he catches him in a waist-lock. Instantly, Buater begins to struggle and deliver elbows to the beast grasping him but it doesn't even seem to phase HIS MONSTER who then goes for a German suplex. However, Buster is able to land on his feet and notices that Bert is back in their corner so quickly evades a clothesline from HM and then tags him in. Now, Bert storms back in and straight away ducks a clothesline from HM, heading straight to the ropes to pick up speed. Then, as he runs back at HM, Buster suddenly stands in the way and catapults Bert at HM. As he flies at HM, Bert delivers a double knee facebreaker but as he hits the mat, HIS MONSTER stays on top of Bert and attempts to lock in the Mandible Claw. Yet, Buster helps Bert out by stomping on the back of HM's head before then climbing onto his back and delivering a shooting star press, squishing HIS MONSTER between Bert's knees and Buster's abdomen.
Arthur La Forge: Nice double team maneuver there!
Mary DeSue: BOOOOOOO
With damage finally done to HIS MONSTER, Buster and Bert get up but their celebrations don't last long as Joey sneaks up from behind and deliver a chop block to the knee of Bert. Instantly, Buster avenges Bert by delivering a roundhouse kick to Joey followed by a Falcon Arrow. Nonetheless, by the time Joey's interference is over, HM is back to his feet and takes out Buster, leaving just himself and Buster. in the ring who is still gripping that tweaked knee of his.
Arthur La Forge: Buster Gloves may not make it to Final Fantasy. That shark smells blood!
Mary DeSue: That’ll teach him not to interrupt HM next time!
Over the next few minutes, we see HM absolutely decimate Bert with destructive slams and hellish suplexes. Nonetheless, Bert doesn't cower once and continues fighting, once again showing that unwillingness to give up that he prides himself on. Eventually, Bert is able to buy himself enough time to tag in Buster who heads straight to the top rope and attempts a crossbody on HM but instead, is caught in mid-air. Then, as BH attempts to lift Buster onto his shoulders, Buster is able to slip down onto his feet before catching HIS MONSTER with a forearm so stiff that the sound from it echoes all the way to row Z. Yet, HIS MONSTER still doesn't fall but at most is spun around as he now faces Bert who hadn't yet left the ring. Quickly, Bert applies a double underhook facelock on HM whilst Buster lifts his legs up from behind as Bert then plants HM with an elevated DDT. Then, Bert pushes HM with his legs into a German suplex from Buster that he bridges into pinfall but after all, they only get a one count.
Arthur La Forge: What’s it gonna take to beat this guy?
Mary DeSue: Only Joey Crash knows, and he’s teaming with him!
As HM now climbs back to his feet, Buster tries to stay on top of the beast by building up some speed before attempting a bicycle knee strike to the skull of HIS MONSTER. However, inches before connecting, HM catches the knee of Buster, hoists him up onto his shoulders and delivers a catastrophic powerbomb that lays out BG. As HIS MONSTER now looks down on his fallen opponent, Joey can be heard in the background asking for the tag. Reluctantly, the monster listens to possibly the only person to show an ounce of control over this destructive being and tags in Joey Crash who waltzes into the ring smugly, picking up the pieces as he keeps Buster down with repeated strikes. After taunting them and laying into Buster with continuous knees, elbows and punches, Joey decides its time to line up for the a spear as he now stalks Buster from the corner. As Buster reaches his feet, Joey darts right at him and goes for a spear but instead of hitting it on Buster, Bert dives in the way and takes the hit, sacrificing himself for his teammate who is then able to capitalize with a bicycle knee strike to Joey's skull.
Arthur La Forge: Bert is now running interference here, as he’s taken a hell lof a beating. They both have.
Mary DeSue: One more for the good guys!
Looking to put Joey away early, Buster hits the The Obliterator (Burning Hammer) and then rolls him over for the cover but as the referee counts two, HIS MONSTER reenters the fray and picks Buster up from behind. As HM picks him up, Buster is able to struggle free of the monster's grip and begins to lay kick after kick into the legs of HM, trying to chop down this freakish being. Ultimately though, HM is able to grab hold of Buster and flings him into the corner before charging at him and squashing him against the turnbuckles. Bert reenters the ring and charges HIS MONSTER but receives a big boot, dropping him to the floor below. HM turns around and wraps both hands around the throat of Buster Glove, choking him as the referee starts counting the illegal man in the ring and gets to five, ringing the bell for a disqualification. HIS MONSTER turns to the referee and grabs him by the shirt. He pops the referee up in the air and drops him with a Samoa Drop. This gives Buster enough time to start fighting back. Bert McAlroy gets back to his feet and he joins Buster in giving a double clothesline that sends HIS MONSTER over the top rope to his feet on the mat outside the ring. Joey Crash sneaks behind Bert and drops him with a belly to back suplex as HIS MONSTER grabs Buster's legs and pulls him out of the ring, both hands around Buster's throat and lifts him high into the air before tossing him through the announcers table below. Referee Kirby calls for the bell!
DING! DING! DING!
Mr. Rad: The team of Joey Crash and HIS MONSTER have been disqualified! Your winners of this bout by disqualification...Buster Gloves and Bert McAlroy!!
Arthur La Forge: HIS MONSTER is once again disqualified for abusing the rules! But I don’t think he cares!
Mary DeSue: Why should he? He got to annihilate somebody again!
---
Arthur La Forge: And that was the end of our show normally, but we have a special presentation of a unofficial unsanctioned match between Magdalena Lockheart and Duncan Shepard. Champion vs Champion with neither title on the line.
Mary DeSue: I’m hoping Lockheart finally gets what she deserves!
The feed cuts to the parking lot area outside the arena where a relatively smaller group of fans are gathered behind a ring of vehicles each with their headlights pointing towards the center of a 20 foot wide circle. The types of cars range from pickup trucks to compact cars to SUVs and even what appears to be an old Winnebago... wait... is that the Normandy? On the far side of the circle, opposite from the age-weathered and rusted Normandy is an empty parking space. Security and whatever officials are available work to keep the crowd at a safe distance behind the fight circle.
Duncan Shepard clambers out of the back of his RV donning his Heavy Armour class gear, black jeans and shirt with knee and elbow pads that match and white/red tape on his wrists. He's ready for a fight tonight, even if the contest is scheduled to be unsanctioned. There's a lot more than pride at stake here and the Commander is well aware that a career-defining or perhaps career-ending injury could happen at any moment in this hell circle of steel, glass, and asphalt. He steps out towards the center of the circle and allows his vision to adjust to the juxtaposing levels of light within. He looks over at the empty space just as a gaudy white Mustang GT Mach 1 maneuvers itself in between a Tesla and a Jaguar. It seems as though his opponent has finally arrived.
Lockheart steps out of the vehicle also ready for battle. She's got her hands and wrists taped solidly from the gaps between her fingers to about halfway up her forearms. She's wearing a tank top and cut-up jeans as well, also choosing to go with the elbow and knee pads to try to at least take some minor precautions to prevent injury herself. Except Lockheart has decided to take things a step further, wearing soccer (or football) style hard shinguards in place of kickpads. As she steps in towards the center of the vehicles and towards Shepard himself, Duncan can't help but to point out the shinguards and comment about them.
Duncan Shepard: So it's going to be like that, is it?
Maggie shrugs.
Maggie Lockheart: You're so big.
And in truth when they first meet face to face at the center, it becomes clear that Maggie is giving up quite the size and strength advantage in this fight to this specimen of a man. The Power champion looks like he's been chiseled out of granite while Lockheart herself still shows signs of being on the mend. Dark circles around and puffy bags under her eyes make it look as though the Final Boss champion hadn't slept in weeks.
Duncan Shepard: You really are going to make me do this, aren't you?
Maggie Lockheart: Ask me that again in five minutes after I'm done kicking your ass.
Shepard balls his fist.
Duncan Shepard: It's your death wish. Let it be known that this isn't how I pictured this to go down. I wanted a real fight, in the ring.
Lockheart considers his words, and after a few moments of processing them, nods in approval. She then rears back and gives the Power Champion a hearty slap across his face.
Maggie Lockheart: This is a real fight! Qui-
But her words are cut off when Duncan takes her right into the hood of the Jaguar with a running double-leg takedown! Now is about the time that the officials were to signal that the match would begin, if there was one. Wink wink. Shepard's got Lockheart bent backwards over the grille and hood of the Jag as he keeps her pinned down with forearm strikes intended for the side of her face. But she blocks most of them, so the Commander pulls her back out onto the fighting surface by the back of her head and slams his knee into her abdomen. The knee lift drives the air straight out of Maggie's lungs as she drops down to one knee. Duncan then follows up with a forearm shot to the side of her head that sends the Final Boss champion down to the asphalt. Shepard takes a fighting stance and motions for her to…
Duncan Shepard: Get up!
Dazed, and already favoring her ribs, Lockheart pulls herself back up and wipes a bit of blood off of the corner of her mouth with her forearm. She's gasping but she somehow still manages to push across a smirk to her not-as-official opponent for the evening.
Maggie Lockheart: So is this... the real you? Bertie must've been right... the good guy act is a ruse.
Annoyed? Insulted? Enraged? Doesn't seem to matter much which it is as Lockheart's words cause Shepard to charge at her again with a running, elevated double-leg takedown. This time, however, Lockheart is waiting for it and she turns her hips, sending the Commander's momentum into the grille area of the poor Jaguar that just can't seem to not be the focus of the combatants' ire. The Final Boss goes for a forearm shiv of her own, but Shepard ducks the move and when Lockheart's momentum spins her around, he grabs her from behind and drills her with a back suplex down onto the hood of the car! Lockheart once again screams out as she rolls around on the hood, clutching at her back with one arm while pounding down on the metal in frustration with the other. Duncan climbs up onto the car with her and as Lockheart tries to crawl her way up the windscreen, Shepard lays the boots down on her midsection repeatedly... stomping and stomping until the glass bends... Then cracks... and then shatters altogether! Maggie is in trouble as she is further stomped down into the passenger seat!
Duncan Shepard: Don't worry kiddo, I'll drive.
The crowd in the area is pulled back an extra few feet as Shepard hops down off of the hood and opens the car door to go retrieve the Final Boss. But using the environment to her advantage, Lockheart kicks the door from the inside and it flies forward, the glass from the door shattering over the top of Shepard's head! Duncan stumbles backward two steps before checking his scalp for slashes or abrasions. Maggie pulls herself from the car and from the backside it is clear that her tanktop is torn from the windshield glass and has revealed that her ribs are still heavily bandaged underneath. Yet instead of working her way towards Duncan, she elects to go in the opposite direction, past the Tesla and the Prius all the way to up to the Land Rover at the northern edge of the circle.
Arthur La Forge: I'm not sure if Maggie here is trying to create some distance between herself and Duncan or if she's trying to leave the fight altogether.
Mary DeSue: I told you that poor excuse of a Final Boss is a coward! I can't wait until the pay-per-view where she can lose and leave the company, too!
Arthur La Forge: You don't really mean that.
Mary DeSue: Bet.
Duncan sees Maggie perhaps trying to escape so he rushes over to close the distance between them. Maggie finally shows some life as she snaps off a Pele kick with impeccable timing smashing the shinguard right squarely in Shepard's forehead! Lockheart pushes herself up and uses the front bumper of the Land Rover as a makeshift rope for a springboard flying lariat that takes Duncan down to the pavement beneath them.
Maggie Lockheart: How you like your (beep)ing kiddo now, (beep)hole!
Lockheart pushes herself up only to stomp down on Shepard's chest the moment he attempts to do the same.
Arthur La Forge: Oh my, we do apologize for the choice of language our Final Boss Champion is using... We are doing the best we can but it is live television.
Mary DeSue: Live television? What, are you from the eighties or something? Christ you're old.
Arthur La Forge: Alright, live streaming then.
Mary DeSue: Ehh, it still sounds gross coming from you. Maybe you should just stick to calling the action and pretending like you're not biased while you slather yourself up with bengay.
Arthur La Forge: I'm the one that's biased. Why don't you go on a bit more about Tirri's (beep)?
Lockheat waits for Shepard to push himself up to his knees as she sets herself up for a buzzsaw kick. When Duncan's in prime position she fires off, but Shepard catches her leg! Maggie is stunned as Shepard stands up still holding a firm grip on Lockheart's ankle. She tries to snap off an enzugiri but the Power champion ducks and lets her fall to the black top. With Lockheart down he rips the shinguards off of her legs one at a time and tosses them into the crowd as souvenirs. Maggie pulls herself along, crawling forward to the Land Rover once again. Duncan grabs her by the hair and slams the side of her head down into the bumper once, twice, three times before he finally pulls her back and smashes her face first into the headlight, shattering the glass. He lets Maggie fall as she covers up her forehead with her hands. Shepard spits onto the ground next to her.
Duncan Shepard: Had enough yet?
He turns to start to walk away when Maggie suddenly kicks at the side of his knee. It buckles just a bit, enough to get Shepard to check to see if he can still put weight on it. Cursing, he takes a few steps on it with a noticeable limp before turning to see Lockheart back up to her knees. She's got blood covering her forehead where a gash has opened up from the headlight. She smirks as she pulls herself back up to a vertical base. Shepard turns and boots her right in the side of the head, sending her right back down. Still cursing, he pushes the kneepad down so he can examine his own knee further... no... with Lockheart on the blacktop, Duncan jumps into the air looking for a Ric Flair style kneedrop down across the forehead of the Final Boss. But Maggie moves at the last second and Shepard catches nothing but the hard ground below.
Arthur La Forge: I know Duncan talked earlier about the risks of injuries that might be exacerbated in a fight like this-
Mary DeSue: What the hell is wrong with you?
Arthur La Forge: Excuse me?
Mary DeSue: No one wants to hear about you exacerbating! You sick old man-
Arthur La Forge: You know what? You actually make me miss Jenny sometimes.
Mary DeSue: And you make me miss Lenny... which shouldn't at all ever be possible!
Duncan's down on one knee. Clutching at the injured leg, every time he tries to stand up it doesn't seem to want to take weight... or at the very least is extremely painful. Lockheart's face is a crimson mask as she smiles and licks some of the blood that's off her fingers. Her smile turns deadly serious as she charges Shepard and drills him under the chin with a vicious Entropy Blade (V-Trigger) knee strike! Shepard's head snaps backward and he falls flat onto the pavement. But the impact alone isn't enough and doesn't take the fight out of Shepard. He rolls himself over, and pushes himself up... back up to one knee where Magdalena Lockheart drills him with a second Entropy Blade square in the cheekbone! The force drives Duncan even further back. But like the champion he is, he rolls himself onto his stomach, and pushes himself up to all fours. He looks up to see the metal steps that lead up to the door of his prized RV "Normandy". Behind him, Lockheart is stalking like a predator in the night. She's thinking curb stomp all the way.
Arthur La Forge: Oh no... I don't like the looks of this. If Maggie hits her Black Legacy here and now, she'd send our Power Champion face first through those steel steps!
Mary DeSue: Only because they're just as rusted as the rest of his piece of shit van. I'd be willing to bet all of my subscribers that Duncan Shepard has tetanus!
Arthur La Forge: What?
Maggie's sizing up her shot. But as Duncan pulls himself up to the steps. He reaches up to the door. Lockheart comes charging for the Black Legacy curb stomp... but Shepard gets the door open to his RV and... Maggie stops?
She sees the door open a crack so instead of trying to stomp Duncan's skull as intended, she steps over him and peers in the doorway. Curiosity being what it is, she can't help herself but to open the door and get a look inside what has effectively been Shepard's personal living quarters for quite some time.
Arthur La Forge: I don't... I don't quite understand what's going on here right now.
Mary DeSue: Is that where Duncy lives? Oh god, it's even uglier on the inside!
Arthur La Forge: That's what they say about you, too.
Mary DeSue: I'll (beep)ing (beep) you, Artie!
Lockheart walks in to a world that isn't her own. She sees the thin mattress on the one side of the van, perhaps one of the few places in the last couple of months that her opponent has been able to get rest. And then there are protein bars, not the expensive kind, and a few bottles of water that still have the convenience store bag wrapped around them just as they were when Duncan himself carried them out of the store. Next to them, on the floor, she noticed an old Rugby ball. And when she bent down to pick it up, she came face to face with a picture of a young Duncan Ryder in a football uniform standing next to his Dad. Both were smiling brightly. Lockheart dropped the ball as she clutched the side of her head in pain.
From out of nowhere Duncan grabs Lockheart by the back of her head and slams her face first into the picture that's hanging on the wall of the van. The glass in the frame breaks and what's left behind when she falls back is a blood spatter. Duncan is screaming as he wails away on her like a madman, forearm shot after forearm shot into the side of Lockheart's head as she tries to protect herself. Maggie finally blocks one well enough that she can throw a forearm of her own, but Duncan flat out eats it like it was nothing, grabs frying pan off of the tiny one-burner camping stove he has in the corner, and smashes her over the head with it!
Mary DeSue: Hell yeah Duncy, it's about time we see some real violence in this fight! That's what the people want!
Lockheart stumbles back over toward the doorway, clutching her head when Duncan Shepard rushes at her with the Biotic Charge spear and spears her right out of Normandy down onto the asphalt below!
Arthur La Forge: Holy (beep)!
Mary DeSue: Looks like his knee is just fine to me!
The crowd around the circle is chanting the exact same thing Arthur just said, when it looks as though the Commander isn't done with the Final Boss... by any stretch. Maggie's clearly hurting and not in any condition to defend herself as she's dealing with bloodloss but also now her rib area and her breathing seem to be of some concern as well. Duncan, with a somewhat far away look in his eyes, grabs Lockheart by her silver hair and drags her along the pavement all the way across the circle straight over to her white Mustang GT Mach 1. Still with a bit of a limp, he has no other noticeable trouble in doing so, and even though she seems to be pleading with him, he picks her broken frame up and haphazardly tosses her right onto the hood of her car.
Duncan Shepard: You want to go through my things? Well, let's see how you like it!
In a few moments time, Shepard is able to get the trunk open in Maggie's car. In the back he first picks up the Jenova mask. He examines it for a moment before snickering and dropping it to the ground. Next he finds a stuffed bunny rabbit that looks really old. Confused, he doesn't really care too much about it so he throws that out into the center of the circle. Lockheart has so little energy left but she reaches out as if she could possibly pick up the items while still laying across the hood. But finally, Shepard has found what he's really been looking for as he pulls out the Final Boss championship belt and holds it up for the crowd to see.
Arthur La Forge: Duncan Shepard has the Final Boss title belt!
Mary DeSue: It's Commander Duncy, and (beep), does he look good with it too!
Duncan limps back around to the car hood and he makes sure that Maggie gets a good look at him holding her Final Boss championship. He says a few words to her that weren't picked up on camera unfortunately, but after a few moments he places the title belt down next to her and hops up onto the hood of the car. He pulls Maggie up to her feet while still on the hood and drags her up the windshield to the very roof. With little to no resistance at all, Shepard hooks Maggie up for the Reaper's Bane and drills her with the Fisherman's Falcon Arrow! The roof of her car caves in and every piece of glass beneath them shatters outward like an explosion from the impact! Maggie and her precious car are destroyed!
Arthur La Forge: REAPERS BANE ON THE ROOF OF HER CAR!
Mary DeSue: If this was Final Fantasy -- we'd have a new champion!
Shepard hooks the leg as if the match were official... and he allows the fans surrounding them to count to three. Then he finally releases her legs and rolls off of the car, grabbing the Final Boss championship to celebrate.
Arthur La Forge: I don't know what I just witnessed... but all I know is that I don't know what got the worst of that... Our Final Boss or her prized Mustang?
Mary DeSue: Oh you know that thing's totaled.
Arthur La Forge: Right.
Mary DeSue: The car might be able to still be fixed though.
Shepard takes one last look at the Final Boss championship before laying it down across the center of the circle next to the rabbit and bidding both her and the fans adieu. He limps across the parking lot with his head held high as he climbs the steps gingerly back up into Normandy, his RV. And in a few moments, the engine revs up, and the RV pulls off.
Maggie is just beginning to stir as she rolls herself off of the hood and smacks down stomach first onto the asphalt. She watches Duncan leave the scene and before her is her things all still strewn about in the center. She reaches out for the Final Boss championship belt before she simply passes back out once more from the pain. Trainers and medical staff from Level Up come rushing in to check on her. The Unsanctioned fight is officially over.
---
Cold Open: Deep
Show Intro: Jay
Battle Royal: Joe
The Slime Has Arrived: Helder
Jenny vs. Donny Mason: Jay
EA Blizzard vs. Arthur Fisk: Bert
Shaking Things Up: Tact, Bert, Wilcox, Salinas, Ahmya
Dominique Moriarty vs. Ahmya: Jay
Larry Tact vs. Dionysus: Dubs
A Legendary Challenge: Centurion & Tact
Ciela Luiz vs. Lord Raab: Dubs
Pre Match Talk: Joey Crash & Deep
Joey Crash & HIS MONSTER vs. Bert McAlroy & Buster Gloves: Brandon
Magdalena Lockheart vs. Duncan Shepard: Chuck & Matt
Judges: Joe, Jay & Duane[/i]
HM: NOPE- no no no, you stay RIGHT the [BLEEP] there.
The terrified cameraman acquiesces to HM's demand, and HM walks right up and starts talking.
HM: What'd you think o' THAT, eh Vicky?? Where was all your experience at when I was slammin' your head against the mat? Where was all your [BLEEP]IN' heart and drive to win when I was CHOKIN' YOUR ASS OUT WITH MY BARE HANDS!?"
He gives a dismissive wave.
HM: Ahhh, but that's alright Vicky, 'cause you DID win! You won 'cause I beat your [BLEEP]in' ass too hard for the ref's liking, but HEEEEEY, a win's a win, yeah?? That's how I got those three losses on my MMA record, I'm used to it. And in a way, we both went in and did what we came to do, didn't we? I smashed that pretty face o' yours into [BLEEP]in' pulp, but in the record books it's gonna go down as YOUR victory. Everybody's happy!
His jovial expression slowly fades into a much colder one as he stares into the camera.
HM: ....But you ain't happy, are ya? Noooo, you ain't happy at all. You didn't topple the Monster like good ol' Crash did. You didn't show the good people of Garland you had what it takes to be the world-class badass you SAY you are. Nahhh, you had your ass beat, and you had to be *saved.* Good ol' Mister Ref had to intervene and bail the poor damsel out, 'cause her dainty [BLEEP]in' nose got broken in a FEW too many places. You won, Vicky, but you didn't BEAT me, and I hope that's eatin' away at your guts, because otherwise you ain't worth my [BLEEP]IN' time and I never wanna see your coward ass in the ring against me again. Next time you wanna talk shit, you better know EXACTLY who the [BLEEP] you're dealing with. Otherwise, keep your god damn mouth shut.
His murderous glare shifts to a more casual one, as the subject changes.
HM: Alright- now we move on to somebody with some ACTUAL fightin' spirit. Buster Gloves, you got some steel-plated balls to come out while I'm still smellin' blood in the air, and just straight-up ASK me to murder you. I won't say I “respect” it, but it sure as shit's got me [BLEEP]in' intrigued. So I'm gonna do you a solid- How about somethin' a little more mundane, first? I wanna see how well you deal with me in a plain old match before you start laying down stips like that. I ain't got no stroke with the Developer, but I'm sure if I threaten enough staff, he'll come up with SOMETHIN' for us...
---
As the opening video package for EXP comes to an end we fade in on the drone came as it flies around the NOW Arena in Chicago Illinois! We pan around the arena seeing excited fans showing off LEVEL UP merchandise and signs. "TEAM THICCNESS", "WAH BAR?!!", "I gave her 'The Bert' and now I got a restraining order.", and "So De SUE Me!" signs are what we see before the drone cam lands in front of the announcers table. As always, aside from last week, we see Artie La Forge and Mary DeSue. Artie is bruised up a bit, and wearing his Captain N letterman's jacket. While May DeSue is cosplaying as a female Blues Brother.
Arthur La Forge: Welcome Level Up Fans to EXP Number Seventeen!!
Mary DeSue: And welcome back Artie! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I missed yah last week.
Arthur La Forge: Yes, I was saddened that I was unable to do my duties of play by play commentary last week, but I am glad Lenny stepped up to fill in. Thanks Lenny.
Mary DeSue: You know it's really sad when you're the bad boy of the commentary team Artie.
Arthur La Forge: So um, you like bad boys?
Mary DeSue: THICC Bad Boys...(She pats Artie on the shoulder), nice try though Champ. But seriously. I'm glad you're okay.
Arthur La Forge: Thanks Mary, and speaking of the show we are now offically less than a month away from Final Fantasy after tonight! After that shocking promo we saw from His Monster at the end of the show last week, how can we follow it up? We're going back to hitting you with a classic match here in Level Up...SMASH!!!
Mary DeSue: Um, Artie. I don't think you're up for getting smashed.
Arthur La Forge: Not that kinda SMASH...don't make me get the bonk hammer. No, we're having a Battle Royal SMASH match. Weapons included. And the winner gets to pick a partner of their choosing to go up against Ahmya and Bert for the Multiplayer Gauntlets!
Mary DeSue: Oh boy...a cluster(beep)!
Arthur La Forge: The following wrestlers will be participating. Chelsea Skye, Diamond Steele, Amber Payne, Valentine, Victoria Salinas, Don Tirri, Drake Wilcox, ISAAC, James Wilcox, Cara Strader, and finally, PEEZEE!
Mary DeSue: Well isn't that Lemon Squeezy.
Arthur La Forge:...You should feel bad about that joke. But after that fanboys, fangirls, and every kind of fan in between...Donny Mason will be taking on...Oh boy...
Mary DeSue: You okay Artie?
Arthur La Forge: I'm a professional. Donny Mason will be taking on Queen Machine Jenny with the added stipulation that if she wins she gets a shot to regain her "Courage Title". So we're rewarding people for beating up staff now...
Mary DeSue: Artie...you don't want her to come down here do you.
Arthur La Forge: I'm a professional. Then we have Arthur Fisk taking on E.A. Blizzard in a regular match. Following that we move onto the next set of matches of the round robin with Dominique Moriarty taking on Ahmya, Larry Tact taking on Dionysus, and Lord Raab taking on Ciela Luiz.
Mary DeSue: A round we go again folks!
Arthur La Forge: Then in our final match we're going to have the team of Buster Gloves and Bert McAlroy taking on Joey Crash and HIS MONSTER in a multiplayer match...
Mary DeSue: You sure that's the last match?
Arthur La Forge: That's the only thing...Oh my...apparently post show we're going to be showing an unsanctioned match between "Power" Champion Duncan Shepard taking on "Final Boss" Champion Magdelana Lockheart!
Mary DeSue: BEAT HER (BLEEP) DUNCAN!!
Arthur La Forge: Well let's start this party off right! Let's head to ringside for the SMASH BATTLE ROYAL!!!
---
The Faction vs. Cara Strader vs. Valentine vs. Chelsea Skye vs. PEEZEE vs. Don Tirri vs. Victoria Salinas vs. Amber Payne vs. Diamond Steele
All eleven competitors are in the ring, which has been slightly elevated, for the battle royal. Once the bell rings, suddenly Cara Strader turns around and steps off the edge, jumping down and eliminating herself! Valentine, who had been ready to lock up with her, begins shouting insults and curses her way, with "coward" picked up by the house mic.
Mr. Rad: Um...Cara Strader has been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: Well why did she do that?
Mary DeSue: Don't you know anything, Artie? She didn't want a tag title shot!
Arthur La Forge: An opportunity is an opportunity, but I guess she has her reasons. Valentine is letting her hear about it either way.
Valentine turns around into a clubbing blow from the gigantic PEEZEE, who immediately begins pushing him backward without much resistance. Valentine begins to kick at the shins of the big man, who is suddenly stopped when Diamond Steele scrambles up his back and attempts to lock in a sleeper! Meanwhile, Amber Payne also comes over and the Queen of Strong Style begins laying in heavy shoulder thrusts into the knees and thighs of PEEZEE, forcing him down to a kneel. Instead of helping, Valentine instead moves away from the entire scene and finds someone else to attack.
Arthur La Forge: I question Valentine not trying to get the largest man out, but he WAS precariously close to the edge.
Mary DeSue: And there are no ropes, either!
The Faction, meanwhile, are huddled in the center of the ring, with James Wilcox being guarded by Drake and ISAAC. Don Tirri and Victoria Salinas are duking it out near one of the edges. Chelsea Skye finds Valentine and they begin to grapple as well. There are various weapons scattered, but no one has thought to pick them up yet. Steele continues choking away at the enormous neck of PEEZEE while Payne is laying in forearm shots to the jaw. Suddenly PEEZEE catches her arm with one hand and shoves it aside, causing Payne to stumble a bit. In the meantime, he reaches up and grabs the tiny Steele, simply flipping her over his head and letting her fall all the way down to the floor below.
Mr. Rad: DIAMOND STEELE has been eliminated!
Payne sizes up PEEZEE as he attempts to rise and gives him a superkick to the jaw. She backs up and tries for another, but PEEZEE catches her leg, then lifts her high up in a press, only to dump her down outside on top of a rising Steele!
Mr. Rad: AMBER PAYNE has been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: The two did the smart thing and went after the big guy first, but he's got 300-plus pounds on both of them!
Mary DeSue: And like, three feet!
Arthur La Forge: He almost dwarfs Don Tirri and that's saying something!
Suddenly Wilcox points a finger at PEEZEE and says "now," and the monstrous Drake Wilcox steps forward and stands up to PEEZEE. But at a mere 7ft, the largest Faction member is still somehow smaller than the mountain that is in front of him. ISAAC hangs back and continues guarding The Wizard, who has his 'wand' in hand. Drake begins to unleash huge clubbing blows to the chest of PEEZEE, and they actually knock the wind out of the giant and force him to step back. PEEZEE returns fire with one of his own. The two begin to trade shots, neither going down but definitely feeling it. The other fights, meanwhile, almost come to a stop as the others witness a real life kaiju battle happening in the ring.
Mary DeSue: BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT!
Arthur La Forge: We got ourselves Godzilla vs. Gamera right here!
Mary DeSue: Godzilla and WHO?
Arthur La Forge: He's a turtle and he flies by spinning around with jetpacks coming out of his shell and...
Mary DeSue: Nevermind, forget I asked.
The battle manages to back PEEZEE up ever closer to the edge of the ropeless ring, at which point Drake looks back at The Wizard. The Wizard nods and points and suddenly...DRAKE WILCOX TACKLES PEEZEE OVER THE EDGE, ELIMINATING THEM BOTH!
Mr. Rad: DRAKE WILCOX and PEEZEE have been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: Did...did Drake just sacrifice himself to take out PEEZEE?
Mary DeSue: That's brilliant! You only need one Faction member to win the match, and that giant was the biggest threat! The Wizard is a master strategist!
Valentine and Skye have begun trading strikes, and the masked striker gets the better of it with a hard uppercut, and as he tries to toss the Nightmare Angel out of the ring, she rolls through and pops up, just teetering on the edge. Valentine comes over and tries the Revolution Kick, but Skye sidesteps and he lands flat on his back on the edge of the ring, with his feet dangling over the floor. He spins around and gets them back on the ring before rolling away from the edge. He pops back up and finds that he's in the face of ISAAC, who gets the nod from Wilcox and attacks! Meanwhile, The Wizard comes forward with his sledgehammer, called his Wand, and Skye reaches down to grab a chair to defend herself.
Arthur La Forge: The Faction have the best odds of winning this thing, as it seems Wilcox lives for matches like this.
Mary DeSue: He's very smart and knows every trick!
Wilcox swings the sledgehammer at the Nightmare Angel, who smacks it downward with the chair. Valentine avoids a lurching lariat from Drake and begins to kick at the legs, once again finding himself against a giant. He nods at Skye, who immediately shoves the chair's top forward into the chest of Wilcox, then swings it into the back of Drake! However she turns back around and Wilcox hits the ADONIS SUPERKICK! Syke falls down to the mat. Valentine grabs the chair and starts trying to wail away on Drake with it, but Drake swats the chair away. Valentine jumps forward and grabs the head, attempting The Mystery, but before he can, James Wilcox hits him in the back with the 'Wand'! Drake then backdrops Valentine over his head and out of the ring!
Mr. Rad: VALENTINE has been eliminated!
Arthur La Forge: Valentine with a heck of an effort but he found some bad luck by running into the highly coordinated Faction.
Mary DeSue: And it looks like Skye is next!
Victoria Salinas and Don Tirri have been going at it tooth and nail, but they see the threat emerging and immediately go after the Faction, momentarily saving Skye. Or rather, Tirri does, as it seems Salinas doesn't particularly care about helping someone like Skye, who actually wants to win a multiplayer title shot. Skye gets up to her feet, clutching her jaw and gets in the face of Salinas for this.
Arthur La Forge: I question Victoria Salinas' motivation recently, but it seems Skye doesn't approve of everyone not working together against the larger threat.
Mary DeSue: Salinas deserves respect! Respect her, Chelsea!
Tirri and ISAAC are no strangers to each other and the similarly-sized men begin to trade clubbing blows, but Wilcox is sneaking over to use the wand again. Skye, seeing what's happening, ignores Salinas for the moment and grabs the end of the wand, yanking it away from Wilcox! She then throws it out of the ring! Wilcox snarls and tries for another Adonis Superkick, but Chelsea sidesteps! Meanwhile, ISAAC gets a headbutt on Tirri, knocking him to a knee, and Skye maneuvers with her back to him. Wilcox goes for another Adonis Superkick, and Skye moves...and JAMES WILCOX ACCIDENTALLY SUPERKICKS HIS OWN PARTNER! ISAAC staggers back to the edge holding his jaw. He looks at Wilcox in fury, who tries to apologize, before Skye shoves him forward. Wilcox staggers into ISAAC and knocks him off the edge!
Mr. Rad: ISAAC has been eliminated!
Don Tirri gets up and smirks, rushing forward and hitting THE BOOT on James Wilcox, knocking him down and out of the ring as well!
Mr. Rad: JAMES WILCOX has been eliminated!
Chelsea Skye grins at the perhaps inadvertent teamwork, when suddenly she's grabbed from behind and Victoria Salinas launches her off the edge to the floor! The crowd boos her for this, even though it's within the rules, as she only stepped into fight when it suited her.
Arthur La Forge: You've got to be kidding me!
Mary DeSue: I know! Chelsea Skye has no respect!
Arthur La Forge: Excuse me?
Mary DeSue: Turned her back on Salinas, ruined Wilcox's plans...she deserved what she got!
Even Don Tirri, sometimes a scoundrel himself, doesn't seem to care for Salinas not fighting Skye one on one. And since they were brawling anyway, they look at each other and start firing away with punches without even a moment's breather. They know what’s at stake here. Tirri kicks Salinas and scoops her up, going for the Sack of you-know-what, but Salinas begins kneeing him while being held in position and he's forced to release. She attempts a straightjacket neckbreaker, but Tirri has a significant weight advantage and simply snapmares her out of it. He latches both of her arms and tries for 'Morning After', but she jumps up with double knees to the face, causing him to stagger backward.
Arthur La Forge: Oh this is getting close now.
Mary DeSue: Come on, Thicci! You got this!
Salinas charges in, hoping to hit something that'll send Tirri to the outside, but Tirri instead rushes forward with THE BOOT! Salinas just narrowly slides underneath that, and then jumps onto his back with a sleeper. Tirri begins to walk backward forward with her, all the while muscling her onto his shoulder and carrying her towards the edge. Salinas wiggles free and begins spinning around him, trying for Vanity Breaker, but Tirri catches her back in position for the Sack of Shit! She has nowhere to go now as Tirri launches her backward out of the ring!
Arthur La Forge: YES! He's going to do it!
Mary DeSue: GOOD! Don and Donny for the multiplayer belts, BAY BEE!
But as Tirri throws Salinas backward, she claws at his eyes, causing him to fall backward as well. It seems if she's going down, she's making it so no one gets the shot! Tirri falls down backward and tries to toss Salinas as he does so, and they fall from the ring backward into the guardrail!
Arthur La Forge: What happened?!
Mary DeSue: Is it a draw?
Referee Kirby and Referee Pliskin both move around to check the aftermath. Tirri is slumped against the guardrail and Salinas is resting on top of it, hurt. But the refs look down...and see Tirri's feet touching the floor.
Mr. Rad: Ladies and gentlemen, Victoria Salinas is *technically* the winner...
Salinas hoists herself down off the guardrail that saved her and gets down, laughing about winning a title shot she has no intention of using.
Mr. Rad: However, due to Salinas not wanting a multiplayer title shot, she must give it up to the runner up, which is DON TIRRI!!!
Salinas, not wanting the title shot, still feels disrespected at having it taken away from her anyway, and Tirri seems just fine taking it by any means necessary...cause that is what professionals do.
Mary DeSue: WE'LL TAKE IT! Don Tirri is going to Final Fantasy for a multiplayer title shot! I hope he picks me as a partner!
Arthur La Forge: I think he's going to have his son challenge with him, Mary.
Mary DeSue: I mean in life. His life partner.
Arthur La Forge: Ick. Also, I can't imagine Victoria Salinas will be too happy about this. She may not want to compete in the multiplayer division, but our AI essentially cheapened her win.
Mary DeSue: Well tough titty, my man Thicci is going to Final Fantasy!
---
“I Am The Slime” by Frank Zappa (22 seconds in) begins to play. For those this music is familiar to, there’s a chorus of shocked reactions. Then, Canada’s Greatest Manager Johnny Hitmaker walks down the aisle to a mixed reaction.
Arthur La Forge: “Oh… my… GOD!”
Mary DeSue: “Who is this?”
Arthur looks at Mary incredulously.
Arthur La Forge: “Do you seriously not know who that is?!”
Mary shrugs.
Arthur La Forge: “That’s the UGWC’s own Johnny Hitmaker!”
Mary DeSue: “Oh. And… what’s the UGWC?”
He sighs and opts to ignore that question.
Arthur La Forge: “A 20-year veteran to the sport, Johnny Hitmaker makes waves wherever he goes. The question is: what’s he doing here at the NOW Arena?”
Mary DeSue: “I’ve already lost interest.”
Johnny makes his way down the aisle, giving the fans a knowing smirk. Once he reaches ringside, he heads over to Arthur and Mary, takes off Arthur’s headset, and talks into it.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Where’s a mic, you?”
Arthur tries not to mark out as he hands over a mic. Johnny nods at Arthur, then at Mary, then walks a short distance away. He taps on the mic several times, looks like he’s about to speak, but then merely taps on the mic some more. Johnny thinks about something for a moment, then taps on the mic some more, much to the chagrin of the fans in attendance. Finally…
Johnny Hitmaker: “Let… me make... one thing-”
The Fans: “PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!”
The crowd was clearly waiting for this, even here. Johnny shakes his head.
Johnny Hitmaker: “God damn you all. Anyway, you all know who I am, BUT… you don’t know why I’m here.”
Arthur La Forge: “Why does that line sound familiar?”
Mary DeSue: “Because he just said it?”
Johnny Hitmaker: “For those of you who know what happened the LAST time I stepped foot into someone else’s territory *cough*Carnage*cough*, not to worry: this is a, uhh, relatively-”
Johnny stops to think of just the right word. He snaps his fingers, looking more and more frustrated as it seems to not come to him. Finally, he raises a finger.
Johnny Hitmaker: “NICER visit.”
Arthur La Forge: “That’s a relief. I didn’t want to have to update my resume.”
Mary DeSue: “I… STILL don’t know what’s going on here. Is he almost done?”
Arthur barely stifles a laugh.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Lotta familiar faces in the back, I see: a monstrous brother of a particular German wrestler… a woman who wants her career to end at the hands of a guy with just a first name… a British man with a different last name that I knew him as… a little lady I knew from ALL the way back in my days in the Missouri territories… a bunch of other people who I saw once or twice in The Coalition… and, of course… my NEWEST client… BERT… MCALROY!”
The fans let out a roar of cheers.
Mary DeSue: “Ew, he’s associated with HIM?!”
Arthur La Forge: “The association seems to have come out of left field, starting at Pro Wrestling Valor’s Relentless show back on the 14th. They appeared to somewhat get along on social media, but this is quite the leap from ‘getting along’ to officially working together.”
Johnny Hitmaker: “But THAT’S a story... for ANOTHER day. Today, TONIGHT, I stand here before you video game... NERDS-”
Johnny goes for some cheap heat, confusing everyone on Earth as to whether he’s a Face or a Heel. Johnny looks proud of himself, chuckling away before continuing.
Johnny Hitmaker: “To announce the NEWEST member of your little...”
Johnny shrugs, then gestures vaguely at everything. The fans dislike this.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Hey, turn those little frowns upside-down! You’re gonna LOVE this announcement! You see, I’ve been looking for this particular individual for some time now, and guess what? ♫I finally found them!♫”
Now THAT got the fans’ attentions!
Arthur La Forge: “Oh my god… oh my GOD!!!”
Mary DeSue: “What? WHAT?!”
Arthur La Forge: “Is he talking about who I THINK he’s talking about?!”
Johnny Hitmaker: “You all know them, they’re tough as nails, they have an insatiable hunger for life-”
Many fans rise to their feet.
Arthur La Forge: “It’s happening… IT’S HAPPENING!!”
Mary DeSue: “It’s probably just Bert, psh.”
Johnny Hitmaker: “But hey, you people have waited long enough! Allow me to FORMALLY introduce you to...”
]
“Koochy” by Armand Van Helden begins to play. 13 seconds in, the words "Android 69" appear on the screen. Once the robotic voice begins "singing", The Masked Machinist comes out, remote control in hand, fidgeting with it before turning it back towards the Gorilla position. Then, out comes none other than Android 69 doing the robot, which he invented, as well as pelvic thrusting towards the ladies of this fine city... but only if they consent... which they always do.
The fans mostly boo this unexpected predicament. Many are just utterly confused.
Arthur La Forge: “...........Seriously?!”
Mary DeSue: “Who’s that?”
MM keeps trying to get A69 back on track, until they've finally reached the ring. A69 begins dry-humping the corner turnbuckle until MM turns a dial on his remote, programming his robot for interviewing action! Johnny applauds the duo, shaking MM’s hand, and would have shook A69’s hand, but he figures it’s been elbow-deep in unspeakableness.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Ladies and gentlemen - heh, who am I kidding? mostly gentlemen - I PROUDLY present to you: The Masked Machinist… and his NOTORIOUS creation… Android 69!!”
MM takes a bow as Johnny applauds them some more. A69 scopes out the crowd, disappointed in the lack of poon… then they realize… that’s never stopped him before! They try to escape the ring to mack on some warm bodies. Johnny’s eyes bug out of his head.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Get them under control… GET THEM UNDER CONTROL!!!”
MM frantically pushes buttons and turns dials until A69’s libido.exe program is paused. Both men wipe their brows and breathe sighs of relief.
Johnny Hitmaker: “Now… where was I? Ah, right, that’s it. Okay, so, Mr. Machinist, your creation has free reign to do what you will with anyone here… EXCEPT Bert… GOT it?”
[b[The Masked Machinist:[/b] “Yes SIR, Mr. Hitmaker, sir! We’ll make you proud!”
Johnny Hitmaker: “Well, I doubt that, but nevertheless.”
Arthur La Forge: “In the span of two weeks, Johnny has either shocked the world or pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes! He’s aptly hired a robot to represent him, alongside Bert. Things are getting a little more interesting here in Level Up!”
Mary DeSue: “But the most IMPORTANT question is… is he finished talking yet?”
He is.
---
Jenny vs. Donny Mason
The bell rings and as soon as it does we see Jenny just rush Donny and mount him with a Lou Thez Press and start beating the hell out Donny with lefts, rights, grabbing his head and just slamming into the mat. Donny during all of this tries to rope a dope for a bit, but then gets his arms around Jenny and swings her over to where she is on her back on the mat, and Donny returns fire with punches to her face for a five count till he gets off. Getting back to his feet Donny shakes off the shots to the face as Jenny gets up and jumps onto his back! She looks to be going for a sleeper hold, but Donny turns and runs backfirst into the turnbuckle post causing Jenny to let go! "Queen Machine" falls like a sack of potatoes as Donny stomps on Jenny's midsection. He reaches down and grabs Jenny and Irish Whips her across the ring to the ropes. On the rebound she comes back as Donny set her up for a picture perfect back body drop! Jenny lands flat on her back and Donny keeps up the beatdown by doing a rolling knee to Jenny's face! Donny gets up and heads to the second rope. From the most dangerous position in all of wrestling Donny Mason let's loose and flies hitting "Tribute!" onto Jenny. The pinpoint elbowdrop hits the dead center of Jenny's chest as Donny gets up and screams. The fans join in on the yell.
Arthur La Forge: Donny is definitely showing he can go toe to toe with Jenny, but he better quit the hotdoging if he wants to win.
Mary DeSue: That sounds you got a little bias there Artie...you mad cause she beat you up. Wanna be one sided and unprofessional?
Arthur La Forge:...The thought has crossed my mind, but I will not give into temptation.
Mary DeSue: Oh come on...join the darkside Artie...we have edibles..
Donny reaches down and picks up Jenny and sets her up for a Stalling Suplex! He hits it! Donny reaches down and picks up Jenny. He starts hitting her with knee strikes over and over again and then hits the "YEET" sending Jenny over to the opposite corner of the ring hitting the turnbuckle post backfirst! The rookie calls for "The Dambuster Boot" and waits for Jenny to get up and stumble out of the corner. Donny charges and looks to go for the claymore kick, but Jenny goes low and dropkicks Donny. "BOW DOWN!" Both wrestlers go down in the center of the ring!
Arthur La Forge: That’s what I meant by the hotdogging!
Mary DeSue: Will you stop talking about wieners. A girl’s gotta concentrate...
One...
Two...
On the three we finally see some movement from both Donny and Jenny. Jenny pulls herself up by the ropes and see's Donny up on his knees trying to get up. Jenny rushes forward as Duncan gets up fully and hits a running "Jennycanrana" and quickly grabs the downed Donny and slaps on an armbar! Donny screams out in pain, in the center of the ring, and starts using his other three limbs to try to slide over to the ropes. After a few moments he grabs the ropes and Referee Kirby yells at Jenny to break the hold.
One..
Two...
Threee...
She finally let's go, but kicks Donny in the head for good measure.
Arthur La Forge: If she keeps this up Jenny is going to get disqualified.
Mary DeSue: Oh? Wouldn’t that be a shame Artie?
Arthur La Forge: Yes. Because if she doesn’t get this title shot she might come after me again!
Mary DeSue: I’ll protect you with my YAOI PADDLE Artie…
Arthur La Forge: Oddly...After last week...That actually makes me feel better.
Jenny picks up Donny and pulls him to the center of the ring. Jenny hits "Enter The Machine", and quickly heads to the top rope. She eyes Donny who slowly gets up to a halfway standing and goes for a top rope "Royal Pain in the Ass"...and DONNY CATCHES HER, SPINS, AND POWERBOMB TO THE CENTER OF THE RING!!! Both wrestlers go down again!
Arthur La Forge: WHAT A REVERSAL!!
Mary DeSue: That’s what you get for messing with the “A-Team” of Commentary!
One...
Two...
Three...
Four...
Donny gets up first and stands up. He heads to the turnbuckle and see's Jenny still down. He starts to walk the ropes, as he does this the Level Up fans get to their feet for this amazing display! He turns his back to the ring and hits a moonsault on Jenny! "Crashing Down"! Donny gets up and basks in the cheers for a moment as he calls for the end of this match. He's calling for "The Rack-O-Matic"! He gets Jenny up on his shoulders into the fireman's carry and goes to start to jump the move, but Jenny slides around and..."The Crowning"! The Ace Crusher out of nowhere puts Donny on the mat! Jenny quickly gets up and slaps on "The Queen's Gambit"!!!
Arthur La Forge: Come on Donny! Get to the ropes!...Get to the...I mean...This could go either way. Both...wrestlers...really want this.
Mary DeSue: You know, it’s kinda nice watching you sweat about not being fair for just one match. Here...I’ll be unprofessional for both of us...COME ON THICCY JUNIOR!! MAMA WANTS TO SEE KICK DAT B(BLEEP)
Arthur La Forge: ...I’m not even gonna try to stop you this time.
Donny is trying to fight out of it, but he can't make it to the ropes and finally taps!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...and as such gets a shot at reclaiming "The Courage Championship"..."Queen Machine" Jenny!!!
She's not letting go. She's still holding on! Jenny is screaming "GOLDIE!!!" as Referee Kirby yells at her to let go. She finally does as Donny rolls out of the ring, not taking any chances.
Arthur La Forge: Smart move by Donny getting out of there before things get to heated!
Mary DeSue: Well, at least one member of “Team Thiccness” won tonight, but Artie...Artie?
Mr. Rad: Oh...one last thing Jenny...if you attack anyone else...ANYONE ELSE UNPROVOKED...You lose your shot. Got it!
"Queen Machine" is so happy she doesn't even notice what Rad has said to her. It's like she just won the "Final Boss" title. She's one step closer to her goal...
Arthur La Forge: I...I...I...
Mary DeSue: It’s okay Artie...just breath...
---
EA Blizzard vs. Arthur Fisk
EA comes out swinging as he takes Fisk nearly out of his boots with a thunderous running big boot. He then takes to stomping a mudhole into the younger man, holding the ropes as leverage as he begins driving the heel of his boot into Fisk’s throat. Ref Kirby gets to four before EA relents, he shoves Kirby and shouts that he has until ‘5’ He turns to Fisk nailing a punch to the ribs, however it means little as EA bashes his face with a knee.
Arthur La Forge: ...Knee to the face!
Mary DeSue: Oh good! You’re back. I was worried I was gonna actually have to describe a wrestling move.
He then lifts Fisk by his ears and whips him as hard as he can into the corner, the impact causes Fisk to bounce off the turnbuckles and sprawl out on the mat. EA raises his arms to the crowd who shower boos upon him. He looks incensed at the disrespect, going to lift Fisk up and with a grunt of effort he lifts and places him on the top rope, paying him a stiff right hand that almost sends him to the floor.
Arthur La Forge: The fans are not helping Fisk! It seems the more they boo the more dangerous this is going to be for him.
Mary DeSue: You think EA would be use to getting s(bleep)talked!
Arthur La Forge: Will you please take it easy with the swearing. Twitch could shut us down!
Mary DeSue: Oh please...all I gotta do is whip these out.
As we pan away from Mary undoing her tie and top buttons of her Blue Brothers Cosplay. EA steps over the top rope onto the apron, looking out over the crowd with disdain once more as he reaches up and snatches Fisk by the throat. Fisk sends right hands to EA’s head, and to his wrist. He does all he can to fight out of the hold but it’s fruitless! EA grins maliciously as he leaps and...CHOKESLAM FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!! Fisk goes limp on impact, his head bouncing from the concrete. EA instantly mounts him and sets to pounding his face with rights and lefts.
Arthur La Forge: Somebody get th EMTS!
Mary DeSue: Holy S(bleep)!
Fisk can do nothing to defend himself as his face almost instantly begins to show signs of the beating. Scuffing up, swelling, his lips split, he forms a cut above is eye. EA stands as Kirby reprimands them to return to the ring, he looks down at the bloodied Fisk and drags him toward the ring after reaching down to snatch him by the wrist. He then rolls in under the bottom rope, and back out to break the count. Kirby yells at him but EA ignores it as he pulls Fisk to his feet. Fisk is so out of it he can't even stand.
Arthur La Forge: There is no doubt in my mind that Fisk has got to have serious head trauma! Somebody stop the d(bleep) match!
Mary DeSue: Artie! Stay seated! You just got back and I am not dealing with Lenny two times in a month!
He lifts him up and runs, smashing him into a ringpost with enough force to shift the ring a centimeter, then turns and drops him in a powerslam over the ringsteps. Fisk screams in pain, arching his back as EA yanks the thin rubber pad up from the concrete floor. He stares out at the fans who chide and boo him before going and lifting Fist to his feet. He walks him to the concrete and….INDUSTRY STANDARD ON THE CONCRETE!! EA rolls into the ring as Kirby rolls out to check on Fisk...then waves his arms over his head, calling for the bell and flashing an “X” that gets the medical staff running down.
Mr. Rad: Arthur Fisk is unable to continue...As such...The winner of this bout by referee decision...E.A. Blizzard!
Arthur La Forge: Somebody has got to put a stop to this maniac!
Mary DeSue: Well “White Knight” you need to slow your role before you get another hospital stay out of this!
---
Backstage, we find Larry Tact walking purposefully throughout the hallways of the NOW Arena. He looks perturbed and then stops momentarily, spotting someone in his eyeline. He walks towards Lenny Brasco, who waves to Larry as he approaches.
Lenny Brasco: Larry Tact! What a coincidence I’m seeing you here. I wanted to ask about a great sale I wanted to pitch out in the arena. If you buy two items of merchandise from an Extra Lives Round Robin participant, you get a THIRD ITEM FREE! I could pitch it as a “Tactfully Yours” Christmas sale! Or maybe the “Extra Lives? Extra Merch” holiday special! Wait no… it’s the… takes breath... “Tactful Lords of the Vine Raab Time Jumping Circus Deal to get Nao!!!”
Lenny is out of breath after voicing his marketing ‘genius’ and Larry crosses his arms.
Larry Tact: You think because you have a live mic you can say whatever pleases you out there?
Lenny Brasco: I don’t understand? I hadn’t gotten the promo code yet, but I would never tell the fans about a great deal without it!
Larry Tact: Shut up and listen, Lenny. I meant what you said about my needing to focus on the Round Robin instead my pitch for a Final Boss title match to the winner of Lockheart/Stoner. Then tonight, with your fanboy comments for the ‘legend’...
Lenny Brasco: No need to be a meanie, Larry. I only looked at the rankings the Developer has meticulously recorded all year, and your best path to a title shot is through the Extra Lives tournament. Much like your best path to a GREAT DEAL-- *urk!*
Larry grabs Lenny by the collar, pushing him back into a steel equipment case with a sneer.
Larry Tact: Things are about to change around here, Brasco. It’s about time the Developer understood how wrestlers really do business. There’s working through the ring, and then there’s making waves out of it. Now, let’s work on an AMENDMENT to your statements last week. Fr one, after the Final Boss title match between Magdalena Lockheart and--
Lenny Brasco: Bert!
Larry Tact: Yes, or as I would say…
Larry pauses, following Lenny’s eyes and cranks his head to one side, where Level Up’s resident double champion, Bert McAlroy stands confidently with his titles. Larry sniffs and tosses Brasco aside to face up to Bert, and the announcer/interviewer quickly makes his exit.
Larry Tact: You’ll have to look elsewhere for your dub sac. Why don’t you go outside and see if the scalpers waiting for Mags and Duncan to start have any.
Bert McAlroy: I'm sure they'd be a lot more interesting than listening to you cry and bitch your way into another failed title shot..
Larry looks none too pleased by the comment, but surprisingly restrains himself, and raising his fingers he loudly whistles.Stepping out from around the corner to stand on either side of Larry are none other than the Faction's Drake and ISAAC. Tact slowly looks at either man before turning back to the Triforce Champion with a shit-eating grin.
Larry Tact: How about this? Get your dope self out of our sight. If not, we're going to make good on what I said: Anyone. But. Robert. In fact, you SHOULD go to the parking lot… so you can BEG Mags to return the sac she extracted from between your legs at Dead by Daylight.
Robert measures the two men, then returns his deep blue eyes to rest on Tact.
Bert McAlroy: The choker hired the losers to improve his tough guy cred...that's like taking heroin to support sobriety, yo..
He drops the Triforce title to the ground, sliding out of his hoodie...REVEALING A LEAD PIPE HIDDEN WITHIN! He brandishes it but makes no move to strike outside of a slow swing at the air around Tact's head, mouthing 'Pow'.
Bert McAlroy: Word of advice...kid. Worry about having a match that matters at the Pay Per View...you can continue with the mediocrity afterward.
He motions with the lead pipe.
Bert McAlroy: Now get to steppin.
Larry eyes the lead pipe, his expression souring as he takes a half step back. Looking Bert in the eyes, his mouth creases into a grin as he laughs.
Larry Tact: Get him.
Drake and ISAAC lunge at Bert! He manages to jab forward with the pipe and strike Drake, who grabs his neck, coughing. He tries to get ISAAC but too late, as the big man squeezes Bert’s wrist in a direction it shouldn’t really go, forcing the Triforce Champion’s arm back. Bert tries a knee to ISAAC, but it’s too close quarters and ISAAC headbutts Bert! He then lifts Bert and bounces him backfirsts off the steel equipment case! Larry, meanwhile, is laughing his ass off. Drake lifts Bert and sends him overhead with a Belly to Belly Suplex... Bert LANDS ON TOP OF THE CASE! He throws the pipe right into ISAAC’s face, and with a “Clang!” it careens off his skull and sends him to the floor. Bert then FLIES OFF onto Drake, sending him onto the concrete! Bert looks for the pipe… only for Larry Tact to smash it against his back!! Bert crumples to the ground and Larry examines the weapon.
Larry Tact: So crude.
He tosses it away and we hear it bounce in the distance. Larry picks up Bert hits a Running Powerslam through a ladder! Bert is reeling on the floor and Tact, with a grunt picks up a nearby steel beam. With an effort, he lifts the beam over his head, looking down at Bert.
Larry Tact: You brought this onto yourself. Now your Final Boss Fantasy is OVER!!!
Bert SHOVES the ladder into Tact’s ribs and just barely rolls away as the beam crashes down on the floor. Larry coughs, and looks up to see Bert come flying off some equipment! GIVE HER THE BERT! Bert gets back up and looks for MAXIMUM EFFORT… but Larry catches him and RAMS Bert through some staging lights and to a wall… and Bert hammers at Tact’s back and SHATTERS A SPOTLIGHT ONTO HIS HEAD!! Larry goes to a knee and we see crimson seeping into his blonde mane. He shakes his head and gets up, turning... RIGHT INTO BONG WATER!! Tact hits the ground and Bert, breathing heavily and bent over, turns right around into a running knee from VICTORIA SALINAS! The crowd is left stunned by this as Bert drops down to the floor. Victoria reveals a set of brass knuckles then pounces on Bert and pummels him in the face again and again and again with the brass knuckles. Victoria throws the knuckles down as Bert refuses to stay down, eventually getting to his knees and egging her on. Victoria angrily darts at Bert and nails him with a Bussaiku Knee!! Bert hits the floor with a smack.
Larry, Drake, ISAAC, and Victoria surround Bert and Level Up officials swarm onto the scene just as Larry is about to lock on the Tactful Surrender. He ends up grabbing Bert by the face, squeezing as Ahmya rushes in.
Ahmya: Larry this is not you! Don’t hurt him, please just go, please…
Larry releases Bert, and turns his attention to Ahmya.
Larry Tact: You don’t see it? You’re protecting a monster. No, something had to be done, and I was humble enough to do Level Up this favor.
Victoria, Drake, and ISAAC begin stepping up to Ahmya, but Larry stops them with an extended arm.
Larry Tact: What needs equalizing, we will correct while bringing the best version of Level Up to life. We are Game Changers.
The four of them walk away from the scene, as Ahmya checks on Bert and officials call for medical assistance.
Arthur La Forge: What did we just see happen backstage? Folks, I’m sorry but this is truly a dire situation developing.
Mary DeSue: I am so hot right now. It’s a dream come true! Bert has finally been put in his place, flat on his face! Ha, that even rhymed.
Arthur La Forge: You can’t be serious, Mary. This is absolutely appalling, and strangely, where was James ‘The Wizard’ Wilcox in all this?
Mary DeSue: Now that you mention it, he wasn’t there.
Arthur La Forge: Our Triforce Champion has been brutally assaulted only weeks away from the biggest match of his career, and the biggest match in Level Up’s history! I can’t believe this.
Mary DeSue: That’s what Larry was getting at. They changed the whole damn game. Thank goodness Bert’s done! There’s still time to find a new opponent for the Final Boss.
Arthur La Forge: For the sake of Final Fantasy, I hope that isn’t the case.
Mary DeSue: Blah blah blah… this is the greatest night ever.
---
Dominique Moriarty vs. Ahmya
The two women circle each other, sizing each other up as the bell rings. Ahmya is obviously a bit unhinged after the attack on Bert, and Moriarty takes advantage by running forward and leaping up. Moriarty hits a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors Takedown sending Ahmya to the mat! Moriarty gets up and yells out "WHORE!" to the fans who boo her instantly. She rares back and kicks Ahmya in the ribs with her boot and looks to have enjoyed that bit of sadism a little bit to much as Moriarty heads to the ropes. Moriarty heads across to the ropes and hops onto the second rope leaping back with an Asai Moonsault onto Ahmya! Picking up Ahmya, Moriarty tosses her into the ropes and heads closer to the other side. As Ahmya comes back around Moriarty takes out Ahmya with a drop toe hold, with Ahmya landing on the second rope. Moriarty kips up and charges forward hitting a "619" on Ahmya!
Arthur La Forge: Great use of ring tactics by Moriarty to get Ahmya off her feet!
Mary DeSue: She’s probably still upset about poor Bert...Pfft. GIRL YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!!
Moriarty gets up and poses again as the fans respond in kind...by booing her with all their might. She reaches down and picks up Ahmya. Kick to the gut by Ahmya! Floatover DDT!! Both women are down...
One..
Two...
Moriarty and Ahmya pull themselves up by the ropes and charge at each other and start going punch for punch with each other as the fans start getting more into the match and get on their feet!
Arthur La Forge: IT’S A MELEE!!!
Mary DeSue: Knock some sense into her Dominique!
The punchoff ends with Ahmya ducking Moriarty's right fist and hitting Moriarty with a short arm lariat! Moriarty falls back into the ropes and bounces off. Jumping Facebuster by Ahmya! Ahmya poses for the fans who cheer as she picks up Moriarty! Toss into the ropes. Ahmya goes for a Tilt-A-Whirl Headscissors, but Moriarty catches Ahmya and turns it into a powerbomb into the turnbuckle post! Ahmya slumps down. Moriarty picks Ahmya up and hits her with a Sleeper Slam! Moriarty picks up Ahmya and sits her on the top turnbuckle. Moriarty signals for "Bulkhead Harquebus"! As she goes for the top rope version of her Frankensteiner though Ahmya catches her and just launchers Moriarty back first down onto the mat. Moriarty hold her head as she hits and rolls back onto her back. Ahmya gets up and...
Arthur La Forge: Hail’s Blessing!!!
Mary DeSue: OUCH! That move always bothers me when she hits it.
After hitting the Top Rope Three Sixty Footstomp Ahmya goes for the cover...
One...
Two...
Reversal by Moriarty...
One...
Two...
Reversal by Ahmya!
One...
Two...
THREE!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...Ahmya!!!
Arthur La Forge: Moriarty almost got out of that pinning attempt, but it just seems Ahmya just got the better position for a three count!
Mary DeSue: Can we get back to finding out if Bert is gonna have to retire or not.
---
Larry Tact vs. Dionysus
The bell rings and Tact and Dion begin exchanging words, much like they have on Twitter most of this week. Tact shows an outright lack of respect by slapping Dion across the face! Dion retorts with a slap of his own and the two begin brawling! Tact gets the ascendancy by blocking Dion’s fist and uncorking a series of right handed jabs to Dion’s mush. He forces him back towards the corner then bounces his head off the top turnbuckle. A look of fury in his eyes, Tact begins grinding his forearm across Dion’s head. The ref calls for a break but Tact looks like he can barely hear him.
Arthur La Forge: Apparently Tact’s not putting up with anyone disrespecting him anymore.
Mary DeSue: And why should he? He’s better than everyone else...except THICCNESS!
Fortunately Tact does break the hold at the count of four, then shoots daggers at the ref. He turns back to continue punishing Dion, but the big man charges out of the corner and decks him with a clothesline! Dion shakes away the cobwebs just in time to see Tact approaching him. He ducks under and lifts Tact up with an impressive flapjack! Dion then pounces on Tact, slapping on a headlock to keep him grounded. Tact fights his way up and almost manages to escape, but Dion keeps the pressure on by switching into a hammerlock! He twists Tact’s arm behind him then rocks him with a nasty headbutt! This causes Tact to stumble and Dion reels him back, right into a spinebuster! Dion covers.
ONE!
TWO!
Tact kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: The Spine on The Pine didn’t end in sublime for “The Lord of The Vine”.
Mary DeSue: Wow...that was actually pretty good Artie. I’d be impressed but I’m on a mission from god...
Dion then mounts Tact and unleashes some more punches, before standing up. He leaps into the air and connects with a brutal knee drop right on Tact’s nose! The impact causes a trail of blood to begin dripping down from Tact’s nose as he rolls away clutching his face. Tact looks to roll out of the ring but Dion grabs his feet to prevent the escape! Dion shakes his head and begins pulling the bloody Tact back into the ring kicking and screaming. Tact manages to pull his legs backwards and kick out, sending Dion tumbling away. Tact gets to his feet with the help of the ropes in the corner, and avoids a charging Dion, sending him shoulder first into the steel post! The ref tries to get in and clean up Tact’s nose, which is still producing a steady stream of blood, but Tact shoves him away. He pulls Dion out of the corner, then lifts him up into a TORTURE RACK!
Arthur La Forge: Busted nose or not, Larry Tact’s got Dion in the Torture Rack!
Mary DeSue: Look at all that Beef Hopping Around...It’s like Baywatch for women...
Tact looks like a spartan warrior as he holds Dion’s body aloft on his shoulders, his nose and chest painted red from his own blood. He drives his shoulders into Dion’s back over and over, then spins out and plants him with a huge POWERBOMB! Having lost a decent amount of blood at this point, Tact takes a breather before making his way over to Dion and hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
Dionysus kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: How did he kick out of that devestating powerbomb?!
Mary DeSue: You know Dion...he’s got such a flare for the dramatic.
Tact looks slightly winded but fortunately the flow of blood from his nose has begun to slow. With Dion still recovering from the nasty powerbomb, Tact pounces. He positions his body so his torso rests over the crouched body of Dion. He rocks Dion with a series of brutal elbows, then locks his feet around Dion’s arm. Tact then presses down with his entire body weight on Dion, trying to force him down to the mat and lock in an armbar that might damn near break his arm! Dion shows impressive determination and strength, resisting and preventing Tact from fully locking in the devastating submission. The crowd willing him on, Dion continues to rise, using all his strength to lift Tact up on his shoulders! Dion then runs forward and plants Tact with an Alabama slam! Dion gets to his feet, bounces off the ropes, and nails Tact with a SHINING WIZARD! He follows this up with a LIONSAULT - Round of Applause! Dion covers.
ONE!
TWO!
NO! Tact kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: This standing ovation for Dionysus just got denied by Tact!
Mary DeSue: Everyone’s a critic...This was just a prelude to Tact’s comeback!
Dion thumps the mat, thinking he almost had the match won there. Looking to reopen old wounds, Dion pulls up Tact head first and begins unleashing pointed strikes right onto Tact’s nose! Tact roars in pain as blood once again begins to trickle out from his nostrils. Pulling his opponent to his feet, Dion lines Tact up, and pulls him in for a RAINMAKER...NO! Tact ducks the finisher and connects with a swinging neckbreaker! Both men get to their feet, and Tact spits blood out of his mouth, before reeling back and connecting with a headbutt!! The strike sprays some of Tact’s own blood into Dion’s eyes, and he follows up with a kick to the gutt RELEASE POWERBOMB INTO BACKSTABBER - Tactful Surrender!! Tact crumbles and makes the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...LARRRYYY TACT!!
Arthur La Forge: Release Powerbomb into a Backstabber causes Larry Tact to break the win streak in the Round Robin Tournament for Dionysus.
Mary DeSue: Well you win some. You lose some. And now he’s lost some points!
Tact has his hand raised in the middle of the ring as EMT staff come in looking to try and stem the bleeding from his nose but again he refuses any help. Tact stares down Dion who is slowly getting back to his feet. Tact smirks and rolls out of the ring, leaving Dion to contemplate his first loss in the round robin.
Arthur La Forge: Tact, after beating up the number one contender for the “Final Boss” title match at Final Fantasy and now beating Dionysus, looks like he’s on top of the world.
Mary DeSue: Don’t you dare jinx him Artie...
An exhausted Larry Tact rolls out of the ring and leans against the ring apron, showing the effects of the match. He flips his hair behind his head and slowly begins to walk towards the ramp way, when suddenly….
Mary DeSue: Wait a minute. What's this now?
Arthur La Forge: No way. This can't be who I think it is.
After a few seconds, the crowd in the building explodes, as out from the back steps…
Pro wrestling legend CENTURION!!
Arthur La Forge: It is! Centurion is here in Level Up!
Mary DeSue: First Johnny and now him? Don’t these UGWC folks know Wrestlestock is over? I don’t want to see any of them after I was robbed of the District Conquest!
Arthur La Forge: Centurion was rumored to have had closed-door discussions with the Developer’s team. He and Larry have had some words on social media lately, too. Perhaps this has something to do with it.
Centurion stands in the middle of the stage in his high priced suit and a mic in his hand. The music dies down, but the fans' cheers don't. Larry looks around the arena at the reaction, and with clenched teeth glares back at Centurion, who stands and looks into the crowd for a few seconds, soaking in their reaction with a big grin on his face, before speaking into the microphone.
Centurion: LEVEL!! UP!! WRESTLING!!!
The crowd pops big again as Centurion gives a slight laugh.
Centurion: You know, I was in the area and decided to stop by. I've been hearing a lot about the company you have here, and I must say, I'm pretty impressed. The talent, the atmosphere…the crowd.
Centurion lifts the mic up to the crowd, which cues the crowd to cheer again. Larry looks vexed as he throws up his hands and takes a walk around the ring.
Mary DeSue: Alright, we get it.
Centurion: A few weeks ago, I was in contact with the ownership of Level Up. I told them how impressed I was, and I immediately received a response. I was told "Centurion, we'd love to have you! Call your shot! Whatever you want to do, we'll make it happen." Now, I'm a busy man, and I can't just accept random bookings, so I had to think about it for a bit. But then, SOMEONE decided to pipe up and be an asshole!
Centurion points down at Larry, who immediately received a boo from the crowd.
Mary DeSue: Slanderous! He can't just come in here and say things like that!
Larry Tact: I’m gonna barf from all this pandering. But wow, Centurion, I can hardly believe my eyes. You managed to follow the midwest stench all the way to Chicago! A perennial second-class city that matches your status of second-class citizen in this wrestling company. In fact, I actually reserved a ticket for you, just in case... in the cheap seats, with all of these nostalgia slurping fans who remember your glory days. You know, back in the Stone Age.
The fans massively boo Larry for his disparaging comments.
Centurion: Larry, you wanted to take some shots at me. You decided you didn't want to see me here. Well, I'm not the kind of person that just sits back while someone says something to me over the internet, so the moment you stuck your nose in my business, I picked up the phone...and you wanna know who I called?
Centurion takes his jacket off, much to the delight of the crowd.
Larry Tact: Your therapist? I’m not paying that retainer...
Centurion: I called Level Up, and I told them "Hey! You want me to call my shot? Well, I'm calling it! I! WANT! LARRY! TACT!!" So guess what?! In a few weeks, inside THIS VERY RING, you...are going to meet your…
Centurion pauses, allowing the crowd to finish his catch phrase for him. He smiles as he lowers his mic. He looks around for a few seconds before raising the mic back up again.
Centurion: FINAL FANTASY!!!!
Stunned, Larry stands at ringside as Centurion riles up the fans to humungous cheers on stage.
Arthur La Forge: Are you joking me? For one night, Centurion is going to give our fans a legendary performance versus Larry Tact!
Mary DeSue: Wait what?! That’s unbelievable, he can’t just come in here and do that. Someone call the Developer! Call security and tell them to get this guy out of here!
Arthur La Forge: He can and he did. Centurion has LEVELED UP for the biggest event of the year!
---
Ciela Luiz vs. Lord Raab
Ciela shows no hesitation or fear of the German Monster, swinging at him wildly with a series of kicks that just fail to land. She finally connects...but Raab holds her leg in the air! He spins her around by the foot and crushes her with a nasty clothesline. Luiz regroups and charges in again, looking for a spinning heel kick! The strike lands flush on Raab’s noggin but she only succeeds in staggering him. Seeing this, Ciela resolves to try again. She bounces off the ropes, but Raab is already there! He lifts her up and over into a big back body drop. Ciela bounces off the mat and back to her feet...ONLY TO BE CAUGHT IN A GOOZLE! Raab lifts her up, looking for the Chokeinator...BUT SHE COUNTERS INTO A ROLL-UP!
Arthur La Forge: WHAT A COUNTER!! That came out of nowhere!
Mary DeSue: That’s just gonna tick Raab off!
ONE!
Raab pushes her off and sends her rolling across the ring. As Raab gets to his feet, he’s stunned with a superkick outta nowhere! This time Raab does go down...to a knee. But Ciela’s ready, she bounces off the ropes, connecting with a SHINING WIZARD - Viva la Familia! She quickly hooks the leg.
ONE!
TW-NO! She’s pushed off again!
Arthur La Forge: The Shining Wizard is not enough to take down a monster like Lord Raab this early.
Mary DeSue: You know that feeling you get when you done f(beep)ed up...I’m getting that right now from the ring.
Raab now seems seriously ticked off. He rushes down Ciela and begins unloading on her with boxing punches. He ends the combination with a knee to the cut and then a stiff uppercut that sends Ciela to the corner. Raab drives his elbow into Ciela repeatedly, inflicting brutal strikes to the side of her head. He then grabs her by the throat with both hands, and choke-throws her out of the corner! Ciela bounces off the mat and Raab decks her again with a huge big boot! Raab covers the Time Traveler.
ONE!
TWO!
Ciela kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: Another kickout by Ciela! She definitely wants this win!
Mary DeSue: I might reconsider that considering who she’s fighting!
Ciela rolls away, looking to get her bearings.Raab is on her instantly, pulling her up by the hair. Ciela manages to resist, elbowing the German Monster in the gut several times. Managing to free herself from the grip of Raab, she wheels around and connects with a pele kick! Having rocked the big man, she kicks him in the gut and plants him with a DDT! Feeling the momentum from the crowd, who are cheering her on, Ciela heads up top. She reaches the top turnbuckle, steadies herself, then leaps off with a MOONSAULT...NO! Raab gets the knees up!
Arthur La Forge: Knees to the ribcage! That definitely knocked the wind out of Ciela!
Mary DeSue: I think I heard something snap.
Ciela cries out in pain, cradling her ribs as she rolls on the floor. Raab capitalises, grabbing her by the neck and lifting her into the air. He plants her with the CHOKEINATOR! He doesn’t go for the pin, but immediately locks in the ANACONDA VICE! The Killerlock is cinched in! Ciela fumbles around, tyring to escape...but eventually there’s nowhere to go. Eventually she begins to fade...SHE’S OUT! The ref calls for the bell!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...LORDDD RAABBB!!
Arthur La Forge: And Lord Raab picks up a win for the Round Robin Tournament!
Mary DeSue: I don’t think that’s all he did. Look!
Referee Kirby checks on Ciela and makes the “X” motion as EMT’s rush to ringside to check on her.
Arthur La Forge: Folks we will try to keep you updated on this and other medical situations of our superstars as the night goes on.
Mary DeSue: Everybody is having a bad night!
---
The camera cuts backstage to Joey Crash in front of a closed door. Crash knocks on the door, with no reply. He sighs and knocks again with zero response. Giving up patience, he barges into the room and past Crash we can see HIS MONSTER standing in the middle of the small locker room, lifting huge dumbbells and clearly displeased with the intrusion.
Joey Crash: Listen, I know you’re busy and so am I, we’re all business. So I’m going to make this quick. I don’t want what happened at TriForce Heroes to get in between us tearing Bert and Buster a new one tonight. I want you to put your recent defeats at the back of your mind because if there’s anyone who can secure the victory, it’s Joey [BLEEP]ing Crash.
Crash points at himself with his thumbs, exuding the ignorant confidence of a man whose wandered into a minefield and by sheer luck hasn’t been blown up yet. HIS MONSTER glares at him, cold, quiet and unblinking. He lets the dumbbells fall from his hands to the floor with a loud clatter before letting Crash continue his spiel.
Joey Crash: Here’s the deal, I beat the TriForce champion last week in the middle of the ring, and I’m going to do it again. Old Maggie’s going to be busting my door down and begging me to replace Bert at Final Fantasy after I’m done mopping the floor with him two shows in a row. All I need you to do is swat away that fly, Buster, while I get to work. I know you’re more than capable of doing that. But as far as the win goes? Leave that with me.{/b]
Crash goes to punch HIS MONSTER in the arm, but HM catches his fist without breaking eye contact. Staring him in the eyes as Joey stares back, his other fist firmly clenched and ready to defend himself. Suddenly, MONSTER lets his fist go without a fight, and gives him a wry smirk.
HIS MONSTER: No worries, uce. We're gonna win, and it's gonna be a massacre.
He walks out of the room, chuckling to himself. Crash stares at his fist that was held hostage just a moment ago, and kisses it with a sigh of relief.
---
Joey Crash & HIS MONSTER vs. Buster Gloves & Bert McAlroy
As the bell rings with the match officially underway, it is Buster, who's dressed like his partner Bert, starts the match for his team. However, when stood across from an unpredictable beast such as HIS MONSTER, it's questionable whether their strategy of having Buster start the match is of much use. Although, before the two men can even exchange in the slightest, Joey tags himself in, climbs through the ropes and walks to the centre of the ring cockily. From here, Joey calls for Bert to tag in and to meet him one-on-one in the ring. In response, Buster tags in the Number One Contender and Joey gets what he asked for as he and Bert now begin the match, exchanging in a series of chain wrestling.
Arthur La Forge: Bert trying chain wrestling didn’t work out so well for him the last time.
Mary DeSue: Well he’s beat up, not thinking straight. Well he never thinks straight. I forget what my point was.
After a back and forth, it is eventually Joey who gets the upper-hand with a deep chin-lock. Knowing so, Joey takes this opportunity to mock Bert, heckling the fans by shouting 'is this your hero' over and over. Nevertheless, this would end up costing Joey as his lack of concentration on his opponent would allow Bert to wriggle free and get up to his feet from where he would deliver a dropkick to the face of Joey, knocking him back. With Bert now having the upper-hand, Joey retreats back to his corner and tags in what he has presented as the secret weapon, a destructive monster, HIS MONSTER.
Arthur La Forge: This guy is dangerous. He seems to not really care for the rules as long as he can beat people up.
Mary DeSue: As long as he beats Bert up, I don’t mind!
Still, Bert does not back down and doesn't even hesitate as he immediately charges at HM but as he jumps at the monster, he is simply thrown up into the air and left to fall face first into the mat. Then, as he tries getting to his feet, HIS MONSTER delivers a series of savage clobbering blows to the head of Bert. Then, HM lifts Bert up and hits a belly-to-belly suplex that sends McAlroy flying across the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Bert shouldn’t even be out here after the beating he took, and HM is making it worse!
Mary DeSue: Better! You mean better!
Showing that relentless spirit that he's known for, Bert gets back up straight away and charges at HM once again. This time, Bert ducks under a clothesline attempt from HM before hitting a step-up enziguri, catching HIS MONSTER on the side of the head. Yet, the monster doesn't flinch. In shock, Bert thinks quickly and decides to hit the ropes, building up steam as he goes for a bicycle knee strike but this time is caught with a capture suplex that tosses him across the ring and into his corner. With Bert down, Buster Gloves tags himself in as he now comes face-to-face with HIS MONSTER but takes a more methodical approach, attempting to wear down HM with chain wrestling, quickly applying and releasing holds before HIS MONSTER can grab a hold of him, effectively also buying time for Bert to recover. Meanwhile, although Joey watched on joyously as HM dismantled Bert, he now grows frustrated as Buster uses his elite technical ability and composed temperament in order to counter the unpredictability and inhuman power of HIS MONSTER.
Arthur La Forge: Buster Gloves and HIS Monster are set to face each other at Final Fantasy and we’re getting a preview here!
Mary DeSue: Until the monster gets ahold of him and rips him apart! He should choose his partners more wisely!
After a couple close calls of the monster almost getting hold of Buster, HIS MONSTER finally does stop Buster in his tracks as he catches him in a waist-lock. Instantly, Buater begins to struggle and deliver elbows to the beast grasping him but it doesn't even seem to phase HIS MONSTER who then goes for a German suplex. However, Buster is able to land on his feet and notices that Bert is back in their corner so quickly evades a clothesline from HM and then tags him in. Now, Bert storms back in and straight away ducks a clothesline from HM, heading straight to the ropes to pick up speed. Then, as he runs back at HM, Buster suddenly stands in the way and catapults Bert at HM. As he flies at HM, Bert delivers a double knee facebreaker but as he hits the mat, HIS MONSTER stays on top of Bert and attempts to lock in the Mandible Claw. Yet, Buster helps Bert out by stomping on the back of HM's head before then climbing onto his back and delivering a shooting star press, squishing HIS MONSTER between Bert's knees and Buster's abdomen.
Arthur La Forge: Nice double team maneuver there!
Mary DeSue: BOOOOOOO
With damage finally done to HIS MONSTER, Buster and Bert get up but their celebrations don't last long as Joey sneaks up from behind and deliver a chop block to the knee of Bert. Instantly, Buster avenges Bert by delivering a roundhouse kick to Joey followed by a Falcon Arrow. Nonetheless, by the time Joey's interference is over, HM is back to his feet and takes out Buster, leaving just himself and Buster. in the ring who is still gripping that tweaked knee of his.
Arthur La Forge: Buster Gloves may not make it to Final Fantasy. That shark smells blood!
Mary DeSue: That’ll teach him not to interrupt HM next time!
Over the next few minutes, we see HM absolutely decimate Bert with destructive slams and hellish suplexes. Nonetheless, Bert doesn't cower once and continues fighting, once again showing that unwillingness to give up that he prides himself on. Eventually, Bert is able to buy himself enough time to tag in Buster who heads straight to the top rope and attempts a crossbody on HM but instead, is caught in mid-air. Then, as BH attempts to lift Buster onto his shoulders, Buster is able to slip down onto his feet before catching HIS MONSTER with a forearm so stiff that the sound from it echoes all the way to row Z. Yet, HIS MONSTER still doesn't fall but at most is spun around as he now faces Bert who hadn't yet left the ring. Quickly, Bert applies a double underhook facelock on HM whilst Buster lifts his legs up from behind as Bert then plants HM with an elevated DDT. Then, Bert pushes HM with his legs into a German suplex from Buster that he bridges into pinfall but after all, they only get a one count.
Arthur La Forge: What’s it gonna take to beat this guy?
Mary DeSue: Only Joey Crash knows, and he’s teaming with him!
As HM now climbs back to his feet, Buster tries to stay on top of the beast by building up some speed before attempting a bicycle knee strike to the skull of HIS MONSTER. However, inches before connecting, HM catches the knee of Buster, hoists him up onto his shoulders and delivers a catastrophic powerbomb that lays out BG. As HIS MONSTER now looks down on his fallen opponent, Joey can be heard in the background asking for the tag. Reluctantly, the monster listens to possibly the only person to show an ounce of control over this destructive being and tags in Joey Crash who waltzes into the ring smugly, picking up the pieces as he keeps Buster down with repeated strikes. After taunting them and laying into Buster with continuous knees, elbows and punches, Joey decides its time to line up for the a spear as he now stalks Buster from the corner. As Buster reaches his feet, Joey darts right at him and goes for a spear but instead of hitting it on Buster, Bert dives in the way and takes the hit, sacrificing himself for his teammate who is then able to capitalize with a bicycle knee strike to Joey's skull.
Arthur La Forge: Bert is now running interference here, as he’s taken a hell lof a beating. They both have.
Mary DeSue: One more for the good guys!
Looking to put Joey away early, Buster hits the The Obliterator (Burning Hammer) and then rolls him over for the cover but as the referee counts two, HIS MONSTER reenters the fray and picks Buster up from behind. As HM picks him up, Buster is able to struggle free of the monster's grip and begins to lay kick after kick into the legs of HM, trying to chop down this freakish being. Ultimately though, HM is able to grab hold of Buster and flings him into the corner before charging at him and squashing him against the turnbuckles. Bert reenters the ring and charges HIS MONSTER but receives a big boot, dropping him to the floor below. HM turns around and wraps both hands around the throat of Buster Glove, choking him as the referee starts counting the illegal man in the ring and gets to five, ringing the bell for a disqualification. HIS MONSTER turns to the referee and grabs him by the shirt. He pops the referee up in the air and drops him with a Samoa Drop. This gives Buster enough time to start fighting back. Bert McAlroy gets back to his feet and he joins Buster in giving a double clothesline that sends HIS MONSTER over the top rope to his feet on the mat outside the ring. Joey Crash sneaks behind Bert and drops him with a belly to back suplex as HIS MONSTER grabs Buster's legs and pulls him out of the ring, both hands around Buster's throat and lifts him high into the air before tossing him through the announcers table below. Referee Kirby calls for the bell!
DING! DING! DING!
Mr. Rad: The team of Joey Crash and HIS MONSTER have been disqualified! Your winners of this bout by disqualification...Buster Gloves and Bert McAlroy!!
Arthur La Forge: HIS MONSTER is once again disqualified for abusing the rules! But I don’t think he cares!
Mary DeSue: Why should he? He got to annihilate somebody again!
---
Magdalena Lockheart vs. Duncan Shepard
Arthur La Forge: And that was the end of our show normally, but we have a special presentation of a unofficial unsanctioned match between Magdalena Lockheart and Duncan Shepard. Champion vs Champion with neither title on the line.
Mary DeSue: I’m hoping Lockheart finally gets what she deserves!
The feed cuts to the parking lot area outside the arena where a relatively smaller group of fans are gathered behind a ring of vehicles each with their headlights pointing towards the center of a 20 foot wide circle. The types of cars range from pickup trucks to compact cars to SUVs and even what appears to be an old Winnebago... wait... is that the Normandy? On the far side of the circle, opposite from the age-weathered and rusted Normandy is an empty parking space. Security and whatever officials are available work to keep the crowd at a safe distance behind the fight circle.
Duncan Shepard clambers out of the back of his RV donning his Heavy Armour class gear, black jeans and shirt with knee and elbow pads that match and white/red tape on his wrists. He's ready for a fight tonight, even if the contest is scheduled to be unsanctioned. There's a lot more than pride at stake here and the Commander is well aware that a career-defining or perhaps career-ending injury could happen at any moment in this hell circle of steel, glass, and asphalt. He steps out towards the center of the circle and allows his vision to adjust to the juxtaposing levels of light within. He looks over at the empty space just as a gaudy white Mustang GT Mach 1 maneuvers itself in between a Tesla and a Jaguar. It seems as though his opponent has finally arrived.
Lockheart steps out of the vehicle also ready for battle. She's got her hands and wrists taped solidly from the gaps between her fingers to about halfway up her forearms. She's wearing a tank top and cut-up jeans as well, also choosing to go with the elbow and knee pads to try to at least take some minor precautions to prevent injury herself. Except Lockheart has decided to take things a step further, wearing soccer (or football) style hard shinguards in place of kickpads. As she steps in towards the center of the vehicles and towards Shepard himself, Duncan can't help but to point out the shinguards and comment about them.
Duncan Shepard: So it's going to be like that, is it?
Maggie shrugs.
Maggie Lockheart: You're so big.
And in truth when they first meet face to face at the center, it becomes clear that Maggie is giving up quite the size and strength advantage in this fight to this specimen of a man. The Power champion looks like he's been chiseled out of granite while Lockheart herself still shows signs of being on the mend. Dark circles around and puffy bags under her eyes make it look as though the Final Boss champion hadn't slept in weeks.
Duncan Shepard: You really are going to make me do this, aren't you?
Maggie Lockheart: Ask me that again in five minutes after I'm done kicking your ass.
Shepard balls his fist.
Duncan Shepard: It's your death wish. Let it be known that this isn't how I pictured this to go down. I wanted a real fight, in the ring.
Lockheart considers his words, and after a few moments of processing them, nods in approval. She then rears back and gives the Power Champion a hearty slap across his face.
Maggie Lockheart: This is a real fight! Qui-
But her words are cut off when Duncan takes her right into the hood of the Jaguar with a running double-leg takedown! Now is about the time that the officials were to signal that the match would begin, if there was one. Wink wink. Shepard's got Lockheart bent backwards over the grille and hood of the Jag as he keeps her pinned down with forearm strikes intended for the side of her face. But she blocks most of them, so the Commander pulls her back out onto the fighting surface by the back of her head and slams his knee into her abdomen. The knee lift drives the air straight out of Maggie's lungs as she drops down to one knee. Duncan then follows up with a forearm shot to the side of her head that sends the Final Boss champion down to the asphalt. Shepard takes a fighting stance and motions for her to…
Duncan Shepard: Get up!
Dazed, and already favoring her ribs, Lockheart pulls herself back up and wipes a bit of blood off of the corner of her mouth with her forearm. She's gasping but she somehow still manages to push across a smirk to her not-as-official opponent for the evening.
Maggie Lockheart: So is this... the real you? Bertie must've been right... the good guy act is a ruse.
Annoyed? Insulted? Enraged? Doesn't seem to matter much which it is as Lockheart's words cause Shepard to charge at her again with a running, elevated double-leg takedown. This time, however, Lockheart is waiting for it and she turns her hips, sending the Commander's momentum into the grille area of the poor Jaguar that just can't seem to not be the focus of the combatants' ire. The Final Boss goes for a forearm shiv of her own, but Shepard ducks the move and when Lockheart's momentum spins her around, he grabs her from behind and drills her with a back suplex down onto the hood of the car! Lockheart once again screams out as she rolls around on the hood, clutching at her back with one arm while pounding down on the metal in frustration with the other. Duncan climbs up onto the car with her and as Lockheart tries to crawl her way up the windscreen, Shepard lays the boots down on her midsection repeatedly... stomping and stomping until the glass bends... Then cracks... and then shatters altogether! Maggie is in trouble as she is further stomped down into the passenger seat!
Duncan Shepard: Don't worry kiddo, I'll drive.
The crowd in the area is pulled back an extra few feet as Shepard hops down off of the hood and opens the car door to go retrieve the Final Boss. But using the environment to her advantage, Lockheart kicks the door from the inside and it flies forward, the glass from the door shattering over the top of Shepard's head! Duncan stumbles backward two steps before checking his scalp for slashes or abrasions. Maggie pulls herself from the car and from the backside it is clear that her tanktop is torn from the windshield glass and has revealed that her ribs are still heavily bandaged underneath. Yet instead of working her way towards Duncan, she elects to go in the opposite direction, past the Tesla and the Prius all the way to up to the Land Rover at the northern edge of the circle.
Arthur La Forge: I'm not sure if Maggie here is trying to create some distance between herself and Duncan or if she's trying to leave the fight altogether.
Mary DeSue: I told you that poor excuse of a Final Boss is a coward! I can't wait until the pay-per-view where she can lose and leave the company, too!
Arthur La Forge: You don't really mean that.
Mary DeSue: Bet.
Duncan sees Maggie perhaps trying to escape so he rushes over to close the distance between them. Maggie finally shows some life as she snaps off a Pele kick with impeccable timing smashing the shinguard right squarely in Shepard's forehead! Lockheart pushes herself up and uses the front bumper of the Land Rover as a makeshift rope for a springboard flying lariat that takes Duncan down to the pavement beneath them.
Maggie Lockheart: How you like your (beep)ing kiddo now, (beep)hole!
Lockheart pushes herself up only to stomp down on Shepard's chest the moment he attempts to do the same.
Arthur La Forge: Oh my, we do apologize for the choice of language our Final Boss Champion is using... We are doing the best we can but it is live television.
Mary DeSue: Live television? What, are you from the eighties or something? Christ you're old.
Arthur La Forge: Alright, live streaming then.
Mary DeSue: Ehh, it still sounds gross coming from you. Maybe you should just stick to calling the action and pretending like you're not biased while you slather yourself up with bengay.
Arthur La Forge: I'm the one that's biased. Why don't you go on a bit more about Tirri's (beep)?
Lockheat waits for Shepard to push himself up to his knees as she sets herself up for a buzzsaw kick. When Duncan's in prime position she fires off, but Shepard catches her leg! Maggie is stunned as Shepard stands up still holding a firm grip on Lockheart's ankle. She tries to snap off an enzugiri but the Power champion ducks and lets her fall to the black top. With Lockheart down he rips the shinguards off of her legs one at a time and tosses them into the crowd as souvenirs. Maggie pulls herself along, crawling forward to the Land Rover once again. Duncan grabs her by the hair and slams the side of her head down into the bumper once, twice, three times before he finally pulls her back and smashes her face first into the headlight, shattering the glass. He lets Maggie fall as she covers up her forehead with her hands. Shepard spits onto the ground next to her.
Duncan Shepard: Had enough yet?
He turns to start to walk away when Maggie suddenly kicks at the side of his knee. It buckles just a bit, enough to get Shepard to check to see if he can still put weight on it. Cursing, he takes a few steps on it with a noticeable limp before turning to see Lockheart back up to her knees. She's got blood covering her forehead where a gash has opened up from the headlight. She smirks as she pulls herself back up to a vertical base. Shepard turns and boots her right in the side of the head, sending her right back down. Still cursing, he pushes the kneepad down so he can examine his own knee further... no... with Lockheart on the blacktop, Duncan jumps into the air looking for a Ric Flair style kneedrop down across the forehead of the Final Boss. But Maggie moves at the last second and Shepard catches nothing but the hard ground below.
Arthur La Forge: I know Duncan talked earlier about the risks of injuries that might be exacerbated in a fight like this-
Mary DeSue: What the hell is wrong with you?
Arthur La Forge: Excuse me?
Mary DeSue: No one wants to hear about you exacerbating! You sick old man-
Arthur La Forge: You know what? You actually make me miss Jenny sometimes.
Mary DeSue: And you make me miss Lenny... which shouldn't at all ever be possible!
Duncan's down on one knee. Clutching at the injured leg, every time he tries to stand up it doesn't seem to want to take weight... or at the very least is extremely painful. Lockheart's face is a crimson mask as she smiles and licks some of the blood that's off her fingers. Her smile turns deadly serious as she charges Shepard and drills him under the chin with a vicious Entropy Blade (V-Trigger) knee strike! Shepard's head snaps backward and he falls flat onto the pavement. But the impact alone isn't enough and doesn't take the fight out of Shepard. He rolls himself over, and pushes himself up... back up to one knee where Magdalena Lockheart drills him with a second Entropy Blade square in the cheekbone! The force drives Duncan even further back. But like the champion he is, he rolls himself onto his stomach, and pushes himself up to all fours. He looks up to see the metal steps that lead up to the door of his prized RV "Normandy". Behind him, Lockheart is stalking like a predator in the night. She's thinking curb stomp all the way.
Arthur La Forge: Oh no... I don't like the looks of this. If Maggie hits her Black Legacy here and now, she'd send our Power Champion face first through those steel steps!
Mary DeSue: Only because they're just as rusted as the rest of his piece of shit van. I'd be willing to bet all of my subscribers that Duncan Shepard has tetanus!
Arthur La Forge: What?
Maggie's sizing up her shot. But as Duncan pulls himself up to the steps. He reaches up to the door. Lockheart comes charging for the Black Legacy curb stomp... but Shepard gets the door open to his RV and... Maggie stops?
She sees the door open a crack so instead of trying to stomp Duncan's skull as intended, she steps over him and peers in the doorway. Curiosity being what it is, she can't help herself but to open the door and get a look inside what has effectively been Shepard's personal living quarters for quite some time.
Arthur La Forge: I don't... I don't quite understand what's going on here right now.
Mary DeSue: Is that where Duncy lives? Oh god, it's even uglier on the inside!
Arthur La Forge: That's what they say about you, too.
Mary DeSue: I'll (beep)ing (beep) you, Artie!
Lockheart walks in to a world that isn't her own. She sees the thin mattress on the one side of the van, perhaps one of the few places in the last couple of months that her opponent has been able to get rest. And then there are protein bars, not the expensive kind, and a few bottles of water that still have the convenience store bag wrapped around them just as they were when Duncan himself carried them out of the store. Next to them, on the floor, she noticed an old Rugby ball. And when she bent down to pick it up, she came face to face with a picture of a young Duncan Ryder in a football uniform standing next to his Dad. Both were smiling brightly. Lockheart dropped the ball as she clutched the side of her head in pain.
From out of nowhere Duncan grabs Lockheart by the back of her head and slams her face first into the picture that's hanging on the wall of the van. The glass in the frame breaks and what's left behind when she falls back is a blood spatter. Duncan is screaming as he wails away on her like a madman, forearm shot after forearm shot into the side of Lockheart's head as she tries to protect herself. Maggie finally blocks one well enough that she can throw a forearm of her own, but Duncan flat out eats it like it was nothing, grabs frying pan off of the tiny one-burner camping stove he has in the corner, and smashes her over the head with it!
Mary DeSue: Hell yeah Duncy, it's about time we see some real violence in this fight! That's what the people want!
Lockheart stumbles back over toward the doorway, clutching her head when Duncan Shepard rushes at her with the Biotic Charge spear and spears her right out of Normandy down onto the asphalt below!
Arthur La Forge: Holy (beep)!
Mary DeSue: Looks like his knee is just fine to me!
The crowd around the circle is chanting the exact same thing Arthur just said, when it looks as though the Commander isn't done with the Final Boss... by any stretch. Maggie's clearly hurting and not in any condition to defend herself as she's dealing with bloodloss but also now her rib area and her breathing seem to be of some concern as well. Duncan, with a somewhat far away look in his eyes, grabs Lockheart by her silver hair and drags her along the pavement all the way across the circle straight over to her white Mustang GT Mach 1. Still with a bit of a limp, he has no other noticeable trouble in doing so, and even though she seems to be pleading with him, he picks her broken frame up and haphazardly tosses her right onto the hood of her car.
Duncan Shepard: You want to go through my things? Well, let's see how you like it!
In a few moments time, Shepard is able to get the trunk open in Maggie's car. In the back he first picks up the Jenova mask. He examines it for a moment before snickering and dropping it to the ground. Next he finds a stuffed bunny rabbit that looks really old. Confused, he doesn't really care too much about it so he throws that out into the center of the circle. Lockheart has so little energy left but she reaches out as if she could possibly pick up the items while still laying across the hood. But finally, Shepard has found what he's really been looking for as he pulls out the Final Boss championship belt and holds it up for the crowd to see.
Arthur La Forge: Duncan Shepard has the Final Boss title belt!
Mary DeSue: It's Commander Duncy, and (beep), does he look good with it too!
Duncan limps back around to the car hood and he makes sure that Maggie gets a good look at him holding her Final Boss championship. He says a few words to her that weren't picked up on camera unfortunately, but after a few moments he places the title belt down next to her and hops up onto the hood of the car. He pulls Maggie up to her feet while still on the hood and drags her up the windshield to the very roof. With little to no resistance at all, Shepard hooks Maggie up for the Reaper's Bane and drills her with the Fisherman's Falcon Arrow! The roof of her car caves in and every piece of glass beneath them shatters outward like an explosion from the impact! Maggie and her precious car are destroyed!
Arthur La Forge: REAPERS BANE ON THE ROOF OF HER CAR!
Mary DeSue: If this was Final Fantasy -- we'd have a new champion!
Shepard hooks the leg as if the match were official... and he allows the fans surrounding them to count to three. Then he finally releases her legs and rolls off of the car, grabbing the Final Boss championship to celebrate.
Arthur La Forge: I don't know what I just witnessed... but all I know is that I don't know what got the worst of that... Our Final Boss or her prized Mustang?
Mary DeSue: Oh you know that thing's totaled.
Arthur La Forge: Right.
Mary DeSue: The car might be able to still be fixed though.
Shepard takes one last look at the Final Boss championship before laying it down across the center of the circle next to the rabbit and bidding both her and the fans adieu. He limps across the parking lot with his head held high as he climbs the steps gingerly back up into Normandy, his RV. And in a few moments, the engine revs up, and the RV pulls off.
Maggie is just beginning to stir as she rolls herself off of the hood and smacks down stomach first onto the asphalt. She watches Duncan leave the scene and before her is her things all still strewn about in the center. She reaches out for the Final Boss championship belt before she simply passes back out once more from the pain. Trainers and medical staff from Level Up come rushing in to check on her. The Unsanctioned fight is officially over.
---
Credits
Cold Open: Deep
Show Intro: Jay
Battle Royal: Joe
The Slime Has Arrived: Helder
Jenny vs. Donny Mason: Jay
EA Blizzard vs. Arthur Fisk: Bert
Shaking Things Up: Tact, Bert, Wilcox, Salinas, Ahmya
Dominique Moriarty vs. Ahmya: Jay
Larry Tact vs. Dionysus: Dubs
A Legendary Challenge: Centurion & Tact
Ciela Luiz vs. Lord Raab: Dubs
Pre Match Talk: Joey Crash & Deep
Joey Crash & HIS MONSTER vs. Bert McAlroy & Buster Gloves: Brandon
Magdalena Lockheart vs. Duncan Shepard: Chuck & Matt
Judges: Joe, Jay & Duane
