Post by Boss Joe on Dec 16, 2021 1:42:26 GMT -5
As the opening video for EXP finishing playing the drone cam flies around the Indiana Farmers Coliseum in Indianapolis, Indiana. We see signs all over as the fans in attendance are happy to have Level Up back where it all started. “YASSSS QUEEN MACHINE!!”, “TEAM THICCNESS!!”, “GAVE HER THE BERT AND IT LOCKED HER HEART!”, “WAAAHHH!!!”, and “I’m here to talk to you about your car’s…”. While that fan is ejected, the drone cam lands in front of the announcers table where we see Arthur La Forge and Mary DeSue. Arthur, as always, is sporting his Captain N letterman’s jacket, and Mary DeSue is cosplaying Android 18 from Dragon Ball Z
Arthur La Forge: Welcome everyone to EXP Episode Eighteen!...and…holy crap on a cracker! Mary…your cosplay fits with the number of the episodes. Did you do that on purpose?
Mary DeSue: No…I just like this costume. It’s cheap and easy to wear!
Arthur La Forge: Well…I’ll pretend you did so it seems nicer. And speaking of nice, boy do we have a nice card to finish out our road to Final Fantasy!!
Mary DeSue: Only a few more weeks till break and I can relax away from all you…charming fans!
Arthur La Forge: Nice save! And kicking it off we got PEEZEE and Android 69 taking on Wahh World Order also known as WaLink and Dude Waluigi! Multiplayer action continues on as ISSAC and Drake Wilcox of “The Faction” take on Emily Simms and Duncan Shepard!
Mary DeSue: And my THICC BOYS ARE IN THE HIZZOUSE!!! Don Tirr and Donny Mason will slaughter Buster Gloves and Chelsea Skye, no hard feelings guys, but they’re the greatest tag team ever.
Arthur La Forge: In singles action we got Kat Jones taking on Cara Strader, and Amber Payne taking on Valentine.
Mary DeSue: I’m so unimpressed and uninterested.
Arthur La Forge: Well how about this apathetic delight. The finals of the Extra Live Round Robin Tournament happens tonight. That’s right it’s all down to these few matches to see who will be taking on the singles champions at Final Fantasy. It all comes down to Dionysus versus Ahmya, Lord Raab versus Dominique Moriarty, and Victoria Salinas, subbing for Ciela Luiz, takes on Larry Tact.
Mary DeSue: Artie. I know you care about this stuff. But honestly I’m gonna zone out probably after Team Thiccness leaves.
Arthur La Forge: Not even for our main event with Magdalena Lockheart taking on “Queen Machine” Jenny!
Mary DeSue: Why are you excited about a Jenny match after she beat your butt a few weeks ago.
Arthur La Forge: I am an unbiased commentator. I’m a professional.
Mary DeSue: So am I…and I swear if you make a sex worker joke…
Arthur La Forge: And on with the show folks!
---
DW sizes up PEEZEE as the bell rings and challenges him to a dance off, giving some smooth moves for the Indianapolis crowd! PEEZEE watches and then begins busting a move. The fans give a mixed reaction to the gyrations and PEEZEE decides he’s had enough. He grabs the Dude by the throat with an enormous hand, hoisting him in the air and bouncing him off a turnbuckle. DW staggers back out and PEEZEE grabs hold and Biel Throws the not-small Dude clear across the ring like a toy!
Arthur LaForge: The giant PEEZEE showing while he knows how to have a good time, right now it’s time to bring home the green with a win.
Mary DeSue: I’m not sure if you mean green as in money, or more inventory for PEEZEE’s business.
Arthur LaForge: I’m guessing he needs both, but what did you think I meant?
Mary DeSue: Don’t get smart with me, Artie. The way I figure it is if the big guy here wins, it’s pretty good for me.
Arthur LaForge: How do you figure?
Mary DeSue: Maybe I’ll get a coworker discount off my purchases!
WaLink wasn’t expecting DW to land right in his corner, and slowly looks up at his gigantic opponent as he approaches. What WaLink does not realize, until PEEZEE grabs hold of him, is DW tagged him on the boot. Too late! PEEZEE yanks WaLink over the top rope with ease and hits him with a Fallaway Slam! DW is back up and was cleverly waiting for PEEZEE. For reasons only known to someone as cool as Dude Waluigi, he turns PEEZEE around to face him, then reaches up and slaps PEEZEE across the face before doing a moonwalk backwards. PEEZEE doesn’t take kindly to this, running at DW and catching up to him with a Big Boot! DW leaves his feet and is only saved by bouncing off the ropes. He comes back to a waiting PEEZEE who scoops him up and hits the Emerald Flowsion. PEEZEE with a cover!
One!
Two!!
PEEZEE picks Dude back up and laughs while shakes a finger at the crowd, who begin booing for his prolonging the suffering of the coolest Waluigi around. He sends DW against the rope and hits a Spear – SQUARE UP! Dude Waluigi is blasted through the top and middle ropes to the floor in freshly agonizing pain.
Arthur LaForge: Dude Waluigi having a rough go of it tonight.
Mary DeSue: Why didn’t we get Giant Waluigi to face PEEZEE? Isn’t that more of a big meaty men slapping meat situation?
Arthur LaForge: I heard Giant Waluigi is still at Camp Waluigi getting his confidence back. Wait, are you calling a Waluigi a big meaty man?
Mary DeSue: Artie ew! No, kill that thought dead, you freak. I could be convinced to give big meaty man status to PEEZEE depending on how big a stash he comps me.
Arthur LaForge: Probably the most telegraphed comment we’ll hear all night. Better that we get it out of the way early on.
PEEZEE is showboating for the crowd when suddenly WaLink jumps on his back! PEEZEE begins laughing and breaking out some dance moves with WaLink now hanging on for dear life. PEEZEE then crunches WaLink against the ropes, leaving him slumped on the top turnbuckle. PEEZEE grabs him and hits a Two Handed Chokeslam off the top rope, flattening WaLink. PEEZEE is waiting for WaLink to get up so he can hit another Square Up when A69 is suddenly on the apron and tags himself in! He steps in the ring and… stares at PEEZEE’s burly biceps, then starts giving him a head-to-toe assessment, but no touching! A69 respects mutual consent, of course. When A69 begins slowly gyrating, PEEZEE shoves him away, telling him to keep his distance! A69 turns and runs right into a rising WaLink with a Robot Clothesline. He promptly picks up WaLink and hits a Robot Punch that spins him around… then hits a Robot Ass Punch! WaLink yelps out in surprise and pain before A69 locks his arms and hits the Full Nelson – FIVEPLAY! On the mat, A69 begins DRY-HUMPING WALINK! Even beat up and depleted, WaLink quickly scrambles out of the predicament and gets to a corner. This doesn’t help him much as A69 comes flying in with a Bronco Buster – LAUNCH TIME!! WaLink gets his face pounded by the metal repeatedly, and DW tags back in.
Arthur LaForge: That move looks extremely painful coming from a robot.
Mary DeSue: Duh, it’s supposed to be. I thought you knew what wrestling was about.
Arthur LaForge: Honestly? This looks less and less like wrestling by the moment.
Mary DeSue: I dunno, my followers seem to dig it.
Arthur LaForge: Something tells me your followers can relate to the Masked Machinist and Android 69.
Mary DeSue: What exactly is that supposed to mean, Artie? You can relate to them, too!
Arthur LaForge: What? No, I… not really…
Mary DeSue: Ugh, so gross.
Dude Waluigi moves to an opposing corner and begins doing some dance moves. A69 responds with air-humping, and the two begin doing their respective movements until they are within inches of each other in the middle of the ring, The crowd has no idea what to make of it all, and it ends as A69 unceremoniously goes for an Electrified Grab – JOI BUZZER!! DW goes down to the mat writhing in pain while A69 resumes air-humping. MM sees this and quickly punches a button on the remote to get A69 back to wrestling action mode. He looks back at a slowly rising Dude Waluigi… and sinks in a Coquina Clutch – THE BIG SPOON!! DW taps out right away!!
Mr. Rad: Your winners of the match… Android 69 and PEEZEE!!
Arthur La Forge: Not that the finish was in any doubt, but A69 and PEEZEE surprisingly worked well together!
Mary DeSue: I think A69 would “work” with anything with a pulse. Maybe even without.
Arthur La Forge: Gross.
---
The match kicks off with ISAAC and Simms facing off. ISAAC roars and charges at her, looking for a big boot right off the bat! But Simms catches his foot and spins him around before connecting with a roundhouse kick! ISAAC barely has a chance to breathe as Simms springs off the ropes and leaps into the air. She takes down the big man with a headscissors, followed by a SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Simms quickly makes the pin.
ONE!
ISAAC shoves her off!
Arthur La Forge: Simms starting out well but it’s going to take a lot more than that ot beat one of these behemoths.
Mary DeSue: Behemoth is a fun word. Be he Moth. Beheeeemoth.
Arthur La Forge: Please stop.
Simms rolls to her corner and makes the tag to Duncan. As ISAAC is back to his feet, she whips her own partner towards him, and Shepard connects with a SPEAR! The momentum sends ISAAC rolling over to his corner, where Drake manages to tag himself in. Wilcox makes an unexpected move, heading to the top rope, but Shepard immediately races up there to meet him. Duncan tosses the 400 pounder off the turnbuckle with a huge belly-to-belly suplex! Shepard makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
Wilcox kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: Another kickout. The Faction may not have the best W/L record in Level Up, but they’re big guys and it takes a lot to beat them.
Mary DeSue: I wonder where the Wizard is tonight? I didn’t see him backstage.
Arthur La Forge: Probably coaching them from afar, I’m sure.
Shepard bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow on Drake before picking him up. He plants Wilcox with a scoop slam, then tags in Simms. He gestures to the top rope and she obliges. Duncan hypes her up as she leaps with a SWANTON BOMB!! Simms covers.
ONE!
TWO!
THR-BROKEN UP!!
Arthur La Forge: The Faction have been playing defense for most of the match, which is unusual for them.
Mary DeSue: I told you! James isn’t out here! Something’s not right!
ISAAC pulls Simms out of the ring before the ref can make the three count, and whips her into the steel steps. Simms connects shoulder first, sending the top half of the steps sprawling. ISAAC looks to inflict more punishment on her, but he’s clubbed from behind by Shepard! He leaps onto ISAAC’s back and locks in a sleeper hold! The giant struggles for a bit but eventually begins to nod off. Simms gets back up and climbs on the apron as Shepard continues to subdue ISAAC. She springs off the top rope and takes Wilcox down with a hurracanrana! She then heads to the top rope and leaps off, connecting with a shooting star press - STAR RISING! She hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here are your winners…DUNCAN SHEPARD AND EMILY SIMMS!!
Arthur La Forge: An impressive debut for Emily Simms and another win for Duncan Shepard!
Mary DeSue: I think he’s ready for Final Fantasy.
Arthur La Forge: He’d better be, because whoever he gets from the Round Robin is going to be a huge threat.
---
Starting off for both teams are Buster Gloves and Donny Mason. Gloves holds out his hand to Donny and Donny looks to his dad to see if he should shake it. Tirri yells "Do what you want" and Donny shakes Gloves' hand for a moment and the two circle each other. Lockup. Donny wins the lockup and pushes Gloves off of him, showing off his impressive strength. Donny poses for a moment as Gloves nods. The two lock up again and Donny shoves down Gloves. Gloves gets up and says come on one more time. The two lock up and Gloves falls onto his back and kicks his legs up doing basically a reverse monkey flip sending Donny down to the mat. Gloves gets up and poses for a moment as Donny gets up, a bit embarrassed, and goes for a lariat! Gloves dodges it with a drop toe hold and then slaps the back of Donny's head. Gloves gets up and tags in Skye. Donny turns and gets hit with a running elbow strike to the chest by Gloves and a top rope clothesline by Skye sending Donny down to the mat.
Arthur La Forge: Skye and Buster may not be the team that Don and Donny are, but they work well together.
Mary DeSue: Okay, they MIGHT be a good test for Team Thiccness, but MY THICC BOIS ARE EVERYTHING.
Skye gets up as Donny is still down and heads to the ropes and starts bouncing off of them till Donny gets to his feet. Spear by Skye! Donny gets knocked down all the way to his corner. Tirri sighs and tags in as Donny starts yelling at Skye holding his ribs, but Tirri gets him to take a powder. Tirri gets in the ring and is immediately meet with a kick to the gut that he catches. Skye quickly goes for the enzuigiri but Tirri ducks it! Skye lands on her stomach and then gets an elbowdrop to her spine. Tirri picks up Skye and tosses her into the ropes. Blind tag by Gloves that Tirri see's, but still goes for "The Boot", and Skye ducks it! Skye sweeps the other leg out from under Tirri as Gloves leaps over the ropes and hits a diving knee strike to the back of Tirri's head! Skye rolls out of the ring as Buster grabs Tirri and slaps on anklelock onto that sweep leg of Tirri's to try and take "The Boot" out of the equation for good!
Arthur La Forge: Buster using those MMA skills to take the fight to the larger Tirri.
Mary DeSue: Good practice for facing that other big guy at Final Fantasy.
Tirri grimaces in pain as Gloves has the anklelock tight on him in the center of the ring, but Tirri, using his taller frame, gets over to his corner and tags in Donny! Gloves gets up just in time to get taken down by a flying clothesline from the top rope by Donny Mason! Donny grabs Gloves and starts working on Gloves with repeated knee strikes to the face to try and wear down the grappler with just pure power. Toss into the ropes by Donny! Donny looks to go for the "Dambuster Boot" but Gloves grabs the ropes to put the brakes on and gets out of the ring. That doesn't sit well with Donny who jumps to the top rope and walks on the top rope and hits a forward flip hitting Gloves on the outside! And this capacity crowd is losing its damn mind at the sheer spectacle they just saw!
Arthur La Forge: WHAT IN THE WORLD!?
Mary DeSue: DONNY CAN FLY! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
Both legal men are down on the outside. Referee Pliskin starts his count...
One...
Two...
Three...
Donny crawls over to the barricade and starts to pull himself up as Gloves gets to the ring steps and pulls himself up.
Four...
Five...
Gloves rolls into the ring to break up the count as Donny follows sliding in. Gloves can't capitalize on attacking a downed Donny. Donny is up and charges at Gloves. Gloves ducks a clothesline attempt and rolls tagging in Skye! From the top rope she jumps in and catches Donny with a hurricanrana!!
Arthur La Forge: And now Skye is going through the air! This is getting nuts!
Mary DeSue: I’m still amazed we saw that big boi dive! Kick out and do more awesome things, Donny!
Skye wastes no time and heads back up to the top turnbuckle and hits a 450 splash! The crowd cheers as the high flying high risk move paid off. Gloves cheers her on as Tirri yells at Donny to get up. Skye heads to the top one more time signaling for her finisher, "Skye’s the Limit", and she launches herself into the air...spinning, twisting, and....DONNY GETS THE KNEES UP!!! HE BLOCKS IT!!! Both wrestlers are down for the count...
One...
Two...
Three...
Donny, grabbing his knees, starts to crawl his way over to tag in his father. Skye is clutching her ribs, gasping for air, as she goes to tag in Gloves...and...
Arthur La Forge: Wait!! What's he doing here??!!
Mary DeSue: What the f<bleep>!!!
Skye is about to tag in Gloves as HIS MONSTER runs down to the ring and grabs Gloves legs...GORY SPECIAL TO THE OUTSIDE!! HIS MONSTER gets into the ring and looks down at Skye, who's still holding her ribs, and at Donny who's laying on his side holding his legs...and then his eyes go up to Don Tirri. And he looks pissed!!
DING! DING! DING! DING!
Mr. Rad: Referee Pliskin has decreed that this match ends in a Disqualification...the winners are Buster Gloves and Chelsea Skye!!
Arthur La Forge: Oh, neither Tirri is going to like this.
Mary DeSue: I don’t either! What a rip-off! Go retire that monster right now, Thicci!
Don Tirri starts talking down to HIS MONSTER who starts talking trash too not noticing that Buster Gloves has gotten up, and back into the ring. Tirri just smirks as HM gets grabbed from behind by Buster Gloves who hits a Release German Suplex on the beast! HM falls out of the ring and is followed by Buster Gloves and the two start brawling all the way up the ramp and to the back as Tirri checks on Donny Mason to see if his son is alright. Tirri's eyes still focusing on HM and Gloves the whole time.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t think anything got resolved here. Tirri is definitely going to want to face Buster, Skye and maybe even HM in the future.
Mary DeSue: And he’ll boot them all! With a nice green glove on his hand the whole time!
---
The camera cuts backstage, where we see Nocturne standing in front of a plain concrete wall. From the right side of the shot, Dude Waluigi enters the picture, accompanied by another Waluigi that looks similar, but dressed in green instead. Nocturne arches an eyebrow at the intrusion—or more accurately, at the unknown person.
Nocturne: And you are?
Dude Waluigi: Have Wahercy!
: Relax. I’ve got this.
The newcomer turns to fully face Nocturne.
: Good evening, Miss Nocturne. I’m known by some as Bizarro Waluigi. I’m here to serve as translator for Dude here, since he seems to think there’s a communications issue with Level Up’s front offices.
Nocturne: A Waluigi. Who actually speaks the English language sensibly, and doesn’t wear purple?
Bizarro Waluigi: That’s why they call me Bizarro, ma’am.
Nocturne just shakes her head for a moment at the absurdity of it all.
Bizarro Waluigi: But, allow me to get to the heart of the matter. The Waluigi World Order—
Nocturne: The what?
Dude Waluigi: Wah’re taking ov-wah!
Bizarro Waluigi: Please ignore my companion’s outburst. As I was saying, the WWO wanted me to ask you what your secret was.
Nocturne: (guardedly) My secret to…what?
Bizarro Waluigi: Your secret as to how you managed to secure a position on the Final Fantasy card, of course.
Nocturne chuckles at that for a brief second.
Nocturne: Oh, that one’s easy. I just asked.
Dude Waluigi: WAAAAAAHHHH?!?!
Bizarro Waluigi: I’m afraid I must agree with my compatriot here. You just...asked?
Nocturne: Yep. I spoke with The Developer, asked him to put me in a match, any match, and he made the call for an open challenge. By the time the tweet went out, there were five of us in that match. Brandon Hendrix, The Avenger, Ataxia, Cypher, and myself, elimination rules to ensure there is a clear winner.
Dude Waluigi looks like he is about to exclaim something incredibly loudly—probably some version of “Waaahhh”—but a raised hand from his green-garbed counterpart stops him.
Bizarro Waluigi: Dude, I thought you told me that Giant Waluigi asked for us to be put on the card somewhere. Did you lie to me?
Dude Waluigi: Waaah, he waah’d if waaank could waaah on waaaaah one!
Bizarro Waluigi is barely able to avoid facepalming.
Bizarro Waluigi: No wonder he told Giant to leave his office, Dude. He asked him if The Developer could wank him one time. While I get he was trying to look out for brother Walink—
Nocturne: Brother?
Bizarro Waluigi: Only in the religious congregational sense, Miss Nocturne.
She just nods, a bit confused, as the green-clad one resumes his original sentence.
Bizarro Waluigi: –Giant should have known that you do not use the family shorthand for his name outside the family! That’s why he was kicked out, he was thinking Giant wanted him to perform an act that’s against Twitch’s terms and services!
Dude Waluigi: Waaaaahhh?!
Nocturne simply answers Dude’s confused tone of voice with a slow, sad nod.
Dude Waluigi: WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dude turns and runs out of the camera shot, his cry still echoing in the hallway. Bizarro Waluigi just shrugs, as if to say “what can you do,” and hurries off after his counterpart, leaving Nocturne alone in the hallway.
Nocturne: Man, I picked a heck of a day to come to work, that’s for certain…
And on that note, the camera shot returns to ringside.
---
Cara and Kat meet in the middle of the ring and begin jawing immediately. The buildup to the match has been anything but friendly as Kat Jones did little to hold back her opinions of Cara and her sister, especially the latter. Cara swings for the fences but the savvy vet ducks under the wild swing and takes Cara over with a snap german suplex. She shoots up while Cara slowly gets up, holding her head. Kat nails her with a roundhouse kick that sends her through the ropes to the outside!!
Arthur La Forge: Kat Jones missed last show but is trying to pick up where she left off with that nasty kick!
Mary DeSue: Cara Strader just ate that! Hope she’s okay.
Arthur La Forge: An unusual show of humanity from you, Mary.
Mary DeSue: I’m a perfectly nice person! Just because I don’t like Bert you assume I hate everyone!
Kat steps out onto the apron, waiting for Cara to get up. She goes for a running punt kick from the apron but Cara catches it, and nails her with a modified dragon screw off the apron and to the floor. Kat lands with a loud SMACK. Cara pulls herself up, stalking Kat and dropping a knee across the back of her head once before lifting her and whipping her back into the ring apron. She charges in, nailing her with a clothesline and rolling her back into the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Cara Strader recovered nicely and now has taken control. She got a break too, more or less, when she decided to forfeit the SMASH battle royal.
Mary DeSue: Can’t blame her. She didn’t want a tag title match. Why waste the energy?
Arthur La Forge: A title shot is a title shot, in my opinion, but it’s over and done with now.
Cara rolls in after her, lifting her up and nailing Kat with a belly to belly suplex. She stalks after her to capitalize but Kat rolls her up! However they’re too close to the ropes, so Kat releases the pin however she leaps upon Cara and starts to lock in a figure four but Strader is able to kick Kat away into the ropes. However Kat rebounds and turns Cara inside out with a thunderous clothesline!!
Arthur La Forge: These two are letting it all hang out tonight! Just a battle of attrition!
Mary DeSue: It seems like every time one has the advantage, the other takes it right back.
Arthur La Forge: Anybody could win right now, sure.
The two women remain on the mat, trying to regain their breath. As they reach their knees, Kat nails Cara with a wild right hand. Cara counters with an overhand chop! Kat retaliates! Then Cara! Fist! Chop! Fist! Chop! Kat lets out a cry and goes for a hue haymaker but Cara ducks it! She snatches Kat and nails a short-drop DDT! Cara rolls Kat over and goes for the pin, hooking both legs deep!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!! KAT JONES KICKS OUT
Arthur La Forge: Tough break for Cara there!
Mary DeSue: Almost a tough break for Kat, with how hard she got dropped.
Cara lifts Kat up, nailing her with vicious knees over and over again. She runs off the ropes, coming in with a clothesline but Kat ducks underneath! Cara bounces off the ropes, coming back with a crossbody but Kat rolls through! She deadlifts Cara and nails her with a fallaway slam! As Cara gets to her feet she turns and…KAT-A-STROPHE!! THE DDT SPIKES CARA ON HER FACE UNPROTECTED! KAT ROLLS HER OVER, HOOKS THE LEG AND SMIRKS TO THE CAMERA
ONE
TWO
THREE!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner…KAT JONES!
Arthur La Forge: And just like that it’s over! Wow! A timely reversal from Kat gave her just enough momentum to put Strader away.
Mary DeSue: I feel like it could have gone either way.
Arthur La Forge: Definitely, and I wouldn’t mind seeing these two lock up again soon.
---
Payne and Valentine start to circle each other. Payne, in a shoot stance, is looking for an opening, while the masked Valentine tilts his head curiously at Payne. Finally the dance ends with a lockup and Payne gets Valentine into a headlock. Valentine pushes Payne off causing her to head for the ropes. Valentine charges forward with a clothesline but Payne ducks. Both hit the ropes and rebound, double dodged clotheslines. Hit ropes, rebound, Valentine goes high with a leaping clothesline while Payne goes low and they both miss each other. Hit ropes, rebound...Double dropkick, rolls backs and stand up facing each other as the crowd comes alive enjoying this catch as catch can style. Valentine takes this opportunity to charge forward going for another clothesline, only to miss, and Payne catches him. Hip toss into the mat, followed by an armbar! Valentine, knowing his opponents technical prowess, quickly adjusts himself to get his foot onto the nearest rope causing Referee Kirby to break up the hold. Payne let's go after a two count, but stomps on the back of Valentine's head as she gets up. She picks up Valentine, toss into the ropes, rebound by Valentine into a SPEAR BY PAYNE!! Quickly moving to capitalize Payne grabs Valentine and sets him up for a swinging neckbreaker! Payne gets back up and waits. After a few moments Valentine gets up, facing away from Payne, turns, and gets Superkicked hard in the mask!
Arthur La Forge: That mask might offer some protection but probably not much!
Mary DeSue: I don’t know what it’s made off, but a boot to the face is a boot to the face.
Payne grabs Valentine and quickly places him into a Boston Crab. As Valentine yells out in pain, Referee Kirby asks him if he wishes to give up. Valentine responds with a one finger salute, using his arms to crawl towards the ropes and grasping the bottom rope. Payne let's go and starts stomping away at the spine of Valentine. She picks him up and hits him hard with strong style kicks to the midsection and then tosses him into the ropes. She looks to go for a back body drop, but Valentine sidesteps a bit and hits a floatover DDT!! Both wrestlers are down for a moment from that desperation maneuver.
One...
Two...
Valentine gets up first, using the ropes to pull himself up. Payne gets up and charges at Valentine. Chop from Valentine! Return Chop from Payne! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! With each chop for some reason the fans "WOO!!" with every hit!
"WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!"
Arthur La Forge: This crowd really likes saying woo!
Mary DeSue: WOO!
Arthur La Forge:: The chops are definitely flying. Valentine is more than willing to play a strong style game with Payne.
Valentine ducks a chop from Payne and runs to the ropes. He bounces off the ropes and leaps. RUNNING CROSSBODY!! Payne goes down as Valentine gets back up. Valentine goes for a "Revolution Kick" as Payne gets back up, but Payne hits her own Roundhouse kick at the same time. Payne's kick just hits seconds before Valentine's does! She pulls Valentine back up and hits a Fisherman Swinging Neckbreaker! Valentine is on the mat as Payne puts him into her finishing submission hold..."Rings of Payne"!!! Center of the ring!!! Valentine struggles, but with both of his arms locked into this hold he can't get his legs close enough to the ropes. He taps!!!
DING! DING! DING!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...Amber "Queen of Strong Style" Payne!!!
Arthur La Forge: Valentine was game this week, but Amber is the Queen of Strong Style for a reason. She definitely needed that win, too.
Mary DeSue: Maybe it’s the start of a win streak for her! You never know!
---
The bell rings as Dionysus and Ahmya stand across the ring from each other. Ahmya tries for a lockup but Dionysus avoids that with a kick to the leg, then a series of clubbing blows to the back. He switches up with a series of uppercuts to the ribs while holding Ahmya in a front facelock, then lets go only to hit her with a chop that knocks her down. She moves to a corner and Dio closes the distance, stomping away at her. She gets herself up and Dio starts hitting more body blows, as Ahmya has not found an answer for the Lord of the Vine's brawling skills in the early going.
Arthur La Forge: It looks like Dionysus had Ahmya scouted, as she's known for her technical and high-flying abilities and he's sticking to strikes.
Mary DeSue: Good! She doesn't even understand what a Round Robin is!
Arthur La Forge: Do YOU understand what a Round Robin is?
Mary DeSue: What is this, 20 questions? Call the match!
Dio launches Ahmya into the opposite corner with an Irish whip, only for the multiplayer champion to stop herself with a boot on the bottom turnbuckle, step off and flip around with a spinning heel kick! Ahmya gets to her feet and out of nowhere hits a high drop kick. Dio goes down and Ahmya goes for a guillotine choke, but can’t get it locked in. Dio and Ahmya get to their feet and lock up. Dio pushes Ahmya into the corner to get some breathing room, but when goes to kick her, but she grabs his foot and hits a legscrew!
Arthur La Forge: Ahmya looks like she wants to target the legs, which is good strategy. It takes out his size advantage and if she tries for the Oyasuminasai later, he wouldn't be able to lift out of it if he can't stand.
Mary DeSue: Yeah well I doubt he's just gonna LET her keep attacking him.
Ahmya drops a knee onto Dio's ankle as he’s down. Dio gets to his feet amid Ahmya’s boots to the ankle. Dio gets up, but Ahmya is waiting with a sharp kick to the ankle bone. Dio hops around. Ahmya goes for a right hand, not really her style, and Dionysus manages to block it, but maintains wrist control! He goes for the Grapevine! Dio spins Ahmya out but she ducks the lariat, tries for a crucifix and Dio hangs on, before flinging her up into the air and down with a pop up cutter!
ONE!
TWO!!
NO! Ahmya gets the shoulder up.
Arthur La Forge: Ahmya had an answer for the grapevine, but that size difference allowed Dio to power her into something else.
Mary DeSue: Not good enough! He should hit her with another one!
As the multiplayer champion struggles to recover, Dionysus drops down and applies a crossface! She uses her other arm to start striking at the arm, but he doesn’t let up. She reaches for the ropes instead and makes it! But Dionysus then extends his long legs, pushes off the ropes and rolls with her to the center of the ring with a crossface still applied! Ahmya grabs the finger of Dio and starts to bend it backward, all she can do but it loosens the grip just enough that she slips her head out. She then quickly slips up and hits a low basement dropkick to the face. Cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TH--NO! Dionysus kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: These two are wrestling like they've been out here for an hour, just pure desperation to end it early.
Mary DeSue: Well, they've got big matches at Final Fantasy, one way or another. This is just to decide who gets which title match, but they've definitely got title matches coming!
Arthur La Forge: That's true, plus bragging rights for the Round Robin winner.
The two get to their feet and Dio begins his Hands of Aggression attack with blows to the limbs of Ahmya, before attacking the body and head. Ahmya ducks under one of the strikes and picks the ankle, before floating over into a jackknife pin!
ONE!
TWO!
Dio kicks out! Ahmya and Dio get up and Dio sends Ahmya into the ropes, before laying her out with an ugly, stiff lariat. He then scoops her up and hits a flapjack! Ahmya gets up clutching at her ribs, scrambing to the corner. Dio comes in and fires off a chop right to the chest, but all this seems to do is fire her up! Ahmya yells and demands another, and Dionysus obliges. She then unleashes several stiff forearms to the head, before kicking him in the weakened ankle and dropping with a snap DDT! With Dio down, she she floats over and locks in a leg lock. Dio muscles his way out and slides out of the ring, before Ahmya runs through the ropes with a TOPE SUICIDA!
Arthur La Forge: Those chops seem to have angered Ahmya more than anything! Dionysus is stopping her from being the Roundest Robin and she's not having it!
Mary DeSue: Oh come on, don't play along with that stupid crap.
Ahmya uses joint manipulation to get Dionysus to his feet, before pushing him into the ring. She follows and he catches her coming in with a HUGE open palm strike, which rocks her and causes her sto stumble, straight into an STO BACKBEAKER! But Dionysus misjudged and brought her down on the bad ankle, which causes him to crumble. He clutches at his ankle and she changes her stance, hooking his head and locking in the Oyasuminasai!!! Dionysus is already in a seated position so the hold is in deep!
Arthur La Forge: Dionysus may have to tap out here!
Mary DeSue: Just toss her off of you, you outweigh her by a whole her!
Dionysus indeed pushes himself to his knees and starts attempting to lift himself up with all 120 pounds of Ahmya on his neck, but she persists in holding on. He tries to place weight on his ankle to stand, and it immediately gives out with the extra weight on top! He drops back down into a seated position and with nowhere ago, he reluctantly taps to Ahmya!!!
Mr. Rad: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, BY SUBMISSION....AHMYA!!!!
Arthur La Forge: Ahmya wins the match and the Round Robin! At 5-0, she's the automatic winner no matter what happens in Tact vs. Salinas later on.
Mary DeSue: Great. Woo-hoo. Thrilling.
Arthur La Forge: I'm being told that Ahmya's first choice was the Wisdom championship...which means...
The sound of horns blowing can be heard for a few moments, signaling a request for silence. After a moment the voice of Barnabus Cartwright can be heard booming through the microphone in a thick British accent, drawing a pop from the crowd.
Barnabus Cartwright: Please rise and remain silent as we welcome true, unbridled greatness in the form of man. Hailing from Knightsbridge, London England and now residing in Aberdeen Scotland...He is the pinnacle of Professional Wrestling, the undisputed king of the United Kingdom, the Golden God of the Granite City, the Absolute of Aberdeen, the youth of today and the face of tomorrow... and quite simply yet literally the greatest man to ever walk this earth... I am both honored and humbled to present to you, fourth of his name but first of his kind; "Ever Fortunate" Sidroy Covington the Fourth!
Mary DeSue: SIDDY'S BACK! HE'S HERE!
Arthur La Forge: We haven't seen him since Triforce Heroes! Quite frankly, we weren't sure where he went!
The horns blow once more and fade into the horns of 'You Wish' by Skepta. Two spotlights circle the entrance area, and a moment Sidroy Covington IIII emerges with a smile, spreading his arms wide to present himself fully to the audience. Ahmya is up to her feet and staring at the Wisdom champion, who has the belt draped on his shoulder. He starts giving his next challenger a golf clap on her win, before heading to the back. Ahmya seems confused by the elaborate entrance for that, but celebrates her win anyway as we cut to ads from our sponsors.
---
The camera cuts backstage to backstage interviewer and merchandise hypeman, Lenny Brasco wearing Level Up branded reindeer antlers with a TriForce in the middle, standing in front of a t-shirt table decorated with fake snow and holly leaves. He’s just finished nattering the ear off the arena staff behind the stand, who look far less excited than he is.[/div]
Lenny Brasco: Ho ho ho! The holidays are upon us and there’s never been a better time to get your stocking fillers from your favourite Level Up wrestlers! Check out our new self-stirring Mug-delana Lockheart mugs! Indulge yourself with our Power Champion pack of Duncans Donuts! And who can forget our most exciting addition—
Joey Crash: You better be ready to talk about my merch, Lenny boy!
Joey saunters into view with a smug look on his face. He’s not dressed to compete, sporting a fisherman crewneck, suede jacket and a small beanie hat. He removes his signature sunglasses with a flourish and carelessly flings them in the direction of the merch stand.
Lenny Brasco: Joey Crash! What an unexpected pleasure - and aren’t those shades fantastic? What did I tell ya, rain or shine, those shades are fine! Since you’re here, why don’t you help me tell everybody about some of the exciting deals we have on the site?
Joey Crash: You know what Leonard... Maybe I will.
Lenny hands Crash the microphone, beaming with pride and gratitude. Crash gives him a smirk and gives a menacing look down the barrel of the camera.
Joey Crash: This is a wonderful time of year, a time of sharing and celebration. It’s a time to give back! It’s a time that we recognize that everyone deserves a chance to be happy. They say a good deed is its own reward and I agree. Except that for all my good deeds, I don’t feel very rewarded. There’s no fuzzy feeling inside, no warmth, I’ve got nothing to show at all. Why is that, Lenny?
Lenny’s look of joy melts to one of confusion as Crash lowers the mic and looks at him for an answer. Lenny begins to stutter and fumble his way through a sentence, barely picked up by the mic. Crash turns back to the camera.
Joey Crash: Exactly, Lenny. That’s the problem. Nobody can justify my lack of progression here. Despite my good behavior, despite my best efforts, I’m going nowhere fast. I’ve faced the TriForce Champion and pinned him clean in the middle of the ring! Lest we forget, old Berty boy is in the main event at Final Fantasy for a shot at the Final Boss Championship. So where does that leave little old me? Stuck behind a bunch of plump birds in the round robin who get to call dibs on the next shots at the champions. Nobody cares who is the best of the rest - I’m the best of the best, standing right here! I’ve made no secret in my promos what I came here to do. Since day one, I’ve had my eye on the Power Championship that’s sitting around Duncan Shepard’s waist. But I’m in the background, waiting for this asinine tournament to conclude so someone else can get their shot before me. So what do I have to celebrate? What do I have to be joyous about? Nothing. I’m getting a lump of coal from Level Up this year because apparently, that’s all I deserve.
Lenny, feeling some sort of responsibility to life the mood, attempts to reach out for the microphone to give some reassurance but Crash snatches his hand away and gives Lenny an indignant look before continuing.
Joey Crash: So here’s my final good deed for the year. I’m giving out this free little piece of advice. I arrived late to the party this year. I can be patient and wait for my turn. But mark my words, 2022 will belong to me. As for Final Fantasy… It’s always darkest right before the dawn. My dawn is coming.
Joey flings the microphone at Lenny who fumbles but catches it on his third attempt while Crash grabs the sunglasses back from the table and walks away, leaving Lenny looking bewildered and exhausted.
---
Raab and Moriarty stare each other down for a moment as the bell rings. Moriarty drops to her knee's and does her "Whore" call and pose. Raab responds in kind...by charging forward and hitting her with a big boot to the face sending "The Ring Mistress" down to the mat hard! "The Masked German Monster" reaches down and grabs Moriarty by the face with his stretched out hand and slaps on "The Claw" and lifts Moriarty, facefirst, up into the air and then shot puts her, back first, into the corner. Moriarty stumbles forward right into Raab's opened arms and gets caught in the monster's devastating bear hug! Moriarty struggles to get free from the vice like hold around her midsection. Raab moves backwards, carrying Moriarty, to the center of the ring, so to not give her the opportunity to reach for the ropes to break the hold.
Arthur La Forge: Lord Raab’s got one thing above all else: he likes hurting people. I don’t think he plans on getting the win with this, but if he can keep her in the hold longer…
Mary DeSue: But doesn’t she LIKE pain? Or am I reading too much into things?
It feels like an eternity, but finally Moriarty starts to mount a defense by elbowing Raab in the face over and over and over again, until finally Raab drops her. She lands on her feet and immediately runs for the ropes. Coming off of the ropes she leaps up to the closest turnbuckle right to the top of it. She leaps off, going for a top rope "Absinthe’s Hellfire" and sending Raab down to the mat clutching his neck. Moriarty charges to the ropes and bounces off. Running Mule Kick to Raab's face as he tries to get up. Raab lands on the mat with his neck on the second rope. Moriarty charges hitting a "619" to the back of Raab's head! Raab falls flat onto the mat as Moriarty runs the ropes, bouncing back and forth building up speed. Raab gets up to his feet as Moriarty leaps up and...
Arthur La Forge: Dominique looking to try something, she’s building momentum!
Mary DeSue: She’s gonna need it to…uh oh.
Raab turns and reaches up grabbing Moriarty by the throat and hits her with "The Chokinator"!!! The fans, who were starting to get into the high speed action, fall silent as Raab stands tall and holds up his hand. He makes a thumbs down motion as he reaches down and picks up Moriarty by the throat again for "The Chokinator" only this time the target is the turnbuckle post. Backfirst goes "The Ring Mistress" into the unforgiving ring post. Raab reaches out as Moriarty starts to fall forward. Raab sets her up for "The Killbuster"!! One foot cover...
One...
Two...
Three!!
DING! DING! DING!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...Lord Raab!!
Arthur La Forge: Well Raab proved why he’s been dominant for so long in his career, and Dominique drops another match in the Round Robin.
Mary DeSue: This is the second person he’s tried to take out! Shouldn’t somebody stop him?
Arthur La Forge: You’re welcome to try, Mary. Actually don’t. I like having you around over Lenny.
Lord Raab stands tall, reminding those in the audience just how destructive he can be, and leaves the ring. Moriarty lies unmoving for a moment, but reaches for her back. Referee Kirby makes the “X” sign to call for medical attention to check on Moriarty who is clutching her lower back.
Arthur La Forge: Just like Ciela last show, Raab has once again tried to injure his opponent on the way to a win.
Mary DeSue: And just like Ciela, it might have worked. Jeebus.
---
Both wrestlers are loudly booed by the crowd, though there is a palpable excitement about seeing the two new teammates fight. The two circle one another before locking up in the center of the ring. Tact takes her over into a side headlock, using his size advantage to overpower Salinas. She manages to escape by shooting Tact off the ropes, and as he rebounds she slides underneath. Tact bounces off again and looks for a clothesline, but Salines ducks under it and runs right past him. She springboards off the ropes and takes Tact down with a clothesline of her own! Tact is up, but gets knocked into the corner by a picture-perfect dropkick. Salinas charges for a knee but Tact moves out of the way and she gets caught up in the top turnbuckle. Tact grabs her by the hair and violently smashes her skull into the mat, drawing an audible gasp from the audience.
Arthur La Forge: Well, if we thought Tact might pull his punches after last show, he just proved otherwise.
Mary DeSue: He’s got a title match on the line! A loss might keep him from the one he wants!
Salinas clutches the back of her head, which is now pounding from the impact. Tact shows no remorse, unloading a series of elbows at the sore spot! In a pinch, Salinas reaches up and rakes Tact’s eyes! She continues to jam her fingers into the big man’s eye sockets for a few seconds before Tact staggers away. The ref admonishes Salinas for the dirty move but she pays him no mind. Finally having his eyes clear, Tact turns around right into a roundhouse kick! Salinas follows up with a neckbreaker, then heads to the top rope! She leaps off, connecting with an absolutely beautiful moonsault! Salinas hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
Tact kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: Salinas not winning over any fans here but that moonsault was a thing of beauty.
Mary DeSue: I like that they’re not holding back. It means we get to see who the best is! And maybe Salinas gets a title shot and some respect out of it.
Instead of looking for another high risk move, Salinas begins stomping on Tact’s legs. After softening him up with a few more blows, Salinas reaches down and pulls her opponent into an elevated boston crab! She leans back, putting additional pressure on the spine and lower back of Tact. Larry looks to grab the ropes, but Salinas pulls him back to the center of the ring. Managing to get enough purchase on the mat, Tact twists his legs and manages to kick Salinas off! Salinas rolls to her feet, and before Tact can make a move, she connects with a running knee right to his face! Trapping Tact’s arms behind him, she lifts the big man up and plants him with a STRAITJACKET NECKBREAKER! Salinas covers.
ONE!
TWO!
Tact gets a shoulder up!
Arthur La Forge: I can’t believe Tact got out of that! And neither can Salinas!
Mary DeSue: I can! He’s tough!
Salinas is stunned, and begins arguing with the ref that she had the three count there. The argument goes back and forth, with Salinas not getting anything out of it. The crowd begin to boo loudly but Salinas flips them off. Swaggering with confidence, Salinas runs to the ropes and leaps off for a SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT...NO! Tact, having recovered while Salinas was battling with the crowd and ref, catches her in mid-air on his shoulder! He runs across the ring and absolutely demolishes Salinas with a running powerslam! Tact then pulls Salinas up, trapping her head in between his hands and wrenching back into a steiner recliner - LARRY’S THRONE! Demonstrating that turnabout is fair play, Tact applies pressure to Salinas’ neck and back, barking at her to tap out.
Mary DeSue: Ugh, I don’t know who to side with. I like them both!
Arthur La Forge: Of course you do.
Mary DeSue: Anyone who beats up Bert McAlroy is a friend of mine! This show has been BERTLESS, and it’s my favorite episode ever!
The ref checks on Salinas, asking if she wants to quit, but she refuses. Salinas tries to fight her way out of it, but Tact jumps up and drives his ass into her back. This causes Salinas to fall flat to the mat, and Tact reaches down to pick her back up again. Before he can, Salinas manages to roll to her stomach and kick Tact forwards! This sends him through the top and middle rope and out onto the outside. Tact lands hard, giving Salinas a chance to recover. Tact gets up, looking to get back into the ring, but Salinas takes him out with a baseball slide! Tact is sent sprawling towards the ramp. Salinas ducks through the ropes and, looking back to take stock of her foe, springboards off the top rope! She takes Tact down with a nicely-executed springboard turnaround CROSSBODY! It takes a while for Salinas to get Tact back into the ring, but she finally makes the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THR-NO!
Tact kicks out at the last second!
Arthur La Forge: If Salinas is going to win this, and who knows about that at this point, Tact isn’t letting her get the win easily.
Mary DeSue: CAN she even win? She’s tried so much to beat him as it is!
Salinas is left to rue the delay between getting Tact into the ring and securing the cover. Her face twists into a snarl, Salinas is planning something nasty. She let’s Tact up, then somersaults up looking to drive him down with the VANITY BREAKER...NO! Using his strength, Tact prevents her from finishing the move, and instead counters it into a torture rack! Larry juggles Salinas up and down, driving his shoulders into her back. After what seems like an eternity, Tact plants Salinas with a SPIN-OUT POWERBOMB! He makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Salinas kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: And this time it’s Tact’s turn to look confused!
Mary DeSue: I think they both deserve respect when this is over! CHEER THEM YOU MORONS!
Tact can’t believe he couldn’t put his challenger away there. Instead of following up, Tact approaches the turnbuckle as the ref checks on Salinas. He unbuckles it and tosses the cover aside, exposing the steel buckle beneath. Tact shoves the ref away and looks to irish whip Salinas into the corner...but she counters! Salinas reverses the whip and sends Tact into the corner instead! Tact’s back bounces off the steel buckle, though Salinas has no idea. She knees Tact in the gut, VANITY BREAKER! Salinas hooks the leg!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...VICTORIAAA SALINNNNAS!!
Salinas slowly stands and smirks as the ref raises her hand into the air. She heads to the turnbuckle and celebrates as the fans boo her loudly.
Arthur La Forge: I’m sure when Tact wakes up, he’ll applaud Salinas’ efforts there.
Mary DeSue: She did anything to win, which is how it should be! I RESPECT YOU QUEEN!
---
Maggie Lockheart hasn't even had the time to remove her Final Boss championship and hand it over to the referee before Jenny runs over and hits a stiff forearm shot to the face. Maggie drops to a knee but Queenie doesn't back off, unleashing a series of stomps to keep her in place. Jenny seems more deranged than usual, before going back to her corner and grabbing an actual crown! She then wraps it around her fist before starting back towards Lockheart.
Arthur La Forge: Um..what?
Mary DeSue: Queen's gotta have a crown.
Arthur La Forge: Yeah but...this isn't a no DQ match.
Jenny swings wildly to slam the crown into Maggie's face, but the champion manages to hit a kick to the ribs to stop it. Queenie drops her crown and Lockheart stomps it into pieces, before tackling Jenny and laying in a series of punches to the face! Maggie gets up and roars at the crowd before turning back to her opponent, who kicks her in the knee and grabs her by the hair to fling her through the ropes behind her to the outside. Jenny gets up and grins at the crowd to boos, before heading outside the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Lockheart seemed to hint that she wanted to make an example out of Jenny, but the Queen Machine isn't exactly going to go quietly.
Mary DeSue: They keep fighting like this, they won't have anything left for the PPV!
Jenny picks up Lockheart before rearing back with just a disrespectful slap to the face, then another forearm that sends her staggering backward. She then reaches into the ring and grabs a jagged piece of her broken crown, hoping to use it as some sort of weapon, but once again, the time taken to grab the weapon cost her as Lockheart hits a pele kick to the jaw! The weapon flies out of Jenny's hand, who seems dazed for a brief moment. She reaches out for a strike of some kind but Lockheart is up again with a step-up enziguri! She then grabs the Queen Machine and throws her back into the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Lockheart knows that this isn't gonna end on the outside.
Mary DeSue: Yeah, and it gets Jenny farther away from anything sharp.
Arthur La Forge: She is...especially crazy after losing her goldie.
Jenny pushes herself ot her feet but Lockheart quickly comes in with another of her strikes, this time a leaping forearm! Jenny's dazed so Maggie adds a toe kick to the abdomen, which doubles her over. She then follows up with a spinning heel kick, before popping up and launching Jenny into the corner with an Irish whip. Before Jenny has a chance to regroup, Lockheart comes racing in with a crushing leg lariat in the corner, that nearly sends the champion falling to the outside due to her own momentum! She then grabs Jenny's head and spins out with a tornado DDT! Magdalena with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TH--The Queen Machine kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: It may be too early to pin Jenny there, but that doesn't mean Maggie's not gonna try.
Mary DeSue: Look at it this way. Jenny has been on a tear since losing that title. Beat Cara Strader. Beat Thomas McAllister. Beat Donny Mason. Maggie's spent the last month getting her ass kicked.
Arthur La Forge: Your point?
Mary DeSue: If I were betting, I'd put all my Dogecoin on Jenny! STONKS, BABY!
Arthur La Forge: I don't think you understand anything about anything you just said.
Magdalena picks her opponent back and places her back into the corner, keeping him there with a quick forearm and a few stomps to the midsection for good measure. She then looks at the pieces of what's left of the crown, still in the ring, before throwing Jenny towards it. She then drops to her knees and starts trying to force the Queen's head down onto her broken crown! Referee Iroquois Pliskin pulls Lockheart aside to remind her of the rules, only to get a death glare from the champion. Jenny takes advantage, however and shoves Lockheart into Pliskin, knocking him against the ropes and down briefly. The champion turns around and Jenny leaps up, grabbing Lockheart and flipping her over with a JENNYCANRANA ON THE CROWN PIECES! Lockheart gets up holding her back, and immediately we see tiny cuts opened up and bleeding. Jenny sweeps away the pieces before hitting another Jennycanrana, and a pin! Pliskin has recovered!
ONE!
TWO!
Th..NO! Magdalena kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: Well congrats to Jenny, I guess, she finally got to attack someone with the crown.
Mary Desue: That was gross.
Jenny eyes Pliskin, still trying to cover from bumping heads earlier, and simply drops an elbow on him! With the refere out, the Queen Machine seems free to break as many rules as she likes. She leaps through the ropes and looks under the ring for toys, before settling on a singapore cane. Lockheart starts to get to her feet and Queenie slides back in, bringing the cane down on her head! An audible CRACK is heard as the champion collapses! Jenny laughs at the booing audience, before picking the bleeding champion up to her feet. She then grabs her and hits ENTER THE MACHINE! She covers...and new referee hire Crash Cortex slides into the ring to count!
ONE!
TWO!
tHRe--NO! Magdalena barely lifts her shoulder up!
Mary DeSue: How in the hell did she kick out of that?!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny took out one ref, and Lockheart had more time to recover. Maybe she should focus more on winning and less on inflicting pain.
Queen Machine gets in the face of Cortex, demanding a faster count. Then, she jumps outside and grabs a TABLE, before attempting to slide it in the ring. Cortex actually pushes it backward and back out, refusing to let her do it. So she simply sets it up on the floor! But Lockheart has now had time to recover and climbs out onto the apron before diving and hitting Jenny with a Meteora on the floor! Lockheart then grabs Jenny and throws her back in the ring, before kicking the table over in disgust. Maggie slides back in and sees Jenny on her hands and knees, so she tries for Black Legacy, but Jenny moves out of the way, and attempts a rollup!
ONE!
TWO!
Maggie kicks out, pop up to her feet, grabs Jenny by the head and tries Lockheart Liberation, but Jenny goes into a backslide!
ONE!
TWO!
Maggie kicks out of that, rolls backward, up to her feet, and the ENTROPY BLADE! COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THR--JENNY KICKS OUT!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny had a counter for almost all of Maggie's big moves, but she dipped into the Jenova well to use that Entropy Blade!
Mary DeSue: Oh good, another reference to dorky video game characters I don't get.
Magdalena gets a little distance between herself and Jenny, then sticks a hand out and motions for her to get up. She wants that Black Legacy and she runs in hoping to hit it, but Jenny pops up and hits a low dropkick, then BOW DOWN! Queen Machine with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
tHREE--NO! Magdalena kicks out again! Queenie Jenny is in Cortex's face again!
Arthur La Forge: I understand frustration but if Jenny doesn't watch out she's going to cost herself the match.
Mary DeSue: She literally dropped an elbow on Pliskin and the match is still going. I think she'll be okay.
Lockheart gets up, grimacing, before racing in at Jenny, looking for another Entropy Blade! JENNY SIDESTEPS AND MAGGIE HITS THE REFEREE WITH IT! Lockheart curses at herself as she turns around as Jenny looks for THE CROWNING, but Lockheart shoves her through the ropes to the outside! Jenny gets up, using the table for support, only for Lockheart to DIVE OFF THE APRON WITH ANOTHER METEORA, PUTTING JENNY THROUGH THE TABLE!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny introduced the table, Jenny paid for it!
Mary DeSue: That should be a disqualification!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny broke rules multiple times in this match!
Mary DeSue: Well there was no referee then!
Arthur La Forge: THERE'S NO REFEREE NOW!
Lockheart gets up, angry, and grabs Jenny and tosses her into the ring. Jenny is struggling get up after basically going through a table with the back of her head, and Lockheart runs over and hits the BLACK LEGACY! Pliskin is stirring, so Lockheart shakes him a bit to wake him up before dropping down with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner....the Final Boss Champion...MAGDALENA LOCKHEART!!!
Arthur La Forge: After a match that quite frankly should have been thrown out in the opening minutes, Lockheart survives the Queen and wins!
Mary DeSue: Pfft, let's see what happens next time with no table!
Arthur La Forge: This thing was wild for sure. If Jenny doesn't win the Courage title at Final Fantasy, who knows what that'll do to her psyche?
Lockheart is given her belt and gets up to her feet, when suddenly Mr. Rad's uncanny valley face appears on the video wall.
Mr. Rad: CONGRATULATIONS, CHAMP! But I have an announcement from the Developer that concerns you!
Lockheart raises an eyebrow, but otherwise doesn't react.
Mr. Rad: Due to the chaos tonight and the referees getting abused, The Developer wants to ensure the safety of his officiating staff in the main event at Final fantasy! So when you and Bert McAlroy collide in your match, there will be a guest referee!
Suddenly, the instrumental portion of "Carry On Wayward Son" kicks in and ELI GOODE steps out onto the ramp to cheers from the crowd!
Arthur La Forge: ELI GOODE is back in Level Up! And...he's the referee at Final Fantasy!?
Mary DeSue: What? How? WHY? I thought he was rehabbing!
Arthur La Forge: I don't know, but we are OUT OF TIME! SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS!
The show fades out with the champion in the ring, not allowing anyone to see whatever reaction she might have to this news. Goode continues to play to the crowd from the top of the ramp.
---
Show Intro: Jay
Android 69 & PEEZEE vs. Dude WaLuigi & WaLink: Tact
The Faction vs. Emily Simms & Duncan Shepard: Dubs
Chelsea Skye & Buster Gloves vs. Don Tirri & Donny Mason: Jay
Bizarro World: Duane
Kat Jones vs. Cara Strader: Bert
Amber Payne vs. Valentine: Jay
Dionysus vs. Ahmya: Joe
Tired of Waiting: Joey Crash
Lord Raab vs. Dominique Moriarty: Jay
Victoria Salinas vs. Larry Tact: Dubs
Magdalena Lockheart vs. Jenny: Joe
Judges: Joe, Jay & Duane
Arthur La Forge: Welcome everyone to EXP Episode Eighteen!...and…holy crap on a cracker! Mary…your cosplay fits with the number of the episodes. Did you do that on purpose?
Mary DeSue: No…I just like this costume. It’s cheap and easy to wear!
Arthur La Forge: Well…I’ll pretend you did so it seems nicer. And speaking of nice, boy do we have a nice card to finish out our road to Final Fantasy!!
Mary DeSue: Only a few more weeks till break and I can relax away from all you…charming fans!
Arthur La Forge: Nice save! And kicking it off we got PEEZEE and Android 69 taking on Wahh World Order also known as WaLink and Dude Waluigi! Multiplayer action continues on as ISSAC and Drake Wilcox of “The Faction” take on Emily Simms and Duncan Shepard!
Mary DeSue: And my THICC BOYS ARE IN THE HIZZOUSE!!! Don Tirr and Donny Mason will slaughter Buster Gloves and Chelsea Skye, no hard feelings guys, but they’re the greatest tag team ever.
Arthur La Forge: In singles action we got Kat Jones taking on Cara Strader, and Amber Payne taking on Valentine.
Mary DeSue: I’m so unimpressed and uninterested.
Arthur La Forge: Well how about this apathetic delight. The finals of the Extra Live Round Robin Tournament happens tonight. That’s right it’s all down to these few matches to see who will be taking on the singles champions at Final Fantasy. It all comes down to Dionysus versus Ahmya, Lord Raab versus Dominique Moriarty, and Victoria Salinas, subbing for Ciela Luiz, takes on Larry Tact.
Mary DeSue: Artie. I know you care about this stuff. But honestly I’m gonna zone out probably after Team Thiccness leaves.
Arthur La Forge: Not even for our main event with Magdalena Lockheart taking on “Queen Machine” Jenny!
Mary DeSue: Why are you excited about a Jenny match after she beat your butt a few weeks ago.
Arthur La Forge: I am an unbiased commentator. I’m a professional.
Mary DeSue: So am I…and I swear if you make a sex worker joke…
Arthur La Forge: And on with the show folks!
---
Android 69 & PEEZEE vs. Dude WaLuigi & WaLink
DW sizes up PEEZEE as the bell rings and challenges him to a dance off, giving some smooth moves for the Indianapolis crowd! PEEZEE watches and then begins busting a move. The fans give a mixed reaction to the gyrations and PEEZEE decides he’s had enough. He grabs the Dude by the throat with an enormous hand, hoisting him in the air and bouncing him off a turnbuckle. DW staggers back out and PEEZEE grabs hold and Biel Throws the not-small Dude clear across the ring like a toy!
Arthur LaForge: The giant PEEZEE showing while he knows how to have a good time, right now it’s time to bring home the green with a win.
Mary DeSue: I’m not sure if you mean green as in money, or more inventory for PEEZEE’s business.
Arthur LaForge: I’m guessing he needs both, but what did you think I meant?
Mary DeSue: Don’t get smart with me, Artie. The way I figure it is if the big guy here wins, it’s pretty good for me.
Arthur LaForge: How do you figure?
Mary DeSue: Maybe I’ll get a coworker discount off my purchases!
WaLink wasn’t expecting DW to land right in his corner, and slowly looks up at his gigantic opponent as he approaches. What WaLink does not realize, until PEEZEE grabs hold of him, is DW tagged him on the boot. Too late! PEEZEE yanks WaLink over the top rope with ease and hits him with a Fallaway Slam! DW is back up and was cleverly waiting for PEEZEE. For reasons only known to someone as cool as Dude Waluigi, he turns PEEZEE around to face him, then reaches up and slaps PEEZEE across the face before doing a moonwalk backwards. PEEZEE doesn’t take kindly to this, running at DW and catching up to him with a Big Boot! DW leaves his feet and is only saved by bouncing off the ropes. He comes back to a waiting PEEZEE who scoops him up and hits the Emerald Flowsion. PEEZEE with a cover!
One!
Two!!
PEEZEE picks Dude back up and laughs while shakes a finger at the crowd, who begin booing for his prolonging the suffering of the coolest Waluigi around. He sends DW against the rope and hits a Spear – SQUARE UP! Dude Waluigi is blasted through the top and middle ropes to the floor in freshly agonizing pain.
Arthur LaForge: Dude Waluigi having a rough go of it tonight.
Mary DeSue: Why didn’t we get Giant Waluigi to face PEEZEE? Isn’t that more of a big meaty men slapping meat situation?
Arthur LaForge: I heard Giant Waluigi is still at Camp Waluigi getting his confidence back. Wait, are you calling a Waluigi a big meaty man?
Mary DeSue: Artie ew! No, kill that thought dead, you freak. I could be convinced to give big meaty man status to PEEZEE depending on how big a stash he comps me.
Arthur LaForge: Probably the most telegraphed comment we’ll hear all night. Better that we get it out of the way early on.
PEEZEE is showboating for the crowd when suddenly WaLink jumps on his back! PEEZEE begins laughing and breaking out some dance moves with WaLink now hanging on for dear life. PEEZEE then crunches WaLink against the ropes, leaving him slumped on the top turnbuckle. PEEZEE grabs him and hits a Two Handed Chokeslam off the top rope, flattening WaLink. PEEZEE is waiting for WaLink to get up so he can hit another Square Up when A69 is suddenly on the apron and tags himself in! He steps in the ring and… stares at PEEZEE’s burly biceps, then starts giving him a head-to-toe assessment, but no touching! A69 respects mutual consent, of course. When A69 begins slowly gyrating, PEEZEE shoves him away, telling him to keep his distance! A69 turns and runs right into a rising WaLink with a Robot Clothesline. He promptly picks up WaLink and hits a Robot Punch that spins him around… then hits a Robot Ass Punch! WaLink yelps out in surprise and pain before A69 locks his arms and hits the Full Nelson – FIVEPLAY! On the mat, A69 begins DRY-HUMPING WALINK! Even beat up and depleted, WaLink quickly scrambles out of the predicament and gets to a corner. This doesn’t help him much as A69 comes flying in with a Bronco Buster – LAUNCH TIME!! WaLink gets his face pounded by the metal repeatedly, and DW tags back in.
Arthur LaForge: That move looks extremely painful coming from a robot.
Mary DeSue: Duh, it’s supposed to be. I thought you knew what wrestling was about.
Arthur LaForge: Honestly? This looks less and less like wrestling by the moment.
Mary DeSue: I dunno, my followers seem to dig it.
Arthur LaForge: Something tells me your followers can relate to the Masked Machinist and Android 69.
Mary DeSue: What exactly is that supposed to mean, Artie? You can relate to them, too!
Arthur LaForge: What? No, I… not really…
Mary DeSue: Ugh, so gross.
Dude Waluigi moves to an opposing corner and begins doing some dance moves. A69 responds with air-humping, and the two begin doing their respective movements until they are within inches of each other in the middle of the ring, The crowd has no idea what to make of it all, and it ends as A69 unceremoniously goes for an Electrified Grab – JOI BUZZER!! DW goes down to the mat writhing in pain while A69 resumes air-humping. MM sees this and quickly punches a button on the remote to get A69 back to wrestling action mode. He looks back at a slowly rising Dude Waluigi… and sinks in a Coquina Clutch – THE BIG SPOON!! DW taps out right away!!
Mr. Rad: Your winners of the match… Android 69 and PEEZEE!!
Arthur La Forge: Not that the finish was in any doubt, but A69 and PEEZEE surprisingly worked well together!
Mary DeSue: I think A69 would “work” with anything with a pulse. Maybe even without.
Arthur La Forge: Gross.
---
ISAAC & Drake Wilcox vs. Duncan Shepard & Emily Simms
The match kicks off with ISAAC and Simms facing off. ISAAC roars and charges at her, looking for a big boot right off the bat! But Simms catches his foot and spins him around before connecting with a roundhouse kick! ISAAC barely has a chance to breathe as Simms springs off the ropes and leaps into the air. She takes down the big man with a headscissors, followed by a SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Simms quickly makes the pin.
ONE!
ISAAC shoves her off!
Arthur La Forge: Simms starting out well but it’s going to take a lot more than that ot beat one of these behemoths.
Mary DeSue: Behemoth is a fun word. Be he Moth. Beheeeemoth.
Arthur La Forge: Please stop.
Simms rolls to her corner and makes the tag to Duncan. As ISAAC is back to his feet, she whips her own partner towards him, and Shepard connects with a SPEAR! The momentum sends ISAAC rolling over to his corner, where Drake manages to tag himself in. Wilcox makes an unexpected move, heading to the top rope, but Shepard immediately races up there to meet him. Duncan tosses the 400 pounder off the turnbuckle with a huge belly-to-belly suplex! Shepard makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
Wilcox kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: Another kickout. The Faction may not have the best W/L record in Level Up, but they’re big guys and it takes a lot to beat them.
Mary DeSue: I wonder where the Wizard is tonight? I didn’t see him backstage.
Arthur La Forge: Probably coaching them from afar, I’m sure.
Shepard bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow on Drake before picking him up. He plants Wilcox with a scoop slam, then tags in Simms. He gestures to the top rope and she obliges. Duncan hypes her up as she leaps with a SWANTON BOMB!! Simms covers.
ONE!
TWO!
THR-BROKEN UP!!
Arthur La Forge: The Faction have been playing defense for most of the match, which is unusual for them.
Mary DeSue: I told you! James isn’t out here! Something’s not right!
ISAAC pulls Simms out of the ring before the ref can make the three count, and whips her into the steel steps. Simms connects shoulder first, sending the top half of the steps sprawling. ISAAC looks to inflict more punishment on her, but he’s clubbed from behind by Shepard! He leaps onto ISAAC’s back and locks in a sleeper hold! The giant struggles for a bit but eventually begins to nod off. Simms gets back up and climbs on the apron as Shepard continues to subdue ISAAC. She springs off the top rope and takes Wilcox down with a hurracanrana! She then heads to the top rope and leaps off, connecting with a shooting star press - STAR RISING! She hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here are your winners…DUNCAN SHEPARD AND EMILY SIMMS!!
Arthur La Forge: An impressive debut for Emily Simms and another win for Duncan Shepard!
Mary DeSue: I think he’s ready for Final Fantasy.
Arthur La Forge: He’d better be, because whoever he gets from the Round Robin is going to be a huge threat.
---
Chelsea Skye & Buster Gloves vs. Don Tirri & Donny Mason
Starting off for both teams are Buster Gloves and Donny Mason. Gloves holds out his hand to Donny and Donny looks to his dad to see if he should shake it. Tirri yells "Do what you want" and Donny shakes Gloves' hand for a moment and the two circle each other. Lockup. Donny wins the lockup and pushes Gloves off of him, showing off his impressive strength. Donny poses for a moment as Gloves nods. The two lock up again and Donny shoves down Gloves. Gloves gets up and says come on one more time. The two lock up and Gloves falls onto his back and kicks his legs up doing basically a reverse monkey flip sending Donny down to the mat. Gloves gets up and poses for a moment as Donny gets up, a bit embarrassed, and goes for a lariat! Gloves dodges it with a drop toe hold and then slaps the back of Donny's head. Gloves gets up and tags in Skye. Donny turns and gets hit with a running elbow strike to the chest by Gloves and a top rope clothesline by Skye sending Donny down to the mat.
Arthur La Forge: Skye and Buster may not be the team that Don and Donny are, but they work well together.
Mary DeSue: Okay, they MIGHT be a good test for Team Thiccness, but MY THICC BOIS ARE EVERYTHING.
Skye gets up as Donny is still down and heads to the ropes and starts bouncing off of them till Donny gets to his feet. Spear by Skye! Donny gets knocked down all the way to his corner. Tirri sighs and tags in as Donny starts yelling at Skye holding his ribs, but Tirri gets him to take a powder. Tirri gets in the ring and is immediately meet with a kick to the gut that he catches. Skye quickly goes for the enzuigiri but Tirri ducks it! Skye lands on her stomach and then gets an elbowdrop to her spine. Tirri picks up Skye and tosses her into the ropes. Blind tag by Gloves that Tirri see's, but still goes for "The Boot", and Skye ducks it! Skye sweeps the other leg out from under Tirri as Gloves leaps over the ropes and hits a diving knee strike to the back of Tirri's head! Skye rolls out of the ring as Buster grabs Tirri and slaps on anklelock onto that sweep leg of Tirri's to try and take "The Boot" out of the equation for good!
Arthur La Forge: Buster using those MMA skills to take the fight to the larger Tirri.
Mary DeSue: Good practice for facing that other big guy at Final Fantasy.
Tirri grimaces in pain as Gloves has the anklelock tight on him in the center of the ring, but Tirri, using his taller frame, gets over to his corner and tags in Donny! Gloves gets up just in time to get taken down by a flying clothesline from the top rope by Donny Mason! Donny grabs Gloves and starts working on Gloves with repeated knee strikes to the face to try and wear down the grappler with just pure power. Toss into the ropes by Donny! Donny looks to go for the "Dambuster Boot" but Gloves grabs the ropes to put the brakes on and gets out of the ring. That doesn't sit well with Donny who jumps to the top rope and walks on the top rope and hits a forward flip hitting Gloves on the outside! And this capacity crowd is losing its damn mind at the sheer spectacle they just saw!
Arthur La Forge: WHAT IN THE WORLD!?
Mary DeSue: DONNY CAN FLY! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
Both legal men are down on the outside. Referee Pliskin starts his count...
One...
Two...
Three...
Donny crawls over to the barricade and starts to pull himself up as Gloves gets to the ring steps and pulls himself up.
Four...
Five...
Gloves rolls into the ring to break up the count as Donny follows sliding in. Gloves can't capitalize on attacking a downed Donny. Donny is up and charges at Gloves. Gloves ducks a clothesline attempt and rolls tagging in Skye! From the top rope she jumps in and catches Donny with a hurricanrana!!
Arthur La Forge: And now Skye is going through the air! This is getting nuts!
Mary DeSue: I’m still amazed we saw that big boi dive! Kick out and do more awesome things, Donny!
Skye wastes no time and heads back up to the top turnbuckle and hits a 450 splash! The crowd cheers as the high flying high risk move paid off. Gloves cheers her on as Tirri yells at Donny to get up. Skye heads to the top one more time signaling for her finisher, "Skye’s the Limit", and she launches herself into the air...spinning, twisting, and....DONNY GETS THE KNEES UP!!! HE BLOCKS IT!!! Both wrestlers are down for the count...
One...
Two...
Three...
Donny, grabbing his knees, starts to crawl his way over to tag in his father. Skye is clutching her ribs, gasping for air, as she goes to tag in Gloves...and...
Arthur La Forge: Wait!! What's he doing here??!!
Mary DeSue: What the f<bleep>!!!
Skye is about to tag in Gloves as HIS MONSTER runs down to the ring and grabs Gloves legs...GORY SPECIAL TO THE OUTSIDE!! HIS MONSTER gets into the ring and looks down at Skye, who's still holding her ribs, and at Donny who's laying on his side holding his legs...and then his eyes go up to Don Tirri. And he looks pissed!!
DING! DING! DING! DING!
Mr. Rad: Referee Pliskin has decreed that this match ends in a Disqualification...the winners are Buster Gloves and Chelsea Skye!!
Arthur La Forge: Oh, neither Tirri is going to like this.
Mary DeSue: I don’t either! What a rip-off! Go retire that monster right now, Thicci!
Don Tirri starts talking down to HIS MONSTER who starts talking trash too not noticing that Buster Gloves has gotten up, and back into the ring. Tirri just smirks as HM gets grabbed from behind by Buster Gloves who hits a Release German Suplex on the beast! HM falls out of the ring and is followed by Buster Gloves and the two start brawling all the way up the ramp and to the back as Tirri checks on Donny Mason to see if his son is alright. Tirri's eyes still focusing on HM and Gloves the whole time.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t think anything got resolved here. Tirri is definitely going to want to face Buster, Skye and maybe even HM in the future.
Mary DeSue: And he’ll boot them all! With a nice green glove on his hand the whole time!
---
The camera cuts backstage, where we see Nocturne standing in front of a plain concrete wall. From the right side of the shot, Dude Waluigi enters the picture, accompanied by another Waluigi that looks similar, but dressed in green instead. Nocturne arches an eyebrow at the intrusion—or more accurately, at the unknown person.
Nocturne: And you are?
Dude Waluigi: Have Wahercy!
: Relax. I’ve got this.The newcomer turns to fully face Nocturne.
: Good evening, Miss Nocturne. I’m known by some as Bizarro Waluigi. I’m here to serve as translator for Dude here, since he seems to think there’s a communications issue with Level Up’s front offices.Nocturne: A Waluigi. Who actually speaks the English language sensibly, and doesn’t wear purple?
Bizarro Waluigi: That’s why they call me Bizarro, ma’am.
Nocturne just shakes her head for a moment at the absurdity of it all.
Bizarro Waluigi: But, allow me to get to the heart of the matter. The Waluigi World Order—
Nocturne: The what?
Dude Waluigi: Wah’re taking ov-wah!
Bizarro Waluigi: Please ignore my companion’s outburst. As I was saying, the WWO wanted me to ask you what your secret was.
Nocturne: (guardedly) My secret to…what?
Bizarro Waluigi: Your secret as to how you managed to secure a position on the Final Fantasy card, of course.
Nocturne chuckles at that for a brief second.
Nocturne: Oh, that one’s easy. I just asked.
Dude Waluigi: WAAAAAAHHHH?!?!
Bizarro Waluigi: I’m afraid I must agree with my compatriot here. You just...asked?
Nocturne: Yep. I spoke with The Developer, asked him to put me in a match, any match, and he made the call for an open challenge. By the time the tweet went out, there were five of us in that match. Brandon Hendrix, The Avenger, Ataxia, Cypher, and myself, elimination rules to ensure there is a clear winner.
Dude Waluigi looks like he is about to exclaim something incredibly loudly—probably some version of “Waaahhh”—but a raised hand from his green-garbed counterpart stops him.
Bizarro Waluigi: Dude, I thought you told me that Giant Waluigi asked for us to be put on the card somewhere. Did you lie to me?
Dude Waluigi: Waaah, he waah’d if waaank could waaah on waaaaah one!
Bizarro Waluigi is barely able to avoid facepalming.
Bizarro Waluigi: No wonder he told Giant to leave his office, Dude. He asked him if The Developer could wank him one time. While I get he was trying to look out for brother Walink—
Nocturne: Brother?
Bizarro Waluigi: Only in the religious congregational sense, Miss Nocturne.
She just nods, a bit confused, as the green-clad one resumes his original sentence.
Bizarro Waluigi: –Giant should have known that you do not use the family shorthand for his name outside the family! That’s why he was kicked out, he was thinking Giant wanted him to perform an act that’s against Twitch’s terms and services!
Dude Waluigi: Waaaaahhh?!
Nocturne simply answers Dude’s confused tone of voice with a slow, sad nod.
Dude Waluigi: WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dude turns and runs out of the camera shot, his cry still echoing in the hallway. Bizarro Waluigi just shrugs, as if to say “what can you do,” and hurries off after his counterpart, leaving Nocturne alone in the hallway.
Nocturne: Man, I picked a heck of a day to come to work, that’s for certain…
And on that note, the camera shot returns to ringside.
---
Kat Jones vs. Cara Strader
Cara and Kat meet in the middle of the ring and begin jawing immediately. The buildup to the match has been anything but friendly as Kat Jones did little to hold back her opinions of Cara and her sister, especially the latter. Cara swings for the fences but the savvy vet ducks under the wild swing and takes Cara over with a snap german suplex. She shoots up while Cara slowly gets up, holding her head. Kat nails her with a roundhouse kick that sends her through the ropes to the outside!!
Arthur La Forge: Kat Jones missed last show but is trying to pick up where she left off with that nasty kick!
Mary DeSue: Cara Strader just ate that! Hope she’s okay.
Arthur La Forge: An unusual show of humanity from you, Mary.
Mary DeSue: I’m a perfectly nice person! Just because I don’t like Bert you assume I hate everyone!
Kat steps out onto the apron, waiting for Cara to get up. She goes for a running punt kick from the apron but Cara catches it, and nails her with a modified dragon screw off the apron and to the floor. Kat lands with a loud SMACK. Cara pulls herself up, stalking Kat and dropping a knee across the back of her head once before lifting her and whipping her back into the ring apron. She charges in, nailing her with a clothesline and rolling her back into the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Cara Strader recovered nicely and now has taken control. She got a break too, more or less, when she decided to forfeit the SMASH battle royal.
Mary DeSue: Can’t blame her. She didn’t want a tag title match. Why waste the energy?
Arthur La Forge: A title shot is a title shot, in my opinion, but it’s over and done with now.
Cara rolls in after her, lifting her up and nailing Kat with a belly to belly suplex. She stalks after her to capitalize but Kat rolls her up! However they’re too close to the ropes, so Kat releases the pin however she leaps upon Cara and starts to lock in a figure four but Strader is able to kick Kat away into the ropes. However Kat rebounds and turns Cara inside out with a thunderous clothesline!!
Arthur La Forge: These two are letting it all hang out tonight! Just a battle of attrition!
Mary DeSue: It seems like every time one has the advantage, the other takes it right back.
Arthur La Forge: Anybody could win right now, sure.
The two women remain on the mat, trying to regain their breath. As they reach their knees, Kat nails Cara with a wild right hand. Cara counters with an overhand chop! Kat retaliates! Then Cara! Fist! Chop! Fist! Chop! Kat lets out a cry and goes for a hue haymaker but Cara ducks it! She snatches Kat and nails a short-drop DDT! Cara rolls Kat over and goes for the pin, hooking both legs deep!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!! KAT JONES KICKS OUT
Arthur La Forge: Tough break for Cara there!
Mary DeSue: Almost a tough break for Kat, with how hard she got dropped.
Cara lifts Kat up, nailing her with vicious knees over and over again. She runs off the ropes, coming in with a clothesline but Kat ducks underneath! Cara bounces off the ropes, coming back with a crossbody but Kat rolls through! She deadlifts Cara and nails her with a fallaway slam! As Cara gets to her feet she turns and…KAT-A-STROPHE!! THE DDT SPIKES CARA ON HER FACE UNPROTECTED! KAT ROLLS HER OVER, HOOKS THE LEG AND SMIRKS TO THE CAMERA
ONE
TWO
THREE!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner…KAT JONES!
Arthur La Forge: And just like that it’s over! Wow! A timely reversal from Kat gave her just enough momentum to put Strader away.
Mary DeSue: I feel like it could have gone either way.
Arthur La Forge: Definitely, and I wouldn’t mind seeing these two lock up again soon.
---
Amber Payne vs. Valentine
Payne and Valentine start to circle each other. Payne, in a shoot stance, is looking for an opening, while the masked Valentine tilts his head curiously at Payne. Finally the dance ends with a lockup and Payne gets Valentine into a headlock. Valentine pushes Payne off causing her to head for the ropes. Valentine charges forward with a clothesline but Payne ducks. Both hit the ropes and rebound, double dodged clotheslines. Hit ropes, rebound, Valentine goes high with a leaping clothesline while Payne goes low and they both miss each other. Hit ropes, rebound...Double dropkick, rolls backs and stand up facing each other as the crowd comes alive enjoying this catch as catch can style. Valentine takes this opportunity to charge forward going for another clothesline, only to miss, and Payne catches him. Hip toss into the mat, followed by an armbar! Valentine, knowing his opponents technical prowess, quickly adjusts himself to get his foot onto the nearest rope causing Referee Kirby to break up the hold. Payne let's go after a two count, but stomps on the back of Valentine's head as she gets up. She picks up Valentine, toss into the ropes, rebound by Valentine into a SPEAR BY PAYNE!! Quickly moving to capitalize Payne grabs Valentine and sets him up for a swinging neckbreaker! Payne gets back up and waits. After a few moments Valentine gets up, facing away from Payne, turns, and gets Superkicked hard in the mask!
Arthur La Forge: That mask might offer some protection but probably not much!
Mary DeSue: I don’t know what it’s made off, but a boot to the face is a boot to the face.
Payne grabs Valentine and quickly places him into a Boston Crab. As Valentine yells out in pain, Referee Kirby asks him if he wishes to give up. Valentine responds with a one finger salute, using his arms to crawl towards the ropes and grasping the bottom rope. Payne let's go and starts stomping away at the spine of Valentine. She picks him up and hits him hard with strong style kicks to the midsection and then tosses him into the ropes. She looks to go for a back body drop, but Valentine sidesteps a bit and hits a floatover DDT!! Both wrestlers are down for a moment from that desperation maneuver.
One...
Two...
Valentine gets up first, using the ropes to pull himself up. Payne gets up and charges at Valentine. Chop from Valentine! Return Chop from Payne! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! With each chop for some reason the fans "WOO!!" with every hit!
"WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO! WOO!"
Arthur La Forge: This crowd really likes saying woo!
Mary DeSue: WOO!
Arthur La Forge:: The chops are definitely flying. Valentine is more than willing to play a strong style game with Payne.
Valentine ducks a chop from Payne and runs to the ropes. He bounces off the ropes and leaps. RUNNING CROSSBODY!! Payne goes down as Valentine gets back up. Valentine goes for a "Revolution Kick" as Payne gets back up, but Payne hits her own Roundhouse kick at the same time. Payne's kick just hits seconds before Valentine's does! She pulls Valentine back up and hits a Fisherman Swinging Neckbreaker! Valentine is on the mat as Payne puts him into her finishing submission hold..."Rings of Payne"!!! Center of the ring!!! Valentine struggles, but with both of his arms locked into this hold he can't get his legs close enough to the ropes. He taps!!!
DING! DING! DING!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...Amber "Queen of Strong Style" Payne!!!
Arthur La Forge: Valentine was game this week, but Amber is the Queen of Strong Style for a reason. She definitely needed that win, too.
Mary DeSue: Maybe it’s the start of a win streak for her! You never know!
---
Dionysus vs. Ahmya
The bell rings as Dionysus and Ahmya stand across the ring from each other. Ahmya tries for a lockup but Dionysus avoids that with a kick to the leg, then a series of clubbing blows to the back. He switches up with a series of uppercuts to the ribs while holding Ahmya in a front facelock, then lets go only to hit her with a chop that knocks her down. She moves to a corner and Dio closes the distance, stomping away at her. She gets herself up and Dio starts hitting more body blows, as Ahmya has not found an answer for the Lord of the Vine's brawling skills in the early going.
Arthur La Forge: It looks like Dionysus had Ahmya scouted, as she's known for her technical and high-flying abilities and he's sticking to strikes.
Mary DeSue: Good! She doesn't even understand what a Round Robin is!
Arthur La Forge: Do YOU understand what a Round Robin is?
Mary DeSue: What is this, 20 questions? Call the match!
Dio launches Ahmya into the opposite corner with an Irish whip, only for the multiplayer champion to stop herself with a boot on the bottom turnbuckle, step off and flip around with a spinning heel kick! Ahmya gets to her feet and out of nowhere hits a high drop kick. Dio goes down and Ahmya goes for a guillotine choke, but can’t get it locked in. Dio and Ahmya get to their feet and lock up. Dio pushes Ahmya into the corner to get some breathing room, but when goes to kick her, but she grabs his foot and hits a legscrew!
Arthur La Forge: Ahmya looks like she wants to target the legs, which is good strategy. It takes out his size advantage and if she tries for the Oyasuminasai later, he wouldn't be able to lift out of it if he can't stand.
Mary DeSue: Yeah well I doubt he's just gonna LET her keep attacking him.
Ahmya drops a knee onto Dio's ankle as he’s down. Dio gets to his feet amid Ahmya’s boots to the ankle. Dio gets up, but Ahmya is waiting with a sharp kick to the ankle bone. Dio hops around. Ahmya goes for a right hand, not really her style, and Dionysus manages to block it, but maintains wrist control! He goes for the Grapevine! Dio spins Ahmya out but she ducks the lariat, tries for a crucifix and Dio hangs on, before flinging her up into the air and down with a pop up cutter!
ONE!
TWO!!
NO! Ahmya gets the shoulder up.
Arthur La Forge: Ahmya had an answer for the grapevine, but that size difference allowed Dio to power her into something else.
Mary DeSue: Not good enough! He should hit her with another one!
As the multiplayer champion struggles to recover, Dionysus drops down and applies a crossface! She uses her other arm to start striking at the arm, but he doesn’t let up. She reaches for the ropes instead and makes it! But Dionysus then extends his long legs, pushes off the ropes and rolls with her to the center of the ring with a crossface still applied! Ahmya grabs the finger of Dio and starts to bend it backward, all she can do but it loosens the grip just enough that she slips her head out. She then quickly slips up and hits a low basement dropkick to the face. Cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TH--NO! Dionysus kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: These two are wrestling like they've been out here for an hour, just pure desperation to end it early.
Mary DeSue: Well, they've got big matches at Final Fantasy, one way or another. This is just to decide who gets which title match, but they've definitely got title matches coming!
Arthur La Forge: That's true, plus bragging rights for the Round Robin winner.
The two get to their feet and Dio begins his Hands of Aggression attack with blows to the limbs of Ahmya, before attacking the body and head. Ahmya ducks under one of the strikes and picks the ankle, before floating over into a jackknife pin!
ONE!
TWO!
Dio kicks out! Ahmya and Dio get up and Dio sends Ahmya into the ropes, before laying her out with an ugly, stiff lariat. He then scoops her up and hits a flapjack! Ahmya gets up clutching at her ribs, scrambing to the corner. Dio comes in and fires off a chop right to the chest, but all this seems to do is fire her up! Ahmya yells and demands another, and Dionysus obliges. She then unleashes several stiff forearms to the head, before kicking him in the weakened ankle and dropping with a snap DDT! With Dio down, she she floats over and locks in a leg lock. Dio muscles his way out and slides out of the ring, before Ahmya runs through the ropes with a TOPE SUICIDA!
Arthur La Forge: Those chops seem to have angered Ahmya more than anything! Dionysus is stopping her from being the Roundest Robin and she's not having it!
Mary DeSue: Oh come on, don't play along with that stupid crap.
Ahmya uses joint manipulation to get Dionysus to his feet, before pushing him into the ring. She follows and he catches her coming in with a HUGE open palm strike, which rocks her and causes her sto stumble, straight into an STO BACKBEAKER! But Dionysus misjudged and brought her down on the bad ankle, which causes him to crumble. He clutches at his ankle and she changes her stance, hooking his head and locking in the Oyasuminasai!!! Dionysus is already in a seated position so the hold is in deep!
Arthur La Forge: Dionysus may have to tap out here!
Mary DeSue: Just toss her off of you, you outweigh her by a whole her!
Dionysus indeed pushes himself to his knees and starts attempting to lift himself up with all 120 pounds of Ahmya on his neck, but she persists in holding on. He tries to place weight on his ankle to stand, and it immediately gives out with the extra weight on top! He drops back down into a seated position and with nowhere ago, he reluctantly taps to Ahmya!!!
Mr. Rad: HERE IS YOUR WINNER, BY SUBMISSION....AHMYA!!!!
Arthur La Forge: Ahmya wins the match and the Round Robin! At 5-0, she's the automatic winner no matter what happens in Tact vs. Salinas later on.
Mary DeSue: Great. Woo-hoo. Thrilling.
Arthur La Forge: I'm being told that Ahmya's first choice was the Wisdom championship...which means...
The sound of horns blowing can be heard for a few moments, signaling a request for silence. After a moment the voice of Barnabus Cartwright can be heard booming through the microphone in a thick British accent, drawing a pop from the crowd.
Barnabus Cartwright: Please rise and remain silent as we welcome true, unbridled greatness in the form of man. Hailing from Knightsbridge, London England and now residing in Aberdeen Scotland...He is the pinnacle of Professional Wrestling, the undisputed king of the United Kingdom, the Golden God of the Granite City, the Absolute of Aberdeen, the youth of today and the face of tomorrow... and quite simply yet literally the greatest man to ever walk this earth... I am both honored and humbled to present to you, fourth of his name but first of his kind; "Ever Fortunate" Sidroy Covington the Fourth!
Mary DeSue: SIDDY'S BACK! HE'S HERE!
Arthur La Forge: We haven't seen him since Triforce Heroes! Quite frankly, we weren't sure where he went!
The horns blow once more and fade into the horns of 'You Wish' by Skepta. Two spotlights circle the entrance area, and a moment Sidroy Covington IIII emerges with a smile, spreading his arms wide to present himself fully to the audience. Ahmya is up to her feet and staring at the Wisdom champion, who has the belt draped on his shoulder. He starts giving his next challenger a golf clap on her win, before heading to the back. Ahmya seems confused by the elaborate entrance for that, but celebrates her win anyway as we cut to ads from our sponsors.
---
The camera cuts backstage to backstage interviewer and merchandise hypeman, Lenny Brasco wearing Level Up branded reindeer antlers with a TriForce in the middle, standing in front of a t-shirt table decorated with fake snow and holly leaves. He’s just finished nattering the ear off the arena staff behind the stand, who look far less excited than he is.[/div]
Lenny Brasco: Ho ho ho! The holidays are upon us and there’s never been a better time to get your stocking fillers from your favourite Level Up wrestlers! Check out our new self-stirring Mug-delana Lockheart mugs! Indulge yourself with our Power Champion pack of Duncans Donuts! And who can forget our most exciting addition—
Joey Crash: You better be ready to talk about my merch, Lenny boy!
Joey saunters into view with a smug look on his face. He’s not dressed to compete, sporting a fisherman crewneck, suede jacket and a small beanie hat. He removes his signature sunglasses with a flourish and carelessly flings them in the direction of the merch stand.
Lenny Brasco: Joey Crash! What an unexpected pleasure - and aren’t those shades fantastic? What did I tell ya, rain or shine, those shades are fine! Since you’re here, why don’t you help me tell everybody about some of the exciting deals we have on the site?
Joey Crash: You know what Leonard... Maybe I will.
Lenny hands Crash the microphone, beaming with pride and gratitude. Crash gives him a smirk and gives a menacing look down the barrel of the camera.
Joey Crash: This is a wonderful time of year, a time of sharing and celebration. It’s a time to give back! It’s a time that we recognize that everyone deserves a chance to be happy. They say a good deed is its own reward and I agree. Except that for all my good deeds, I don’t feel very rewarded. There’s no fuzzy feeling inside, no warmth, I’ve got nothing to show at all. Why is that, Lenny?
Lenny’s look of joy melts to one of confusion as Crash lowers the mic and looks at him for an answer. Lenny begins to stutter and fumble his way through a sentence, barely picked up by the mic. Crash turns back to the camera.
Joey Crash: Exactly, Lenny. That’s the problem. Nobody can justify my lack of progression here. Despite my good behavior, despite my best efforts, I’m going nowhere fast. I’ve faced the TriForce Champion and pinned him clean in the middle of the ring! Lest we forget, old Berty boy is in the main event at Final Fantasy for a shot at the Final Boss Championship. So where does that leave little old me? Stuck behind a bunch of plump birds in the round robin who get to call dibs on the next shots at the champions. Nobody cares who is the best of the rest - I’m the best of the best, standing right here! I’ve made no secret in my promos what I came here to do. Since day one, I’ve had my eye on the Power Championship that’s sitting around Duncan Shepard’s waist. But I’m in the background, waiting for this asinine tournament to conclude so someone else can get their shot before me. So what do I have to celebrate? What do I have to be joyous about? Nothing. I’m getting a lump of coal from Level Up this year because apparently, that’s all I deserve.
Lenny, feeling some sort of responsibility to life the mood, attempts to reach out for the microphone to give some reassurance but Crash snatches his hand away and gives Lenny an indignant look before continuing.
Joey Crash: So here’s my final good deed for the year. I’m giving out this free little piece of advice. I arrived late to the party this year. I can be patient and wait for my turn. But mark my words, 2022 will belong to me. As for Final Fantasy… It’s always darkest right before the dawn. My dawn is coming.
Joey flings the microphone at Lenny who fumbles but catches it on his third attempt while Crash grabs the sunglasses back from the table and walks away, leaving Lenny looking bewildered and exhausted.
---
Lord Raab vs. Dominique Moriarty
Raab and Moriarty stare each other down for a moment as the bell rings. Moriarty drops to her knee's and does her "Whore" call and pose. Raab responds in kind...by charging forward and hitting her with a big boot to the face sending "The Ring Mistress" down to the mat hard! "The Masked German Monster" reaches down and grabs Moriarty by the face with his stretched out hand and slaps on "The Claw" and lifts Moriarty, facefirst, up into the air and then shot puts her, back first, into the corner. Moriarty stumbles forward right into Raab's opened arms and gets caught in the monster's devastating bear hug! Moriarty struggles to get free from the vice like hold around her midsection. Raab moves backwards, carrying Moriarty, to the center of the ring, so to not give her the opportunity to reach for the ropes to break the hold.
Arthur La Forge: Lord Raab’s got one thing above all else: he likes hurting people. I don’t think he plans on getting the win with this, but if he can keep her in the hold longer…
Mary DeSue: But doesn’t she LIKE pain? Or am I reading too much into things?
It feels like an eternity, but finally Moriarty starts to mount a defense by elbowing Raab in the face over and over and over again, until finally Raab drops her. She lands on her feet and immediately runs for the ropes. Coming off of the ropes she leaps up to the closest turnbuckle right to the top of it. She leaps off, going for a top rope "Absinthe’s Hellfire" and sending Raab down to the mat clutching his neck. Moriarty charges to the ropes and bounces off. Running Mule Kick to Raab's face as he tries to get up. Raab lands on the mat with his neck on the second rope. Moriarty charges hitting a "619" to the back of Raab's head! Raab falls flat onto the mat as Moriarty runs the ropes, bouncing back and forth building up speed. Raab gets up to his feet as Moriarty leaps up and...
Arthur La Forge: Dominique looking to try something, she’s building momentum!
Mary DeSue: She’s gonna need it to…uh oh.
Raab turns and reaches up grabbing Moriarty by the throat and hits her with "The Chokinator"!!! The fans, who were starting to get into the high speed action, fall silent as Raab stands tall and holds up his hand. He makes a thumbs down motion as he reaches down and picks up Moriarty by the throat again for "The Chokinator" only this time the target is the turnbuckle post. Backfirst goes "The Ring Mistress" into the unforgiving ring post. Raab reaches out as Moriarty starts to fall forward. Raab sets her up for "The Killbuster"!! One foot cover...
One...
Two...
Three!!
DING! DING! DING!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner...Lord Raab!!
Arthur La Forge: Well Raab proved why he’s been dominant for so long in his career, and Dominique drops another match in the Round Robin.
Mary DeSue: This is the second person he’s tried to take out! Shouldn’t somebody stop him?
Arthur La Forge: You’re welcome to try, Mary. Actually don’t. I like having you around over Lenny.
Lord Raab stands tall, reminding those in the audience just how destructive he can be, and leaves the ring. Moriarty lies unmoving for a moment, but reaches for her back. Referee Kirby makes the “X” sign to call for medical attention to check on Moriarty who is clutching her lower back.
Arthur La Forge: Just like Ciela last show, Raab has once again tried to injure his opponent on the way to a win.
Mary DeSue: And just like Ciela, it might have worked. Jeebus.
---
Victoria Salinas vs. Larry Tact
Both wrestlers are loudly booed by the crowd, though there is a palpable excitement about seeing the two new teammates fight. The two circle one another before locking up in the center of the ring. Tact takes her over into a side headlock, using his size advantage to overpower Salinas. She manages to escape by shooting Tact off the ropes, and as he rebounds she slides underneath. Tact bounces off again and looks for a clothesline, but Salines ducks under it and runs right past him. She springboards off the ropes and takes Tact down with a clothesline of her own! Tact is up, but gets knocked into the corner by a picture-perfect dropkick. Salinas charges for a knee but Tact moves out of the way and she gets caught up in the top turnbuckle. Tact grabs her by the hair and violently smashes her skull into the mat, drawing an audible gasp from the audience.
Arthur La Forge: Well, if we thought Tact might pull his punches after last show, he just proved otherwise.
Mary DeSue: He’s got a title match on the line! A loss might keep him from the one he wants!
Salinas clutches the back of her head, which is now pounding from the impact. Tact shows no remorse, unloading a series of elbows at the sore spot! In a pinch, Salinas reaches up and rakes Tact’s eyes! She continues to jam her fingers into the big man’s eye sockets for a few seconds before Tact staggers away. The ref admonishes Salinas for the dirty move but she pays him no mind. Finally having his eyes clear, Tact turns around right into a roundhouse kick! Salinas follows up with a neckbreaker, then heads to the top rope! She leaps off, connecting with an absolutely beautiful moonsault! Salinas hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
Tact kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: Salinas not winning over any fans here but that moonsault was a thing of beauty.
Mary DeSue: I like that they’re not holding back. It means we get to see who the best is! And maybe Salinas gets a title shot and some respect out of it.
Instead of looking for another high risk move, Salinas begins stomping on Tact’s legs. After softening him up with a few more blows, Salinas reaches down and pulls her opponent into an elevated boston crab! She leans back, putting additional pressure on the spine and lower back of Tact. Larry looks to grab the ropes, but Salinas pulls him back to the center of the ring. Managing to get enough purchase on the mat, Tact twists his legs and manages to kick Salinas off! Salinas rolls to her feet, and before Tact can make a move, she connects with a running knee right to his face! Trapping Tact’s arms behind him, she lifts the big man up and plants him with a STRAITJACKET NECKBREAKER! Salinas covers.
ONE!
TWO!
Tact gets a shoulder up!
Arthur La Forge: I can’t believe Tact got out of that! And neither can Salinas!
Mary DeSue: I can! He’s tough!
Salinas is stunned, and begins arguing with the ref that she had the three count there. The argument goes back and forth, with Salinas not getting anything out of it. The crowd begin to boo loudly but Salinas flips them off. Swaggering with confidence, Salinas runs to the ropes and leaps off for a SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT...NO! Tact, having recovered while Salinas was battling with the crowd and ref, catches her in mid-air on his shoulder! He runs across the ring and absolutely demolishes Salinas with a running powerslam! Tact then pulls Salinas up, trapping her head in between his hands and wrenching back into a steiner recliner - LARRY’S THRONE! Demonstrating that turnabout is fair play, Tact applies pressure to Salinas’ neck and back, barking at her to tap out.
Mary DeSue: Ugh, I don’t know who to side with. I like them both!
Arthur La Forge: Of course you do.
Mary DeSue: Anyone who beats up Bert McAlroy is a friend of mine! This show has been BERTLESS, and it’s my favorite episode ever!
The ref checks on Salinas, asking if she wants to quit, but she refuses. Salinas tries to fight her way out of it, but Tact jumps up and drives his ass into her back. This causes Salinas to fall flat to the mat, and Tact reaches down to pick her back up again. Before he can, Salinas manages to roll to her stomach and kick Tact forwards! This sends him through the top and middle rope and out onto the outside. Tact lands hard, giving Salinas a chance to recover. Tact gets up, looking to get back into the ring, but Salinas takes him out with a baseball slide! Tact is sent sprawling towards the ramp. Salinas ducks through the ropes and, looking back to take stock of her foe, springboards off the top rope! She takes Tact down with a nicely-executed springboard turnaround CROSSBODY! It takes a while for Salinas to get Tact back into the ring, but she finally makes the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THR-NO!
Tact kicks out at the last second!
Arthur La Forge: If Salinas is going to win this, and who knows about that at this point, Tact isn’t letting her get the win easily.
Mary DeSue: CAN she even win? She’s tried so much to beat him as it is!
Salinas is left to rue the delay between getting Tact into the ring and securing the cover. Her face twists into a snarl, Salinas is planning something nasty. She let’s Tact up, then somersaults up looking to drive him down with the VANITY BREAKER...NO! Using his strength, Tact prevents her from finishing the move, and instead counters it into a torture rack! Larry juggles Salinas up and down, driving his shoulders into her back. After what seems like an eternity, Tact plants Salinas with a SPIN-OUT POWERBOMB! He makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Salinas kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: And this time it’s Tact’s turn to look confused!
Mary DeSue: I think they both deserve respect when this is over! CHEER THEM YOU MORONS!
Tact can’t believe he couldn’t put his challenger away there. Instead of following up, Tact approaches the turnbuckle as the ref checks on Salinas. He unbuckles it and tosses the cover aside, exposing the steel buckle beneath. Tact shoves the ref away and looks to irish whip Salinas into the corner...but she counters! Salinas reverses the whip and sends Tact into the corner instead! Tact’s back bounces off the steel buckle, though Salinas has no idea. She knees Tact in the gut, VANITY BREAKER! Salinas hooks the leg!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
DING DING DING!!
Mr Rad: Here is your winner...VICTORIAAA SALINNNNAS!!
Salinas slowly stands and smirks as the ref raises her hand into the air. She heads to the turnbuckle and celebrates as the fans boo her loudly.
Arthur La Forge: I’m sure when Tact wakes up, he’ll applaud Salinas’ efforts there.
Mary DeSue: She did anything to win, which is how it should be! I RESPECT YOU QUEEN!
---
Magdalena Lockheart vs. Jenny
Maggie Lockheart hasn't even had the time to remove her Final Boss championship and hand it over to the referee before Jenny runs over and hits a stiff forearm shot to the face. Maggie drops to a knee but Queenie doesn't back off, unleashing a series of stomps to keep her in place. Jenny seems more deranged than usual, before going back to her corner and grabbing an actual crown! She then wraps it around her fist before starting back towards Lockheart.
Arthur La Forge: Um..what?
Mary DeSue: Queen's gotta have a crown.
Arthur La Forge: Yeah but...this isn't a no DQ match.
Jenny swings wildly to slam the crown into Maggie's face, but the champion manages to hit a kick to the ribs to stop it. Queenie drops her crown and Lockheart stomps it into pieces, before tackling Jenny and laying in a series of punches to the face! Maggie gets up and roars at the crowd before turning back to her opponent, who kicks her in the knee and grabs her by the hair to fling her through the ropes behind her to the outside. Jenny gets up and grins at the crowd to boos, before heading outside the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Lockheart seemed to hint that she wanted to make an example out of Jenny, but the Queen Machine isn't exactly going to go quietly.
Mary DeSue: They keep fighting like this, they won't have anything left for the PPV!
Jenny picks up Lockheart before rearing back with just a disrespectful slap to the face, then another forearm that sends her staggering backward. She then reaches into the ring and grabs a jagged piece of her broken crown, hoping to use it as some sort of weapon, but once again, the time taken to grab the weapon cost her as Lockheart hits a pele kick to the jaw! The weapon flies out of Jenny's hand, who seems dazed for a brief moment. She reaches out for a strike of some kind but Lockheart is up again with a step-up enziguri! She then grabs the Queen Machine and throws her back into the ring.
Arthur La Forge: Lockheart knows that this isn't gonna end on the outside.
Mary DeSue: Yeah, and it gets Jenny farther away from anything sharp.
Arthur La Forge: She is...especially crazy after losing her goldie.
Jenny pushes herself ot her feet but Lockheart quickly comes in with another of her strikes, this time a leaping forearm! Jenny's dazed so Maggie adds a toe kick to the abdomen, which doubles her over. She then follows up with a spinning heel kick, before popping up and launching Jenny into the corner with an Irish whip. Before Jenny has a chance to regroup, Lockheart comes racing in with a crushing leg lariat in the corner, that nearly sends the champion falling to the outside due to her own momentum! She then grabs Jenny's head and spins out with a tornado DDT! Magdalena with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TH--The Queen Machine kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: It may be too early to pin Jenny there, but that doesn't mean Maggie's not gonna try.
Mary DeSue: Look at it this way. Jenny has been on a tear since losing that title. Beat Cara Strader. Beat Thomas McAllister. Beat Donny Mason. Maggie's spent the last month getting her ass kicked.
Arthur La Forge: Your point?
Mary DeSue: If I were betting, I'd put all my Dogecoin on Jenny! STONKS, BABY!
Arthur La Forge: I don't think you understand anything about anything you just said.
Magdalena picks her opponent back and places her back into the corner, keeping him there with a quick forearm and a few stomps to the midsection for good measure. She then looks at the pieces of what's left of the crown, still in the ring, before throwing Jenny towards it. She then drops to her knees and starts trying to force the Queen's head down onto her broken crown! Referee Iroquois Pliskin pulls Lockheart aside to remind her of the rules, only to get a death glare from the champion. Jenny takes advantage, however and shoves Lockheart into Pliskin, knocking him against the ropes and down briefly. The champion turns around and Jenny leaps up, grabbing Lockheart and flipping her over with a JENNYCANRANA ON THE CROWN PIECES! Lockheart gets up holding her back, and immediately we see tiny cuts opened up and bleeding. Jenny sweeps away the pieces before hitting another Jennycanrana, and a pin! Pliskin has recovered!
ONE!
TWO!
Th..NO! Magdalena kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: Well congrats to Jenny, I guess, she finally got to attack someone with the crown.
Mary Desue: That was gross.
Jenny eyes Pliskin, still trying to cover from bumping heads earlier, and simply drops an elbow on him! With the refere out, the Queen Machine seems free to break as many rules as she likes. She leaps through the ropes and looks under the ring for toys, before settling on a singapore cane. Lockheart starts to get to her feet and Queenie slides back in, bringing the cane down on her head! An audible CRACK is heard as the champion collapses! Jenny laughs at the booing audience, before picking the bleeding champion up to her feet. She then grabs her and hits ENTER THE MACHINE! She covers...and new referee hire Crash Cortex slides into the ring to count!
ONE!
TWO!
tHRe--NO! Magdalena barely lifts her shoulder up!
Mary DeSue: How in the hell did she kick out of that?!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny took out one ref, and Lockheart had more time to recover. Maybe she should focus more on winning and less on inflicting pain.
Queen Machine gets in the face of Cortex, demanding a faster count. Then, she jumps outside and grabs a TABLE, before attempting to slide it in the ring. Cortex actually pushes it backward and back out, refusing to let her do it. So she simply sets it up on the floor! But Lockheart has now had time to recover and climbs out onto the apron before diving and hitting Jenny with a Meteora on the floor! Lockheart then grabs Jenny and throws her back in the ring, before kicking the table over in disgust. Maggie slides back in and sees Jenny on her hands and knees, so she tries for Black Legacy, but Jenny moves out of the way, and attempts a rollup!
ONE!
TWO!
Maggie kicks out, pop up to her feet, grabs Jenny by the head and tries Lockheart Liberation, but Jenny goes into a backslide!
ONE!
TWO!
Maggie kicks out of that, rolls backward, up to her feet, and the ENTROPY BLADE! COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THR--JENNY KICKS OUT!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny had a counter for almost all of Maggie's big moves, but she dipped into the Jenova well to use that Entropy Blade!
Mary DeSue: Oh good, another reference to dorky video game characters I don't get.
Magdalena gets a little distance between herself and Jenny, then sticks a hand out and motions for her to get up. She wants that Black Legacy and she runs in hoping to hit it, but Jenny pops up and hits a low dropkick, then BOW DOWN! Queen Machine with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
tHREE--NO! Magdalena kicks out again! Queenie Jenny is in Cortex's face again!
Arthur La Forge: I understand frustration but if Jenny doesn't watch out she's going to cost herself the match.
Mary DeSue: She literally dropped an elbow on Pliskin and the match is still going. I think she'll be okay.
Lockheart gets up, grimacing, before racing in at Jenny, looking for another Entropy Blade! JENNY SIDESTEPS AND MAGGIE HITS THE REFEREE WITH IT! Lockheart curses at herself as she turns around as Jenny looks for THE CROWNING, but Lockheart shoves her through the ropes to the outside! Jenny gets up, using the table for support, only for Lockheart to DIVE OFF THE APRON WITH ANOTHER METEORA, PUTTING JENNY THROUGH THE TABLE!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny introduced the table, Jenny paid for it!
Mary DeSue: That should be a disqualification!
Arthur La Forge: Jenny broke rules multiple times in this match!
Mary DeSue: Well there was no referee then!
Arthur La Forge: THERE'S NO REFEREE NOW!
Lockheart gets up, angry, and grabs Jenny and tosses her into the ring. Jenny is struggling get up after basically going through a table with the back of her head, and Lockheart runs over and hits the BLACK LEGACY! Pliskin is stirring, so Lockheart shakes him a bit to wake him up before dropping down with the cover!
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
Mr. Rad: HERE is your winner....the Final Boss Champion...MAGDALENA LOCKHEART!!!
Arthur La Forge: After a match that quite frankly should have been thrown out in the opening minutes, Lockheart survives the Queen and wins!
Mary DeSue: Pfft, let's see what happens next time with no table!
Arthur La Forge: This thing was wild for sure. If Jenny doesn't win the Courage title at Final Fantasy, who knows what that'll do to her psyche?
Lockheart is given her belt and gets up to her feet, when suddenly Mr. Rad's uncanny valley face appears on the video wall.
Mr. Rad: CONGRATULATIONS, CHAMP! But I have an announcement from the Developer that concerns you!
Lockheart raises an eyebrow, but otherwise doesn't react.
Mr. Rad: Due to the chaos tonight and the referees getting abused, The Developer wants to ensure the safety of his officiating staff in the main event at Final fantasy! So when you and Bert McAlroy collide in your match, there will be a guest referee!
Suddenly, the instrumental portion of "Carry On Wayward Son" kicks in and ELI GOODE steps out onto the ramp to cheers from the crowd!
Arthur La Forge: ELI GOODE is back in Level Up! And...he's the referee at Final Fantasy!?
Mary DeSue: What? How? WHY? I thought he was rehabbing!
Arthur La Forge: I don't know, but we are OUT OF TIME! SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS!
The show fades out with the champion in the ring, not allowing anyone to see whatever reaction she might have to this news. Goode continues to play to the crowd from the top of the ramp.
---
Credits
Show Intro: Jay
Android 69 & PEEZEE vs. Dude WaLuigi & WaLink: Tact
The Faction vs. Emily Simms & Duncan Shepard: Dubs
Chelsea Skye & Buster Gloves vs. Don Tirri & Donny Mason: Jay
Bizarro World: Duane
Kat Jones vs. Cara Strader: Bert
Amber Payne vs. Valentine: Jay
Dionysus vs. Ahmya: Joe
Tired of Waiting: Joey Crash
Lord Raab vs. Dominique Moriarty: Jay
Victoria Salinas vs. Larry Tact: Dubs
Magdalena Lockheart vs. Jenny: Joe
Judges: Joe, Jay & Duane
