The Last of Us Part II Results - March 8, 2022 (Philly, PA)

As the opening video package ends we fade in to the 2300 Arena in beautiful Philadelphia, PA! We pan around for a few moments before switching to the drone cam inside of the arena. We pan over the fans in the stands as we signs galore such as "HE IS HERE!!", "TRIANGLES ARE MY FAVORITE THREESOMES!", "A69 2 DAMN FINE!", "BITE ME MY GUY!", "DON'T BOOK ME IN TAG TEAMS!", "LIKE BUTTON!", "I GAVE HER THE BERT AND SHE GAVE ME THE CLAP", and "I MISS MY PAYNE!!" We pan around and stop finally at the announcers table to see Arthur La Forge and Mary DeSue. Arthur is wearing his usual Captain N Letterman's Jacket, and Mary is cosplaying as Lara Croft.

Arthur La Forge: Welcome to Level Up's Pay Per View Extravaganza The Last Of Us Two!!!

Mary DeSue: You seem super excited Arthur!

Arthur La Forge: You bet I am! We've got a great show tonight for all the...what?

Mary DeSue: Three...two...and...

"WAH WAH WAH WAHHHH WAHHHH" starts to play but the feed is not cut.

Arthur La Forge: NOT TONIGHT WIGIS!!

Mary DeSue: You stopped the hack?!

Arthur La Forge: Of course! It's a pay per view event. We have to run down the card! And tonight is one of the most jam packed cards of the year. Starting off we have an Inferno Match for The Courage Championship between EA Blizzard and The Current Champion, Dionysus!

Mary DeSue: Did you bring smores?

Arthur La Forge: Be nice...and of course! Following that we have a Wisdom Championship Match to see if Victoria Salinas can beat Amhya!

Mary DeSue: Go Go Game Changers!

Arthur La Forge: Speaking of Game Changers...Larry Tact will have to try and survive with his title in...well...tact when he goes up against Lord Raab in The Power Title Match. No DQ. No Count Outs! Falls Count Anywhere!

Mary DeSue: Poor Larry...at least he's not gonna be barbeque...

Arthur La Forge: You never know in Level Up, and speaking of unknowns...In The Final Boss Championship Match we got a grudge that will be settled tonight betweeen the champ, "Undeniable" Bert McAlroy and Joey Crash!

Mary DeSue: Then it's the big one...

Arthur La Forge: That's right folks...Thirty Competitors. One match. Pinfalls and Submissions only. Anything else goes...The Last Of Us Battle Royal for a shot at the "Final Boss" title at our next Pay Per View...DOOM!

Mary DeSue: Let's start this party with a bang! I'm still mad there are no Tirri's tonight.

Arthur La Forge: I'm sure you'll survive...

---

Bert McAlroy vs. Joey Crash

The maniacal laughter which introduces 'Cheer Up London' blasts throughout the arena. Joey Crash walks through the curtain with his signature round shades and overcoat. He shouts at the fans on either side as he goes towards the ring.

Mr. Rad: This match is set for one fall and is for the FINAL BOSS CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, from London, England, weighing in at 225 pounds…JOEY CRASH!

Arthur La Forge: Your ears do not deceive you, we are STARTING with the Final Boss Championship!

Mary DeSue: Yeah, because Bert was [BLEEP]ing rude about it.

Arthur La Forge: Bert threw down the gauntlet on Twitter, let’s open the show, and Crash accepted. And now here we are.


Crash strides past the ring steps and around the ring, paying no attention to the fans shouting in the front row. He passes the announce table and circles back to the apron at the bottom of the ramp, jogging and limbering up for a fight. Ref Kirby shouts from the ring to get inside but he doesn’t take his eyes off the entrance way.

The houselights go out, causing the audience to instantly whip itself into a fury that only gets louder as the opening guitar of “Quiver” rings out, soon followed by a steady bass and snare from the drums, white and green house lights alternating with each beat. Soon, the main riff kicks in and as smoke billows around the entrance and “Undeniable” fills the RADtron’s screen, Bert McAlroy steps out with the final boss title around his waist.

The fans scream to the final boss champion, causing him to gaze out with a half painted face with eyes equal parts blazing with life and seemingly serene. He meets Joey’s gaze and undoes the title at the top of the ramp, then slides out of his hoodie before marching down to meet him as the audience reaches a fever pitch, knowing whats to come.

Bert keeps his eyes on Crash and begins down the ramp. Crash marches up towards him, ignoring the calls from the ref to get in the ring. They start running towards the middle and throwing wild lefts and rights in the middle of the ramp! Neither man gets a clear advantage until Bert lands a sharp elbow strike across the chin, staggering Crash backwards. Bert follows and lands more punches, backing Joey into the barricade. The crowd shuffles away as Crash turns to climb over to escape the onslaught. Bert clubs Crash some more as he lands in the crowd and starts shoving fans out of the way. Bert looks back to the ref whose shouting at the them to get in the ring but he shrugs and follows Crash into the crowd.

Arthur LaForge: What is going on here? The match hasn’t even started!

Mary De Sue: Duhh, nobody wants to see this match.

Crash shoves more fans out of the way as he stumbles through across the floor with Bert in hot pursuit. Crash stops to take a “GIVE ME THE BERT!” sign from a child and he tears it in half, getting in the fans face. Bert blindsides him with a running forearm across the back of his neck, sending Joey stumbling to the floor once again. Bert half heartedly hands the ripped sign back to the fan before turning back to Crash, whose crawling away slowly. Bert spots a large red plastic bin at the bottom of some stairs and walks over to grab it. He lifts it high above his head and walks back over to Crash whose back on his feet and pokes Bert in the eye! Bert doubles over and drops the bin which Crash eagerly picks up. Before Bert can even stand back up, Crash slams the bin across his back! Bert is flattened on the concrete floor as the bin bounces away from the impact. Crash saunters back past the fan with the ripped sign making a crybaby taunt and then eases himself back over the barricade and leans against it, clearly pleased with himself. He badmouths the ref whose still trying to get the match started. There’s a small commotion in the crowd and Crash turns around to see Bert fly over the barricade with a double axe handle! Bert gets to his feet quickly, feeding off the adrenaline. Ref Kirby is by the ropes shouting at them to get in the ring and start the match. Bert half slides under the rope but stops halfway, and rolls back out.

Arthur La Forge: Bert thought twice that time, he’s not ready to start the match yet. There’s cruel intentions here, folks!

Mary De Sue: What’s cruel is dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Somebody pin someone!

Bert lifts the ring apron and takes out a steel chair as Crash begins stirring on the floor. He lifts it in the air for the crowd who cheer with anticipation. Bert grips the chair with both hands as he advances towards Crash. Crash attempts a spinning backfist – but misses wildly and Bert nails Crash in the gut with the chair! Crash doubles over again as Bert cracks the steel chair across his spine! Crash cries out in pain and arches his back as he rolls around on the floor. Bert drops the chair on the floor and stomps Crash twice for good measure. He raises Crash from the floor in a front headlock, dragging Crash over to the chair. Bert attempts the DDT but Crash resists, planting himself into the floor on one knee. Bert puts more pressure in the chokehold but is shoved back into the apron by Crash! Bert shouts in pain but tries to stay focussed. Crash comes in with more boxing jabs and Bert does well to guard himself, until Crash claps both of his ears! Bert drops to his knees and covers his ears to stop the ringing as Crash looks over at the discarded chair. Ref Kirby is pleading with Crash to get in the ring but it’s ignored. Crash takes his time walking towards Bert, flourishing the chair with aplomb. He slams the chair across across Bert’s midsection!

Arthur La Forge: You think Bert wishes he had started the match yet?

Mary De Sue: WE ALL WISH THAT! JUST COUNT THEM BOTH OUT ALREADY!

As Bert is hunched on the floor in pain, Crash opens the chair and sits down next to him. He leans down and begins talking trash before piefacing Bert with his open hand. He stands up and reaches into his tights dramatically and pulls out the BRASS KNUCKS! He closes his eyes as he puts them on with the cool guise of a pantomime villain, keeping it tucked close to his chin as he adopts the stance to attack Bert. Crash keeps shouting at Bert to get up, who uses the open chair to help get back to him feet. Crash is poised behind Bert, ready to deliver the Loaded Glove as Bert keeps one hand on the back of the chair. He slowly turns and Crash goes in for the blow - but is whipped in the side of the head with the chair! Crash crumples to the floor in a heap, with a fresh cut appearing above his ear. Bert takes advantage and pulls Joey’s arm through the chair and delivers a double stomp! Crash screams in pain as Bert sits down and locks an ARMBAR THROUGH THE CHAIR! Bert struggles with Crash’s hand and after three attempts is able to pull the knucks off him. He relinquishes the hold and gets up, shouting at Ref Kirby about the knucks before launching them into the crowd!

Arthur La Forge: I sure hope we remembered to take out insurance!

Mary De Sue: Well, either you remembered to take out insurance or you won’t remember anything if that hits you on the bonce.

Arthur La Forge: The bonce? Who are you, Mary Poppins?

Mary De Sue: I wish! Then I could open up my umbrella and float away from this match that HASN’T EVEN STARTED YET!

Bert takes a second to catch his breath as Crash stays on the floor, clutching his arm and complaining about his knucks going missing. Bert walks to the other side of the ring and lifts the apron again and pulls out a table! Ref Kirby looks on powerless. The crowd ratchets up as Bert sets it up on the outside, leaning upright against the barricade. He pats it before walking back to Crash whose on all fours, still clutching his arm tight. The cut on his head is starting to run down his neck. Bert lands a hard kick in Crash’s quad, forcing him to his feet and he starts hobbling away. Crash leans sideways against a barricade, trying to protect his injured arm. Bert starts landing hard rights on Crash but is shoved away forcefully, and Crash continued creeping away along the barricade. Bert rushes back in and lands a running dropkick! Crash falls flat but immediately gets back up, nursing the injured arm. Bert’s eyes widen and he yells at the crowd to get back. He climbs onto the barricade and deftfully runs towards Crash, sending him to the floor with a hurricanrana off the barricade! Bert jumps back to his feet and Crash makes a mad dash to get into the ring. Crash slides under the rope but Bert catches him by the ankle! Crash tries to crawl forward with his one good arm as Ref Kirby enthusiastically tells Bert to let go - but he may as well be speaking to a wall. Bert manages to drag Crash out completely but is immediately kicked square in the groin - LOW BLOW! Bert slowly collapses onto his knees against and Crash follows up quickly, grabbing Bert and throwing him against the apron with a rolling release suplex! The speed of the move landed Bert awkwardly across the hardest part of the ring on his lower back and he tumbles to the floor in agony.

Arthur La Forge: Bert is going to feel that one tomorrow!

Mary De Sue: He’s going to feel it now, you big dingus.

Both men are on the floor, Crash exhausted from the attacks on his arm and Bert reeling from the impactful slam on the apron. Crash stares down at his fist which used to have the brass knucks and back at Bert with a spite. He warily gets up and grabs Bert by his ears, to a kneeling position. Crash measures Bert and lands a thunderous punch right between the eyes… and another… and another! Bert got opened up the hard way on that last strike, but he smiles. Crash is taken aback, so he hits him again. Bert keeps smiling and starts laughing! Bert gets up in Crash’s face, going nose to nose and taunting Crash to hit him again. Bert’s wish is granted as Crash swings again - Bert blocks! He counters with an elbow strike of his own but it doesn’t shake Crash. Bert follows up with another elbow and another but Crash shrugs it off and grabs Bert around the back of his head and runs him HEAD FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST! Bert ragdolls off the post from the impact, leaving a small trail of blood on the floor. Crash begins feeling confident again and taunts about the strength of his jaw before almost mercifully and to Ref Kirby’s relief, rolling Bert into the ring and sliding in himself.

DING DING DING!

Arthur La Forge: Finally, this match is underway!

Mary De Sue: So nothing really counts until now? That’s fifteen minutes of my life I’m not getting back!

Arthur La Forge: Every minute of your life is time you’ll never get back. I’m afraid time is not refundable and death is the end. It says that inside every Level Up match program.

Mary De Sue: I thought it said Card Subject to change?

Arthur La Forge: That too.

Crash looks at Bert whose struggling to get back to his feet, clutching the ropes as he attempts to steady himself. Crash points in every direction of the crowd and does the belt motion around his waist, finally topping it off by tapping his temple with an evil smirk. He walks up to Bert and clubs on the back of his neck, dragging him away from the ropes by his waistband and stacking him up with a backslide!

One!

Two!!

No!

Bert kicks out! Bert scuttles backwards as Crash kneels and mimes that he was ‘this close’ to winning the match.

Arthur La Forge: The gall to attempt a backslide! That’s how he beat Bert last time!

Mary De Sue: The patent-pending backslide of Joey Crash almost got him the dub!

Arthur La Forge: How do you patent a backslide?

Mary De Sue: Internet.

Fuelled by the adrenaline off the nearfall, Bert springs back to his feet and the pair lock up in the middle of the ring. Crash overpowers Bert with a headlock but is quickly pushed back into the ropes and Bert shoves Crash across the ring. Bert braces for impact and Crash flattens him with a shoulder barge. Crash starts rotating his injured arm before he steps over Bert to hit the ropes - Bert jumps over Crash on the rebound and ducks under him on the next, finally nailing him with a dropkick to the face! Joey gets back up holding his jaw and Bert hits him with a body slam! Crash is up quickly once more and throws a wild uppercut which is caught by Bert on the turn with his outside arm - and quickly hooks the other for a backslide of his own!

One!

Two!

No!

Crash just kicks out in time and is taunted with the same ‘this close’ taunt by Bert. Crash loses his temper and unloads with a wild flurry of punches but Bert is dodging every single blow. He ducks under a hook from Crash and bounces off the second rope to rebound with a superman punch - GIVE HER THE BERT - No! Crash dodges in the nick of time only to miss with another punch and get decked with BONG WATER! A superkick from nowhere flattens Crash in a heartbeat. Bert hooks the leg!

One!

Two!!

Thr- No! Crash just kicks out!

Arthur La Forge: There’s been a lot of violence already but despite the blood already lost, Bert’s winning this thing!

Mary De Sue: Stop trying to distract us from the real story here! How dare Bert use Joey’s backslide! I’m preparing a lawsuit as we speak.

Bert looks down in disbelief at Crash, which becomes a smile… and then resentment. He grabs both of Crash’s wrists and lifts him up to a kneeling position and starts limbering up for some violent kicks, the crowd eagerly waiting to shout along with Bert.

“Bitch!”

A sharp kick to Crash!

“Bitch!”

Another one!

“Bitch!”

And another!

“Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!”

The crowd can barely keep up with the increasing speed of Bert’s kicks and they cheer their appreciation. Bert rebounds off the ropes to add some extra sizzle to the final kick.

“Bitch!”

But Crash catches it!

The final kick is caught by Crash, whose torso is red raw from the onslaught. Crash is seething with rage and fighting against the pain as he stands up, still holding the leg. Bert tries to land a strike but the distance is too great. After two failed attempts, Crash gets cocky and lets one hand go of Bert’s leg to mock him in front of the crowd. As the boos come raining down, he turns back to Bert who jumps and lands a one-leg codebreaker! Crash snaps backwards from the impact and immediately rolls out of the ring and onto the floor.

Arthur La Forge: I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Crash can’t keep wrestling like he’s already won. There’s a reason Bert is the Final Boss Champion!

Mary De Sue: Yeah, LUCK.

Ref Kirby begins to count as Bert looks over the ropes at Crash who is sprawled out on the floor.

One!

Crash is flat on his back, heaving to get his breath back.

Two!

He’s still on the floor, trying to get his second wind.

Three!

Bert attempts to climb out but Ref Kirby pushes him back.

Four!

Bert leans against the ropes, yelling at Crash to get up so he can finish him off.

Five!

Crash is rolling slowly onto his side, and on one knee.

Six!

Crash is just about on his feet and staring up at Bert whose stepped back to invite him back into the ring.

Seven!

Crash is finally on the apron and Ref Kirby stops counting. Crash wipes the blood that’s been trickling down the side of his head onto the rope. He walks to the corner and attempts to undo the padding but Ref Kirby admonishes him quickly, and Bert capitalizes with a running elbow strike! Crash almost falls off the apron but hangs on with one hand on the top rope. Bert climbs onto the apron while Crash is off balance and lands another strike, keeping the challenger in a precarious position. Bert moves to break Crash’s grip but to no avail, Crash is able swings his other hand back to the ropes and Bert dodges aside to stay out of his grip. With a bottom rope assist, Bert springs back towards Crash and lands on his shoulders - POISONRANA OFF THE APRON - No! Bert is dangling upside down from Crash’s shoulders but Crash is still holding onto the ropes! Bert rolls himself back up and starts landing blows to the top of his skull but Crash jumps backwards and drops Bert face first into the apron - ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP! A bloody splatter hits the apron as Bert bounces off the apron head first on his way to the floor.

Arthur La Forge: An electric chair drop, off the apron… on the apron?

Mary De Sue: Call it whatever you want, Bert just got swatted like a fly with newspaper.

Ref Kirby jumps outside to check on both men. Bert is still moving but only just, as if he’s running on instinct alone. Crash meanwhile is leaning against the barricade trying to compose himself and clutching his chest from all the kicks he took. Ignoring the ‘Bitch’ insults from some fat guy in the crowd, Crash takes stock of the table that Bert set-up earlier. He walks over to it and moves it to the middle of the apron at the bottom of the ramp, setting it up just a foot away. He examines the distance again as Ref Kirby fruitlessly reminds him of the rules of their Standard match, and Crash has a grin on his face. He follows Bert to a ringpost where he’s trying to stand and eyes up the barricade next to him. He yells at the fans to move as he strips the protective padding away, exposing the metal guard rail beneath. Crash then grabs the exhausted Bert by the back of his neck and leads him back to the railing. Crash lifts him for a back suplex but Bert rolls through! Landing behind Crash he immediately locks in a rear choke hold - KATA HA JIME! He can’t lock it in fully, the choke and half nelson are both in but he can’t connect his hands - but it’s wearing Crash down! Crash tries flailing but Bert jumps on his back and the added weight is enough to make him start fading. Ref Kirby is still trying to get the men back in the ring and telling Bert submissions won’t count outside. Bert releases the hold and holds his hands up to the ref and rolls into the ring - only to roll out again. He immediately drags Crash to his feet and hoists him up for a suplex and DROPS HIM CHEST FIRST ON THE RAILING! Crash falls backwards into the chairs of the front row but isn’t allowed any respite as Bert once again drags Crash back to his feet and applies a headlock, dragging him over the barricade and hits a HANGING DDT ON THE FLOOR!

Arthur La Forge: You get the feeling these guys wanted a No DQ match?

Mary De Sue: I get the feeling they want to kill each other!

Ref Kirby is in hysterics as both men are down on the floor, and has no choice but to go in and start the count.

One!

Bert has lost a lot of blood and his facepaint is barely visible beneath it.

Two!

Barely any movement.

Three!

Still nothing.

Four!

Bert inches his shoulder to start moving.

Five!

Crash has tried to stop Bert from moving but he’s too weak to stop him.

Six!

Bert is on all fours and breathing deeply.

Seven!

Bert gets to the apron but still isn’t on his feet. Crash has rolled onto his back, and we can see a new cut across his forehead from the DDT from Bert.

Eight!

Bert gets to his feet and grips both hands on the bottom rope, and lifts his way in!

Nine!

Bert rolls back out and breaks the count!

Arthur La Forge: I know Bert’s a fighting champion and he feels like he has something to prove here, but he could have had the match won!

Mary De Sue: You mean this match is STILL going? I can feel myself aging!

Bert looks like he’s running on autopilot as he looks down at Crash, whose barely been able to get on all fours. Bert grabs Crash around the chest and heaves him up, eventually rolling him into the ring. Bert follows him in and once again, locks in a front facelock to get Crash back to his feet. In a flash he spins Crash around and locks his arms from behind and turns him over - MCALDESTROYER 2.0! NO! Crash shoves Bert away! Bert eyes Crash up and jumps for the Springboard Superman Punch - GIVE HER THE BERT - But Crash pulls Ref Kirby into the way! KIRBY GOT THE BERT! Bert grabs his head in shock and frustration as he checks on the ref, who is not responding. Crash is laughing maniacally beneath his crimson mask as he hangs on to the ropes to keep standing. Bert turns around and Crash feigns going for a funch and Bert ducks - and Crash attempts a Fisherman’s Brainbuster - THUNDER CRASH! NO! Bert struggles and clocks Crash in the skull with his loose knee. Crash is wobbly and Bert gives Crash the finger and follows up with another BONG WATER! A second superkick sends Joey falling to the floor like a rake. He hooks the leg… But there’s no referee! The crowd chants the three count and keeps going up and up.

Arthur La Forge: Someone needs to get a referee down here! Bert has this thing won!

Mary De Sue: GODDAMMIT!

Arthur La Forge: That’s two chances Bert has had to win but this match continues!

Bert rolls off of Crash and has his head in his hands. He looks around the arena, wondering what he can do. He goes back to the ref whose barely stirring but clearly a long ways away from counting a pin. Then Bert looks past the ref to the outside… And spots the table set-up by the apron. A new smile appears through his exasperated and blood stained face. He staggers over to the ropes near the table and points at it. The crowd wants a murder. Bert once again has to move Joey’s deadweight around, this time rolling him to the apron under the bottom rope. Bert climbs onto the apron gingerly but Crash rolls off the apron and lands on his feet. Crash grabs Bert’s ankles and yanks them out from underneath him! Bert lands hard on the apron but Crash keeps hold of his ankles and drags him to the floor. Bert reaches to fight back but Crash hooks both of his legs securely and falls back sending Bert flying with a CATAPULT INTO THE RING POST! Bert leaves another bloodstain on the post as he bounces back to the floor. Crash turns back towards Ref Kirby who is recovering on all fours. Crash crawls under the apron and reappears about twenty seconds later empty handed and shrugs to the crowd… But he has an evil grin on his face.

Arthur La Forge: Whatever Crash has got planned, I’m not sure it’s good news.

Mary De Sue: It will be for me!

Crash drags Bert roughly back to the apron and hoists him back up to the edge of the ring. Ref Kirby is almost recovered and is rubbing his head and wobbly on his feet. Crash has a lightbulb moment and runs to a turnbuckle on the other side of the ring, out of Ref Kirby’s sight and begins removing the top turnbuckle padding. Crash drops it down on the floor and beckons Ref Kirby to go fix it, pleading for the safety of the competitors and integrity of the rules of their Standard Rules match. Groggily, Ref Kirby agrees and goes to pick up the pad. Like a kid let loose in a candy store, Crash runs back to Bert who can barely push himself off the floor. He hoists him up for a piledriver and looks back towards Ref Kirby whose still trying to reattach the turnbuckle! The crowd are screaming at the ref to turn around but Crash jumps off the apron with an avalanche piledriver! CRASH AND BURN THROUGH THE TABLE! The crowd explodes on the impact and both men fall in separate heaps on the floor. Ref Kirby rushes over and is dumbfounded by what he sees.

Arthur La Forge: An avalanche piledriver through a table?! Is there anything Crash won’t lower himself to?!

Mary De Sue: I… I want this match to end. Please. Lord of the Rings is shorter than this.

Arthur La Forge: You’ve read Lord of the Rings?

Mary De Sue: I thought it was a film!

Ref Kirby jumps out of the ring and checks on both men who are laid flat out on the floor among broken tables pieces. Kirby motions for medics to come down to the ring and after about thirty seconds, we see some medics come jogging down to the ring wheeling a stretcher. Crash is leaning on his elbow and beginning to move but Bert is still out of it. The medics put on gloves and begin Crash but he lazily piefaces them out of his way. Bert is getting checked on and they agree that they should wheel him away. They carefully get Bert onto a plastic stretcher and lift him onto the wheeled bed. Crash staggers to his feet as they begin wheeling Bert up the ramp, who is now struggling against the medics. Crash starts shoving medics out of the way and grabs the stretcher, and starts pushing him back towards the ring He spins the stretcher around wildly and it collapses, sending Bert tumbling uncomfortably to the floor! Ref Kirby looks exhausted as Crash picks up Bert and rolls him under the bottom rope.

Arthur La Forge: What else could either man possibly do? Does either competitor have anything left in the tank?

Mary De Sue: And we still have more matches after this? I would have packed my overnight bag!

Crash is standing in the middle of the ring as Bert is leaning on the ropes to keep balance. Crash gets some trash talk in and shoves Bert back into the corner - but Bert slaps him across the face! Crash stumbles backwards in disbelief and rage. He rushes back in but Bert suckers him and counters - turning Crash into the corner and hammering with lefts and rights! Crash is forced down into the corner and Bert starts feeding off the crowd. He runs in for the CORNER SPLASH - but Crash dodges! Bert eats the turnbuckle and Crash goes for the ARMTRAP NECKBREAKER - but Bert turns through and tries to lock in a backslide. Crash struggles against Bert and eventually overpowers him, pinning him down for a backslide - but Bert immediately rolls through! Crash stands back up into a BONG WATER - but it’s caught! Crash pulls Bert in and quickly lifts him up for another rolling release suplex! Crash lays an arm over Bert.

One!

Two!!

No! Bert just gets the shoulder up!

Undeterred, Crash immediately drags Bert back to his feet and sizes him up. He hooks Bert for another rolling release suplex and lifts him into the air - Bert counters on the roll through with a stunner! Crash is sent stumbling around the ring trying to catch his bearings and Bert locks his arms to set up the Unprettier! He turns Crash over! MCALDESTROYER 2.0 - No! Crash drops down and rolls Bert with a schoolboy!

One!

Two!!

Thr– No! Bert squeezes his shoulder off the mat!


Arthur La Forge: Bert won’t stay down! He has too much fight to give in!

Mary De Sue: Can we at least get a commercial break? I need some water!

Crash is enraged and begins throwing a tantrum in the ring. He starts on Ref Kirby for not counting fast enough and backs him into the corner. Ref Kirby threatens to disqualify him and Crash looks defeated. He looks around the ring for inspiration and with less than half the confidence he usually exudes, begins to climb the turnbuckle. He turns to the crowd and motions for what might be a Shooting Star Press. The match has taken it’s toll and Crash is taking a while to get to the top rope. Bert just about manages to throw himself against the rope as he stands up, knocking Crash off balance and he lands groin first on the turnbuckle! Bert wanders over to the turnbuckle, holding onto the ropes as he goes. He climbs to the middle turnbuckle and starts laying elbows across Joey’s collarbone and head. Ref Kirby starts a count and Bert keeps going, laying strike after strike into the challenger. Ref Kirby counts to 4 but refuses to count the 5, pleading with Bert to stop. Crash reaches into the back of his tights. Bert only stops to shove Ref Kirby away weakly and as he turns back to Crash - LOADED GLOVE! Crash with a second pair of knucks whips Bert across the chin with a vicious uppercut!

Arthur La Forge: I guess we know what Crash found under the ring!

Mary De Sue: Bert looks dazed! More than usual though, you know what I mean?

Crash quickly discards the knucks on the floor and grabs Bert by the wrist to stop him from falling off the turnbuckle. He adjusts his footing so he’s sitting sideways on the top. Bert is practically limp and Crash pulls him across and slowly lifts him into the piledriver position. Crash stands on the second turnbuckle and steps off! CRASH AND BURN ON THE APRON! A second avalanche piledriver onto the edge of the ring! More medics try rushing down to the ringside but Crash warns them off, in between clutching his lower back and doubling over from pain. He grabs Bert by his neck and waistband, slowly lifting him onto the apron and under the ropes. Ref Kirby looks dumbfounded as Crash rolls Bert until he’s just out of reach of the ropes, hooking the outside leg.

One!

Two!!


THREE!!!

Mr. Rad: YOUR WINNER.....AND THE NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW LEVEL UP WRESTLING FINAL BOSS CHAMPION....JOEY CRASH!!!!!!

Arthur La Forge: We have a new Final Boss Champion in Level Up Wrestling! But at what cost? Both men have put themselves through hell here tonight!

Mary De Sue: Some say the first defense is the hardest!

---

Dionysus vs. EA Blizzard

Arthur LaForge: It’s time for our hottest match of the show, Mary!

Mary DeSue: I’d slap you for that awful pun, but it already does feel hot in here. We haven’t even lit the ring on fire yet.

Arthur LaForge: I haven’t called an Inferno match, but from the ones I’ve seen I’m pretty sure they don’t set the entire ring on fire.

Mary DeSue: Oh, really? That seems disappointing.

Arthur LaForge: Trust me, Mary, there’s going to be plenty of danger ahead. This will be a tough first title defense for the Courage Champion, Dionysus. Both the stipulation and opponent are as challenging as they come.

Mary DeSue: EA Blizzard is about as tricky as that rabbit on the cereal boxes. He’s much meatier than the rabbit, though.

Arthur LaForge: Uh, okay then. Did you already take some of your ‘medicine,’ Mary?

Mary DeSue: They’re prescription now! I have a condition and my doctor… umm… Dr. Nick! Yes. He wrote a note for me. He also wanted me to say, ‘Hi, everybody!’

Arthur LaFroge: Right. But it’s true that even in defeat, EA Blizzard has taken his opponents to their absolute limits. That includes a Final Boss title match last year where he nearly took home the top prize in the company. But let’s not forget that Dionysus is a heavyweight in his own right, and one who went through the Extra Lives Round Robin tournament to earn his Courage title shot. He claimed gold at the biggest event in Level Up’s history, Final Fantasy.

Mary DeSue: Yeah, and he beat ‘Queen Machine’ Jenny. Some people have a touch of the crazy. Jenny ran up and hugged the crazy, then held on tight.

Arthur LaForge: No argument there, Mary. It’s going to be a closely contested match, and either one of these men can take advantage of their strength to force the other into the flames.

Mary DeSue: As long as Dionysus preserves his beard. It’s a treasure much like his as—

Arthur LaForge: And let’s go to the introductions!

Mr. Rad: The following contest is an INFERNO MATCH for the Level Up Wrestling Courage Championship!

The lights dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the arena. As "Musical Castle 2" begins to play, the spotlights all point to the stage, illuminating a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and the Courage title strapped around his waist. He roars out to the crowd, raising the Thyrsus above his head.

Mr. Rad: Making his way to the ring, from Minneapolis MN, weighing in at 270lbs… he is the ‘Lord of the Vine’ and the current Level Up Wrestling Courage Champion… DIONYSUS!

Mary DeSue: Dionysus made a smart choice to enter first. If I had to go through with this match, I wouldn’t want my opponent to enter first.

Arthur LaForge: Yes, that’s a good point, Mary. As Champion, Dionysus had the choice of whether to enter first or second. I imagine he knows all about EA Blizzard’s track record of questionable acts and didn’t want to give him a chance before the match even begins.

Dionysus sets the Thyrsus next to the ring apron and rolls inside, running to one of the turnbuckles and climbing up while holding the Courage title up to rally the crowd behind him. He then hops down and limbers up, eyeing the ring crew who are making the final preparations for the match, awaiting EA Blizzard.

"Musical Castle 2" fades and moments later, is replaced by ”Man Who Sold the World” by David Bowie. The crowd boos as EA Blizzard walks out, carrying his leather briefcase. He adjusts his tie with his free hand, before walking to the ring, pointing out the embroidered EAB initials on the case as he staves off jeers from the fans.

Arthur LaForge: As we mentioned, EA Blizzard has used some contested methods, with that briefcase being chief among them.

Mary DeSue: In fairness, Artie, I don’t think he’ll even be able to get that briefcase into the ring. This could be the time where EAB proves he’s not a monster, and has to win on his own merits.

Arthur LaForge: I would find that hard to believe, but it does seem like he won’t even be able to have that briefcase anywhere near the ring, due to the flames surrounding it.

Mary DeSue: Maybe this is best type of match for EAB. It’s vindication for all the times he’s had to defend against the many wrongful claims people have made against him!

He climbs the steps, wiping his feet on the apron, before stepping over the ropes. He climbs to the second rope, again pointing to the initials on the case, before handing the briefcase to the timekeeper. EAB walks up to Dionysus and gives a big grin, reaching out his hand to shake the Courage Champion’s. Dionysus looks down at the hand, then at the crowd who are imploring him not to shake it. Before he can decide for himself… FLAMES shoot up from the ringposts! The fans are in awe of the spectacle and both men look around. Referee Crash Cortex backs them up a couple steps to be near, but not in their corners. He then calls for the bell.

DING DING DING!

Arthur LaForge: Here we go! It’s Level Up’s first ever Inferno match for the Courage title!

Mary DeSue: OMG is it going to be this hot the entire match?? I knew I shouldn’t have gone to the tanning booth earlier.

In fact, things are only beginning as the ring apron begins shooting flames in intermittent bursts from ignition devices surrounding it. This also causes the ring ropes, which must be doused in chemicals, to set ablaze.

Mary DeSue: Holy sh… are we trying to burn this place down?!?

Arthur LaForge: It looks like the Developer isn’t messing around. We have fire coming from the ringposts, the apron, and the ropes! A multilayered system that should prevent any interference whatsoever.

Mary DeSue: That would sound boring if I wasn’t so afraid because I didn’t check if hair-and-makeup used non-flammable products. Plus the fire, all the fire.

EAB and Dionysus are quick to meet in the center of the ring, away from the fire. They waste no time in beginning an exchange of blows with EAB landing a knee in the midst of it to break Dion’s rhythm. He follows up with a clubbing forearm to the back that bends over the Courage Champion. EAB tries to grab Dionysus to quickly lead him to the ropes, but Dionysus has none of it and stomps on EAB’s foot. EA stumbles and Dionysus immediately grabs EAB’s head and applies a side headlock. The larger EAB struggles and tries to shove Dionysus off, perhaps into the ropes, but Dion does not release. EA then changes up and lifts Dionysus who lands behind him on his feet! The Courage Champion grabs EAB from behind and hits a Tiger Suplex before pouncing to the ground and going for a Crossface.

Arthur LaForge: EAB fighting to keep Dionysus from locking in the crossface submission.

Mary DeSue: Why is he even trying? You can’t win with a submission.

Arthur LaForge: True, but he can wear down the larger man in EAB, and try to weaken his resistance to being sent into the flames.

Mary DeSue: Sounds like a lot of work. People like EAB know normals like Dionsysus don’t usually want to go through all the work it takes to beat them. Dionysus should have given up before the match and just handed EAB the title.

Arthur LaForge: I think Dionysus would like nothing more than to prove he’s a worthy of the Courage title with this defense.

Mary DeSue: Ugh, so you’re saying we may be around these flames for awhile, huh?

EAB manages to keep Dionysus from fully applying the crossface and rolls out of harm’s way. Both men stand and EAB is quick to land an overhead chop to Dion’s chest, halting the champion. He lands a second, but this only seems to get Dionysus riled up. He returns fire with a knife-edge chop, and the two begin an exchange of chops that has the crowd cheering and booing. EAB again goes for a knee to the abdomen of Dionysus but it’s caught! As he hops on one leg, EAB tries to bargain his way out of the situation and Dion responds by throwing EAB’s leg back to the ground and moving in to lift his opponent in a thundering Spinebuster and FLAMES BELCH FROM THE RINGPOSTS!!! EAB makes his way back to his feet and Dionysus is waiting with a Clothesline that backs him up a step. Dionysus repeats the Clothesline and EAB once again backs up a step, looking and seeing he is only steps away from the flaming ropes. Dionysus comes in again and when he collides with EAB this time, it seems to take more out of him as EAB smiles. He then grabs Dionysus with two hands and body slams him down to the mat.

Arthur LaForge: Is it just me, or did Blizzard seem to gain steam when Dionysus hit him?

Mary DeSue: It must be like hitting a piece of solid steer, Artie. EAB is a tough piece of meat and who wants to slam into that? But really, we all win when there’s BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPIN’ MEAT!

Arthur LaForge: Your fantasies aside, Dionysus may have to find more than power to attack with. He’s a big guy, but EAB is still significantly bigger and seems supercharged for this title match.

EAB picks up Dionysus and hits a backbreaker, dropping the Courage Champion to the mat. He then drops an elbow into the sternum of Dionysus and when he is back to his knees, Blizzard decides to drop back down and choke Dionysus by the throat with a laugh, knowing full well there are no disqualifications. Dionysus flails his legs while trying to get a grip on EAB’s hand. He manages to land knees to the ribcage of EAB to cause a break of the hold. EAB recovers to kick Dionysus while he’s trying to get up, and sends the Courage Champion rolling and clutching his own side. EAB waits before again kicking Dionysus when he’s on his hands and knees, sending Dion close to the other side of the ring, where the heat of the flames no doubt is creeping on his skin. EAB goes to choke Dionysus and move his head towards the flames!

Arthur LaForge: Dionysus is in trouble! He can’t afford to have any part of his body touch those flames or this match and his title, are goners!

Mary DeSue: This is tough to watch. I don’t really want Dionysus’ beard to be damaged, but… EAB’s got that glistening sheen on his muscles while he’s flexing to move Dionysus…

Arthur LaForge: That’s more where I was expecting your commentary to land here.

Mary DeSue: Shut up, Artie, we all have our own distress to work through.

The crowd is chanting for Dionysus, who is struggling on the mat. Surprisingly, EAB releases the grip on Dion and backs up. Dionysus rolls away and gets up only for a Big Boot from EAB to be served but Dionysus dodges at the last second. EAB manages to stop himself just before reaching a corner, and the flames from the ringpost burst up! EAB backs up several steps and assures Crash Cortex he did not touch the fire… only to turn into Dionysus and an STO Backbreaker!! The crowd pops for the signature move and EAB flops down in the middle of the ring! Dionysus wastes no time grabbing EAB’s arms and stretching him in a Standing Surfboard. Locked in with their legs intertwined and Dion’s arms holding EAB’s, the Courage Champion begins to slowly HOP with EAB towards the flames while maintaining the stretch!

Arthur LaForge: Creative offense from Dionysus! He’s got all the leverage here by controlling EAB from above in that Surfboard variation.

Mary DeSue: This is a cheap way to win! No courage at all.

Arthur LaForge: I disagree, Mary. Dionysus is betting he can bring EAB to the flames this way, but he’s risking his own skin here, no pun intended. They’ll both end up near the flames.

EAB tries to struggle but the hold is locked in. Dionysus has EAB only a couple feet from the ropes, and EAB looks wide-eyed as sweat covers his face. With a great effort, EAB yells out and pulls his arms, but Dionysus fights it! EAB however, manages to free one of his legs and the imbalance forces Dionysus to loosen his grip. Dion tries to regain control with a Fist Drop on EAB, but the latter rolls over and kicks Dionysus in the knee, causing the fist to narrowly miss. EAB then lunges and hits a Headbutt from the ground, followed up by mounting Dionysus to rain down blows. EAB stands and dusts himself off to the jeers of the crowd. He yanks Dionysus to his feet before taking the Courage Champion in his arms and lading a Fallaway Slam that lands Dionysus back towards center ring. EAB waits for Dion to rise up and now hits the Big Boot to plant the Champion back down to the mat. EAB looks back at how close he was to the ropes, then back at Dionysus with anger. He proceeds to lift Dionysus and hits another backbreaker… and holds on! He hits a third backbreaker and continues to hold on to shift his grip on Dion in one motion into a Bearhug – CRUNCH TIME!!! Dionysus yells out in distress as EAB compresses the worked over back with the finishing submission, using his trunk-like arms…

Mary DeSue: Squeeze him good, Blizzard Bear! Squeeze that title right off of him!

Arthur LaForge: Dionysus has technical wrestling chops, but EAB has an Ace up his sleeve with that Crunch Time submission of his own. He’s got the champion in peril!

Mary DeSue: Consider it a peace offering. EAB is trying to end this mercifully so Dionysus won’t suffer anything worse.

Arthur LaForge: I think the Courage Champion would rather decline that offer, but he’s in no position to.

With EAB drawing near the fiery ropes, Dionysus musters his strength and tries to break free. EAB holds firm and Dionysus looks like he may be fading! Perhaps it’s his digging down into reserves, or the perspiration of both men, but Dionysus strains again and manages to wriggle an arm free to promptly forearm EAB then lands a Headbutt! EAB stops short of the ropes and tries to hold the Bearhug, but Dionysus gets his other arm free and claps the ears of EAB multiple times. EAB is forced to release the hold and Dionysus cinches in a hammerlock, backing EAB away from the ropes. He then switches to an arm wringer and wrenches EAB’s arm… only for EAB to land a Lariat that connects with Dionysus and sends him to the mat. EAB checks his shoulder and goes for another choke on Dionysus… only to have his arm caught and for Dionysus to drag him to the mat, locking in a Crossface! He uses his legs to control EAB’s arm and begins inching them towards the ropes again! EAB is shouting out in pain and Dionysus tries to move EAB’s trapped arm towards the ropes. EAB tries to get to his knees before it’s too late and lifts Dionysus several feet off the ground… Dionysus rips at EAB with the Crossface though, and EAB can’t steay himself! EAB reaches wildly with his free arm on the way back down and HE GRABS CRASH CORTEX’S SHIRT AND PULLS HIM DOWN! Crash was focused on EAB’s arm and the fire. Unexpectedly pulled, the referee hits the mat face first. As he’s recovering, EAB gouges Dionysus in the eyes to muscle out of the hold… AND OPENING UP A CUT OVER THE RIGHT EYE OF DIONYSUS!

Arthur LaForge: Crash was collateral damage of EAB’s desperation, and while there are no disqualifications here, you don’t really want to see a cheap shot like that, especially as vicious as EAB is. He bled Dionysus with that gouge!

Mary DeSue: Who cares! This is practically life or death, Artie. It’s a matter of surviving the flames and winning the Courage title. You gotta do whatever you need to.

Arthur LaForge: While I question EAB’s character, you aren’t wrong, Mary.

Mary DeSue: EAB is a man of high character. You wouldn’t understand his level of thinking, Artie. Crash needs to stay out of EAB’s way until it’s time to raise his arm in victory!

Both men are down as Dionysus tries to wipe blood from going in his eyes while EAB is still suffering from the effects of the submission. Dionysus is the first to get up when one of EAB’s associates comes running down to the ring and grabs the briefcase from the timekeeper! He gets up on the apron near EAB, who is still making his way to his feet. Dionysus sees the associate but as he moves towards him FLAMES SHOOT FROM THE APRON AND THE MAN’S CLOTHES CATCH FIRE!!! Ring crew spray fire extinguisher foam on him as he rolls on the floor, crying out. Dionysus backs up and squints his bloodied eye. He nods before spotting the briefcase still in the ring. He looks to the crowd who are egging him on, and picks up the briefcase.

Mary DeSue: This is ridiculous, Dionysus is going to make a mockery of the Courage title!

Arthur LaForge: Has it been courageous for EAB to use that briefcase time after time? This is Dionysus serving up a little payback to EAB, and it’s legal for this match.

Mary DeSue: I hate when you use facts and logic. Come on, EAB!

Dionysus turns and EAB HITS A BIG BOOT SENDING THE BRIEFCASE INTO THE FACE OF DIONYSUS!! DION GOES INTO A TURNBUCKLE AND BARELY MISSES FLAMES SHOOTING UP! He staggers out from the corner and avoids the ropes that are on fire, his eye bleeding more from the cut. EAB grabs him by the throat for THE INDUSTRY STANDARD BALDO BOMB!! NO! DIONYSUS SLIPS OUT! He lands behind EAB and nails a chop block that buckles EAB’s knee. Picking the same leg, Dion brings the knee crashing down to the mat and EAB rolls around in further pain! Dionysus kicks EAB’s hands away and grabs the same leg, hitting a DDT like maneuver that plants EAB’s knee into the mat. The Courage Champion continues with a Leg Whip to twist the knee further and cause EAB to shriek out! Dionysus wipes blood from his face and grabs the legs of EAB to lock in a Boston Crab that causes EAB’s face to contort in agony as he screams!

Arthur LaForge: Dionysus hanging in there and showing more technical prowess with more submission work. If only he can reach the flames!

Mary DeSue: I can’t bear to watch! Seriously, my eyes feel like they’re on fire with all the smoke. Do we get hazard pay for this match??

As Dionysus again nears the ropes, the blood on his hands is making his grip tenuous. He transitions to a single leg crab and tries to lean EAB’s leg towards the fire WHEN A SUDDEN DISCHARGE OF FOAM HITS HIM STRAIGHT IN THE FACE! Dionysus falls back to the mat, feverishly wiping his eyes and the open wound that now has chemicals in it. Another shot of foam disperses the flames from one side of the ring, and we find Larry Tact holding a fire extinguisher! Tact drags Dionysus outside the ring and begins assaulting Dionysus with strikes before whipping him off a ringpost!

Mary DeSue: Wait… WHAT?

Arthur LaForge: I’m with you, Mary! What in the name of Bowser is Larry Tact doing out here? The Game Changers have multiple title matches, including his Power title defense, and zero business being out here!

Mary DeSue: Artie, I’m not exactly sure… but… the Game Changers go WHERE they want, WHEN they want! That’s all the reason they need!

Arthur LaForge: These two had some bad blood during the Extra Lives Round Robin tournament, but this is baffling, folks.

EAB demands Crash Cortex to look at the area of the flames that was extinguished as Larry grabs Dionysus. They head to the opposite side of the ring and Larry looks to Irish whip the Courage Champion into the announce table. Dion reverses and Larry’s midsection hits the table with a thud! Larry turns and Dionysus comes crashing into him with a body splash that sends both men onto the table. Larry and a half crimson-masked Dionysus begin brawling on the announce table to the eruption of the crowd!

Arthur LaForge: Look out!

Mary DeSue: Gawd, I didn’t dress for sudden movement!

Arthur and Mary move away from the table as Dionysus mounts Larry to land punches but Tact shoves him off the table. He gets up and leaps off only to have Dionysus land a hook right to the midsection that leaves Larry on his knees. Dionysus waits for Tact to rise up… HANDS OF AGGRESSION! He hits the series of targeted punches, finishing the combo with an uppercut that takes Tact down to the floor hard. Dionysus looks at the apron, which has flames shooting up from this side, then the announce table. He seems to make a choice and backs up several feet as Larry begins getting up… ROUND OF APPLAUSE! Dionysus hits the Shining Wizard to flatten Tact on his back again and follows up by USING THE ANNOUNCE TABLE TO HIT THE LIONSAULT! Larry is left in fetal position and the crowd again chants Dionysus’ name as he turns his attention back to the ring. EAB is watching all of this unfold with a toothy grin. He motions with his hands towards the ropes, daring Dionysus to reenter the ring with a laugh.

Arthur LaForge: I think we’re clear of danger.

Mary DeSue: Dionysus isn’t when the Game Changers see what he just did to Larry Tact!

Arthur LaForge: Tact came out here and Dionysus had to defend himself! I see nothing wrong with that aside from Larry having no reason to be here. More than that, is there some association between Larry Tact and EA Blizzard??

Mary DeSue: That would be glorious, but maybe Larry just wants the Game Changers to decide who walks away with the Courage title.

EAB looks on as Dionysus circles back to the one side of the ring where the flames were extinguished. gets onto the ring apron and is met with a Lariat from EAB! Dionysus dodges back to the floor and shakes his head at Blizzard, who laughs heartily at the Courage Champion. Dionysus considers his options and searches under the ring… PULLING OUT A SINGAPORE CANE! He swings the cane between hands as EAB frowns at the sight of this weapon. Dionysus gets up on the apron again and EAB charges but has to duck as Dionysus swings the Singapore Cane just over his head! Dionysus stabs EAB in the midsection and EAB staggers back. LARRY TACT WITH A CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK OF DIONYSUS! The Courage Champion tumbles through the ropes into the ring and Tact tosses the chair aside. Before he can enter the ring FLAMES reignite on the apron and ropes, causing Larry to back away.

Arthur LaForge: Mother Brain there’s no doubt about it! The Game Changers have recruited a new member: EA Blizzard!

Mary DeSue: Party time in business class! What a surprise for our first PPV of 2022, and EAB is about to bring home more gold for the Game Changers!

Arthur LaForge: This is bad news for everyone else. By the end of the night, the Game Changers could hold the entire Triforce.

Mary DeSue: Don’t forget ISAAC is in The Last Of Us gauntlet! I feel a banner night for the Game Changers.

Arthur LaForge: It would be Level Up’s own horror story come to life.

With a nod to Larry, EAB turns his attention to Dionysus. He picks up the briefcase in the ring and waits on Dion to slowly and unsteadily rise up… JUST COSMETIC BRIEFCASE SHOT!! NO!! Dionysus ducks under and goes back at the damaged knee of EAB with another chop block. Blizzard falters and drops the briefcase while going to a knee… DIONYSUS RISES WITH BLOOD DRYING ON HIS FACE FROM THE FLAMES… AND SINGAPORE CANE IN HAND! EAB begins pleading with Dionysus… who shakes his head and GOES TO TOWN ON EAB!! He lights up Blizzard’s back with bright stripes of raw flesh torn and smashes his head with the Cane to BUST OPEN EMMANUEL ARMITAGE BLIZZARD!! EAB doesn’t go down and DIONYSUS SMASHES HIM AGAIN IN THE FACE! EAB GOES FACE-FIRST TO THE MAT IN A HEAP AND STAINING THE CANVAS!

Arthur LaForge: Dionysus has found another gear! It looks like he’s summoning the courage to rise above the Game Changers here.

Mary DeSue: Don’t count your chickens yet, Artie. There’s still the matter of needing to drag a 300 pound man into the flames.

EAB rolls over onto his back, both men sucking wind intensely through blood ridden faces. Dionysus uses the Singapore Cane to prop himself up, but stands and raises it to the crowd who roar in response. Dion calls for EAB to get up and when he does, Dion goes for another shot of the Cane that EAB catches with an arm! EAB sneers at Dionysus and pulls the Cane with Dion to lift him and hit IT ROLLS DOWNHILL! The Military Press bounces Dionysus off the mat and EAB BREAKS THE SINGAPORE CANE IN HALF! He spikes the pieces off the mat and wipes blood from his face, looking enraged at Dionysus. With a roar EAB picks up Dionysus… INDUSTRY STANDARD ONTO THE BRIEFCASE!! EAB is possessed and picks up a piece of the Singapore Cane… AND SETS IT ON FIRE USING THE ROPES! HE CHOKES DIONYSUS WITH THE FLAMING SHARD OF SINGAPORE CANE!! DION’S BEARD CATCHES FIRE AND REFEREE CORTEX CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!

DING DING DING!!!

Mr Rad: Your winner of the match… AND NEEEEWWW Level Up Wrestling Courage Champion… E. A. BLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZAAAAAARRRRRD!!!

As the flames dissipate around the ring, Dionysus rolls out and ring crew put out the flames to limit further damage to him. Larry Tact enters the ring with the Power title and begins celebrating with EAB, who snatches the Courage title from Ref Cortex. Tact lifts the Power title up in one hand, EAB’s free arm with his other as EAB holds the Courage title up in sheer exuberance.

Arthur LaForge: What a wild finish to this sinister match! Both men had to look within themselves and when all was said and done, in part thanks to a dastardly assist from Larry Tact, EA Blizzard was one move better and we have a new Courage Champion.

Mary DeSue: The Game Changers party getting started! Tonight is gonna be LIT!

Arthur LaForge: I can’t imagine seeing them hold the entire Triforce, but at the moment they have two-thirds. There’s still much more to see tonight, and I’m sure Dionysus will have a response to what happened here.

Mary DeSue: Okay, but in the meantime can someone turn off these flames, this is torture!

Arthur LaForge: You’re absolutely right, Mary. Dionysus and EA Blizzard are both in need of some medical attention.

Mary DeSue: Forget them, Artie! Even worse, my makeup is smearing…

Arthur LaForge: Congratulations to EA Blizzard, the NEW Courage Champion! Fans, we’ll be back momentarily with more at The Last Of Us, Part II!

---

Ahmya vs. Victoria Salinas

The arena speakers play the chorus of "Who Gon Stop Me" and the crowd has a loud, negative reaction when Victoria Salinas appears on the stage.

Mr. Rad: This match is set for one fall and it is for the Level Up Wrestling WISDOM Championship! Introducing first, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 132 pounds, VICTORIA SALINAS!

Victoria completely ignores the audience as she starts to make her way to the ring. Arriving at ringside, she pauses for a split second and collects herself to soak in all the hatred she's getting. She leans against the corner, still ignoring the fans and largely soaking in their hatred, while she waits for the match to start.

Arthur La Forge: Victoria Salinas won this title match by beating Larry Tact back in December, and proved her worth with two victories over Joey Crash and then beating Ahmya in tag team action. I mean let’s not mince words here. Salinas is 6-1-1 overall. Ahmya could lose in her first defense, just as Bert and Dio did earlier in the night.

Mary DeSue: And now the Roundest Robin is about to get roasted!

Arthur La Forge: You just hate anything that brings joy.

Mary DeSue: We have very different definitions of what brings joy.

The lighting in the arena switches over to a light shade of blue as the uplifting tune of “Fighter” by Mika Nakashima begins to play, the fans looking on in anticipation while already showing their support vocally. As the spoken intro gives way to the beat kicking in, the cheers grow louder and Ahmya makes her way out onto the stage, clad in her chosen gear for the match, currently cloaked by her gorgeous ring coat.

Mr. Rad: And her opponent, from Zushi, Kanagawa, Japan, weighing in at 124 pounds, she is the WISDOM CHAMPION, THE ROUNDEST ROBIN, AHMYA!

The young woman takes in a moment to soak in the adulation before heading down to the ring, a determined smile on her face. As she reached the apron, Ahmya gave it a gentle couple taps before hopping up and stepping towards the closest turnbuckle to her right. Right on cue with the chorus kicking in, the mysterious young woman climbs up, taking a seat on the top turnbuckle, her gaze focused on the masses who continue to cheer her on. Soon after giving a quick wink, she hops down, now entering the ring and giving a bow of respect in the middle before removing her coat and handing it to the ring attendant. With her mind on the upcoming task, she flashes one final smile, this one filled with confidence, as the lighting returns to normal and her music fades to silence.

Arthur La Forge: And now we have Ahmya, who won her title at Final Fantasy from Sidroy Covington IV, ending that impressive run.

Mary DeSue: And you know who took Sidroy out after that?

Arthur La Forge: I’m sure you’re going to tell me…

Mary DeSue: VICTORIA SALINAS AND THE GAME CHANGERS!

Arthur La Forge: Yes, thank you, Mary.

The match starts with Ahmya being uncharacteristically stoic as Salinas talks trash while Ref Kirby holds the Wisdom title up into the air, before handing it off to the timekeeper and calling for the bell. As soon as the bell sounds, Salinas charges forward only to be met with a sudden leaping knee from Ahmya that floors her! Ahmya circles Salinas, waiting for her to get up before firing off with a stiff kick to her face that sends her sprawling again.

Arthur LaForge: Ahmya is uncharacteristically aggressive tonight!

Mary DeSue: Guess her head injury went from "aww that puppy is cute" to "awww better get stabby at work!"

Arthur LaForge: Okay, A that is fucking terrible and B, maybe she's just tired of Salinas' chronic disrespect of her and her husband?

Ahmya charges the ropes, leaping on them and springing off with a double footstomp! Salinas rolls out of the ring, favoring her midsection and looking stunned as she wasn’t expecting Ahmya’s aggression. She doesn’t get much of a reprieve though as Ahmya leaps upon the top rope then springboards off with a missile dropkick that sends Salinas crashing into the guardrail. Ahmya takes a moment to scream out to the audience, pumped up.

Mary DeSue: Naaah I think I'm right here, Arty.

Arthur LaForge: And the rest of us wish you'd left a long time ago.

Mary DeSue: ...huh?

Ahmya picks Salinas up, rolling her under the bottom rope but leaving her head hanging over the edge. Ahmya backs up, and charges forward, nailing a thrust kick to the side of Salinas’ head. She then rolls in under the bottom rope and pulls Salinas up. She takes a moment to get her in position before nailing a northern lights suplex, bridging with the pin!

Mary DeSue: This isn't gonna work.

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Mary DeSue: See?

Salinas kicks out, Ahmya stays on her though, rolling over and mounting her to rain down right hands until Ref Kirby pulls her off at the count of four. Salinas scrambles to her feet, Ahmya charges in but Salinas catches her with a chop to the throat that doubles the roundest robin over. Salinas instantly capitalizes and takes Ahmya down with a neckbreaker. She goes for the cover, propping her feet on the ropes. Ref Kirby catches it the moment he drops down though and reprimands Salinas who rolls her eyes, blowing him off

Arthur LaForge: Perhaps feeling overwhelmed and looking to pull the ripcord, Salinas gets caught trying to pull a fast one!

Mary DeSue: If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough!

Arthur LaForge: I don't think that's how the saying goes..

Salinas gets up and measures Ahmya before doing a picture perfect backflip and driving her knees into Ahmya’s midsection! The roundest robin cries out on pain, causing Salinas to pieface her mockingly before mimicking the crying. She pulls Ahmya up and whips her into a corner, running in and nailing Ahmya with a thrust kick. She then backs off and nails her upside the head with a roundhouse! Ahmya stumbles out of the corner right into Salinas running off the ropes and nailing a Busaiku knee! She goes for the cover!

Arthur LaForge: BIG KNEE!! COULD BE A NEW CHAMP!

Mary DeSue: HAHA EAT SHIT MRS BERT!

ONE!

TWO!

THR–NO!!

Mary DeSue: DIE DAMN IT!

Ahmya manages to fire an elbow up, which gets Salinas reprimanding Kirby and slapping her hands together three times. She piefaces the ref who warns her, but the warning fals on deaf ears as Salinas goes to pick Ahmya up…only for Ahmya to sweep her legs out from under her and kip up in one fluid motion! Salinas scrambles to her knees only to receive a stiff round kick to her chest! Ahmya waves to the audience, before firing off another one! ITS THE BITCH KICKS!

Mary DeSue: Nevermind, Kill me.

KICK

ROUND!!

KICK

ROUND!!

KICK

ROUND!!

KICK
ROUND!!
KICK
ROUND!!


The fans ‘wooooooaaaah’ as Ahmya backs up, then delivers a running knee to Salinas’ face

ROBIN!!

Arthur LaForge: ROUNDEST ROBIN ROUND KICKS TO THE CHEST! GET IT MARY?!

Mary DeSue: Go back to Reddit, Mark!

Arthur LaForge: My Name is Arthur...

Ahmya is feeling it now as she pulls Salinas up, turning her around and snatching her arms. She leaps and nails a straightjacket backstabber! She then yanks on the arms, twisting both wrists into a wristlock as Salinas yells in pain and struggles to drag herself to the ropes while Ahmya tries to dislocate her shoulders and break her wrists simultaneously! Salinas eventually gets to the ropes, but Ahmya exhausts the four count before relenting.

Arthur LaForge: I don't remember ever seeing Ahmya so aggressive, but this is one of the more personal matches she's had in Level Up.

Ahmya once again measures Salinas, going for a Yakuza kick as she gets up..BUT SALINAS PULLS REF KIRBY IN FRONT OF HER! KIRBY GOES DOWN!! Ahmya looks genuinely distraught and concerned as she goes to check on Kirby. Salinas takes full advantage of this and punts Ahmya in the back of the head, sending her sprawling. She then motions to the back and out walk Drake and ISAAC with Larry Tact in tow, smirking.

Mary DeSue: Looks like the Game just Changed Artie!

Arthur LaForge: Yeah, to some Bethesda Bullshit

The heavies begin down toward the ring, where Salinas has snatches Ahmya and holds her arms behind her back. Wilcox and Isaac are taking their time, reaching under the ring to search for weapons…SUDDENLY ISAAC IS DRAGGED UNDER THE RING! HE BEGINS SCREAMING IN TERROR!! He drags himself out and..ANDROID 69 FOLLOWS! HE’S GOT ISAAC BY THE GROIN!!

Arthur LaForge: ITS ANDROID SIXTY NINE! A MEMBER OF HITMAKER YAMAZAKE ENTERPRISES!

Mary DeSue: OF COURSE BERT GETS HIS STINK ON THIS MATCH

Arthur LaForge: AND A ROBOT ON ISAAC'S D--

Drake charges in to help but A69 shoves Isaac into him, then spears both men to the ground! Larry Tact charges down, power title in hand looking to blast the robot but…ZIGGY MORGAN! ZIGGY VAULTS OVER THE GUARDRAIL AND NAILS LARRY WITH CLINT EASTWOOD, LAYING OUT THE POWER CHAMP!! Drake manages to get up, charging Ziggy who ducks a haymaker and begins brawling up the ramp with the giant! Android 69 takes Isaac out with the Coital wave! Salinas is beside herself!!

Mary DeSue: WHATS THE COWBOY EVEN DOING HERE SOMEONE SCARE HIM WITH A PHONE!

Arthur LaForge: Some people just do the right thing to do the right thing, Mary. And Hitting Larry Tact in the face is usually the right thing to do!

A69 pelvic thrusts at Salinas in victory, but neglects to see Isaac getting up and grabbing the chair he had gone for under the ring initially. Isaac blasts the Robot, and rolls into the ring. He raises the chair and goes to blast Ahmya in the head as well but she breaks Salinas grip and ducks..ISAAC NAILS SALINAS!!

Mary DeSue: NO!!! YOU MORON!

Arthur LaForge: CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER! See, THAT was a saying!

Mary DeSue: EAT *BLEEP* ARTIE!!

Isaac turns, and Ahmya roundhouses the chair into his face! The impact sends him out of the ring. Ahmya looks at the scene before her, holding the back of her head with a blank, cold expression. She drags Salinas into position and scales the top rope…HAIL’S BLESSING!! She goes and gently shakes Kirby awake, who looks at the scene perplexed but drops to count when Ahmya pins.

Mary DeSue: NOOOO!!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

Mr. Rad: Here is your winner…AND STILL LEVEL UP WISDOM CHAMPION…THE ROUNDEST ROBIN…AMHYA!!!

Arthur La Forge: What a great win for “The Ro…

Mary DeSue: If you say it I’ll f[bleep]ing eat your soul!

Arthur La Forge: We’ll be right back after these words for Hero Wars!

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