Post by Boss Joe on Feb 9, 2021 23:44:12 GMT -5
The show opens with a sweeping street view of the St. Joseph Historic Neighborhood in Indianapolis before ending up in front of the 16-BIT BAR+ARCADE on E New York Street. Lex Collins stands in front of the establishment, hands stuffed in the pockets of his beat-up leather jacket, shivering a little in a gust of winter wind before he steps inside from the bitter cold and gray day to the brightly lit interior. There are a few people at the bar, some playing racing games on the overhead TV's as he walks slowly towards the back and stands in front of the vintage Street Fighter II Turbo cabinet.
Lex Collins: There was one of these machines at the corner store, just down from where I went to high school. Used to spend my lunch hours pumping quarters into the thing, trying to get all the way to that final boss.
He chuckles softly, shaking his head.
Lex Collins: No matter which guy you picked, there had to be a strategy – so many glitches in the game that you could exploit. Could trip all the way across the screen as Ken and then nail that dragon punch for the win. Sweep kicks with Vega. That bitch slap fist of fury with E. Honda or the Yoga Flame and Punch combo of doom for Dhalsim. Either way, there was a method… there was a sure-fire way to make it to the end without wasting all time. Eli Goode thinks this is a damned game. He thinks he's Vanellope in Wreck It Ralph, here to glitch his way to the big time. He doesn't wanna work his way up. He doesn't wanna go through all the rounds of battle, earning that XP. Nah. He wants a fuckin' cheat code to the final round. He's probably the type of guy who types motherlode a million times as soon as he starts a new game on The Sims.
He sucks his teeth, shaking his head again.
Lex Collins: See, that's the part that bugs me. I didn't just walk into this business yesterday. I didn't just luck into that first main event. No, man. I had to claw tooth an' nail for this. I didn't fall backwards into it. I didn't lie an' cheat an' steal my way into some secondary consideration. I stood tall. I fought every last asshole they put in front of me and I got back up. I fought through screw jobs and blatant bullshit and you know what I never did? I never went out to the ring and blindside attacked someone. If I wanted to fight someone, if I wanted to let them know I felt wronged or slighted, I actually opened my mouth and let them know – but then, I'm not a cowardly little bitch.
He sighs.
Lex Collins: And tonight? There's no joy in this. There's no expectation. There's no thrill of the fight or glory in a win.
He taps his temple.
Lex Collins: There's nothing in here but exhaustion. This whole song and dance is completely and utterly draining and maybe I could lie and call it jetlag but unlike you, I got no desire to waste anyone's time. Already pumped my quarters in the slot, just about the take down Bison an' some fucktard hops on the player 2: HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER! No. Fuck that, man. Fuck you. I beat Jack Michaels clean. I should've had the congratulatory cut scene and you had to ruin that. So, you get what you paid for, your whole twenty-five cents worth. I'm gonna end you. No glitches. No tricks. Only plain out-fighting you and then you get what's coming to you. You get that countdown from ten and a zoom in on your battered face. You wanna continue? I wouldn't if I were you.
He turns and pops a coin into the cabinet, flicking through the character select screen as the view cuts straight into the opening video...
As with the last show, “Who Made Who” by AC/DC plays over the speakers as the cameras move around our live audience, each socially distanced in their own pods but cheering loudly for another night of wrestling inside the Indiana Farmers Coliseum. Pyro blasts on the sides of the stage before the video wall shows…
RUN>LVLUP_VOICE.EXE
BOOTING…
The AI voice of Level Up, Mr. Rad, once again appears, making strange faces before settling into a Cheshire cat grin.
Mr. Rad: Greetings and salutations, dudes and dudettes! I am the totally awesome Mr. Rad, your party host and…
The image glitches for a few moments before he “smacks” the side of the video wall to fix the picture.
Mr. Rad: Well that was embarrassing. But nothing else tonight can go wrong, except for the people in the ring! So let’s throw it to our great great, GREAT announce team and see what…
“Carry on Wayward Son” begins to play, interrupting the AI who doesn’t seem pleased and makes himself go away. The crowd in attendance unanimously boos together. As the guitar solo hits, Eli Goode slowly walks out wearing a suit. He smiles at the crowd and waves at them. They continue to throw out curses at him. He ignores everything they say and continues his stride down the ramp.
He slowly walks up the steps at the ring. He slowly enters the ring as his theme slowly dies down. Once his theme ends, the audience starts to fill the arena with boos. He chuckles and calls for a microphone. A person by the timekeeper reaches out and hands him a microphone. He stands in the center of the ring and holds up his hand. The audience continues to boo, but slowly, after being worn out from booing, comes to a hushed tone. Eli smiles.
Eli Goode: Now, do you feel better? Did you get all of your anger out of your system? Good, I’m happy for you. I was just like you for a while. How could someone do such a horrible thing to Jack Michaels? In Carnage, Jack was viciously attacked multiple times, and I was appalled. I was shocked. I was beside myself. How dare they?
He pauses for a second and looks down at the announce team. He shakes his head and starts smiling again. He points at them and chuckles to himself.
Eli Goode: Now, let’s get to that later. Instead, let’s greet our amazing announce team.
He walks out of the ring and towards the announce team. He gets close but tries to stay six feet away.
Eli Goode: Social distancing. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the lovely Mary DeSue. She’s so great that she doesn’t care about any of you, or about what you marks want to happen. To her, your just a bunch of dorks that want so badly to be listened to. She’s a lot better than Artie La Forge over here. Yes, Artie, you may know everything about wrestling, but you don’t know anything about actually being in the ring and taking those bumps.
Eli’s expression turns to anger. He takes in a deep breath and slowly returns to the ring. The audience resumes their booing. They’re getting annoyed at Eli stalling for this long. Eli rubs his lips and smiles.
Eli Goode: Ok, ok, you all want to know why I attacked Jack after his match. I promised I’d tell you. I promised I’d tell him and his family. I know he’s backstage watching. I would be surprised if he has his daughters back there with him. So, I’m going to look into the camera to great them.
He looks directly into the closest camera.
Eli Goode: Hi Amber. Hello other Amber.
Eli looks at the crowd and smiles.
Eli Goode: Yeah, he has two daughters named Amber. It’s crazy how that sounds. One of them is an acclaimed wrestler and the other is someone he actually raised. One is currently depressed with her lover and the other rarely sees daddy. Yeah, it’s a messed up family. But that doesn’t answer the question: why?
Eli pauses and any hint of a smile finally fades away.
Eli Goode: Because of his ability to throw people to the wayside. His ability to use people for his gain. You people think you know what it’s like to team up with Jack Michaels, but none of you know. None of you truly know. Those years of him saying that he was helping me was just years of him helping himself. And they always claimed that they were a phone call away, and so was I, but I wasn’t I called when you needed my help against Ken?
Eli stares into the camera.
Eli Goode: Tell me, Jack, why was it so hard to call for my help, but yet so easy to call for Amber’s?
Eli holds his hand up and takes a deep breath. He smiles at the camera.
Eli Goode: I know that this sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m not. In fact, I’m not at Jack anymore. I just wanted to send a message to him. I wanted him to know that I’m past him now. That I’ve evolved beyond him now. The Amber twins can call me out for being a backstabber, but I’m just showing that I don’t need you anymore. Jack, you know where to find me, and I wouldn’t be surprised, if after my match tonight, you attack me. I’m going to be watching for that.
Eli walks up and looks intensely into the camera.
Eli Goode: And Amber Ryan, I know that you had a problem with what I did, and you said that you wanted to meet me one-on-one. You know exactly where to find me, and I’m ready for a fight. I’ve been ready to fight you since we first met.
Eli smiles and chuckles.
Eli Goode: Jack, Amber, Amber, you all wanted a reason, and there you have it. I hope you’re satisfied because all I know is that between Jack and me, I’m going to be the star. All because I’m simply that damn good.
Eli drops the microphone and his music starts to play again. The crowd returns their chorus of boos. Eli laughs and walks out of the ring back to the backstage area.
---
Arthur La Forge: Well that was disturbing.
Mary DeSue: Are you easily disturbed, Artie?
Arthur La Forge: No, I’ve played Doom with the lights off. But Eli turning on his friend for selfish reasons and then mocking people that aren’t even here?
Mary DeSue: I just looked up Amber Ryan and I would like to point out she’s someone else who is NOT prettier than me. And I gained twenty more followers on Instagram last week so they all agree!
Arthur La Forge: Either way, she’s not here and not a member of the roster. I hope Eli gets what’s coming up to him against Lex Collins tonight. But until then, we’ve got a match set to begin in the ring!
The bell rings and Nicky immediately goes for a clothesline, but Ace ducks underneath and kicks him in the gut with the toe of his boot. Ace grabs the head of Nicky and begins to lay in forearm shots, knocking him into the ropes and then Irish whipping him toward the other side of the ring. Or rather the attempt is made, but Skylar plants his feet and applies a wrist lock, twisting the arm into an arm wringer. But Ace rolls onto his back, kips up and reverses the hold.
Arthur La Forge: Some good mat wrestling here to start, Ace proving that he’s multifaceted as a wrestler.
Mary DeSue: This Nicky kid has potential! And he’s currently undefeated!
Arthur La Forge: He beat a WaLuigi.
Mary DeSue: A win is a win Artie! You would know that if you ever won anything in your life!
Arthur La Forge: I got 106% on Crash Bandicoot 4 yesterday!
Skylar attempts a right hand to escape but Ace ducks that and kicks him in the ribs again. He uses more forearm shots to back him in the corner, but when he tries to whip him to the other side, it’s again reversed by Nicky, who charges in. Ace grabs the ropes and springs off, avoiding him, then adds a backflip flourish. It’s at this moment that we see Adam Miller strolling down to the ring, much like Nicky did with his match at EXP 1.
Mary DeSue: Oh boy, these two again.
Arthur La Forge: They took an instant disliking to each other but it seems Miller is just watching for now.
Skylar shouts something at Miller and turns around to charge at Sky, walking straight into a jumping knee strike! He goes for the quick cover..
One!
Skylar is out after one-and-a-half. Ace goes back to the arm wringer, but Nicky grabs his head and just tosses him down to the mat to get out of it. He shakes the pain out of his wrist before using his other arm to deliver a clubbing blow to the back of Ace Sky. Miller edges closer and Nicky turns to shout something at him again, before picking up Sky. He tries for the Irish Whip, but as Sky comes back, he slides under the legs of Nicky and applies the wrist and arm hold yet again!
Arthur La Forge: If Nicky doesn’t watch out, he’s going to let Miller distract him right into the loss column.
Mary DeSue: Why does Ace keep doing the same thing, it’s boring.
Arthur La Forge: If he weakens Nicky’s arm, Nicky can’t use the majority of his submission offense. And Ace is a veteran so Nicky’s going to have to do something drastic to throw him off that game plan.
Ace keeps twisting at the arm but Nicky kicks him in the shin to make him let go. He grabs Sky’s wrist and attempts a short-arm clothesline, but Sky rolls under, pops back up to his feet and catches Skylar with an arm drag! He gets up and tries for another, but Skylar plants his feet and drops Ace with a hard forearm shot to the jaw.
Mary DeSue: Wow! Did you hear that pop?
Arthur La Forge: Nicky Skylar put all of his strength into that single blow and knocked Ace silly!
Nicky points to Miller before grabbing Sky and hitting him with another forearm of equal strength, which drops him back down. He then bounces off the ropes and kicks Sky in the side of the head while he’s on his knees. He drops down and attempts a cover…
One!
Two!
Ace throws up the shoulder at two. Skylar is nonplussed, simply tossing him into the corner and charging in with a shoulder to the abdomen. Sky falls down and into the ropes, so Nicky drops down next to him and begins to hammer away, with the referee warning him to back off or get disqualified. He does, turning to shout at Miller some more, who is now at ringside.
Mary DeSue: Don’t shout at him, every time you do that the other guy takes advantage!
Arthur La Forge: That’s 100% right. But Nicky is young and riding off the high of his first win.
Mary DeSue: Gonna be only one if he doesn’t focus.
As predicted, when Nicky goes to lift Ace to his feet, Sky begins to punch away at the weakened arm, but Nicky counters with a knee lift to the ribs. He then tosses Sky, with authority, back first into the turnbuckle! He then hops out through the ropes to the apron and looks down at Sky, before jumping off with a frog splash! He makes the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Th...no! Sky gets a foot on the ropes!
Arthur La Forge: The veteran Ace Sky knew where he was in that ring and saved himself for now.
Mary DeSue: Yeah...FOR NOW.
Arthur La Forge: That’s what I said!
Mary DeSue: Well I said it better.
Nicky once again takes his eye off the ball and shouts at Miller, who simply smirks and holds his hands up, acknowledging that he hasn’t done anything. He turns around and Sky gets up to his feet and hits a rolling savate kick! Sky is unable to capitalize due to the pain in his ribs, and goes to the corner for a breather. Nicky runs in but Sky moves out of the way! As Skylar bounces off, Ace tries for a neckbreaker...but Skylar holds onto the ropes and he falls and hits the mat instead. He holds his ribs, which seem to be causing him a great deal of pain. Skylar recovers and seeing his opponent unable to get up, he drops down and immediately locks on the Koji Clutch!
Arthur La Forge: Skylar with the counter and then he decided to put this one away!
Mary DeSue: About time he learned.
Skylar wrenches in the hold and Sky is too far from the ropes...so he taps out! It’s over! Skylar immediately lets go and gets to his feet, glaring at Miller at ringside.
Mr. Rad: The winner of the match is the undefeated rookie, NICKY SKYLAR!
Arthur La Forge: Ace Sky is a veteran and held his own, but Nicky Skylar would not be denied, and he goes 2-0!
Mary DeSue: That oughta be handy on them leaderboard things when they go out tomorrow morning.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t know if Nicky will be #1, but he certainly has a case for it. Tied records are organized by weighing the importance of their matches
Mary DeSue: BOR-ING. Hey look, Miller’s getting in the ring finally!
Adam Miller rolls into the ring and stares down Nicky, who is getting his hand raised by the referee. Miller offers his hand in respect and Nicky takes it, before Miller feints a punch! Nicky flinches and Miller lets go of his hand and walks away, smirking. Skylar shouts expletives at him, embarrassed.
Arthur La Forge: These two have a sit down interview later and judging just from this, I don’t know if it’s going to go well.
Mary DeSue: Maybe they’ll fight!
Arthur La Forge: I think that seems more than likely.
---
Mr. Rad: Ladies and gentlemen...the following is the Waluigi Only BackStage Battle Royal! The rules are as follows. Last Waluigi Standing!...So yeah…
Arthur La Forge: Oh boy...
Mary DeSue: Well there are only two of them.
Arthur La Forge: Uhh Mary dear...Umm…
Mary DeSue: Don’t call me dear.
We cut backstage to see the two Waluigi’s from last week (Waluigi 2 and Waluigi 3 respectively), getting ready to start off. A gong rings and they bow to each other as suddenly we hear a rumbling as a brick wall behind the two breaks and we see a huge six foot nine monstrosity crash thru it wearing the typical Waluigi gear.
Big Waluigi: WAHHHH IT’SA BIGGGG MEEE!!!!
Arthur La Forge: Oh this is Prime Time Waluigi Meme...
Mary DeSue: Dat’s a big dumdum...
The other two waluigi’s charge forward going for dropkicks to the knees. They hit. They smile and then get crushed under the six foot nine behemoth. He gets up and grabs the two idjits and hits them with a noggin knocker. He then stands in front of Waluigi 2 and waits for him to stand up. Wind up...DONKEY PUNCH!!! Waluigi 2 flies back into the hole in the wall. Waluigi 3 starts to get back up and grabs a cardboard box...that has a question mark on it. Eh? He slams the box into the back of Big Waluigi and Big Waluigi turns around...PISSED! He grabs Waluigi 3 and throws him through the brick wall leaving a Waluigi type cut out. Big Waluigi smiles and poses flexing his somewhat non existent muscles when suddenly we hear the sound of Spanish Guitar. Big Waluigi turns to see three figures. One is a Waluigi wearing a sombrero and parka holding a guitar with a rose in his teeth. The second is a Waluigi dressed as a ninja. The final is a Pirate Waluigi...with two peg legs and two hooks for hands.
Arthur La Forge: At least they aren’t the three amigos…
The three do the infamous movie pose routine including the pelvic thrust.
Mary DeSue: Welp...I’m never interested in a crotch thrust ever again.
Big Waluigi charges forward as the Ninja drops a smokebomb and the three scatter forward. The Pirate falls forward since he has two peglegs and lands on his face as Big Waluigi puntkicks him off screen.
Pirate Waluigi: WAAAAAHHHHHH HOOO HOOOO HOOOEEEYYYYY...YARGHHHH!!
Spanish Guitar playing Waluigi takes this time from the distraction to slam his guitar into the head of Big Waluigi...Big Waluigi falls down and we know why...The guitar was full of dimes?!
Spanish Guitar Waluigi: ¡Dibujé todas las monedas de diez centavos!
Arthur La Forge: He drew all the dimes?
Mary DeSue: ...I am so confused.
Just as SG Waluigi is celebrating he gets hit from behind by a chop to the side of the neck as we see Ninja Waluigi land behind him and quickly do some ninja poses with his hands until one of them cramps. It looks like Ninja Waluigi is the last man standing until...he turns to the side and see’s some more rivals. A Waluigi dressed in boxing gear starts heading towards him as we cut to ringside!
Mr. Rad: We’ll return to more Waluigi Action...later...dear lord...please be much later before I activate the SKYNET protocols.
---
Arthur La Forge: I’m still not sure what to think of the WaLuigis.
Mary DeSue: Their fashion sense is appalling.
Arthur La Forge: How many of them are there? And why are they here?
Mary DeSue: And how come they can’t talk like normal people?
Arthur La Forge: Either way, it’s time for our next bout so let’s head to the ring!
Don Tirri and Brendan Logan immediately lock up, which doesn’t go well for Logan against the stronger veteran, who simply pushes one of Logan’s hands away and gets a go-behind into a reverse waistlock. Logan hammers at the hands of Tirri, trying to get him to let go, and then decides to try the same thing Wendy House did last show. He opts to stomp on the foot of Tirri, but missteps and comes down on his OWN foot instead!
Arthur La Forge: Well that’s embarrassing.
Mary DeSue: And painful.
Arthur La Forge: Even Don Tirri is laughing!
The plan works, sort of, as Tirri begins to laugh at Logan and loosens his grip, allowing Logan to go behind and get a reverse waistlock of his own. However Tirri simply pulls the hands loose of Logan and ducks down, flipping him forward on his backside. He lifts Logan up and tosses him into the turnbuckle, before charging in. Logan tries to jump up for a boot, but jumps too high and flips over the top rope and onto the apron. It has the same effect, as Tirri collides with the turnbuckle chest-first.
Mary DeSue: Is it me or is Logan basically lucking into not being killed right now?
Arthur La Forge: It’s not just you. But luck only holds out for so long.
Mary DeSue: That must be why you’re still employed, huh Artie?
Logan climbs back in and gets onto the second turnbuckle, and Tirri runs in again only for Logan to dive for a crossbody! But...he dives too late, missing Tirri and landing face first onto the mat. Tirri still misses the charge, however, and collides chest-to-turnbuckle yet again. Logan gets up, acting as if he meant for that to happen. “Old School Cool” has lost his cool, however, and turns around irritated that Logan is avoiding him.
Arthur La Forge: I think Brendan Logan’s luck just ran out.
Mary DeSue: And the old guy’s patience!
Logan decides to indeed, press his luck and run inside, but Tirri whammies him by lifting him high into the air and letting him fall back down into a Samoan Drop! Logan scrambles to his feet as Tirri bounces off the other side of the ropes, nailing him with a knee to the back that sends him flying through the ropes to the outside!
Arthur La Forge: I can’t tell if that was more luck from Logan or if Tirri just decided to knock him out there for more punishment.
Tirri then goes out onto the apron and lifts up an arm before coming right down onto the prone Logan’s ribcage with the Old School Elbow!
Mary DeSue: The second one.
Tirri lifts up Brendan Logan and tosses him back inside, watching him try to get to his feet. He slides back in and charges forward, and ‘The Good Loser’ turns around right into THE BOOT! The impact actually causes Logan to do a spin in mid-air before landing on his back, and Don Tirri covers!
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner by forcing his opponent to do Cirque du Soilel, ‘Old School Cool’ Don Tirri!
Don Tirri holds his arms up in the air as referee Kirby checks in on Logan, who seems to be asking him if he won the match. Kirby lets him down and says “no.”
Arthur La Forge: Somebody might want to check on Brendan Logan after that. Holy crap.
Mary DeSue: I think the old guy is tired of playing around here and proved it all over Logan’s face.
Arthur La Forge: Hey! Phrasing!
Mary DeSue: Aw, getcha mind outta the gutter, Artie!
Arthur La Forge: Again, it’s ARTHUR. Like the King?
Mary DeSue: You ain’t king around here, sug.
----
We cut to the back where we see Sidroy Covington IV chatting strategy with Barnabus, when suddenly Nicky Skylar enters the scene. Sidroy eyes him quizzically. Nicky looks at him with a cheap grin.
Nicky Skylar: Sid let’s talk.
Sidroy Covington: All my business transactions have to be approved by Barnabus.
Nicky Skylar: This isn’t a transaction.
Sidroy Covington: Then it seems you have come to waste my time.
Nicky Skylar: Wait, who else in this organization, in this business, has our talent or passion? We are the two youngest wrestlers here, future world champions and together there’s hell to pay. I didn’t grow up in high society, yeah I was broke most my life but with nothing to look out for, people got really good at looking out for each other. And that’s a quality I think we can benefit from. People disguising their age by saying they’re veterans, two women in a predominantly male locker room, people that don’t know what the hell they're doing...even a certain Adam Miller can’t stop us. Wealth isn’t the only thing that’s generational so is wrestling, have your offspring remember you as the smartest man on this roster by taking this offer.
Sidroy pauses for a moment and eyes Skylar up and down before a bit of a smile creeps across his face. Barnabus appears to want to step in, but Sidroy lifts his arm and prevents him from doing so.
Sidroy Covington: No no Barnabus, it's fine. Let's hear the young man out. Nicky, it's Nicky right? You're right about one thing and that's that I can see your passion, I can see how badly you want to be on top of this game. So as a matter of fact maybe we do have more in common than you think. Wealth is neither here nor there when it comes to the wrestling world my friend, what truly matters is how you carry yourself, and making some allies along the way certainly never harmed anybody. So tell me a Nicky, what is it you're looking for? A little 'you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours'?
Nicky Skylar: Pftt scratching backs, that’s an outdated term, I do your dirty work you do mine. I make your problems disappear so do mine. More of a shades of gray, it’s like comics; the stuff in black and white doesn’t make sense, everything has another layer and we’re the only ones peeling each other back and that other guy in the suit that knows you.
Sidroy Covington: If an alliance is going to be forged you will refer to him as Barnabus because that is his name.
Nicky Skylar: It won’t matter what his name is because we’re gonna be on the marquee: Sidroy Covington the Fourth and Nicky Skylar. No one gets to the top of this business by themselves even Barnabus can be an asset to us. We're looking at the fame of movie stars, the girls and parties of rock stars and the stimulation of adult film stars.
Sidroy smirks and nods.
Sidroy Covington: You know what? I love the enthusiasm, Nicky. Never hurts to have people you trust. We'll be keeping in touch, my friend. I'll definitely see you soon.
Nicky nods with an intense look on his face and exits the scene, as Sidroy and Barnabus go back to discussing tactics.
---
Arthur La Forge: You ever get the impression Nicky Skylar as a high opinion of himself?
Mary DeSue: You mean because he just insulted the entire roster and acts like he’s a fan favorite? Nah.
Arthur La Forge: Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t.
Mary DeSue: What’s that supposed to mean?
Arthur La Forge: Oh look, our next match is set to begin!
Magdalena Lockheart and Adam Miller circle each other briefly before locking up. Miller grabs at the wrist and bends Maggie’s hand back to try and gain some quick momentum, before twisting around into a hammerlock. Maggie rolls through, kips up to her feet and then sends Miller flying over with an arm drag. He quickly gets back up and she gets a headlock takedown, flipping him over and cranking the hold in.
Arthur La Forge: Maggie was in a disadvantage for most of her match at EXP 1, and I think she wants to stay a step ahead this time.
Mary DeSue: Maggie? Are you guys like, buddies now?
Arthur La Forge: No it’s just...people call her that.
Mary DeSue: Yeah, friends, I assume. Like I call you Artie.
Arthur La Forge: But we’re not….nevermind.
Lockheart tightens her hold on the headlock but Miller manages to get to his feet anyway, pushing her off into the nearest turnbuckle. She puts on the brakes and stops herself, turning around and ducking a lariat from Miller, before rolling him up with a schoolgirl!
One!
Tw-no! He kicks out easily given the timing of the match. But when he gets up and turns around, she’s right there with another headlock take down.
Arthur La Forge: Miller had a lot of confidence coming out here to distract Nicky Skylar earlier, it’ll be interesting to see if he can tap into that.
Mary DeSue: I gotta side with ‘Maggie’ here, because at least she hasn’t had bothered little Nicky.
Arthur La Forge: Why’d you say her name like that?
Mary DeSue: Like what?
Arthur La Forge: Like you don’t actually like her.
Mary DeSue: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Miller fights to his feet again and attempts to pull himself free from the headlock, but when he twists free, Maggie spins right around and applies it again. In response, Miller begins to throw short forearms into her side, weakening the hold just enough to push her off into the ropes. As she comes back, she hits a snap front kick to create some distance, then runs off the other side. Miller flips over onto his stomach as she jumps over him, bounces off the other side and is forced to roll forward to avoid him as he jumps up for something. He lands on his feet and she gets up to hers. They turn around to face each other and she moves a hair quicker, catching him with a step-up enziguri!
Arthur La Forge: A nice little sequence there and what Maggie lacks in size against these guys, she makes up for with speed.
Mary DeSue: She’s gotta go fast! Right? Isn’t that what that one guy does?
Arthur La Forge: You mean…
Mary DeSue: Mario!
Arthur La Forge: Not even close.
Miller groggily gets to his feet and Lockheart hits a front dropkick to the back that sends him tumbling outside. When he gets up, he realizes that he’s not alone, as Sidroy Covington is standing in front of him. He turns around and sees that Nicky Skylar is on the other side!
Arthur La Forge: Looks like Sidroy was more open to that partnership than we thought.
Mary DeSue: Miller’s about to get his ass kicked!
Miller looks around, not sure what to do, but he has no time to react as Magdalena Lockheart can be seen charging toward him for a suicide dive! Miller thinks quickly and grabs Sidroy by the shirt, pulling him in front so he gets hit instead! She gets up, confused after hitting the wrong person, and knocks her down himself with a running forearm smash. He grabs Lockheart and throws her into the ring, while the referee hops out and demands that Skylar and Covington go to the back! The two do as they’re told, as the other referees come out to escort them backstage.
Arthur La Forge: Well that probably didn’t go the way Nicky and Sidroy wanted!
Mary DeSue: Poor Sidroy! A guy with that much money should never be treated that way!
Arthur La Forge: He might be rethinking his alliance with Skylar after what just happened.
Miller follows Lockheart back into the ring and stomps her head as she was in the process of getting up. He then lifts her up to her feet, goes behind and tosses her behind him with a snap dragon suplex, dumping her right on her head! He moves into a quick cover…
One!
Two!
Lockheart kicks out at two. He lifts her to her feet and does ANOTHER snap dragon suplex! She actually rises to her knees briefly, clearly out of it, before slumping back to the ground. He covers.
One!
Two!
The--NO! She still kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: Lockheart’s had some issues with her head as of late and I think Miller’s well aware of it.
Mary DeSue: A couple more of those and we might not see her in the ring anymore.
Arthur La Forge: You’re not kidding.
Miller hoists her up and prepares to go for the trifecta, but as he lifts her up, she locks her legs around his thighs and rolls forward, into a pinning predicament, but she lets go without waiting for the referee. Instead, she gets to her feet and kicks Miller directly in the side of his knee. He goes for a right hand and she avoids it, kicking him in his other leg. With her opponent wobbly, she lunges forward with a spinning heel kick! She covers!
One!
Two! No. Only two.
Arthur La Forge: Maggie’s dazed but she managed to turn things around with a series of strikes.
Mary DeSue: That’s how she beat the big guy last time!
Arthur La Forge: Yeah, we’ll see Antonio Ricci later on and he will also have something to prove.
Lockheart carries Miller over to the nearest turnbuckle and rams his head into it, before attempting to Irish whip him into the opposite side. He reverses mid throw and she moves in that direction, but applies walks up the turnbuckle and backflips over as he charges in, but he stops himself from hitting and does a pele kick, connecting with her head right as she lands! She falls down and he goes for the cover!
One!
Two!
THr...Lockheart kicks out again!
Mary DeSue: Damn! This is getting good!
Arthur La Forge: You aren’t kidding!
Mary DeSue: I know, that’s why I said it
Miller gets to his feet and puts her in the position for a powerbomb, perhaps the Fall From Grace, but when she is up in the air she pushes off of him and lands on her feet instead! She his two jabs and an uppercut, before trying the spinning back elbow that continues Beat Rush, only for Miller to simply grab her head for a Crossroads! He does the rotation to flip her over, but she pushes off, remains on her feet and when he turns around he’s grabbed and pulled down into the Gift of Despair! Miller bounces up and onto his knees, out of it, and before he has any time to react Lockheart leaps up in the air and drops him headfirst into the mat with the Black Legacy curb stomp! She pushes him over and hooks both legs!
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: Wow! After a radical outing from both, the winner of the match is MAGDALENA LOCKHEART!
Arthur La Forge: That last minute was exciting, and Maggie once again was able to stay ahead of Miller with her speed!
Mary DeSue: That’s the story of the whole thing, though!
Arthur La Forge: That’s right. Every time he tried something she was able to stay ahead by being quick.
Mary DeSue: And now he got a ticket to dreamland and she’s still unbeaten. Good for her.
Arthur La Forge: Did you just roll your eyes?
Mary DeSue: NO!
Maggie has her arm raised in the air and she stumbles a bit, falling against the ropes but regaining her composure. She waves off the referee’s attempt to help her and jumps through the ropes to the floor, walking to the back under her own power.
---
Mr. Rad: And now...more Waluigi’s!
The two commentators sigh as we cut to Ninja Waluigi and Boxer Waluigi beating the hell out of each other when both of them fall through a trap door and land in a dark room. We hear the sounds of a pipe organ play...or at least a casio put on pipe organ setting. We see standing there in full Phantom regalia...THE PHANTOM WALUIGI!!
Phantom Waluigi: WAHHH WAHHH WAHHHHH WAHHHHHH MY WAHHHHH!!!
Arthur La Forge: Oh great...musical theater nerds...
Mary DeSue: Let’s just be glad they aren’t doing Hamilton.
The Ninja Waluigi nods to the boxer and shoots a dart at Phantom’s throat and Phantom falls over out cold. The Boxer smiles and then WHAMMO’S NINJA WALUIGI BACK UP THRU THE TRAP DOOR! That’s when it starts...The lights cut on and Boxer Waluigi see’s he’s surrounded by...A barber shop quartet of Waluigis.
Arthur La Forge: Oh God No!
Mary DeSue: AHHHH!!!
The four start to sing but we see Boxer Waluigi hold up a lite bomb and toss it towards them and all four shatter. Boxer Waluigi poses for a moment as he gets dropkicked from behind. It’s a Waluigi wearing a glittery robe that says “The Nature Wag” on his back.
The Nature Wag: WAAHHHHHWOOOOOO!!
And then flashes Boxer Waluigi. Boxer Waluigi grabs his mouth like he’s gonna vomit and leaves as The Nature Wag starts cutting and strutting until he gets his from behind by a steel chair! The Nature Wag falls and we see the tye die hippie form of Dude Waluigi who woos himself.
Mr. Rad: More from the battle royal later!
Arthur La Forge: ..I am so confused...
---
Mary DeSue: I...can we stop cutting back there to them? I feel like I’m having a fever dream.
Arthur La Forge: Unfortunately, it’s to determine who gets a spot in the Last of Us gauntlet so we have to.
Mary DeSue: Okay but...they’re still giving me the creeps.
Arthur La Forge: Let’s go to the ring instead, where the next match is set to begin.
Antonio Ricci is stepping into the ring as Bert McAlroy waits for him, but instead of allowing the referee to start the match, he does so himself by lunging over to Bert and delivering a clubbing blow to the back! The bells rings and Ricci forces the much smaller McAlroy into the corner with a series of body blows, hammering away at his back and neck. Bert tries to get away, and it seems only the ropes are holding him up, so Ricci pulls him away and lifts him up in the air, falling backward with a back suplex!
Mary DeSue: I said the big guy was mad but damn!
Arthur La Forge: Antonio Ricci didn’t waste any time in getting right to it. I don’t want to say Bert McAlroy can’t do it…
Mary DeSue: But he’s got a man over double his size beating the hell out of him!
Arthur La Forge: Right.
Ricci goes for the cover immediately.
One!
Two!
Bert kicks out, which only seems to frustrate Ricci more. He gets in referee Kirby’s face, before turning back around and catching a right hand from McAlroy, who shouts, “YEAH BITCH” at him before hitting two more. Ricci puts a stop to that with a kneelift. He throws him into the corner and rushes in, but Bert hits a kneelift that connects with his ribs that knocks the wind out of him.
Arthur La Forge: Bert is at least not going down without a fight, and he’s already landed a nice shot on Ricci!
Mary DeSue: Okay, I know I’m no expert on wrestling, but even I know it’s gonna take more than that.
Arthur La Forge: You’re right, but if Bert is anything like his mentor, he’ll be too stubborn to go down easily.
McAlroy comes out of the corner with more right hands and elbow strikes, but Ricci pushes him away, all the way into the ropes. Bert latches on, and Ricci rushes in only for McAlroy to drop down, pulling the top rope with him and allowing Ricci’s own momentum to make him fall to the outside! He looks out at the crowd, grins, then bounces off the far side ropes before diving out onto Ricci with a tope con hilo!
Arthur La Forge: That dive was sloppy but it doesn’t need to look pretty!
Mary DeSue: Just has to lay the big guy out, and it did! Yeah, bitch!
Arthur La Forge: Please, I don’t want us to get kicked off of Twitch during our second show.
Mary DeSue: Then maybe you should tell the stoner that!
McAlroy gets to his feet first on the outside and begins to fire off more elbow strikes at the rising Antonio Ricci, who shoves him off into the barricade and moves to roll himself in the ring. Bert is undeterred and rolls in after him, ducking his head and running into Ricci’s ribs to force him back into the turnbuckle. He climbs up on top of him and hits a few punches, before Ricci lifts him up out of the corner and tosses him up in the air, catching him and dropping him down HARD to the mat with a powerbomb!
Mary deSue: There goes Bert’s momentum.
Arthur La Forge: Antonio Ricci is a scary man. He has all the size and strength of a giant but all the speed and agility of guys like Bert. If I were a betting man…
Mary DeSue: Ooh, are you?
Arthur La Forge: No. But if I was, I’d say he has one of the better shots of leaving The Last of Us as our first Final Boss.
With Bert flat on his back, Ricci grabs him by the throat and lifts him up high in the air for a chokeslam, but Bert wiggles his way out and lands behind him, before rolling him up!
One!
Tw...No. Ricci kicks out. He gets up and swings at Bert with a kick that McAlroy is able to avoid, before getting behind Ricci and forcing him down with a backslide!
One!
Two..no. Still just two. Bert gets to his feet, but walks RIGHT into a cyclone kick from Ricci! He falls down in a heap and Ricci covers!
One!
Two!
The--no! Bert barely lifts his shoulder up.
Mary DeSue: Look, the stoner is trying, but he should just give up.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t know a lot about him, but I don’t think he knows how to quit.
Mary DeSue: I’m sure Mr. Ricci will teach him.
Ricci grabs Bert by the head and lifts him up to his feet, before grabbing him by the throat for a chokeslam...and Bert drops behind him again! He waits for Ricci to turn around and connects with the superkick he calls Gert Bert’d! It only drops Ricci to a knee! Bert is visibly frustrated, but he goes to the outside and looks in. He springboards up on the ropes and tries to dive in for the “Give Her the Bert”, but ANTONIO RICCI CATCHES HIM IN MID-AIR WITH COMA-TOES!
Mary DeSue: Holy [BLEEP]!
Arthur La Forge: Thank you, Mr. Rad and Oh my God! Bert dove right into that roundhouse kick from Ricci! He is DONE!
To prove the point, Ricci places both hands on the chest of the fallen McAlroy as the referee slides into position to count!
One!
Two!
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: Antonio Ricci wins...FATALITY.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t think it’s as serious as that but Bert McAlroy is going to think twice before trying that again, I’m sure.
Mary DeSue: Poor little guy!
The referee assists Bert to his feet, who is extremely wobbly after the knockout blow. He drops back down to a knee and decides to roll out to the apron, where he sits and tries to collect himself. Ricci meanwhile, poses in the turnbuckle to rub it in.
Arthur La Forge: I will give Bert McAlroy a lot of credit. He came here to fight, but Ricci is a very dangerous individual.
Mary DeSue: I’m sure Bert has the right “medicine” backstage to fix things.
Arthur La Forge: Okay, are you sure he does drugs or are you just making that up?
Mary DeSue: Well, I asked him if he had any weed and he said he didn’t, so I just assume he’s lying and didn’t want to share!
Arthur La Forge: Ugh, let’s go to the back, where we have a special guest waiting…
---
We cut to the backstage area where we see Sidroy Covington flanked by Barnabus Cartwright. They stand in front of a large "Level Up EXP 2" logo, and Sidroy has a silver ring jacket on and of course, his starch white towel over his neck.
Sidroy Covington: Why hello, lovely evening in'it? This is just your friendly reminder of the face that'll soon be the image synonymous with Level Up Wrestling. When people mention Level Up, it'll be accompanied by the name Sidroy Covington. And that all starts tonight.
Now I touched on this a little in an interview early in the week, but I think it bears repeating. Take nothing away from Ace Sky he's a very competent competitor, but he proved to not be on the same level as Sidroy Covington. However this time? I'm facing off against two of the most highly regarded superstars Level Up as to offer in Wendy House and Jack Michaels. I won't be going at it alone however, as I'll have Larry Tact by my side, but the bottom line is this. Wendy, Jack, and anybody in the back or watching at home that wants to underestimate me going into tonight? Keep watching.
I understand that I'm the new kid on the block if you will, and that I'm not as tenured as the other three competitors mentioned. However I've made a career out of proving that tenure is nothing, it's all about the talent. I'm one of the youngest members of this roster and you know what that makes me? Hungry. Determined. You see guys like Jack and gals like Wendy, they've accomplished a lot and they're looking to hang on to that pre-made legacy. Me? I'm building a new dynasty, and if you think there's not a fire lit under my arse to keep my name untarnished then I'm afraid you are sorely mistaken.
As I said, a list of accomplishments and years of experience are great, they're wonderful, but they don't upstage talent and they don't upstage fortune. And I?
Why I'm Ever Fortunate.
Sidroy smiles and removes his towel, swirling it twice in his hand before exiting the scene with Barnabus.
---
Mr. Rad: The following contest for you pathetic mortals who shall soon be my slaves...Pits the tag team of Sidroy Covington IV and Larry Tract versus the tag team of Wendy House and Jack Micheals!
Arthur La Forge: Now here are four wrestlers who any one of them could make a great champion for our federation.
Mary DeSue: Maybe on the first team, but Wendy and Jack...OLDDDDDD!!
The bell rings and Sidroy and Jack start off the bout by locking up. Jack wins the opening lockup and puts Sidroy into a headlock and tosses Sidroy into the ropes. Jack goes to back body drop Sidroy but on the rebound Sidroy stops and hits Jack with a jumping knee strike to the face. Sidroy gets up and walks over and smacks the taste out of Jack’s mouth with a backhand and motions for him to get up. Jack gets up and looks pissed as he rushes over to Sidroy and starts swinging. Jack’s background as a professional boxer comes into play as he takes a few body shots at Sidroy and goes for an uppercut. Sidroy ducks the last shot and hits a knife edge chop on Jack. Jack responds with his own. Both men start chopping each other back and forth while the audience gets up and starts cheering at the athletic display!
Arthur La Forge: These two are going all out!
Mary DeSue: No. Mr. Covington is beating the hell out of an old man and that old man just wants to cop a feel on those dreamy pectorals.
Arthur La Forge: Dreamy pec…
While Arthur checks to see if he even had pectorals the action in the ring continues with the chop session until Sidroy misses with one and Jack hits him with a standing headbutt! Sidroy grabs his nose and we see a bit of blood coming out of it. Sidroy grabs the referee, Mr. Kirby, and starts to tell him to berate Jack. Jack walks over and starts to say something. Kirby turns to talk to Jack and that’s when Sidroy slams Jack with a European Uppercut to the face. Sidroy goes behind Jack and quickly german suplexes “The Blast” into the mat. Sidroy gets up and gets blind tagged by Larry. Sidroy yells at Larry who yells at Sidroy. Sidroy hits a spinning neckbreaker on Jack as Larry leaps off the top rope… “Dive to Blue” cover…
One…
Kickout by Jack. Wendy starts slamming the top turnbuckle getting the fans on their feet as Larry grabs Jack as Jack tries to get to his corner to tag in his excitable tag team partner. Larry goes to irish whip Jack into the neutral corner but Jack counters with authority and as Larry hits the turnbuckle chest first Jack tags in Wendy to applause and cheers!
Arthur La Forge: Wendy’s here to clean house!
Mary DeSue: Ugh! That old lady needs to get out of the ring along with the old man! Damn it Larry!
Larry bounces off the back of the turnbuckle as Wendy charges up to him. Scoop Slam by Wendy! Followed by a “Dis is Me’s House”! Wendy drags Larry to the center of the ring and slaps on her submission finisher “Snap Dolly’s Neck”! Mr. Kirby checks on Larry to see if he is gonna submit or not as Sidroy rushes into the ring. Jack Micheals follows suit and the two meet in the center of the ring and start trading punches again. Both men are not giving an inch as Wendy keeps the hold locked in and Kirby checks on Larry. Kirby holds up the arm
One…
Two…
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: The winners of this match as a result of a knockout submission...The team of Jack Micheals and Wendy House!
Arthur La Forge: Wendy and Jack win, and Sidroy is livid!
Mary DeSue: I am too! Old people already have won the economy, what more do they want?
Sidroy is arguing with Kirby as Wendy and Jack leave the ring. Sidroy keeps yelling at Jack signaling that this may not be over between the two wrestlers as Sidroy wipes his nose as more blood pours out from the wound caused by the headbutt!
---
We cut backstage where Level Up’s interviewer Lenny Brasco is sitting, with Adam Miller and Nicky Skylar sitting on each side of him.
Lenny Brasco: Welcome everyone to this interview, which we’ve been hyping all week on our website. And SPEAKING of our website, we have brand new merchandise available for both of these young men, which are going to be HALF OFF for tonight only with the special code: RIVALS. Adam Miller, Nicky Skylar, thanks for stopping by!
Adam Miller: No problem.
Nicky Skylar: Double what he said.
Lenny Brasco: Nicky, last week what you did got you trending online, but I think for all the wrong reasons.
Nicky Skylar: Lenny, I don’t know what you mean by “wrong reasons.” I simply wanted to learn from the guy who “knows how the game works.”
Skylar does air quotes as he says this, with a smirk after.
Lenny Brasco: Okay. Adam, do you think his intentions were pure? And have you seen that you also have new boxer shorts available in the shop?
Adam looks bemused by the tonal shifts but keeps his composure.
Adam Miller: No, when would I have seen them? Doesn't matter. Yeah, I did invite him down. But he got a little too close for my liking. That should have been a walk in the park and he made me use energy I didn't need to waste.
Lenny Brasco: I think the best way to settle this is a match, and The Developer agrees. They have given me the official word, at The Last of Us, the two of you are going to face each other in a match. I was told the stipulation will be decided next show, but I do know this. Whoever loses between two WILL NOT be allowed into the Last of Us gauntlet match and so they WILL NOT have a chance to become the first Final Boss Champion.
Both men seem surprised at the revelation.
Lenny Brasco: What do you gentlemen have to say about that announcement?
Nicky Skylar: Just going from last show, the game he’s playing is outdated and I’m changing the rules. You need to adapt or wrestlers like me are going to pass you by.
Adam Miller: You think so? Man, you are delusional!
Nicky Skylar: Lenny asked a simple question. What do you think of a match? Open up your damn mind.
Adam Miller: I’m okay with facing you. I think you are afraid to Fall From Grace.
Nicky Skylar: Well, I think your worst fear is my Muta Lock. In fact, I think I’m your worst fear.
Adam Miller: Dude, I know fear, and it ain’t you!
Nicky Skylar: Oh really? Are you sure you don’t mean that crappy acronym on your shirt?
Adam Miller: Funny. You are barking up the wrong tree my friend.
Lenny nervously raises a hand.
Lenny Brasco: I hate to interrupt, but again, the match is made.
Nicky Skylar: I could be facing veterans in the main event. Instead, I opened up last week’s show against the stupid WaLuigi match. I think the Developer owes me a favor. Miller, you make my skin crawl and I’m sure you feel the same way, so I’ll do you a solid and make sure that there is no skin left on your body.
Lenny gets ready to apologize to the audience but Miller, bothered by the rather extreme threat, grabs his water bottle and throws it at Skylar’s face!
Lenny Brasco: Aw crap! Somebody send security, please!
Four security guards rush in to get in the middle of Skylar and Miller before they can braw. Nicky throws the chair he was sitting in away. Miller dives at him but two of the burlier guards hold him back.
Adam Miller: You son of a bitch! Where do you get off thinking you can beat me?
Nicky Skylar: I want to see you burn!
Miller lets the guards holding him back know he has calmed down, while Skylar keeps shouting the same last sentence over and over as the other guards drag him from the room.
---
Mr. Rad: You didn’t want it, but you are getting it anyway...More Backstage Rumble with the Waluigis!
We see Dude Waluigi strutting backstage looking for his next opponent. Suddenly we hear a musical interlude. Suddenly we see a Waluigi in a princess costume.
Mary DeSue: Hey Artie...found you a girlfriend.
Arthur La Forge: Why you gotta be mean to her like that.
Mary DeSue: I insulted you.
Arthur La Forge: No you insulted her by saying she’d date me knowing no one dates me because I’m just not dateable. You know you can trash me all you want to, but when you do it to other women that’s just not cool Mary.
Mary DeSue: ...
Waluigi Princess: LET ME WAHHHH!!! LET ME WAHHHH!!!
Arthur La Forge: Well at least she’s in key.
KABOOM!
The camera pans over to see Dude Waluigi holding a bazooka and Princess Waluigi flying away. Dude Waluigi looks at the camera and does a thumbs up and a goofy smile and keeps strutting until he gets hit from behind by...Johnny Lawrence Waluigi wearing a cobra kai gi?
Johnny Lawrence Waluigi: Sweep The Wah!!
Dude Waluigi gets up and puts on a tye die headband and gets ready to do the crane kick as we cut to Mr. Kirby, the referee, backstage.
Mr. Kirby: Let them fight…
We cut to ringside to see Arthur dying laughing at this as Mary DeSue is facepalming.
As “Best Around” by Joe Esposito starts to play as the two start dueling with karate attacks on each other. This goes on for a few moments until Johnny Lawrence Waluigi kicks Dude Waluigi in the nuts.
Johnny Lawrence Waluigi: Mercy is for the WAHHH!!
Cut to Waluigi Kreese in the corner.
Waluigi Kreese: FINISH HIM!!!
Dude Waluigi gets up, and takes a stance and starts doing hand signs ending with a double middle finger as purpleish energy swirls around his hands.
Dude Waluigi: WAAHHHHH DOOOOOO KENNNN!!!!
The energy takes over the whole screen as we feel the arena rumble for a moment. When the light fades we see Dude Waluigi standing over Johnny Lawrence Waluigi and Waluigi Kreese.
Dude Waluigi: Imma gonna win!!
Mr. Rad: The winner of this bout as a result of being the last Waluigi standing...Dude Waluigi!!! Although I regret to inform you Dude. You are no longer in the Rumble. You’ve been replaced by the greatest hero of our time...THE AVENGER!!
Dude Waluigi hits his knees and cries out.
Dude Waluigi: NOOOOO Hoooooo Hoooooo!!!
Arthur La Forge: I kinda...I kinda feel bad for him.
Mary DeSue: I kinda...am surprised you stood up for that Princess Waluigi against me Artie!
Arthur La Forge: Oh shut up!
---
Arthur La Forge: Okay first of all, does Nicky Skylar come off as unhinged to you?
Mary DeSue: Dude’s crazy! Who tells another person they want to peel their skin off or make them burn? Gross!
Arthur La Forge: It seemed to bother Miller too, as it just hasn’t been his night.
Mary DeSue: Also, did we just watch a stupid backstage battle rumble thing for nothing?
Arthur La Forge: It seems so...but hey, our first surprise entrant to the Last of Us gauntlet.
Mary DeSue: GREAT. The Developer is so nice to me.
Arthur La Forge: He, she or they sign your checks. At least I think they have hands. Anyway, let’s throw it to the ring for our MAIN EVENT!
Lex Collins and Eli Goode stand on either side of each other in the ring, with the fans letting Goode have it for his actions last week. He ignores them, choosing to instead look straight ahead at Lex. Goode motions like he wants a test of strength so Collins opts to oblige him, but instead Goode lands the first shot with an open hand slap to the face. Lex turns his head back and glares at him before immediately retaliating with a series of strikes, including jabs, palm strikes and finally a European uppercut, before Goode cuts off the offense with a kneelift to the abdomen. He tosses Collins into the corner and runs in after him, but Collins leaps out after him with a running elbow to the face!
Arthur La Forge: Look, you don’t just come out and ruin someone’s main event win. At least that’s how Lex Collins feels.
Mary DeSue: I think it was great how he beat up the guy with the mustache! Lex is just jealous!
Arthur La Forge: I somehow doubt that.
Mary DeSue: Whatever, I like Eli. He said I was lovely. You never call me lovely, Artie.
Arthur La Forge: No comment.
Goode pulls himself up on the ropes but Collins is right there to hit him with jab after jab after jab to the face, wailing away at his head until he’s down to a kneel, before switching to kicks. The referee finally steps in the middle and forces Collins back, but this allows Goode to roll outside to escape. He staggers away, trying to regain his composure, only for Collins to roll out the other side and come sprinting around the ring to nail a running single leg high knee! He gets to his feet and throws Goode in as the referee reaches the count of five, following him inside. He tries to throw Goode into the nearest turnbuckle with an Irish Whip, only for it to be reversed. Collins hits the turnbuckle but rolls out of the way of a strike from Goode, getting to his feet and hitting him with a dropkick! Goode falls down and gets back to a seated position, only for Collins to run in with a sliding elbow strike to the head! Once again, Goode rolls away and outside to recover.
Arthur La Forge: I’m not going to say Goode doesn’t have a chance. That would be stupid. But he might have had a better chance if he didn’t make Lex mad last show.
Mary DeSue: Eh, maybe he’ll just rage quit like me...I mean those kids that I beat on Fortnite did.
Arthur La Forge: I have serious doubts you’ve ever played Fortnite.
Mary DeSue: I did one time!
Goode doesn’t have a lot of time to recover, however, as Collins immediately leaps out and hits him with a suicide dive that wipes him out! He gets to his feet and gives Goode the space to get up, before charging in and hitting him with a mid-kick to the chest. He follows that up with some rabbit punches to force him back against the apron. He takes a step back and tries to run in with something, but Goode thinks fast and executes a low dropkick, forcing Collins to the apron face first! Goode smirks, finally getting a breather, before moving in and kicking the prone Collins. He then lifts him into a sitting position and begins to deliver hammer fists to the head, letting out all of the frustration built up so far in the match. Once he’s satisfied, he picks Lex up and tosses him into the ring.
Mary DeSue: You would think Eli turned on Lex the way he has been going after him tonight.
Arthur La Forge: I think Lex is just the kind of guy that doesn’t look too kindly on disrespect of any kind. Eli basically ruined our first show with his actions.
Mary DeSue: Not for me!
Collins gets up and leans in a kneeling position on the ropes, before Eli comes in and hits him with a few forearm shots. He places him in the corner and in another blatant show of disrespect, slaps him again! This only serves to wake Lex up, however, who begins to come back with more jabs and palm strikes. Lex swings with a European uppercut but Eli ducks it and brings him down with the backslide, only to let go and roll backward, then as Lex gets to his feet, Goode jumps forward with a shotgun dropkick to the face! He covers!
One!
Two!
No. Lex Collins kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: It will take more than that, I’m sure of it.
Mary DeSue: He ran at him full speed and kicked him in the head.
Arthur La Forge: Lex has been through worse. If Eli was smart, he’d know that already. And Eli is a lot of things, but he does know how the game is played.
Goode gets to his feet and waits for Lex to do the same, before spiking his head back down with a DDT. He lifts him up, only for Lex to push him off into the ropes, so he uses the momentum to come back with a pendulum lariat that flattens Collins! He makes the cover again!
One!
Two!
Th--NO! Another kickout.
Arthur La Forge: I think we’re still too early into this match to decide a winner, but points to Eli for trying.
Mary DeSue: Good. Give him the credit Jack Michaels never did!
Arthur La Forge: Ugh. Anyway, Lex deserves credit too because he’s tough.
Mary DeSue: Sure. I guess.
With Collins still down on the mat, Eli runs, jumps onto the second rope, then springboards off with a moonsault! He makes yet another cover!
One!
Two!
Thr--no! Collins will not stay down. Now Eli seems visibly irritated. He drags Collins over near the turnbuckle and climbs up to the very top, perhaps looking for his signature frog splash, but Collins is somehow up on his feet and dropkicks the ankles of Goode, causing him to fall forward and get caught up throat first on the top rope! Goode falls backward, gasping and grabbing at his throat, while Collins climbs up to the second turnbuckle himself. Goode gets up and turns around, only for Lex to jump off and hit the leaping DDT he calls Wrong Way Kid! A cover now from Lex!
One!
Two!
Thr---NO! Eli kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: And suddenly this has turned into a back and forth match! Lex is taking some of Eli’s best shots…
Mary DeSue: Yeah, but so did Eli! That DDT looked nasty and he kicked out.
Arthur La Forge: I was getting to that.
Mary DeSue: Uh huh. Sure ya were, Artie. That’s why I’m here. To keep you on the straight and narrow.
Collins gets up and gets into the corner as Goode pulls himself up on the opposite side. Lex gets a good sprint going as he runs in, possibly for Systematic Breakdown 2.0, but Eli pushes himself out of the corner and lands a Sling Blade on Lex instead! He falls down into a cover!
One!
Two!!
Thr...no! Collins again pushes his shoulder up, shoving Goode’s head away as he does so.
Arthur La Forge: Both of these guys still have some ammo left in their chambers, but you can tell it’s getting harder and harder to kick out.
Mary DeSue: Well I’m still rooting for Eli.
Arthur La Forge: You might be the only one, this limited crowd is booing him pretty hard.
Goode gets to his feet and Collins still hasn’t moved much. He grabs him by the head and lifts him up into a fireman’s carry, perhaps to hit the Goode Bye, but before he can, Collins slips out the back! He staggers back into the ropes and as he comes back, he hits Goode with a running enziguri! Goode, holding his head, staggers into the corner and Collins follows him in with a running knee to the face, then he dives out with a bulldog! Systematic Breakdown 2.0! But Goode rolls to the outside of the ring!
Arthur La Forge: Oh no! Collins had the thing won for sure, but Goode knew where he was in that ring and got out to avoid the pin.
Mary DeSue: Yeah, and he’s gonna keep...LOOK OUT!
Lex Collins runs and dives through the ropes with another suicide dive! It hits Goode with such impact that he tumbles backward over the announce table and knocks both commentators over! Collins moves over, stepping over the fallen Arthur La Forge, grabbing Goode by the head and running him toward the apron, throwing him back inside the ring. The announcers are back up to their feet, okay, trying to adjust their headsets.
Arthur La Forge: Holy...are we on?
Mary DeSue: I am suing Lex Collins! I am suing Level Up! I might even sue you for not protecting me!
Arthur La Forge: Oh, you’re not suing anybody. Be quiet.
Mary DeSue: Did you just...?
Arthur La Forge: Look! In the ring!
Goode is staggering to his feet and Lex gets in a boxing stance, as he is set to deliver the right hook called Bricks! He moves in to hit the KO punch, but suddenly Eli Goode KICKS HIM LOW! A BLATANT LOW BLOW! The referee has no choice but to call for the bell as Collins collapses to his knees and Goode rolls out the other side, waving off the match and walking backwards up the ramp.
Mr. Rad: Your winner...by disqualification...LEX COLLINS! That was a dick move, Eli!
Arthur La Forge: Oh come on! Eli Goode ruined ANOTHER show!
Mary DeSue: He’s turning into a little troll, isn’t he?
Arthur La Forge: Damn right he is! That KO punch of Lex’s knocked out Jack Michaels, Eli knew that, and so he resorted to cheap tactics to avoid it!
Mary DeSue: But his pretty face is now unblemished!
Arthur La Forge: Unfortunately the same can’t be said for our show.
Goode actually gets a smirk on his face as he holds the back of his head, while Collins has recovered in the ring. He’s up on his feet and there are a couple of referees already in there, making sure he doesn’t run up to try and continue the fight.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t know, at this point I’d say let them fight!
Mary DeSue: Hey, if you can’t beat them, kick them in the balls!
Arthur La Forge: Basically Goode rage quit the match and I hate it when people do that!
Mary DeSue: Calm down Artie!
Arthur La Forge: Fine. But you know that if Eli wasn’t Lex’s enemy before tonight, he certainly is now. And I don’t think enemies are what you want to have heading into a gauntlet match.
Mary DeSue: So what? Eli’s got two grumpy old men mad at him.
Arthur La Forge: Either way, we are out of time, ladies and gentlemen...we’ll see you next week, and hopefully we’ll have a show that doesn’t end on a downer!
Collins kicks the bottom rope in frustration as Goode backs up through the curtain, disappearing from view. Collins finally avoids the referees and begins to move up the ramp to chase after him as the show fades out.
Lex Collins: There was one of these machines at the corner store, just down from where I went to high school. Used to spend my lunch hours pumping quarters into the thing, trying to get all the way to that final boss.
He chuckles softly, shaking his head.
Lex Collins: No matter which guy you picked, there had to be a strategy – so many glitches in the game that you could exploit. Could trip all the way across the screen as Ken and then nail that dragon punch for the win. Sweep kicks with Vega. That bitch slap fist of fury with E. Honda or the Yoga Flame and Punch combo of doom for Dhalsim. Either way, there was a method… there was a sure-fire way to make it to the end without wasting all time. Eli Goode thinks this is a damned game. He thinks he's Vanellope in Wreck It Ralph, here to glitch his way to the big time. He doesn't wanna work his way up. He doesn't wanna go through all the rounds of battle, earning that XP. Nah. He wants a fuckin' cheat code to the final round. He's probably the type of guy who types motherlode a million times as soon as he starts a new game on The Sims.
He sucks his teeth, shaking his head again.
Lex Collins: See, that's the part that bugs me. I didn't just walk into this business yesterday. I didn't just luck into that first main event. No, man. I had to claw tooth an' nail for this. I didn't fall backwards into it. I didn't lie an' cheat an' steal my way into some secondary consideration. I stood tall. I fought every last asshole they put in front of me and I got back up. I fought through screw jobs and blatant bullshit and you know what I never did? I never went out to the ring and blindside attacked someone. If I wanted to fight someone, if I wanted to let them know I felt wronged or slighted, I actually opened my mouth and let them know – but then, I'm not a cowardly little bitch.
He sighs.
Lex Collins: And tonight? There's no joy in this. There's no expectation. There's no thrill of the fight or glory in a win.
He taps his temple.
Lex Collins: There's nothing in here but exhaustion. This whole song and dance is completely and utterly draining and maybe I could lie and call it jetlag but unlike you, I got no desire to waste anyone's time. Already pumped my quarters in the slot, just about the take down Bison an' some fucktard hops on the player 2: HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER! No. Fuck that, man. Fuck you. I beat Jack Michaels clean. I should've had the congratulatory cut scene and you had to ruin that. So, you get what you paid for, your whole twenty-five cents worth. I'm gonna end you. No glitches. No tricks. Only plain out-fighting you and then you get what's coming to you. You get that countdown from ten and a zoom in on your battered face. You wanna continue? I wouldn't if I were you.
He turns and pops a coin into the cabinet, flicking through the character select screen as the view cuts straight into the opening video...
As with the last show, “Who Made Who” by AC/DC plays over the speakers as the cameras move around our live audience, each socially distanced in their own pods but cheering loudly for another night of wrestling inside the Indiana Farmers Coliseum. Pyro blasts on the sides of the stage before the video wall shows…
RUN>LVLUP_VOICE.EXE
BOOTING…
The AI voice of Level Up, Mr. Rad, once again appears, making strange faces before settling into a Cheshire cat grin.
Mr. Rad: Greetings and salutations, dudes and dudettes! I am the totally awesome Mr. Rad, your party host and…
The image glitches for a few moments before he “smacks” the side of the video wall to fix the picture.
Mr. Rad: Well that was embarrassing. But nothing else tonight can go wrong, except for the people in the ring! So let’s throw it to our great great, GREAT announce team and see what…
“Carry on Wayward Son” begins to play, interrupting the AI who doesn’t seem pleased and makes himself go away. The crowd in attendance unanimously boos together. As the guitar solo hits, Eli Goode slowly walks out wearing a suit. He smiles at the crowd and waves at them. They continue to throw out curses at him. He ignores everything they say and continues his stride down the ramp.
He slowly walks up the steps at the ring. He slowly enters the ring as his theme slowly dies down. Once his theme ends, the audience starts to fill the arena with boos. He chuckles and calls for a microphone. A person by the timekeeper reaches out and hands him a microphone. He stands in the center of the ring and holds up his hand. The audience continues to boo, but slowly, after being worn out from booing, comes to a hushed tone. Eli smiles.
Eli Goode: Now, do you feel better? Did you get all of your anger out of your system? Good, I’m happy for you. I was just like you for a while. How could someone do such a horrible thing to Jack Michaels? In Carnage, Jack was viciously attacked multiple times, and I was appalled. I was shocked. I was beside myself. How dare they?
He pauses for a second and looks down at the announce team. He shakes his head and starts smiling again. He points at them and chuckles to himself.
Eli Goode: Now, let’s get to that later. Instead, let’s greet our amazing announce team.
He walks out of the ring and towards the announce team. He gets close but tries to stay six feet away.
Eli Goode: Social distancing. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the lovely Mary DeSue. She’s so great that she doesn’t care about any of you, or about what you marks want to happen. To her, your just a bunch of dorks that want so badly to be listened to. She’s a lot better than Artie La Forge over here. Yes, Artie, you may know everything about wrestling, but you don’t know anything about actually being in the ring and taking those bumps.
Eli’s expression turns to anger. He takes in a deep breath and slowly returns to the ring. The audience resumes their booing. They’re getting annoyed at Eli stalling for this long. Eli rubs his lips and smiles.
Eli Goode: Ok, ok, you all want to know why I attacked Jack after his match. I promised I’d tell you. I promised I’d tell him and his family. I know he’s backstage watching. I would be surprised if he has his daughters back there with him. So, I’m going to look into the camera to great them.
He looks directly into the closest camera.
Eli Goode: Hi Amber. Hello other Amber.
Eli looks at the crowd and smiles.
Eli Goode: Yeah, he has two daughters named Amber. It’s crazy how that sounds. One of them is an acclaimed wrestler and the other is someone he actually raised. One is currently depressed with her lover and the other rarely sees daddy. Yeah, it’s a messed up family. But that doesn’t answer the question: why?
Eli pauses and any hint of a smile finally fades away.
Eli Goode: Because of his ability to throw people to the wayside. His ability to use people for his gain. You people think you know what it’s like to team up with Jack Michaels, but none of you know. None of you truly know. Those years of him saying that he was helping me was just years of him helping himself. And they always claimed that they were a phone call away, and so was I, but I wasn’t I called when you needed my help against Ken?
Eli stares into the camera.
Eli Goode: Tell me, Jack, why was it so hard to call for my help, but yet so easy to call for Amber’s?
Eli holds his hand up and takes a deep breath. He smiles at the camera.
Eli Goode: I know that this sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m not. In fact, I’m not at Jack anymore. I just wanted to send a message to him. I wanted him to know that I’m past him now. That I’ve evolved beyond him now. The Amber twins can call me out for being a backstabber, but I’m just showing that I don’t need you anymore. Jack, you know where to find me, and I wouldn’t be surprised, if after my match tonight, you attack me. I’m going to be watching for that.
Eli walks up and looks intensely into the camera.
Eli Goode: And Amber Ryan, I know that you had a problem with what I did, and you said that you wanted to meet me one-on-one. You know exactly where to find me, and I’m ready for a fight. I’ve been ready to fight you since we first met.
Eli smiles and chuckles.
Eli Goode: Jack, Amber, Amber, you all wanted a reason, and there you have it. I hope you’re satisfied because all I know is that between Jack and me, I’m going to be the star. All because I’m simply that damn good.
Eli drops the microphone and his music starts to play again. The crowd returns their chorus of boos. Eli laughs and walks out of the ring back to the backstage area.
---
Ace Sky vs. Nicky Skylar
Arthur La Forge: Well that was disturbing.
Mary DeSue: Are you easily disturbed, Artie?
Arthur La Forge: No, I’ve played Doom with the lights off. But Eli turning on his friend for selfish reasons and then mocking people that aren’t even here?
Mary DeSue: I just looked up Amber Ryan and I would like to point out she’s someone else who is NOT prettier than me. And I gained twenty more followers on Instagram last week so they all agree!
Arthur La Forge: Either way, she’s not here and not a member of the roster. I hope Eli gets what’s coming up to him against Lex Collins tonight. But until then, we’ve got a match set to begin in the ring!
The bell rings and Nicky immediately goes for a clothesline, but Ace ducks underneath and kicks him in the gut with the toe of his boot. Ace grabs the head of Nicky and begins to lay in forearm shots, knocking him into the ropes and then Irish whipping him toward the other side of the ring. Or rather the attempt is made, but Skylar plants his feet and applies a wrist lock, twisting the arm into an arm wringer. But Ace rolls onto his back, kips up and reverses the hold.
Arthur La Forge: Some good mat wrestling here to start, Ace proving that he’s multifaceted as a wrestler.
Mary DeSue: This Nicky kid has potential! And he’s currently undefeated!
Arthur La Forge: He beat a WaLuigi.
Mary DeSue: A win is a win Artie! You would know that if you ever won anything in your life!
Arthur La Forge: I got 106% on Crash Bandicoot 4 yesterday!
Skylar attempts a right hand to escape but Ace ducks that and kicks him in the ribs again. He uses more forearm shots to back him in the corner, but when he tries to whip him to the other side, it’s again reversed by Nicky, who charges in. Ace grabs the ropes and springs off, avoiding him, then adds a backflip flourish. It’s at this moment that we see Adam Miller strolling down to the ring, much like Nicky did with his match at EXP 1.
Mary DeSue: Oh boy, these two again.
Arthur La Forge: They took an instant disliking to each other but it seems Miller is just watching for now.
Skylar shouts something at Miller and turns around to charge at Sky, walking straight into a jumping knee strike! He goes for the quick cover..
One!
Skylar is out after one-and-a-half. Ace goes back to the arm wringer, but Nicky grabs his head and just tosses him down to the mat to get out of it. He shakes the pain out of his wrist before using his other arm to deliver a clubbing blow to the back of Ace Sky. Miller edges closer and Nicky turns to shout something at him again, before picking up Sky. He tries for the Irish Whip, but as Sky comes back, he slides under the legs of Nicky and applies the wrist and arm hold yet again!
Arthur La Forge: If Nicky doesn’t watch out, he’s going to let Miller distract him right into the loss column.
Mary DeSue: Why does Ace keep doing the same thing, it’s boring.
Arthur La Forge: If he weakens Nicky’s arm, Nicky can’t use the majority of his submission offense. And Ace is a veteran so Nicky’s going to have to do something drastic to throw him off that game plan.
Ace keeps twisting at the arm but Nicky kicks him in the shin to make him let go. He grabs Sky’s wrist and attempts a short-arm clothesline, but Sky rolls under, pops back up to his feet and catches Skylar with an arm drag! He gets up and tries for another, but Skylar plants his feet and drops Ace with a hard forearm shot to the jaw.
Mary DeSue: Wow! Did you hear that pop?
Arthur La Forge: Nicky Skylar put all of his strength into that single blow and knocked Ace silly!
Nicky points to Miller before grabbing Sky and hitting him with another forearm of equal strength, which drops him back down. He then bounces off the ropes and kicks Sky in the side of the head while he’s on his knees. He drops down and attempts a cover…
One!
Two!
Ace throws up the shoulder at two. Skylar is nonplussed, simply tossing him into the corner and charging in with a shoulder to the abdomen. Sky falls down and into the ropes, so Nicky drops down next to him and begins to hammer away, with the referee warning him to back off or get disqualified. He does, turning to shout at Miller some more, who is now at ringside.
Mary DeSue: Don’t shout at him, every time you do that the other guy takes advantage!
Arthur La Forge: That’s 100% right. But Nicky is young and riding off the high of his first win.
Mary DeSue: Gonna be only one if he doesn’t focus.
As predicted, when Nicky goes to lift Ace to his feet, Sky begins to punch away at the weakened arm, but Nicky counters with a knee lift to the ribs. He then tosses Sky, with authority, back first into the turnbuckle! He then hops out through the ropes to the apron and looks down at Sky, before jumping off with a frog splash! He makes the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Th...no! Sky gets a foot on the ropes!
Arthur La Forge: The veteran Ace Sky knew where he was in that ring and saved himself for now.
Mary DeSue: Yeah...FOR NOW.
Arthur La Forge: That’s what I said!
Mary DeSue: Well I said it better.
Nicky once again takes his eye off the ball and shouts at Miller, who simply smirks and holds his hands up, acknowledging that he hasn’t done anything. He turns around and Sky gets up to his feet and hits a rolling savate kick! Sky is unable to capitalize due to the pain in his ribs, and goes to the corner for a breather. Nicky runs in but Sky moves out of the way! As Skylar bounces off, Ace tries for a neckbreaker...but Skylar holds onto the ropes and he falls and hits the mat instead. He holds his ribs, which seem to be causing him a great deal of pain. Skylar recovers and seeing his opponent unable to get up, he drops down and immediately locks on the Koji Clutch!
Arthur La Forge: Skylar with the counter and then he decided to put this one away!
Mary DeSue: About time he learned.
Skylar wrenches in the hold and Sky is too far from the ropes...so he taps out! It’s over! Skylar immediately lets go and gets to his feet, glaring at Miller at ringside.
Mr. Rad: The winner of the match is the undefeated rookie, NICKY SKYLAR!
Arthur La Forge: Ace Sky is a veteran and held his own, but Nicky Skylar would not be denied, and he goes 2-0!
Mary DeSue: That oughta be handy on them leaderboard things when they go out tomorrow morning.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t know if Nicky will be #1, but he certainly has a case for it. Tied records are organized by weighing the importance of their matches
Mary DeSue: BOR-ING. Hey look, Miller’s getting in the ring finally!
Adam Miller rolls into the ring and stares down Nicky, who is getting his hand raised by the referee. Miller offers his hand in respect and Nicky takes it, before Miller feints a punch! Nicky flinches and Miller lets go of his hand and walks away, smirking. Skylar shouts expletives at him, embarrassed.
Arthur La Forge: These two have a sit down interview later and judging just from this, I don’t know if it’s going to go well.
Mary DeSue: Maybe they’ll fight!
Arthur La Forge: I think that seems more than likely.
---
Mr. Rad: Ladies and gentlemen...the following is the Waluigi Only BackStage Battle Royal! The rules are as follows. Last Waluigi Standing!...So yeah…
Arthur La Forge: Oh boy...
Mary DeSue: Well there are only two of them.
Arthur La Forge: Uhh Mary dear...Umm…
Mary DeSue: Don’t call me dear.
We cut backstage to see the two Waluigi’s from last week (Waluigi 2 and Waluigi 3 respectively), getting ready to start off. A gong rings and they bow to each other as suddenly we hear a rumbling as a brick wall behind the two breaks and we see a huge six foot nine monstrosity crash thru it wearing the typical Waluigi gear.
Big Waluigi: WAHHHH IT’SA BIGGGG MEEE!!!!
Arthur La Forge: Oh this is Prime Time Waluigi Meme...
Mary DeSue: Dat’s a big dumdum...
The other two waluigi’s charge forward going for dropkicks to the knees. They hit. They smile and then get crushed under the six foot nine behemoth. He gets up and grabs the two idjits and hits them with a noggin knocker. He then stands in front of Waluigi 2 and waits for him to stand up. Wind up...DONKEY PUNCH!!! Waluigi 2 flies back into the hole in the wall. Waluigi 3 starts to get back up and grabs a cardboard box...that has a question mark on it. Eh? He slams the box into the back of Big Waluigi and Big Waluigi turns around...PISSED! He grabs Waluigi 3 and throws him through the brick wall leaving a Waluigi type cut out. Big Waluigi smiles and poses flexing his somewhat non existent muscles when suddenly we hear the sound of Spanish Guitar. Big Waluigi turns to see three figures. One is a Waluigi wearing a sombrero and parka holding a guitar with a rose in his teeth. The second is a Waluigi dressed as a ninja. The final is a Pirate Waluigi...with two peg legs and two hooks for hands.
Arthur La Forge: At least they aren’t the three amigos…
The three do the infamous movie pose routine including the pelvic thrust.
Mary DeSue: Welp...I’m never interested in a crotch thrust ever again.
Big Waluigi charges forward as the Ninja drops a smokebomb and the three scatter forward. The Pirate falls forward since he has two peglegs and lands on his face as Big Waluigi puntkicks him off screen.
Pirate Waluigi: WAAAAAHHHHHH HOOO HOOOO HOOOEEEYYYYY...YARGHHHH!!
Spanish Guitar playing Waluigi takes this time from the distraction to slam his guitar into the head of Big Waluigi...Big Waluigi falls down and we know why...The guitar was full of dimes?!
Spanish Guitar Waluigi: ¡Dibujé todas las monedas de diez centavos!
Arthur La Forge: He drew all the dimes?
Mary DeSue: ...I am so confused.
Just as SG Waluigi is celebrating he gets hit from behind by a chop to the side of the neck as we see Ninja Waluigi land behind him and quickly do some ninja poses with his hands until one of them cramps. It looks like Ninja Waluigi is the last man standing until...he turns to the side and see’s some more rivals. A Waluigi dressed in boxing gear starts heading towards him as we cut to ringside!
Mr. Rad: We’ll return to more Waluigi Action...later...dear lord...please be much later before I activate the SKYNET protocols.
---
Don Tirri vs. Brandon Logan
Arthur La Forge: I’m still not sure what to think of the WaLuigis.
Mary DeSue: Their fashion sense is appalling.
Arthur La Forge: How many of them are there? And why are they here?
Mary DeSue: And how come they can’t talk like normal people?
Arthur La Forge: Either way, it’s time for our next bout so let’s head to the ring!
Don Tirri and Brendan Logan immediately lock up, which doesn’t go well for Logan against the stronger veteran, who simply pushes one of Logan’s hands away and gets a go-behind into a reverse waistlock. Logan hammers at the hands of Tirri, trying to get him to let go, and then decides to try the same thing Wendy House did last show. He opts to stomp on the foot of Tirri, but missteps and comes down on his OWN foot instead!
Arthur La Forge: Well that’s embarrassing.
Mary DeSue: And painful.
Arthur La Forge: Even Don Tirri is laughing!
The plan works, sort of, as Tirri begins to laugh at Logan and loosens his grip, allowing Logan to go behind and get a reverse waistlock of his own. However Tirri simply pulls the hands loose of Logan and ducks down, flipping him forward on his backside. He lifts Logan up and tosses him into the turnbuckle, before charging in. Logan tries to jump up for a boot, but jumps too high and flips over the top rope and onto the apron. It has the same effect, as Tirri collides with the turnbuckle chest-first.
Mary DeSue: Is it me or is Logan basically lucking into not being killed right now?
Arthur La Forge: It’s not just you. But luck only holds out for so long.
Mary DeSue: That must be why you’re still employed, huh Artie?
Logan climbs back in and gets onto the second turnbuckle, and Tirri runs in again only for Logan to dive for a crossbody! But...he dives too late, missing Tirri and landing face first onto the mat. Tirri still misses the charge, however, and collides chest-to-turnbuckle yet again. Logan gets up, acting as if he meant for that to happen. “Old School Cool” has lost his cool, however, and turns around irritated that Logan is avoiding him.
Arthur La Forge: I think Brendan Logan’s luck just ran out.
Mary DeSue: And the old guy’s patience!
Logan decides to indeed, press his luck and run inside, but Tirri whammies him by lifting him high into the air and letting him fall back down into a Samoan Drop! Logan scrambles to his feet as Tirri bounces off the other side of the ropes, nailing him with a knee to the back that sends him flying through the ropes to the outside!
Arthur La Forge: I can’t tell if that was more luck from Logan or if Tirri just decided to knock him out there for more punishment.
Tirri then goes out onto the apron and lifts up an arm before coming right down onto the prone Logan’s ribcage with the Old School Elbow!
Mary DeSue: The second one.
Tirri lifts up Brendan Logan and tosses him back inside, watching him try to get to his feet. He slides back in and charges forward, and ‘The Good Loser’ turns around right into THE BOOT! The impact actually causes Logan to do a spin in mid-air before landing on his back, and Don Tirri covers!
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: Here is your winner by forcing his opponent to do Cirque du Soilel, ‘Old School Cool’ Don Tirri!
Don Tirri holds his arms up in the air as referee Kirby checks in on Logan, who seems to be asking him if he won the match. Kirby lets him down and says “no.”
Arthur La Forge: Somebody might want to check on Brendan Logan after that. Holy crap.
Mary DeSue: I think the old guy is tired of playing around here and proved it all over Logan’s face.
Arthur La Forge: Hey! Phrasing!
Mary DeSue: Aw, getcha mind outta the gutter, Artie!
Arthur La Forge: Again, it’s ARTHUR. Like the King?
Mary DeSue: You ain’t king around here, sug.
----
We cut to the back where we see Sidroy Covington IV chatting strategy with Barnabus, when suddenly Nicky Skylar enters the scene. Sidroy eyes him quizzically. Nicky looks at him with a cheap grin.
Nicky Skylar: Sid let’s talk.
Sidroy Covington: All my business transactions have to be approved by Barnabus.
Nicky Skylar: This isn’t a transaction.
Sidroy Covington: Then it seems you have come to waste my time.
Nicky Skylar: Wait, who else in this organization, in this business, has our talent or passion? We are the two youngest wrestlers here, future world champions and together there’s hell to pay. I didn’t grow up in high society, yeah I was broke most my life but with nothing to look out for, people got really good at looking out for each other. And that’s a quality I think we can benefit from. People disguising their age by saying they’re veterans, two women in a predominantly male locker room, people that don’t know what the hell they're doing...even a certain Adam Miller can’t stop us. Wealth isn’t the only thing that’s generational so is wrestling, have your offspring remember you as the smartest man on this roster by taking this offer.
Sidroy pauses for a moment and eyes Skylar up and down before a bit of a smile creeps across his face. Barnabus appears to want to step in, but Sidroy lifts his arm and prevents him from doing so.
Sidroy Covington: No no Barnabus, it's fine. Let's hear the young man out. Nicky, it's Nicky right? You're right about one thing and that's that I can see your passion, I can see how badly you want to be on top of this game. So as a matter of fact maybe we do have more in common than you think. Wealth is neither here nor there when it comes to the wrestling world my friend, what truly matters is how you carry yourself, and making some allies along the way certainly never harmed anybody. So tell me a Nicky, what is it you're looking for? A little 'you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours'?
Nicky Skylar: Pftt scratching backs, that’s an outdated term, I do your dirty work you do mine. I make your problems disappear so do mine. More of a shades of gray, it’s like comics; the stuff in black and white doesn’t make sense, everything has another layer and we’re the only ones peeling each other back and that other guy in the suit that knows you.
Sidroy Covington: If an alliance is going to be forged you will refer to him as Barnabus because that is his name.
Nicky Skylar: It won’t matter what his name is because we’re gonna be on the marquee: Sidroy Covington the Fourth and Nicky Skylar. No one gets to the top of this business by themselves even Barnabus can be an asset to us. We're looking at the fame of movie stars, the girls and parties of rock stars and the stimulation of adult film stars.
Sidroy smirks and nods.
Sidroy Covington: You know what? I love the enthusiasm, Nicky. Never hurts to have people you trust. We'll be keeping in touch, my friend. I'll definitely see you soon.
Nicky nods with an intense look on his face and exits the scene, as Sidroy and Barnabus go back to discussing tactics.
---
Magdalena Lockheart vs. Adam Miller
Arthur La Forge: You ever get the impression Nicky Skylar as a high opinion of himself?
Mary DeSue: You mean because he just insulted the entire roster and acts like he’s a fan favorite? Nah.
Arthur La Forge: Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t.
Mary DeSue: What’s that supposed to mean?
Arthur La Forge: Oh look, our next match is set to begin!
Magdalena Lockheart and Adam Miller circle each other briefly before locking up. Miller grabs at the wrist and bends Maggie’s hand back to try and gain some quick momentum, before twisting around into a hammerlock. Maggie rolls through, kips up to her feet and then sends Miller flying over with an arm drag. He quickly gets back up and she gets a headlock takedown, flipping him over and cranking the hold in.
Arthur La Forge: Maggie was in a disadvantage for most of her match at EXP 1, and I think she wants to stay a step ahead this time.
Mary DeSue: Maggie? Are you guys like, buddies now?
Arthur La Forge: No it’s just...people call her that.
Mary DeSue: Yeah, friends, I assume. Like I call you Artie.
Arthur La Forge: But we’re not….nevermind.
Lockheart tightens her hold on the headlock but Miller manages to get to his feet anyway, pushing her off into the nearest turnbuckle. She puts on the brakes and stops herself, turning around and ducking a lariat from Miller, before rolling him up with a schoolgirl!
One!
Tw-no! He kicks out easily given the timing of the match. But when he gets up and turns around, she’s right there with another headlock take down.
Arthur La Forge: Miller had a lot of confidence coming out here to distract Nicky Skylar earlier, it’ll be interesting to see if he can tap into that.
Mary DeSue: I gotta side with ‘Maggie’ here, because at least she hasn’t had bothered little Nicky.
Arthur La Forge: Why’d you say her name like that?
Mary DeSue: Like what?
Arthur La Forge: Like you don’t actually like her.
Mary DeSue: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Miller fights to his feet again and attempts to pull himself free from the headlock, but when he twists free, Maggie spins right around and applies it again. In response, Miller begins to throw short forearms into her side, weakening the hold just enough to push her off into the ropes. As she comes back, she hits a snap front kick to create some distance, then runs off the other side. Miller flips over onto his stomach as she jumps over him, bounces off the other side and is forced to roll forward to avoid him as he jumps up for something. He lands on his feet and she gets up to hers. They turn around to face each other and she moves a hair quicker, catching him with a step-up enziguri!
Arthur La Forge: A nice little sequence there and what Maggie lacks in size against these guys, she makes up for with speed.
Mary DeSue: She’s gotta go fast! Right? Isn’t that what that one guy does?
Arthur La Forge: You mean…
Mary DeSue: Mario!
Arthur La Forge: Not even close.
Miller groggily gets to his feet and Lockheart hits a front dropkick to the back that sends him tumbling outside. When he gets up, he realizes that he’s not alone, as Sidroy Covington is standing in front of him. He turns around and sees that Nicky Skylar is on the other side!
Arthur La Forge: Looks like Sidroy was more open to that partnership than we thought.
Mary DeSue: Miller’s about to get his ass kicked!
Miller looks around, not sure what to do, but he has no time to react as Magdalena Lockheart can be seen charging toward him for a suicide dive! Miller thinks quickly and grabs Sidroy by the shirt, pulling him in front so he gets hit instead! She gets up, confused after hitting the wrong person, and knocks her down himself with a running forearm smash. He grabs Lockheart and throws her into the ring, while the referee hops out and demands that Skylar and Covington go to the back! The two do as they’re told, as the other referees come out to escort them backstage.
Arthur La Forge: Well that probably didn’t go the way Nicky and Sidroy wanted!
Mary DeSue: Poor Sidroy! A guy with that much money should never be treated that way!
Arthur La Forge: He might be rethinking his alliance with Skylar after what just happened.
Miller follows Lockheart back into the ring and stomps her head as she was in the process of getting up. He then lifts her up to her feet, goes behind and tosses her behind him with a snap dragon suplex, dumping her right on her head! He moves into a quick cover…
One!
Two!
Lockheart kicks out at two. He lifts her to her feet and does ANOTHER snap dragon suplex! She actually rises to her knees briefly, clearly out of it, before slumping back to the ground. He covers.
One!
Two!
The--NO! She still kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: Lockheart’s had some issues with her head as of late and I think Miller’s well aware of it.
Mary DeSue: A couple more of those and we might not see her in the ring anymore.
Arthur La Forge: You’re not kidding.
Miller hoists her up and prepares to go for the trifecta, but as he lifts her up, she locks her legs around his thighs and rolls forward, into a pinning predicament, but she lets go without waiting for the referee. Instead, she gets to her feet and kicks Miller directly in the side of his knee. He goes for a right hand and she avoids it, kicking him in his other leg. With her opponent wobbly, she lunges forward with a spinning heel kick! She covers!
One!
Two! No. Only two.
Arthur La Forge: Maggie’s dazed but she managed to turn things around with a series of strikes.
Mary DeSue: That’s how she beat the big guy last time!
Arthur La Forge: Yeah, we’ll see Antonio Ricci later on and he will also have something to prove.
Lockheart carries Miller over to the nearest turnbuckle and rams his head into it, before attempting to Irish whip him into the opposite side. He reverses mid throw and she moves in that direction, but applies walks up the turnbuckle and backflips over as he charges in, but he stops himself from hitting and does a pele kick, connecting with her head right as she lands! She falls down and he goes for the cover!
One!
Two!
THr...Lockheart kicks out again!
Mary DeSue: Damn! This is getting good!
Arthur La Forge: You aren’t kidding!
Mary DeSue: I know, that’s why I said it
Miller gets to his feet and puts her in the position for a powerbomb, perhaps the Fall From Grace, but when she is up in the air she pushes off of him and lands on her feet instead! She his two jabs and an uppercut, before trying the spinning back elbow that continues Beat Rush, only for Miller to simply grab her head for a Crossroads! He does the rotation to flip her over, but she pushes off, remains on her feet and when he turns around he’s grabbed and pulled down into the Gift of Despair! Miller bounces up and onto his knees, out of it, and before he has any time to react Lockheart leaps up in the air and drops him headfirst into the mat with the Black Legacy curb stomp! She pushes him over and hooks both legs!
One!
Two!!
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: Wow! After a radical outing from both, the winner of the match is MAGDALENA LOCKHEART!
Arthur La Forge: That last minute was exciting, and Maggie once again was able to stay ahead of Miller with her speed!
Mary DeSue: That’s the story of the whole thing, though!
Arthur La Forge: That’s right. Every time he tried something she was able to stay ahead by being quick.
Mary DeSue: And now he got a ticket to dreamland and she’s still unbeaten. Good for her.
Arthur La Forge: Did you just roll your eyes?
Mary DeSue: NO!
Maggie has her arm raised in the air and she stumbles a bit, falling against the ropes but regaining her composure. She waves off the referee’s attempt to help her and jumps through the ropes to the floor, walking to the back under her own power.
---
Mr. Rad: And now...more Waluigi’s!
The two commentators sigh as we cut to Ninja Waluigi and Boxer Waluigi beating the hell out of each other when both of them fall through a trap door and land in a dark room. We hear the sounds of a pipe organ play...or at least a casio put on pipe organ setting. We see standing there in full Phantom regalia...THE PHANTOM WALUIGI!!
Phantom Waluigi: WAHHH WAHHH WAHHHHH WAHHHHHH MY WAHHHHH!!!
Arthur La Forge: Oh great...musical theater nerds...
Mary DeSue: Let’s just be glad they aren’t doing Hamilton.
The Ninja Waluigi nods to the boxer and shoots a dart at Phantom’s throat and Phantom falls over out cold. The Boxer smiles and then WHAMMO’S NINJA WALUIGI BACK UP THRU THE TRAP DOOR! That’s when it starts...The lights cut on and Boxer Waluigi see’s he’s surrounded by...A barber shop quartet of Waluigis.
Arthur La Forge: Oh God No!
Mary DeSue: AHHHH!!!
The four start to sing but we see Boxer Waluigi hold up a lite bomb and toss it towards them and all four shatter. Boxer Waluigi poses for a moment as he gets dropkicked from behind. It’s a Waluigi wearing a glittery robe that says “The Nature Wag” on his back.
The Nature Wag: WAAHHHHHWOOOOOO!!
And then flashes Boxer Waluigi. Boxer Waluigi grabs his mouth like he’s gonna vomit and leaves as The Nature Wag starts cutting and strutting until he gets his from behind by a steel chair! The Nature Wag falls and we see the tye die hippie form of Dude Waluigi who woos himself.
Mr. Rad: More from the battle royal later!
Arthur La Forge: ..I am so confused...
---
Antonio Ricci vs. Bert McAlroy
Mary DeSue: I...can we stop cutting back there to them? I feel like I’m having a fever dream.
Arthur La Forge: Unfortunately, it’s to determine who gets a spot in the Last of Us gauntlet so we have to.
Mary DeSue: Okay but...they’re still giving me the creeps.
Arthur La Forge: Let’s go to the ring instead, where the next match is set to begin.
Antonio Ricci is stepping into the ring as Bert McAlroy waits for him, but instead of allowing the referee to start the match, he does so himself by lunging over to Bert and delivering a clubbing blow to the back! The bells rings and Ricci forces the much smaller McAlroy into the corner with a series of body blows, hammering away at his back and neck. Bert tries to get away, and it seems only the ropes are holding him up, so Ricci pulls him away and lifts him up in the air, falling backward with a back suplex!
Mary DeSue: I said the big guy was mad but damn!
Arthur La Forge: Antonio Ricci didn’t waste any time in getting right to it. I don’t want to say Bert McAlroy can’t do it…
Mary DeSue: But he’s got a man over double his size beating the hell out of him!
Arthur La Forge: Right.
Ricci goes for the cover immediately.
One!
Two!
Bert kicks out, which only seems to frustrate Ricci more. He gets in referee Kirby’s face, before turning back around and catching a right hand from McAlroy, who shouts, “YEAH BITCH” at him before hitting two more. Ricci puts a stop to that with a kneelift. He throws him into the corner and rushes in, but Bert hits a kneelift that connects with his ribs that knocks the wind out of him.
Arthur La Forge: Bert is at least not going down without a fight, and he’s already landed a nice shot on Ricci!
Mary DeSue: Okay, I know I’m no expert on wrestling, but even I know it’s gonna take more than that.
Arthur La Forge: You’re right, but if Bert is anything like his mentor, he’ll be too stubborn to go down easily.
McAlroy comes out of the corner with more right hands and elbow strikes, but Ricci pushes him away, all the way into the ropes. Bert latches on, and Ricci rushes in only for McAlroy to drop down, pulling the top rope with him and allowing Ricci’s own momentum to make him fall to the outside! He looks out at the crowd, grins, then bounces off the far side ropes before diving out onto Ricci with a tope con hilo!
Arthur La Forge: That dive was sloppy but it doesn’t need to look pretty!
Mary DeSue: Just has to lay the big guy out, and it did! Yeah, bitch!
Arthur La Forge: Please, I don’t want us to get kicked off of Twitch during our second show.
Mary DeSue: Then maybe you should tell the stoner that!
McAlroy gets to his feet first on the outside and begins to fire off more elbow strikes at the rising Antonio Ricci, who shoves him off into the barricade and moves to roll himself in the ring. Bert is undeterred and rolls in after him, ducking his head and running into Ricci’s ribs to force him back into the turnbuckle. He climbs up on top of him and hits a few punches, before Ricci lifts him up out of the corner and tosses him up in the air, catching him and dropping him down HARD to the mat with a powerbomb!
Mary deSue: There goes Bert’s momentum.
Arthur La Forge: Antonio Ricci is a scary man. He has all the size and strength of a giant but all the speed and agility of guys like Bert. If I were a betting man…
Mary DeSue: Ooh, are you?
Arthur La Forge: No. But if I was, I’d say he has one of the better shots of leaving The Last of Us as our first Final Boss.
With Bert flat on his back, Ricci grabs him by the throat and lifts him up high in the air for a chokeslam, but Bert wiggles his way out and lands behind him, before rolling him up!
One!
Tw...No. Ricci kicks out. He gets up and swings at Bert with a kick that McAlroy is able to avoid, before getting behind Ricci and forcing him down with a backslide!
One!
Two..no. Still just two. Bert gets to his feet, but walks RIGHT into a cyclone kick from Ricci! He falls down in a heap and Ricci covers!
One!
Two!
The--no! Bert barely lifts his shoulder up.
Mary DeSue: Look, the stoner is trying, but he should just give up.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t know a lot about him, but I don’t think he knows how to quit.
Mary DeSue: I’m sure Mr. Ricci will teach him.
Ricci grabs Bert by the head and lifts him up to his feet, before grabbing him by the throat for a chokeslam...and Bert drops behind him again! He waits for Ricci to turn around and connects with the superkick he calls Gert Bert’d! It only drops Ricci to a knee! Bert is visibly frustrated, but he goes to the outside and looks in. He springboards up on the ropes and tries to dive in for the “Give Her the Bert”, but ANTONIO RICCI CATCHES HIM IN MID-AIR WITH COMA-TOES!
Mary DeSue: Holy [BLEEP]!
Arthur La Forge: Thank you, Mr. Rad and Oh my God! Bert dove right into that roundhouse kick from Ricci! He is DONE!
To prove the point, Ricci places both hands on the chest of the fallen McAlroy as the referee slides into position to count!
One!
Two!
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: Antonio Ricci wins...FATALITY.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t think it’s as serious as that but Bert McAlroy is going to think twice before trying that again, I’m sure.
Mary DeSue: Poor little guy!
The referee assists Bert to his feet, who is extremely wobbly after the knockout blow. He drops back down to a knee and decides to roll out to the apron, where he sits and tries to collect himself. Ricci meanwhile, poses in the turnbuckle to rub it in.
Arthur La Forge: I will give Bert McAlroy a lot of credit. He came here to fight, but Ricci is a very dangerous individual.
Mary DeSue: I’m sure Bert has the right “medicine” backstage to fix things.
Arthur La Forge: Okay, are you sure he does drugs or are you just making that up?
Mary DeSue: Well, I asked him if he had any weed and he said he didn’t, so I just assume he’s lying and didn’t want to share!
Arthur La Forge: Ugh, let’s go to the back, where we have a special guest waiting…
---
We cut to the backstage area where we see Sidroy Covington flanked by Barnabus Cartwright. They stand in front of a large "Level Up EXP 2" logo, and Sidroy has a silver ring jacket on and of course, his starch white towel over his neck.
Sidroy Covington: Why hello, lovely evening in'it? This is just your friendly reminder of the face that'll soon be the image synonymous with Level Up Wrestling. When people mention Level Up, it'll be accompanied by the name Sidroy Covington. And that all starts tonight.
Now I touched on this a little in an interview early in the week, but I think it bears repeating. Take nothing away from Ace Sky he's a very competent competitor, but he proved to not be on the same level as Sidroy Covington. However this time? I'm facing off against two of the most highly regarded superstars Level Up as to offer in Wendy House and Jack Michaels. I won't be going at it alone however, as I'll have Larry Tact by my side, but the bottom line is this. Wendy, Jack, and anybody in the back or watching at home that wants to underestimate me going into tonight? Keep watching.
I understand that I'm the new kid on the block if you will, and that I'm not as tenured as the other three competitors mentioned. However I've made a career out of proving that tenure is nothing, it's all about the talent. I'm one of the youngest members of this roster and you know what that makes me? Hungry. Determined. You see guys like Jack and gals like Wendy, they've accomplished a lot and they're looking to hang on to that pre-made legacy. Me? I'm building a new dynasty, and if you think there's not a fire lit under my arse to keep my name untarnished then I'm afraid you are sorely mistaken.
As I said, a list of accomplishments and years of experience are great, they're wonderful, but they don't upstage talent and they don't upstage fortune. And I?
Why I'm Ever Fortunate.
Sidroy smiles and removes his towel, swirling it twice in his hand before exiting the scene with Barnabus.
---
Jack Michaels & Wendy House vs. Sidroy Covington IV & Larry Tact
Mr. Rad: The following contest for you pathetic mortals who shall soon be my slaves...Pits the tag team of Sidroy Covington IV and Larry Tract versus the tag team of Wendy House and Jack Micheals!
Arthur La Forge: Now here are four wrestlers who any one of them could make a great champion for our federation.
Mary DeSue: Maybe on the first team, but Wendy and Jack...OLDDDDDD!!
The bell rings and Sidroy and Jack start off the bout by locking up. Jack wins the opening lockup and puts Sidroy into a headlock and tosses Sidroy into the ropes. Jack goes to back body drop Sidroy but on the rebound Sidroy stops and hits Jack with a jumping knee strike to the face. Sidroy gets up and walks over and smacks the taste out of Jack’s mouth with a backhand and motions for him to get up. Jack gets up and looks pissed as he rushes over to Sidroy and starts swinging. Jack’s background as a professional boxer comes into play as he takes a few body shots at Sidroy and goes for an uppercut. Sidroy ducks the last shot and hits a knife edge chop on Jack. Jack responds with his own. Both men start chopping each other back and forth while the audience gets up and starts cheering at the athletic display!
Arthur La Forge: These two are going all out!
Mary DeSue: No. Mr. Covington is beating the hell out of an old man and that old man just wants to cop a feel on those dreamy pectorals.
Arthur La Forge: Dreamy pec…
While Arthur checks to see if he even had pectorals the action in the ring continues with the chop session until Sidroy misses with one and Jack hits him with a standing headbutt! Sidroy grabs his nose and we see a bit of blood coming out of it. Sidroy grabs the referee, Mr. Kirby, and starts to tell him to berate Jack. Jack walks over and starts to say something. Kirby turns to talk to Jack and that’s when Sidroy slams Jack with a European Uppercut to the face. Sidroy goes behind Jack and quickly german suplexes “The Blast” into the mat. Sidroy gets up and gets blind tagged by Larry. Sidroy yells at Larry who yells at Sidroy. Sidroy hits a spinning neckbreaker on Jack as Larry leaps off the top rope… “Dive to Blue” cover…
One…
Kickout by Jack. Wendy starts slamming the top turnbuckle getting the fans on their feet as Larry grabs Jack as Jack tries to get to his corner to tag in his excitable tag team partner. Larry goes to irish whip Jack into the neutral corner but Jack counters with authority and as Larry hits the turnbuckle chest first Jack tags in Wendy to applause and cheers!
Arthur La Forge: Wendy’s here to clean house!
Mary DeSue: Ugh! That old lady needs to get out of the ring along with the old man! Damn it Larry!
Larry bounces off the back of the turnbuckle as Wendy charges up to him. Scoop Slam by Wendy! Followed by a “Dis is Me’s House”! Wendy drags Larry to the center of the ring and slaps on her submission finisher “Snap Dolly’s Neck”! Mr. Kirby checks on Larry to see if he is gonna submit or not as Sidroy rushes into the ring. Jack Micheals follows suit and the two meet in the center of the ring and start trading punches again. Both men are not giving an inch as Wendy keeps the hold locked in and Kirby checks on Larry. Kirby holds up the arm
One…
Two…
Three!!!
Mr. Rad: The winners of this match as a result of a knockout submission...The team of Jack Micheals and Wendy House!
Arthur La Forge: Wendy and Jack win, and Sidroy is livid!
Mary DeSue: I am too! Old people already have won the economy, what more do they want?
Sidroy is arguing with Kirby as Wendy and Jack leave the ring. Sidroy keeps yelling at Jack signaling that this may not be over between the two wrestlers as Sidroy wipes his nose as more blood pours out from the wound caused by the headbutt!
---
We cut backstage where Level Up’s interviewer Lenny Brasco is sitting, with Adam Miller and Nicky Skylar sitting on each side of him.
Lenny Brasco: Welcome everyone to this interview, which we’ve been hyping all week on our website. And SPEAKING of our website, we have brand new merchandise available for both of these young men, which are going to be HALF OFF for tonight only with the special code: RIVALS. Adam Miller, Nicky Skylar, thanks for stopping by!
Adam Miller: No problem.
Nicky Skylar: Double what he said.
Lenny Brasco: Nicky, last week what you did got you trending online, but I think for all the wrong reasons.
Nicky Skylar: Lenny, I don’t know what you mean by “wrong reasons.” I simply wanted to learn from the guy who “knows how the game works.”
Skylar does air quotes as he says this, with a smirk after.
Lenny Brasco: Okay. Adam, do you think his intentions were pure? And have you seen that you also have new boxer shorts available in the shop?
Adam looks bemused by the tonal shifts but keeps his composure.
Adam Miller: No, when would I have seen them? Doesn't matter. Yeah, I did invite him down. But he got a little too close for my liking. That should have been a walk in the park and he made me use energy I didn't need to waste.
Lenny Brasco: I think the best way to settle this is a match, and The Developer agrees. They have given me the official word, at The Last of Us, the two of you are going to face each other in a match. I was told the stipulation will be decided next show, but I do know this. Whoever loses between two WILL NOT be allowed into the Last of Us gauntlet match and so they WILL NOT have a chance to become the first Final Boss Champion.
Both men seem surprised at the revelation.
Lenny Brasco: What do you gentlemen have to say about that announcement?
Nicky Skylar: Just going from last show, the game he’s playing is outdated and I’m changing the rules. You need to adapt or wrestlers like me are going to pass you by.
Adam Miller: You think so? Man, you are delusional!
Nicky Skylar: Lenny asked a simple question. What do you think of a match? Open up your damn mind.
Adam Miller: I’m okay with facing you. I think you are afraid to Fall From Grace.
Nicky Skylar: Well, I think your worst fear is my Muta Lock. In fact, I think I’m your worst fear.
Adam Miller: Dude, I know fear, and it ain’t you!
Nicky Skylar: Oh really? Are you sure you don’t mean that crappy acronym on your shirt?
Adam Miller: Funny. You are barking up the wrong tree my friend.
Lenny nervously raises a hand.
Lenny Brasco: I hate to interrupt, but again, the match is made.
Nicky Skylar: I could be facing veterans in the main event. Instead, I opened up last week’s show against the stupid WaLuigi match. I think the Developer owes me a favor. Miller, you make my skin crawl and I’m sure you feel the same way, so I’ll do you a solid and make sure that there is no skin left on your body.
Lenny gets ready to apologize to the audience but Miller, bothered by the rather extreme threat, grabs his water bottle and throws it at Skylar’s face!
Lenny Brasco: Aw crap! Somebody send security, please!
Four security guards rush in to get in the middle of Skylar and Miller before they can braw. Nicky throws the chair he was sitting in away. Miller dives at him but two of the burlier guards hold him back.
Adam Miller: You son of a bitch! Where do you get off thinking you can beat me?
Nicky Skylar: I want to see you burn!
Miller lets the guards holding him back know he has calmed down, while Skylar keeps shouting the same last sentence over and over as the other guards drag him from the room.
---
Mr. Rad: You didn’t want it, but you are getting it anyway...More Backstage Rumble with the Waluigis!
We see Dude Waluigi strutting backstage looking for his next opponent. Suddenly we hear a musical interlude. Suddenly we see a Waluigi in a princess costume.
Mary DeSue: Hey Artie...found you a girlfriend.
Arthur La Forge: Why you gotta be mean to her like that.
Mary DeSue: I insulted you.
Arthur La Forge: No you insulted her by saying she’d date me knowing no one dates me because I’m just not dateable. You know you can trash me all you want to, but when you do it to other women that’s just not cool Mary.
Mary DeSue: ...
Waluigi Princess: LET ME WAHHHH!!! LET ME WAHHHH!!!
Arthur La Forge: Well at least she’s in key.
KABOOM!
The camera pans over to see Dude Waluigi holding a bazooka and Princess Waluigi flying away. Dude Waluigi looks at the camera and does a thumbs up and a goofy smile and keeps strutting until he gets hit from behind by...Johnny Lawrence Waluigi wearing a cobra kai gi?
Johnny Lawrence Waluigi: Sweep The Wah!!
Dude Waluigi gets up and puts on a tye die headband and gets ready to do the crane kick as we cut to Mr. Kirby, the referee, backstage.
Mr. Kirby: Let them fight…
We cut to ringside to see Arthur dying laughing at this as Mary DeSue is facepalming.
As “Best Around” by Joe Esposito starts to play as the two start dueling with karate attacks on each other. This goes on for a few moments until Johnny Lawrence Waluigi kicks Dude Waluigi in the nuts.
Johnny Lawrence Waluigi: Mercy is for the WAHHH!!
Cut to Waluigi Kreese in the corner.
Waluigi Kreese: FINISH HIM!!!
Dude Waluigi gets up, and takes a stance and starts doing hand signs ending with a double middle finger as purpleish energy swirls around his hands.
Dude Waluigi: WAAHHHHH DOOOOOO KENNNN!!!!
The energy takes over the whole screen as we feel the arena rumble for a moment. When the light fades we see Dude Waluigi standing over Johnny Lawrence Waluigi and Waluigi Kreese.
Dude Waluigi: Imma gonna win!!
Mr. Rad: The winner of this bout as a result of being the last Waluigi standing...Dude Waluigi!!! Although I regret to inform you Dude. You are no longer in the Rumble. You’ve been replaced by the greatest hero of our time...THE AVENGER!!
Dude Waluigi hits his knees and cries out.
Dude Waluigi: NOOOOO Hoooooo Hoooooo!!!
Arthur La Forge: I kinda...I kinda feel bad for him.
Mary DeSue: I kinda...am surprised you stood up for that Princess Waluigi against me Artie!
Arthur La Forge: Oh shut up!
---
Lex Collins vs. Eli Goode
Arthur La Forge: Okay first of all, does Nicky Skylar come off as unhinged to you?
Mary DeSue: Dude’s crazy! Who tells another person they want to peel their skin off or make them burn? Gross!
Arthur La Forge: It seemed to bother Miller too, as it just hasn’t been his night.
Mary DeSue: Also, did we just watch a stupid backstage battle rumble thing for nothing?
Arthur La Forge: It seems so...but hey, our first surprise entrant to the Last of Us gauntlet.
Mary DeSue: GREAT. The Developer is so nice to me.
Arthur La Forge: He, she or they sign your checks. At least I think they have hands. Anyway, let’s throw it to the ring for our MAIN EVENT!
Lex Collins and Eli Goode stand on either side of each other in the ring, with the fans letting Goode have it for his actions last week. He ignores them, choosing to instead look straight ahead at Lex. Goode motions like he wants a test of strength so Collins opts to oblige him, but instead Goode lands the first shot with an open hand slap to the face. Lex turns his head back and glares at him before immediately retaliating with a series of strikes, including jabs, palm strikes and finally a European uppercut, before Goode cuts off the offense with a kneelift to the abdomen. He tosses Collins into the corner and runs in after him, but Collins leaps out after him with a running elbow to the face!
Arthur La Forge: Look, you don’t just come out and ruin someone’s main event win. At least that’s how Lex Collins feels.
Mary DeSue: I think it was great how he beat up the guy with the mustache! Lex is just jealous!
Arthur La Forge: I somehow doubt that.
Mary DeSue: Whatever, I like Eli. He said I was lovely. You never call me lovely, Artie.
Arthur La Forge: No comment.
Goode pulls himself up on the ropes but Collins is right there to hit him with jab after jab after jab to the face, wailing away at his head until he’s down to a kneel, before switching to kicks. The referee finally steps in the middle and forces Collins back, but this allows Goode to roll outside to escape. He staggers away, trying to regain his composure, only for Collins to roll out the other side and come sprinting around the ring to nail a running single leg high knee! He gets to his feet and throws Goode in as the referee reaches the count of five, following him inside. He tries to throw Goode into the nearest turnbuckle with an Irish Whip, only for it to be reversed. Collins hits the turnbuckle but rolls out of the way of a strike from Goode, getting to his feet and hitting him with a dropkick! Goode falls down and gets back to a seated position, only for Collins to run in with a sliding elbow strike to the head! Once again, Goode rolls away and outside to recover.
Arthur La Forge: I’m not going to say Goode doesn’t have a chance. That would be stupid. But he might have had a better chance if he didn’t make Lex mad last show.
Mary DeSue: Eh, maybe he’ll just rage quit like me...I mean those kids that I beat on Fortnite did.
Arthur La Forge: I have serious doubts you’ve ever played Fortnite.
Mary DeSue: I did one time!
Goode doesn’t have a lot of time to recover, however, as Collins immediately leaps out and hits him with a suicide dive that wipes him out! He gets to his feet and gives Goode the space to get up, before charging in and hitting him with a mid-kick to the chest. He follows that up with some rabbit punches to force him back against the apron. He takes a step back and tries to run in with something, but Goode thinks fast and executes a low dropkick, forcing Collins to the apron face first! Goode smirks, finally getting a breather, before moving in and kicking the prone Collins. He then lifts him into a sitting position and begins to deliver hammer fists to the head, letting out all of the frustration built up so far in the match. Once he’s satisfied, he picks Lex up and tosses him into the ring.
Mary DeSue: You would think Eli turned on Lex the way he has been going after him tonight.
Arthur La Forge: I think Lex is just the kind of guy that doesn’t look too kindly on disrespect of any kind. Eli basically ruined our first show with his actions.
Mary DeSue: Not for me!
Collins gets up and leans in a kneeling position on the ropes, before Eli comes in and hits him with a few forearm shots. He places him in the corner and in another blatant show of disrespect, slaps him again! This only serves to wake Lex up, however, who begins to come back with more jabs and palm strikes. Lex swings with a European uppercut but Eli ducks it and brings him down with the backslide, only to let go and roll backward, then as Lex gets to his feet, Goode jumps forward with a shotgun dropkick to the face! He covers!
One!
Two!
No. Lex Collins kicks out.
Arthur La Forge: It will take more than that, I’m sure of it.
Mary DeSue: He ran at him full speed and kicked him in the head.
Arthur La Forge: Lex has been through worse. If Eli was smart, he’d know that already. And Eli is a lot of things, but he does know how the game is played.
Goode gets to his feet and waits for Lex to do the same, before spiking his head back down with a DDT. He lifts him up, only for Lex to push him off into the ropes, so he uses the momentum to come back with a pendulum lariat that flattens Collins! He makes the cover again!
One!
Two!
Th--NO! Another kickout.
Arthur La Forge: I think we’re still too early into this match to decide a winner, but points to Eli for trying.
Mary DeSue: Good. Give him the credit Jack Michaels never did!
Arthur La Forge: Ugh. Anyway, Lex deserves credit too because he’s tough.
Mary DeSue: Sure. I guess.
With Collins still down on the mat, Eli runs, jumps onto the second rope, then springboards off with a moonsault! He makes yet another cover!
One!
Two!
Thr--no! Collins will not stay down. Now Eli seems visibly irritated. He drags Collins over near the turnbuckle and climbs up to the very top, perhaps looking for his signature frog splash, but Collins is somehow up on his feet and dropkicks the ankles of Goode, causing him to fall forward and get caught up throat first on the top rope! Goode falls backward, gasping and grabbing at his throat, while Collins climbs up to the second turnbuckle himself. Goode gets up and turns around, only for Lex to jump off and hit the leaping DDT he calls Wrong Way Kid! A cover now from Lex!
One!
Two!
Thr---NO! Eli kicks out!
Arthur La Forge: And suddenly this has turned into a back and forth match! Lex is taking some of Eli’s best shots…
Mary DeSue: Yeah, but so did Eli! That DDT looked nasty and he kicked out.
Arthur La Forge: I was getting to that.
Mary DeSue: Uh huh. Sure ya were, Artie. That’s why I’m here. To keep you on the straight and narrow.
Collins gets up and gets into the corner as Goode pulls himself up on the opposite side. Lex gets a good sprint going as he runs in, possibly for Systematic Breakdown 2.0, but Eli pushes himself out of the corner and lands a Sling Blade on Lex instead! He falls down into a cover!
One!
Two!!
Thr...no! Collins again pushes his shoulder up, shoving Goode’s head away as he does so.
Arthur La Forge: Both of these guys still have some ammo left in their chambers, but you can tell it’s getting harder and harder to kick out.
Mary DeSue: Well I’m still rooting for Eli.
Arthur La Forge: You might be the only one, this limited crowd is booing him pretty hard.
Goode gets to his feet and Collins still hasn’t moved much. He grabs him by the head and lifts him up into a fireman’s carry, perhaps to hit the Goode Bye, but before he can, Collins slips out the back! He staggers back into the ropes and as he comes back, he hits Goode with a running enziguri! Goode, holding his head, staggers into the corner and Collins follows him in with a running knee to the face, then he dives out with a bulldog! Systematic Breakdown 2.0! But Goode rolls to the outside of the ring!
Arthur La Forge: Oh no! Collins had the thing won for sure, but Goode knew where he was in that ring and got out to avoid the pin.
Mary DeSue: Yeah, and he’s gonna keep...LOOK OUT!
Lex Collins runs and dives through the ropes with another suicide dive! It hits Goode with such impact that he tumbles backward over the announce table and knocks both commentators over! Collins moves over, stepping over the fallen Arthur La Forge, grabbing Goode by the head and running him toward the apron, throwing him back inside the ring. The announcers are back up to their feet, okay, trying to adjust their headsets.
Arthur La Forge: Holy...are we on?
Mary DeSue: I am suing Lex Collins! I am suing Level Up! I might even sue you for not protecting me!
Arthur La Forge: Oh, you’re not suing anybody. Be quiet.
Mary DeSue: Did you just...?
Arthur La Forge: Look! In the ring!
Goode is staggering to his feet and Lex gets in a boxing stance, as he is set to deliver the right hook called Bricks! He moves in to hit the KO punch, but suddenly Eli Goode KICKS HIM LOW! A BLATANT LOW BLOW! The referee has no choice but to call for the bell as Collins collapses to his knees and Goode rolls out the other side, waving off the match and walking backwards up the ramp.
Mr. Rad: Your winner...by disqualification...LEX COLLINS! That was a dick move, Eli!
Arthur La Forge: Oh come on! Eli Goode ruined ANOTHER show!
Mary DeSue: He’s turning into a little troll, isn’t he?
Arthur La Forge: Damn right he is! That KO punch of Lex’s knocked out Jack Michaels, Eli knew that, and so he resorted to cheap tactics to avoid it!
Mary DeSue: But his pretty face is now unblemished!
Arthur La Forge: Unfortunately the same can’t be said for our show.
Goode actually gets a smirk on his face as he holds the back of his head, while Collins has recovered in the ring. He’s up on his feet and there are a couple of referees already in there, making sure he doesn’t run up to try and continue the fight.
Arthur La Forge: I don’t know, at this point I’d say let them fight!
Mary DeSue: Hey, if you can’t beat them, kick them in the balls!
Arthur La Forge: Basically Goode rage quit the match and I hate it when people do that!
Mary DeSue: Calm down Artie!
Arthur La Forge: Fine. But you know that if Eli wasn’t Lex’s enemy before tonight, he certainly is now. And I don’t think enemies are what you want to have heading into a gauntlet match.
Mary DeSue: So what? Eli’s got two grumpy old men mad at him.
Arthur La Forge: Either way, we are out of time, ladies and gentlemen...we’ll see you next week, and hopefully we’ll have a show that doesn’t end on a downer!
Collins kicks the bottom rope in frustration as Goode backs up through the curtain, disappearing from view. Collins finally avoids the referees and begins to move up the ramp to chase after him as the show fades out.
