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The past few months have been quite a whirlwind for me. Paul and I turned on Brandon, on Valentine's Day, of all days.

Sorry, not sorry.

Talk about a shitty Valentine's for my ex husband, huh? Not so much for me though, I ran off with his best friend and we literally fucked all night! For real! Then B got all emo and sad and shit and lost to an old man and ran away. So sad for him, fucking awesome for me.

Your KING was already Manhattan Champion, he won that shit at Blood Money 2. So of course your QUEEN had to go out and get herself a little sparkly and shimmery of her own, that's when I had to give Apathy the beat down and take the Brooklyn Championship, she sure was a beautiful belt too. I miss her.

So there we were looking hot as fuck with our singles titles and my baby looks at me says, "hey baby" and I said back to him, "yes my love?" and he says, "let's go get those Islands." And you know what? We did! My boo and I were drowning in gold. It was splendid..

Then Xavier got shot and everything went to shit. Miss F came looking for the gold and I think P hid that shit under our big ass bed. Fight closed and now..

Well now it's time to take over somewhere new.

That's bad news for you..

Hi Level Up! 👋

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"P, what the fuck have you gotten us into?" I say as I walk around the corner.

"Babe, it's gonna be so much fun, trust me."

I glance around at our surroundings, we're standing outside on some high school track field, but it's different. There are lanes painted like a road and all these weird ass obstacles along the field.

What the fuck..

Some mushroom headed weirdos start showing up and all of a sudden there's a crowd formed along the side lines. Is that Princess Peach? Mario and Luigi? Am I losing my shit?

"P.."

I turn my head to look for him but he isn't there.. Where the hell did he go? I turn the other way and as I do, I feel my body drop and suddenly I'm swallowed up by some go-kart looking thing and my head feels huge and heavy as fuck. I see P, well, his head and the rest of his body is a go-kart, too.

"What did we smoke?" I ask.

"Don't be a party pooper, babe. Race ya to the finish line!" He says.

I close my eyes super tight, this can't be real, right? I open them and still a car.

"Wah, heh, heh, heh! Waluigi is number one!"

I snap my head back to watch as Waluigi's bitch ass zooms past me. I think I'm losing my shit.

"Oh hell no!" I say.

I throw the kart into drive and stomp on the gas. The kart zooms ahead to the starting line and as I hold the brake next to everyone else I look over and see P staring at Princess Peach.

"Stop staring at her titties, P! She ain't even real."

"If she's not real, there's no problem with me looking at her tig ol bitties." He says before speeding away.

Everyone zoomed away, actually. I glanced up at the clock and it said GO! I hit the gas and I was gone, too. Zooming around corners and avoiding what looked like potholes in the road. I came to a bottom of what looked like a hill and it had these weird rainbow diamond things hovering above it.. fucking weird, right?

I hit the hill and I'm flying up it, I snag one of those rainbow diamonds and shit starts flashing over my head, I come down over the hill and before I even know what's going on I see a bunch of turtle shells zig zagging and zooming back and forth across the field. The other karts and trying their hardest not to be nailed with a turtle shell.

I manage to avoid shell-mageddon and I'm right on that long legged bastard, Waluigi's ass. He's chuckling and giggling to himself and shit.

"Meh, heh, heh, you'll never catch me!"

I manage to get beside him but he's got some fucking cheat code or something and he just zooms away. I am dodging between other cars and drivers and finally catch back up to him, just for him to launch a damn banana peel at me. I try my best to avoid it but I can't, it's like a magnet and it draws me in - I hit it and I'm spinning out of control. He's gone and everyone else is just lapsing me, leaving me on the side of the track in my own pity.

My kart disappears and I'm sitting in the grass in the backyard of the Hollywood Hills home that Paul and I share. Ezra is jumping away in his bouncer, he's getting so big and is so close to saying real words, it's all just going by so fast. Madison and Paul are having a blast in the huge pool, racing each other down the slides. He really is a wonderful father and I'm so glad he was able to get full custody of her.

Rosa came up from behind and handed me a blended smoothie before sitting down in the grass near Ezra with a smoothie of her own. She used to be P's housekeeper and she became part of the family. She loves helping us to look after Ezra and we love having her here.

Sometimes I can't believe that I almost missed out on this. I thought I was happily married. I really did. But that's what happens when you get stuck in a relationship that you feel bad trying to leave. Brandon wasn't always the useless drug addicted monster that you see these days, and I think I always thought that things would go back but I just got tired of waiting.

He always swore that he would change and promised that he would do better and put more effort into us, but countless rehab stints and even more disappearing acts proved that to be unattainable. Being shunned by my brother really broke him but he won't admit that.

When I found out I was pregnant with Ezra, I really did believe that it was Brandon's. A lot of people swear that they knew it was Paul's, but I didn't believe that. There were even stupid jokes that I was going to have to go on Maury to get a DNA test, but I'm not my niece and I don't need to go on a stupid talk show and air my dirty laundry.

Paul is amazing and he makes me happy. I'm so glad that he stuck around through all of the bullshit and I was given this chance with him. I'm actually really happy that Ezra turned out to be Paul's son, I mean, I guess in hindsight I really should have known.. I was with Brandon for ten years and never produced a pregnancy but slept with Paul one time.. guess he got that super sperm.

Anyways, I hate to say it but leaving Brandon really helped my career. Like I mentioned before Paul and I were on the path to takeover Fight before its untimely closure and now here we are. Level Up.

Our first mission here and we're scheduled to face off with the Waluigi world order, whatever that is. Seems like some weird guys with a video game kink or something to me. Why would you even pick Waluigi? Dudes creepy and his legs are too damn long, like he trips over them and shit. Ol daddy long leg ass.

I mean, I guess if you had to pick a villain, Waluigi is better than his fat ass brother. I bet Wario can't even make his hands touch together with his big ass stomach in the way. Anyways.. Paul and I defeated Atara Themis and James Raven - the WWO ain't shit.

Beat the clock challenge? That's cool, I guess. Paul and Stephen Stratford have this "started from the bottom now were here" thing going and that's all fine and dandy, the two of them have a storied past that goes back before my time. I was there when Stephen won the immortal championship and helped him when he needed someone to talk to about his daughter - I consider the Stratfords to be an extension of my family but I will stand by P and we have no problems knocking our family on their asses, if need be.

Spoiler alert, as always the villains lose and the KING and QUEEN reign Supreme as they always do. Why? Because there are only two things in life that are guaranteed. Death and getting your ass kicked by Paul and I if you get in our way..

Game over WWO..

Continue? Press start to keep getting your ass kicked. Press select to end your misery.