Post by joeycrash on Jan 23, 2022 19:24:02 GMT -5
January 3, 2022
London, England
The wind was restless and unpredictable it’s sudden bursts as Joey walked down the cracked and narrow pavements, occasionally walking around parked cars in the road to bypass the clusters of tourists staring at maps and arguing about currency transfer rates. Another gust interrupted the gentle rain and stung across his face, causing a smile. The weather continued it’s second-to-second changes, simultaneously reliable and futile in it’s awkward attempts to bluster and discourage the foot traffic. Yes, it was great to be back in London.
Christmas was a strange time - aside from an impromptu visit from Sophie, it was uneventful. His plans to spend the break training were successful if you don’t include the nightly drinking. Mick was likely rolling in his grave to see his callisthenics routines and diet ruined by whiskey, beer and cigarettes. The distance from home felt more apparent than ever so on New Years Day, he booked flights to London to reconnect with his roots with the extra time off in between shows.
After a couple of hours spent strolling around Covent Garden, taking in the sights of this expensive side of the city, he diverted his route south of the river towards a mechanics near Elephant & Castle. The eclectic and pompous architecture folded and was forced to relent by brutalist grey domination as he marched across Waterloo Bridge. His destination was to meet with an old friend called Jimmy The Pin.
Jimmy was about ten years Joey’s senior, just over 6ft tall and had the classic handsome look of a 1950’s Hollywood actor. His jawline was strong and protruding with a permanent five o’clock shadow and his black greasy hair always looked perfect even when it resembled a bird’s nest. In short, he looked cool as fuck. His movie star good looks were also paired with a charm and kindness that made him easily approachable despite his large stature. As such, Joey was always pleased to work with him when he was coming up in his early wrestling career. Jimmy wrestled part-time but never graduated out of the small time places around London and the south of England due to his violent arrest record.
In the ring, he called himself “The Pin” because of his “Hand Grenade” finisher - a Piledriver of all things. He earned the same nickname outside the ring because whenever alcohol was involved, he had an explosive temper. After a couple of drinks you never knew which version of Jimmy you might get. It eventually became a self fulfilling prophecy and the lines between Jimmy and 'The Pin' became so blurred you never knew who you were going to get, drunk, sober or otherwise.
Crash remembered one night they were drinking together when they had both worked the summer holiday camp circuit. The quintessential working class holiday usually revolved around going to a seaside resort where the kids could run around, the parents could drink and wrestling would feature twice a day. Jimmy had ordered an unholy number of shots and was downing one every ten seconds. Necking his fifth shot, he had flung his head back with so much gusto that he ended up knocking into a couple behind him.
“Are you focking blind or what?” Jimmy started on the man immediately.
“You talk a lot for small cunt, you better listen to your missus and fock off!” Jimmy shoved the man to the floor with one hand as other party-goers automatically shuffled out of the way. Joey laughed and cheers'd Jimmy with his whiskey and coke. Having his pride hurt twice, you can probably guess what happened next. Jimmy was blindsided as the man threw his pint glass at the back of his head. Jimmy was outraged and bellowed in pain and disbelief as he turned around clutching the back of his head. “I’m Jimmy the fucking pin you cont! I’m gunna fuck you up!”
The man ended up in a puddle of spilled booze, a broken nose and a couple of missing teeth before other bystanders were able to break up the fight and drag the beaten man away, his girlfriend didn’t stop shrieking from the moment the first punch landed. Jimmy had ended up in a cell for his trouble and was bailed out by the promoter before he’d even spent two hours behind bars. His appetite for booze and violence had caused all his booking requests to dry up since then - so he works full time fixing cars instead. Crash turned round the corner and saw the familiar blue metal folding doors and wind-spinning MOT sign at the front of the garage. The sign was weathered and had a few letters missing but the intended message was still clearly:
JIMMY’S MOT & SERVICES, BEST IN ELEPHANT AND CASTLE
The garage looked empty as Joey approached until Jimmy wheeled out from underneath an old Ford Escort. Even covered in engine oil he looked like he could sweep any woman off her feet with the raise of a single eyebrow.
“Joooeeey! You alright?”
“Yeah, you alright?” The quintessential London greeting, you couldn’t do this in Chicago that’s for sure.
“Yeah yeah yeah yeah, same old same old! But listen yeah before we get to all that nitty gritty, I need you to do me a solid, yeah? I’ve got to run and pick up some parts for this van I’m working on, I need you to keep an eye on the kid.” Jimmy motioned to a small office at the top of some dusty metal stairs.
“Kid? Who's the kid?”
“Leon, he’s my sister’s boy, got him for the afternoon while she's working. He’s a good kid but I can’t leave him alone. Last time I left the shop for ten minutes he tried messing with the lifts and almost dropped a car his head.”
“I can’t imagine where he might have learned any of that reckless behaviour,” Crash quipped, dripping with sarcasm. Looking at the dogpile of tools on the floor, mishmash of cars squeezed in at all angles and the strange dripping noise echoing from somewhere in the back, he wondered how this place even stayed in business. He knew best not to ask, lest Jimmy come up with some stupid idea to rope Crash into the scheme as well.
“Fuck off! Haha nah he’s a sweetheart but I’ll have my head lopped off if he gets hurt. And between you and me, I’ll have to use corporal punishment if he hurts my business, you get me?” Jimmy punched Crash’s arm in a friendly way and it hurt. Jimmy began running away and shouted, “I won’t be long. Talk to him about Level Up, he loves that shit. Cheers mate!” And with that, Jimmy disappeared out of sight towards the post office. Crash didn’t like the idea of babysitting but after another glance at the firetrap of a garage floor, he surrendered to the idea.
Joey traversed the rickety stairs, avoiding gaps in the steps and puddles of mysterious oily liquids and opened the door. It was the sort of office that you might expect in a local garage. The furniture was old and very worn, as if it was already second hand when purchased twenty years ago. There were explicit girly calendars on the walls that were years out of date and one of the chairs had a mountain of paperwork, coffee cups and tools. Behind the desk in Jimmy’s chair was Leon, a young boy who couldn’t have been older than thirteen. Leon looked up from his phone for a moment but he didn’t shift otherwise at Joey’s arrival.
“You Leon?” The preteen continued using his phone as if nobody else was in the room. Crash took a moment to slowly walk forward and place a hand on the only available chair, dragging it away from the desk cautiously and taking a seat. It felt like a hostage situation but he wasn’t sure who was who. “I’ll just sit here then.”
“How do you know Jimmy?” Leon’s voice was almost on the verge of breaking, a hint of squeak still remained in the vocal cords that were struggling to find a deeper home.
“Work, mostly.”
“You a mechanic? Or are you one of his customers? You shouldn’t be up here if you are.” Crash scoffed at his brash retort.
“No, I’m uh, I wrestle. Not sure if you know but Jimmy used to wrestle too. They called him ‘The Pin’. We used to go around the holiday camps and put on shows.” Leon groaned.
“If I have to hear another story about how he won a cardboard championship when I was a baby, I’ll throw myself out the window.” Crash slumped forward and rested his elbows on his knees, letting out a deep sigh. Leon skirted his phone away from his line of sight for a moment. “Hang on, are you Joey Crash?”
“What gave it away?” Joey felt his eyebrows raise and he sat back up in his chair, surprised by the acknowledgement.
“I watch it on Twitch all the time. I know everybody on the shows. It's cool. I've not met anyone in person though.”
“You watch every show, huh? Who's your favourite?”
“GameChangers, obviously. Larry’s cool and I like how they just do what they want, take what they want. It’s cool. I like Bert too though!”
“You know...” Crash kicked his legs out and stretched back, crossing his hands behind his head in a relaxed fashion. “I beat Bert. 1-2-3.”
“So? You got lucky!” Ouch, that one hurt.
“Luck had nothing to do with it, you little shit.” Leon looked up with surprise that an adult would talk to him that way but after a smirk from Crash, Leon laughed back. “How about you big man, you wrestle?”
“No, the schools won’t take me on because I’m still too young. I think Jimmy would teach me but mum’s worried he’ll do it here and I’ll get killed or something.” Leon sounded defeated as if this conversation was a broken record.
“Well... I wouldn’t put it past Jimmy. For all his faults, he really throws himself into everything. Though I’ve not known a single person he’s tried to train who didn’t end up without a broken leg or an eye socket.” That last statement hung in the air as Joey casually reached into his pocket for some chewing gum and threw one in his mouth. He held out the wrapper for Leon who wordlessly shook his head, still clearly shaken by the visual image. “What you have to remember is this. It’s all about technique. You don’t need someone that's 300lbs and 7ft tall to show you the ropes. It’s all about keeping yourself safe and then figuring out how to deal the damage.”
“How about you? Can you teach me?” Leon chucked his phone into the chasm of papers and knocked over some long empty coffee cups. His eagerness was written across his face.
“I’m only here for the day, sorry kiddo,” Leon threw himself back into the seat in frustration. “But I can tell you this,” Joey continued, “It might not seem like it now but you have plenty of figure this out. You could always learn martial arts and then switch over, seems to be how everyone’s doing it these days. Fuck, that’s what I did. I started boxing when I was your age and didn’t switch to wrestling until years later. Almost the best thing to ever happen to me.”
“Yeah, maybe. There’s a boxing gym down the road from me but it’s always filled with old guys and people ten times bigger than me.” Leon raised his matchstick arms and pulled their hair out of his eyes. “They’ll kill me!” Crash smiled, it almost felt like he was talking to his younger self. He did end up having to fight men twice his size and took a few very one-sided beatings on his route towards becoming a professional boxer. That felt like a lifetime ago, as if it happened to a different person.
“Trust me, they’d love to try if they see some kid come in who's not going to give it everything he’s got and treat it with the right respect. But if you can follow instructions and take harsh criticism in the good nature it’s meant to be received, you’ll have a home away from home.” Crash stopped to think about that for a moment. He had spent a lot of time in the gym when he was younger but he never liked being at home. He could do what he wanted when he was out or at the gym. He turned back to Leon, “Tell you what, get up. I can show you a thing or two.” Leon vaulted over the desk from the chair and landed with a loud thump. The floor felt like it shifted from the impact. Leon was shaking his hands with anticipation.
“So are we gonna do some punches? My hook is good already!” Leon swung wildly with his left at Crash’s midsection and it was effortlessly caught. Crash knelt down to Leon with a tentative smile.
“Before you can go punching anyone, you need to know how to stand properly. Now, make sure you’re centred, just stand normally... Good. Now, stick your hands up.”
“This is boring! Why can’t I get to the jabs and stuff?” Leon huffed with impatience.
“Because if you can't stop this--” Crash threw swift shadow punches at Leon, rights and left barely missing his head, finishing with a strike finishing just before his chin, sending Leon off balance and knocking over the pile of forgotten paperwork on the chair just next to him. He looked almost upset as he began getting up, taking in the size and expertise difference properly for the first time. “If you were prepared, you could have blocked and dodged most of those. But instead, you’re knocked out. Boxing - and wrestling begin with the basics. You can worry about knocking teeth out once you can protect your own.” Mick’s words coming out of Joey’s mouth.
“Okay… So how do I do it?” Leon held his hands up in fists in front of his face and motioned that he basically needed to be moved into position. Crash smirked and adjusted his hands so the left was in front of his chin and the right was just further forward. Then he shifted his feet so his left foot was behind and off to the side and pushed his shoulders down to bend his knees. He studied the kid for a moment and as if a light bulb appeared above his head, he then gently tucked his chin down towards his collarbone with two fingers, almost like a barber eyeing up a fade.
“So… This is your basic stance. You can do a lot of defending and attacking from here. There are plenty of other stances you can use - and you should use them all. Each one has it’s advantages but they also clue your opponent as to how you’re going to fight. But this is the foundation that you can build on. When it comes to dodging, you have to move with your feet. Stay upright and don’t lean. If you’re leaning you’re only one strike away from falling and we don’t want that. So keep your eyes on me…” Crash assumed his own boxing stance and Leon’s eyes widened. “I’m going to try a straight punch with my left which will hit you on the right. You’ll have to dodge the other way - and always keep your hands up! Are you ready?” Leon complied without a word and waited for the incoming attack. With a flourish of exaggerated anger, Crash launched forward in half speed and Leon dodged as instructed and looked relieved to have come out of this life threatening massacre unscathed.
“That’s it! I did… Wait, that’s it?”
“It’s a piece of piss once you know what to do but you have to practice, practice, practice. Join that gym, you’ll enjoy it.” Crash perched on the desk and sparked up a menthol cigarette before extending the pack towards Leon. “You smoke?”
“How my boys doing– Joey what the fuck are you doing?” Jimmy’s sudden return stopped Leon and Crash as if he’d pressed the pause button. They didn't hear him come back up the stairs. Crash averted his eyes back to Leon and back to Jimmy, shrugged and placed the cigarettes back in his shirt pocket. Jimmy took a cautious step forward but his emerging smile told everyone that he enjoyed the mischief of the scene before him. “So… What’s going on here eh?"
“Just how to stand and move, Jimmy! Nothing that’ll get him in any trouble. I’m saving that for ‘The Pin’”. Crash winked and dragged on his cigarette.
“Shit that reminds me, Joey, I been meaning to ask if you’re still kicking about with Mick? He ain’t been returning my postcards. How’s that old bastard doing nowadays?”
“... Postcards?” His mouth felt dry.
“Yeah well, he loved getting a postcard did Mick. He could write a novel on one of those as well, fuck me. He’s not written back for a decent while though. Is he good, keepin’ busy?” Crash looked up at Jimmy and analysed him. Mick has been dead for months, has he been living under a rock? Did Sophie not get in touch with him? If Jimmy and Mick had been writing to each other then surely she would have known about him. Crash thought back to his final meeting with Mick and felt his stomach making knots.
“He um...Busy is the word, yeah… I’ve not even seen him for a while, actually.” Crash heard the words come out of his mouth but couldn’t comprehend how he arrived at those chosen words.
“He’s a restless sonuvabitch isn’t he! I’ll send him another one, he can’t keep ignoring me forever!” Crash turned away, removed his fisherman’s hat for a moment and raked his hands through his hair. “Well it’s not every day the great Joey Crash comes to visit, right? Let’s get this little shit back to him mum’s and get down to the fucking pub.”
Leon’s protests were futile as Jimmy marched him to the bus. Joey’s attempts to maintain conversation were hollow and sparse but Jimmy being Jimmy, didn’t notice anything. The Albert Arms was practically dry by the time the two were done getting absolutely slaughtered, reminiscing and trying to hip toss each other on the floor. By the time they were kicked out, they’d given each other a couple bruises but thankfully no bystanders were taken to the hospital this time.
[PROMO]
London, England
January 5th, 2022
The swishing sounds of easing tides, boats and foot traffic from a storey below were a constant in the background. The deep blanket of night sky had enveloped the city, emblazoned by polka dot city lights, silhouetting the skyscrapers and historic monuments on both sides of the river. The camera floats closer to the iconic structure and we recognize Joey Crash standing in the middle of the upper bridge, usually closed off to the public. Crash was wearing a long Burberry mac, deep red turtleneck and black skinny jeans complete with his signature fisherman’s beanie. He opens his arms wide to greet the camera.
“It’s a sight to see, isn’t it? I love London at this time of year. It’s the hangover from Christmas and everyone is setting themselves up for a better year than the last. Going on diets, learning new skills. Making enormous promises they can’t keep. But in a week’s time or maybe two, the reality of the situation will smack everyone in the face and they’ll slowly revert back to their miserable selves, devoid of ambition, drive and purpose. It’s make or break time. People don’t have anything to look forward to anymore. The collective exhaustion and laziness of the British public will force everyone to conform to what they were doing before because it’s familiar. It’s comfortable. It’s fucking mindless. But that’s what keeps these people going.”
Crash flourishes his wrists and pulls a pair of customised nose-pinching glasses with no frame and continues his speech, slowly walking along the walkway in the outdoors.
“It’s a feeling you’re going to become very familiar with, Salinas. If you look at how we ended 2021, it’s clear to everyone else that this year has great things in-store for both of us. But I’m not one for sharing the spotlight and I’m not taking any chances. So for you, I’m sorry sweetheart but the buck stops here. It doesn’t matter how many GameChanger buddies you have behind you, it doesn’t matter how many World Championships you’ve won in the past because none of those were against me. So what, you’ve not lost a single match yet in Level Up? There’s a first time for everything.”
Crash puts one knee up on the guardrail as the camera floats past and turns back to keep him on screen. His mac opens up to reveal more of his outfit and we notice on the Doc Marten boots that there’s a brass knuckle pattern in stitching up the outside of his left boot.
“I don’t feel like I need to tell you to listen up because people know to shut up and pay attention when I’m talking. But for the sake of repeating myself, I hope for your sake that these words don’t fall on deaf ears. 2022 is the year that was promised to Joey Crash, the man who will inherit the world. I’m in this for the long run baby. 2022 is a marathon and I’m not going to fall over the first hurdle. Especially when the hurdle is a whiny little shit who throws her toys out of the pram when she doesn’t get exactly what she wants. If people thought I was obnoxious before, simply because I wanted the chance at the Power Championship I know I deserve, ho boy you’re a whole new level of entitled. When you won the shot for the Multiplayer Championship and then just threw it to Tirri like it was trash. You know what sort of person goes through all that effort just to stink up the place? Someone with a lot of insecurities. If you didn’t want the belts you could have taken the Cara Strader route and just take yourself out early but you didn’t want to blemish your precious little record. You’ve been successful everywhere you go and yet you still don’t have the confidence to take one on the chin and keep it moving. Well honey, you’ve got an awful lot of growing up to do.”
Crash leans forward and rests his elbow on the knee still on the guardrail as a spotlight from a helicopter shines down on him. The helicopter noise begins to infiltrate the audio and his mac is blustering.
“Do you know what the worst part of all this is? I need an impeccable record to back up my talk. You might think I’m a hypocrite - and you wouldn’t be the first to tell me that - it’s one hundred percent true! Level Up doesn’t listen to me, people tear me down and ridicule me with every chance they get, simply because I know my worth. One single loss and my final destination is on hiatus. So if I lose to a spoiled brat with anger issues, I’m done. Do you think people are truly expecting me to beat you, old Vicky? You’ve come in here as an established star and have everyone wrapped around your finger - I’m still busting my arse just to prove that I’m not a fucking fluke! I don’t have the luxury of losing around here. You could sweep a loss under the rug and still keep everything you’ve worked for, you’ve even got Larry and the GameChanger crew to boost you back up should the worst happen. The only ace up my sleeve is the final spot in The Last of Us match in March. But that’s a long time away and I can’t let my guard down for a single second until then.”
Crash stands back up and stares into the light from above, there’s a megaphone but the noise is too distorted to clearly pick up what they’re saying. He jogs back to the other side of the bridge and the spotlight teeters as it tries to catch up to him.
“But do you know what the worst part of this is? I can’t underestimate you. For every reason I want to write you off, there’s another that reminds me of what you’re capable of. The most dangerous is that you do take this incredibly seriously. You might have the emotional IQ of someone half your age but you can hurt people. I might not have faced anyone like you in Level Up since my debut. In spite of all your temper tantrums and cringeworthy curse-ridden tirades on Twitter, you’re possibly the biggest threat in Level Up right now. The silver lining here for me is that, unbeknownst to you, your talent has taken a backseat to your obnoxious personality and I’m going to run you off the fucking road.”
Crash pulls a pair of brass knuckles out from his Doc Marten boot and places it around his right hand, assuming a boxing stance as the helicopter continues to gust towards him.
“Here’s your last warning about getting in the ring with Joey Crash. Ever been hit by one of these before? This thing is a right beauty. What as that Ali quote, float like a butterfly and sting like a bee? Well, he was talking about this bad boy. If I see a single GameChanger out there I’m going to swing for the fences and I don’t give a shit who gets in the way. A broken jaw is no laughing matter here, sunshine. The impact really disables you in a way that’s hard to describe... Breathing becomes difficult. It feels like your mouth is full and empty at the same time. Your chin just slopes down as if it’s allowing your tongue to escape and the blood just pours. And the teeth... They’re fun too. Nothing like pulling a tooth shard out of the roof of your mouth. If you’re able to distract me then I deserve to lose. But I’ve got bigger plans and you don’t factor into them.”
A rope ladder dropped into the screen and Joey grabbed it with his left hand, shouting to be heard above the helicopter, now less than twenty feet above him.
“You’re going to get another shiny accolate to add to your resume at EXP 19... And it’s one that only Joey Crash can bestow! Try not to cry about it too much! Oh and one more thing, next time you see Larry… tell the Power Championship I said hello!”
The helicopter begins to fly away, taking Crash along with it, swinging wildly at the end of the rope ladder. We hear Joey’s maniacal laugh in the distance as the camera fades to black.
